by Maisey Yates
That didn’t really matter, not really. Because while she might not have a handle on everything, she had a handle on this.
She found a way to give back to the community that had given her a purpose when everything had seemed dark.
And she was going to hold on to that with both hands.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
WEST HAD BEEN invited to go out for a drink by his half siblings, and he felt like he should go. Even though what he really wanted to do was find Pansy and make good on the promise that he had left her with the night before.
But instead, he had resisted. He’d gotten Emmett all set at home, and then had gone to the Gold Valley Saloon. When he’d arrived, he was surprised to see it was a whole family affair.
Gabe, Jacob, Caleb and their half sister, McKenna, who they saw less because she was often busy at her husband’s ranch.
Easier for West to see Gabe and Jacob all the time since they worked on their dad’s ranch, and Caleb was around because his fiancée still worked there, even though he had his own place now.
“Well, if it isn’t the ragtag group of Hank Dalton’s bastards.”
“Only you two are bastards,” Jacob said, pointing to McKenna and West.
“That would hurt my feelings if it wasn’t one of the wimpiest insults anyone had ever thrown at me,” McKenna said.
McKenna had grown up rough. Even rougher than he had. While West maybe should have been in a foster home, McKenna had been in several, and while he knew the families she’d been with had been good enough to her, she’d been bounced around a lot and then spit out of the system at eighteen with no support and no real idea of how to make it in the world.
“So, how are things?” he asked.
“Great,” McKenna said. “I think this is the first time in my life I’ve ever been able to say that and mean it. Not a bad place to be.”
“I’ll get a round of beers,” Caleb said, standing up and walking toward the bar.
For some reason, it struck West right then that he was the only one in this group that wasn’t paired off. But then, he was also the only one that had been in a marriage that had ended in divorce.
He couldn’t decide whether he was the before or the after. Whether this thing that they’d all found was out there waiting for him, or if he’d already spent his tokens on a bad marriage. A bad life.
No, he had never really thought that he would get married again.
But...
Somehow, love had worked out for all of them.
It was a strange realization.
Jacob, Gabe and McKenna were talking about family life in a way that West felt on the outside, in spite of the fact that he’d been married for a good number of years.
And when Caleb returned, the conversation went to children for a while, since he and Jacob were fathers.
“Thankfully, I don’t have to get a babysitter for Emmett,” West said.
“Who’s Emmett?” McKenna asked.
“My half brother,” West said. And when her eyes flew wide he added, “Mine. Not yours.”
She chuckled. “Thank God. Honestly you never know with this family. You kick a rock over and find another Dalton.”
“Hey, we already know there are more,” Gabe pointed out.
“Yeah, we’re kind of a tangled mess,” Jacob agreed.
A mess he was part of, but they’d let him in anyway. He and McKenna, the interlopers who were just here at the table with them. Like they mattered just the same.
“Well, it’s the only real family I’ve ever known,” McKenna said. “And of course the Dodges. They’re like family too. Before I came here I never had anybody. My mom...my mom gave me up when I was two. I don’t even remember her. And then I came here, expecting to find...well, deep down I wanted to find family. But in reality I expected that what I would find was just people who didn’t want anything to do with me. Because that was my experience all my life. I thought family just existed to disappoint you.”
The men around the table fell quiet. In some ways they all had experience with that.
Caleb, Jacob and Gabe had had some form of stability living with Hank and Tammy, but he knew that it had been a rocky upbringing, and that Hank’s behavior had hurt everyone.
“At least nobody knew about you,” Caleb said. “Poor West... Our mom knew.”
West felt all eyes on him. “I’m not mad at her about that,” he said.
“Really?” Jacob asked. “Because I was pretty mad about it.”
“I was furious about it when I realized,” Gabe said. “And upset about my part in it. Because I knew Mom had turned away other women claiming to have Dad’s kids, that she’d paid them off.”
“I didn’t mean to blame you,” Caleb said. “That’s not my point in bringing it up.”
Gabe shrugged. “I know. But it’s true all the same. I knew about them too and I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t physically turn their mothers away at the door,” Jacob pointed out.
“I said I’m not mad at her,” West said.
“I don’t understand how,” Gabe said.
“Because. Because I wish my mom would have done half of that for me. She came after your dad’s money, it’s true. She did, and so did the other mothers of the other two brothers we don’t even know. I can’t speak for those women, but my mom didn’t do it for me. It wasn’t for Emmett. It didn’t benefit us. I think she cares about us in her way, but it’s not like Tammy does. Your mom fought for you. She fought for that family as best she could. And she didn’t give a shit about me. But...why should she?”
“Because it was the right thing to do,” Gabe said. “Because you’re our family.”
“Just because were related by a couple strands of DNA?”
“I’m not really sure what family is,” McKenna said. “I mean, in a technical sense. Except I just know it when I feel it. It’s not always DNA. But...through no fault of our own we are all tied to Hank. All to each other. The world is a pretty harsh and lonely place, so we might as well band together.”
“Yeah, I’m just saying... I don’t really blame Tammy for buckling down and protecting her own when she felt like she needed to.” He didn’t feel like he was being generous. He didn’t feel like he was being especially kind.
The truth was, when he had found out about all of it, he had admired Tammy. He had envied those boys that had her for her mother. He had never really cared much about Hank. But he had been in awe of the woman who had stood firm when three other women came to her door and had tried to extort money from her.
He had always thought that if Tammy Dalton were his mother, things might’ve been different. That he might’ve felt different.
He had too much respect for her to try and inflict himself on her even now. She’d done her best to protect her boys, protect her home, and he couldn’t forget that he was what she was trying to protect it from.
She’d been cordial to him in every meetup they’d had. Almost friendly.
But he still felt like respect meant giving her space.
“I think your mom is a hell of a woman,” West said. “Everyone should be so lucky to have someone who protected them like that.”
Gabe shook his head. “In the end, though, I just can’t get on board with the idea that she protected me from you. Because you’re our brother. And we care about you.”
Caleb nodded. “Hell, if it weren’t for you, West, I might never have figured things out with Ellie.”
“I would’ve been fine,” McKenna said, leaning over across the table and bumping his shoulder. “But, I sure do appreciate having gone from nothing to having all these great older brothers. And a husband. And all my husband’s brothers. And his sister.”
“I appreciate your husband’s sister too,” Gabe said, winking.
“He would punch you
in the face if he heard you say that.”
Gabe had ended up married to McKenna’s sister-in-law, after she’d come to work for him at the Dalton ranch. West had heard that her three older brothers had taken a very dim view on the whole thing initially.
“Hey,” he said. “I married her.”
“Still. Grant’s pretty sore about the whole thing. He doesn’t think you’re good enough for her.”
“Really?” Gabe asked. “And what did you say?”
“I told him to watch himself, because he was talking about my brother.” McKenna grinned.
Family. He wondered if, a lot like the way Carl Jacobson had reacted to Emmett’s misdeeds, versus the way Barbara had reacted to it, family was a lot about making a choice.
More than anything else. A choice to band together.
That was what Pansy’s family had done. They had made the choice to stick strong together. Not just her brother, but their friend, their cousins.
And he was included now. Wound up in this thing that he wasn’t even sure he understood. But it was what he was here for, wasn’t it?
Family.
He’d come back for Emmett, and he’d come back for them.
He’d come back to be part of something different. Bigger than himself, because he’d reached the end of himself when he’d been sentenced to prison and he’d been damned tired of what he was. Of who he was.
It wasn’t just Monica’s betrayal that made his old life into a fraud, it was the life itself. He’d never loved it, not really. He’d been trying to be something he wasn’t. Trying to fit into skin that wasn’t his.
He hadn’t known for sure he’d find a fit here, but he’d hoped.
And here it was.
He’d been without this all his life, and he knew it wasn’t something that could be taken for granted. Sentiment tightened his chest. He’d like to blame the beer, but he hadn’t even had a whole one.
“I wasn’t really sure why I came to Gold Valley,” West said, slowly. “Not at first. Because I would have told you that I didn’t care about family. That it didn’t mean anything to me. I lived a life that was designed around not needing one. But I came here for this. I came here for you all. And that was hard as hell for me to admit. Even now. Because I don’t like feelings. I don’t like them at all.”
It was the truth. He hated to acknowledge his feelings here. Or anywhere. Even in his own head.
“I’ll drink to that,” Caleb said. “Feelings are overrated.”
“But the whole damned world seems to be put together by them, and no matter how much I want to, I can’t outrun them,” West said, his voice rough.
Was this what family did to you? An overflow of feelings along with stupid, immature squabbles?
People who understood you. Put up with you.
Sat with you while you vomited all your emotions out.
“It gets like that,” Jacob said, looking down, holding his beer bottle tighter.
“I didn’t want to need anybody,” he said. “Nothing in my life was ever set up for me to need someone. But when I got sent to prison I realized that I didn’t have anyone in my life who really cared about me. And that it was no way to live. There was no one to be sorry that I was put away, no one to fight on my behalf. And I suspect just like the boys at the school, just like Emmett needs community, I do too, whether I want it or not.”
There was silence for a bit, all around the table as they sat in their mutual discomfort of his sincerity.
“Well, you certainly joined the right family,” McKenna said, finally. “None of us were particularly thrilled about having to admit we needed anyone. Least of all me. Grant Dodge is the strongest man I’ve ever known. And I learned a lot from him about being brave. I learned a lot from him about being strong enough to love someone. He taught me that needing people wasn’t a bad thing. Even if he didn’t mean to teach that to me. And he resented it for a little bit.” She smiled.
“Ellie too,” Caleb said, nodding. “She made me believe in things I never did before. Mostly, she puts me to shame with how strong she is.”
Jacob nodded. “Vanessa’s been through hell in her life. And I figured that if she could be brave enough to love me, I had to let go of my own issues.”
“Jamie is made of iron and grit and everything tough,” Gabe said. “She lost her mother, she had to be so strong and independent from an early age because she felt responsible for it. All of her life she carried guilt over it. That girl broke me. She changed me. And I think it made my relationship stronger with my family too.”
The way they all spoke, with such conviction about their partners, was a hell of a thing. But then, he supposed all he could do was be grateful for his half siblings’ partners, because they had clearly paved the way for this evening to happen. Because that they had been changed by love had beaten the path down for him to be here.
Hell, it was his marriage that had led him here. It just wasn’t the kind of change they’d experienced.
West chuckled. “Well, all my ex-wife did was send me to prison.” He took a sip of beer and shook his head. “But in fairness, it’s the reason I’m here.”
He was happy for them. That they’d all figured out that it was okay for them to need people the way that they did.
He wouldn’t wish his own epiphany on anyone. But it had been that isolation that had shown him that he was going to have to find a way to make a life that included other people or...being out of prison wasn’t going to be a whole lot different than being in it.
“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” Gabe said. “Even if we all agree it would have been better if you hadn’t come via prison.”
He laughed. “Sometimes you don’t get to choose.”
They lapsed into silence, all taking drinks of their beer.
No, sometimes you didn’t get to choose.
But they had gotten to choose. Between family and being alone.
And he was pretty damned grateful that in the end they had all chosen family.
* * *
IT WAS SUNDAY night dinner, and Pansy had been tapped to bring dessert. Which was silly. They did this thing where they spread out bringing or contributing different items. Often, Pansy brought beers. Or chips. Something that didn’t require cooking.
She had gone to Sugarplum Fairy because she was not going to bake. Not when Iris and Sammy were goddesses of butter. There wasn’t any point. And they knew that, it was about lightening the workload. It was about contributing.
It was going to be a big night, because Colt and Jake had rolled into town. It had been a few months since she’d seen her cousins, and she was looking forward to it.
When the front door to the house opened, the dogs charged out, chaos raining down as they went after a chicken that was roaming around in the front. They wouldn’t do anything to the chicken, but they liked to terrorize them.
“Stop it,” she said, admonishing the dogs on her way up the steps. The dogs followed her inside, and she knew that Iris would scold them and her for it, but she didn’t really care.
The house was just as chaotic as the outdoors. Her entire family was already inside. Talking, laughing and fighting over bowls of chips. Colt noticed her first, getting up from his position on the well-worn couch and moving quickly to the door.
“Squirt,” he said, pulling her into a hug. She hugged him back, but squinted slightly at the use of her old nickname.
“How are you, Hatchet Head?” She used his old nickname, which was derived from the time his brother, Jake, had accidentally pulled his hatchet back without paying attention while he was chopping wood and had driven it partway into Colt’s forehead. Which, when she really thought about it, was a bit of a mean nickname.
But she didn’t like to be called squirt.
He scrubbed his hand over the scar on his forehead, still visible after al
l this time. “You always were a tough cookie,” he said.
“I try,” she said.
Then she found herself being lifted up off the ground by Jake, who at least didn’t call her squirt. But, he picked her up, which was a cardinal sin akin to the first.
“Knock it off,” Ryder said, making his way across the living room to the front door, which he slammed shut. “She’s a grown woman, and a police officer. You don’t get to treat her like she’s a bratty little sister.”
That was met with a crack of laughter from Colt.
Ryder scowled. “I do, you don’t.”
Pansy rolled her eyes. “Or maybe you should take your own advice.”
She finally managed to get herself the rest of the way into the house, and she brought her goodies into the kitchen. As usual, Rose was sitting, and Iris and Sammy were cooking busily. Pansy was about to open her mouth to ask if Rose was going to actually make herself useful when Logan walked in. She was struck by something strange about him in that moment. She had known him all of his life, and she rarely took stock of his looks. He was handsome, that was obvious in the way it was obvious that he was tall, or blond.
But for the first time she noticed that his eyes were a very particular shade of blue. It was familiar. It reminded her a lot of West.
But then, it was possible that everything reminded her of West right now. Just thinking of him made her stomach churn. At the way he had been with her the other night. And the way that he... The way that he cared about those boys on the ranch. There was something about it that made her... She took a breath and tried to banish thoughts of West from her mind. She was with her family. And she didn’t need to combine West with family.
“Do you need any help?” Logan asked.
“I’m more than happy to put you to work,” Sammy said, tossing a dish towel his way.
He caught it, and chuckled, draping it over his shoulder and making his way to the sink. Pansy took a seat next to Rose.
“You know,” she said, “you could help.”
“So could you,” Rose pointed out.
“Sure,” Pansy said. “But I brought dessert. I already contributed.”
