by Maisey Yates
“I brought drinks,” Rose said, gesturing toward a bottle of root beer, and a bottle of cola sitting on the counter.
“That isn’t helping.” Pansy treated her little sister to a withering look.
“Then your baked goods aren’t helping, because you didn’t make them.”
“Everybody likes cake better than off-brand soda,” Pansy said.
“That isn’t true.” Rose turned her focus to Logan. “Logan, which is better? Soda or cake?”
He lifted a brow. “I’m not sure what kind of question that even is.”
“Pansy is trying to invalidate my help,” Rose said, her tone full of mutiny and irritation.
“What was your help?” Logan asked.
“I brought soda,” Rose said.
He looked between Pansy and Rose. “Well,” he said. “The soda will be a nice complement to Sammy’s homemade meal.”
Logan finished wiping up the dishes, then grabbed a stack out of the cabinet and made his way into the dining room.
When he was out of earshot Iris looked at Sammy. “I think Logan has a crush on you,” Iris said.
Sammy frowned. “Really?”
“Yes. Because cake is better than soda, but he made that about you. And he came in here to wash dishes. None of the other boys are in here washing dishes.”
Sammy blinked for a moment. “I... Maybe he’s just being nice.”
“He’s not that nice,” Iris said.
Rose shook her head. “He’s really not. I work with him every day.”
Sammy huffed. “Men like Logan don’t have crushes.”
“What do they have?” Rose asked keenly.
“Hookups,” Sammy said sagely.
“No,” Rose said. “He’s way too respectable for that.”
Sammy snorted. “You think he’s a virgin, then?”
Rose’s mouth dropped open, then she snapped it back shut. “No. But...”
“They go out of town, you know,” Sammy said archly. “Him and Ryder. They don’t like to poach from their own pond, so to speak.”
They all just stared at her. She scowled. “Why can’t it be any of you three? Maybe he likes one of you.”
Rose howled. “Us? We’re basically his sisters.”
“I’m part of the family too,” Sammy pointed out.
Pansy thought she might be imagining the note of hurt that wound through Sammy’s voice. But then, maybe not.
“Yes,” Rose said delicately. “But you did come later. He wouldn’t... He wouldn’t feel that way about any of us.”
Sammy looked stricken by the thought of Logan liking her. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why. Sammy wasn’t close to her family, not at all. She was an only child, and she had all but moved in with their patchwork clan when she’d been sixteen.
The idea of disrupting any of that with crushes would never be anything but abhorrent to Sammy.
But as for Logan, Pansy had to agree with Iris that it was strange that he had been in here helping out.
“He would be perfect for you,” Rose said, getting that sharp look to her she always had when she latched on to an idea. “He’s very...and you’re so...”
“I banish this topic,” Sammy said, waving a hand. “I would burn sage to clear the air if I could.”
Rose snorted. “That’s dramatic.”
“Aren’t I always?”
Their conversation was interrupted then by the men clattering into the room, as if sent there by Logan. They began pitching in and offering extra hands, and before Pansy knew it, they were all sitting down to dinner.
Pansy was between her sisters, Sammy next to Ryder. Logan, Colt and Jake occupied the other side of the table.
Logan asked for someone to pass him the bottle of root beer. And Pansy found herself looking at him for a long moment, initially to try and unlock that behavior and if it meant anything. But then just...looking at his eyes again. And letting her mind wander back to West.
It was an easy thing to do, all things considered. Considering that she was currently obsessed with him and the effect that he had on her. It was so utterly different to anything she had ever experienced before.
She was so different.
She sat at the family dinner table, surrounded by these people who had shaped her, made her, and for the first time she felt like she might actually be grown-up.
Really.
Moving out hadn’t done it. Getting started on the police force hadn’t done it particularly. But having a secret. A salacious, wonderful secret that made her feel alive in a way she never had before... That did something. It really did.
“Pansy here is going out for police chief,” Logan announced, for Colt and Jake’s benefit, she assumed.
“Good for you,” Jake said. “Your old man would be proud.”
Pansy felt her throat getting tight. Because no matter how grown-up she felt, no matter how renewed with personal purpose she felt, that would always touch her deep. She wanted her dad to have been proud of her. And maybe he would see, from where he was at. Maybe in heaven you got a front row view to what was happening down on earth, but the fact of the matter was nobody knew. Not for sure. So she didn’t know if her dad could be proud of her in the way that she had always hoped. She just had to believe. And hearing Jake say it...
Well, she would never hear her dad say it. This was as close as it got.
She gritted her teeth, fighting against the wave of sadness that enveloped her.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” she said, looking down at her roast chicken. “I hope that I do a good job. I hope that I...do his memory proud.”
Of course, there was no guarantee she would even get the job. None at all. She might not. It was possible. Barbara still wasn’t especially thrilled with her. No matter how good of a performance she had turned in today, there was going to be opposition. And she was still pretty confident that she was going to get the job, but...
Suddenly, she felt overwhelmed, and her eyes felt prickly. And she was filled with a sense of horror. Because she did not do this in front of her family. She didn’t do this in front of anyone ever. She just didn’t. There was no reason for her to have an emotional breakdown. She was fine. She was with her family.
And they were strong for each other. She wasn’t going to have a weird emotional breakdown.
Everything felt tangled inside of her. She had been feeling strong a moment ago, transformed, and now, somehow, she felt weak. She didn’t know how to reconcile those two things.
Or maybe it wasn’t two things. Maybe it was one thing.
Maybe it was all just her.
Maybe she was somehow more fragile now.
And she couldn’t afford that. Couldn’t afford to give in. She wasn’t fragile.
She was capable. She was the tough one, and that was why everyone at the table was looking at her like she’d grown a second head, or maybe another personality.
“Everything is fine,” she said.
“No one said it wasn’t,” Ryder said.
“But you’re looking at me like you’re afraid I’m going to freak out. I’m not going to freak out.”
“So you’re not under stress because of your job?”
“No,” she said. “How’s yours? I know ranching can be difficult.”
“Well,” Ryder said. “Sometimes I worry the cows don’t like me anymore.”
“They don’t,” Rose said. “They never did. They told me.”
“They don’t like you very much either, Rose,” Ryder said.
“I’m fine,” Pansy said. “I’ve been doing this job for a long time.”
“Whatever happened with that kid? The one that you took out of the barn the other day?” Logan asked.
“Oh,” she said, realizing that she ha
d never actually given her family the whole story about Emmett. “He was West Caldwell’s half brother. You know, West. My...my landlord.”
She shot what she hoped was a surreptitious look toward Iris, Rose and Sammy. All three of them appeared to be on very good behavior, but that was almost more concerning. Because they were never on good behavior. Well, except maybe Iris.
“That’s a coincidence,” Ryder said.
“Well, not really. I mean that he was in our barn is, but that he was in Gold Valley isn’t. When West came to look for his family, I think Emmett was afraid that it meant West wouldn’t have a place for him in his life anymore. I mean, so I gathered. I helped get the kid settled in at his place, and he was...he was behind some of the mischief that’s been happening in town. I also encouraged Barbara and Carl not to press charges for the thefts. He’s been doing community service.”
Ryder frowned. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
It didn’t surprise her that it was Ryder who put up some opposition to this idea. He was a by-the-book kind of guy. And truly, Pansy had to be grateful for that. Because it was her brother’s stalwart sense of right and wrong that had made him give up so many years to raising his siblings. But that meant sometimes he was rigid, hardheaded and completely unsympathetic when people didn’t behave in the way that he did.
He was grounded, levelheaded. He’d never done a spontaneous thing in his entire life.
Sometimes she thought that was why he was such good friends with Sammy. That Sammy was, in some ways, his expression of a part of himself that he could never let out.
He didn’t mean to be unkind, and he didn’t mean to be harsh, but he often was.
“Yes,” she said. “I think it’s a good idea. I think it’s the only thing that will work. And I’m already putting up with opposition from City Council. So, I don’t need opposition from my own brother.”
“I’m just saying,” Ryder said. “I don’t like the idea of some kid getting away with criminal activity. I don’t feel like that teaches him anything.”
“I know you’re a big fan of harsh punishments,” she said, somewhat dryly, since Ryder had essentially never laid out a punishment in his entire raising of them.
“I just think that sometimes going too soft on somebody causes more harm than good.”
“Well, when you make a study of the community, and of effective outcomes for crime and punishment, we can have a chat. Otherwise you have to respect that this is my area of expertise.”
Now she felt like she was back in control. Felt like she was back in the saddle, being herself.
Sammy tapped Ryder on the hand. She could always reach him with a small touch, and he always let her get away with it. Their relationship was something else altogether. “We’re not all as lucky as you are. I mean...not that you didn’t have losses. But I mean, we don’t all have family that’s waiting to pick us up when we fall down. And if we don’t have that, what do we have?” She looked around the table. “Community, I hope. A group of people willing to care just because. To create a support, a family just out of...goodness. You did that for me.” That last, soft part was directed at Ryder.
A muscle in her brother’s jaw tensed, and relaxed when Sammy removed her hand.
Pansy had to wonder if Iris had her assumptions about who had crushes, and where they were directed, all mixed up.
“Okay, Pansy, whatever you think,” Ryder conceded. “I mean, it’s your job, after all.”
Only when that was over did she dare sneak a glance at Sammy, who was gazing at her slyly.
Pansy narrowed one eye as subtly as she could.
Thankfully after that the conversation turned to other people and their pursuits, and she allowed herself to get lost in the shuffle, which was one of the fantastic things about having a big family. A big, loud one, that didn’t like you to get much beyond what they thought you were.
It was so interesting to spend all this time talking to West, who saw her in ways that she didn’t even see herself, and in ways her family certainly didn’t.
It made her feel prickly and strange. And she wanted badly to hide away. That was exactly why she couldn’t. Why she couldn’t allow herself to give in to this.
Because she’d hidden once before. Hidden after she’d disappointed her father. She had been weak.
She wouldn’t be again. She was stronger now, stronger than she had ever been before.
She just had to buck up and deal with herself. Yes, she was in a different situation than she had ever been in her life. She had a lover. She was trying out for a new job. But she had built herself on a more solid foundation that she was currently allowing herself to feel.
She was Officer Pansy Daniels.
She was the daughter of Gregory Daniels.
And she would do his legacy proud. She had to.
There was no other choice.
She had disappointed him in life. Even as a little girl, she had. And the sad thing was she was sure that if nothing had changed, that if he had lived, she would have disappointed him later too. Because what would have changed her? If not his loss, then what?
Her father’s death had been a defining moment in her life. It had changed everything she was.
So she had to stand firm in that.
She wasn’t going to crumble now.
No way.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“IT SEEMS as good a day as any for you to learn to ride,” West said, dropping a pair of boots next to the edge of the couch, where his half brother was lying and playing a video game.
West had spent a stupid amount of money buying electronics for the dumb kid.
He didn’t deserve it.
But West found that he was busy compensating for something. His own childhood, most likely.
He hadn’t had a damn thing that he’d wanted or needed. And sure, he would have taken a mother’s love over video games, but neither had been on the table. And he couldn’t be the kid’s mother. But, he could buy him video games.
His ex hadn’t left him that strapped. Not in comparison to how he’d started life anyway. All things considered he supposed he should be thankful. Not to her, she didn’t deserve his thanks. But the life he had here—the life he was building here—was a hell of a lot better than what he’d left behind.
“Ride what?” Emmett asked.
“A horse,” West said. “You said you didn’t know how to ride. Well, I want to teach you.”
“Gabe said we would learn at school,” Emmett said, and West was struck by the fact that Emmett seemed to believe he was staying here. That he had a sense of security. It was...it was good. It was damned good.
“That’s fine. And it’s great if Gabe wants to teach you. Or, wants to let you ride. But, I want to teach you. Because I’m your brother. Then maybe if...maybe if we weren’t such a dysfunctional mess then I would have taught you a long time ago. So, can I teach you?”
“Sure,” Emmett said, sliding off the couch and looking at him skeptically. He slipped his foot into one boot, then the other. “These are big.”
“Sorry. You ought to grow into them.”
“I’m not ten,” Emmett said.
“Still. Come on, let’s go.”
West clapped his younger brother on the back and led him outside. He had tacked the horses up earlier, and left them so that they would be ready to go when Emmett was.
“All right. Get on.”
“How?” Emmett asked.
“Left foot in the stirrup,” he said. “Grab the horn. Pull yourself up.”
“Like this?” He planted his foot in the stirrup and swung himself up, throwing his leg over the top of the big animal.
“Yep. You’re on the horse, you’re facing the right way and you’re not on the ground. All good indicators that you did everything just right.”
West mounted his own horse, and looked back at Emmett. “All right, now urge him forward. Just a slight nudge with your heels against his flanks. Just like that.”
They continued on with the instruction, moving through the basics as they made their way through the countryside.
They’d been in each other’s company a while now, and this ride felt like a step forward. He’d been treading carefully with Emmett, on account of the kid seemed more than half-feral and West didn’t want to put a foot wrong. Or at least, not too wrong.
But he’d agreed to let West teach him to ride. And West thought maybe that meant...maybe they could talk.
Like he’d done with his other half siblings.
“So, how was camping out?” West asked, as they continued on slowly and steadily.
“Fine,” Emmett said. “I mean, not ideal.”
“No. I wouldn’t think so.”
“I just... I guess maybe I should have tried to call you, West, but I figured that since you were coming out here to meet your other family you wouldn’t want anything to do with...us anymore.”
“Who told you I was doing that?”
“It’s what Mom said.”
West sighed. He’d told his mother he was coming back, and he’d told her up front he was going to get to know the Daltons, but he hadn’t said that.
“That’s not true. I came for you too. But when I got to Oregon you weren’t around and Mom put me off for a couple of months, and then admitted she didn’t know where you were. You weren’t in Gold Valley the whole time, were you?”
Emmett shook his head. “I crashed with friends in Sweet Home for a while. Then when you didn’t come there I... I came here.”
“I’m sorry you thought I didn’t care about you.”
His brother’s shoulders went stiff. “It’s not like it hurt my feelings or anything.”
“It did though,” West said. “And it would have hurt mine too. You’re not weak because it bothered you.”
Emmett scowled. “I just figured you might remember me. All things considered.”
“I did.”
They rode on in silence for a while. It was a minute or two before Emmett spoke again, and when he did his voice was calmer.
