by L M Terry
He sits up straighter in the seat. “Actually, the answer to that is yes. My friends and I have a security business. I guess it is kind of a security slash detective type profession. We rescue people from the trafficking industry.
I turn so that he cannot read the emotions that are assuredly playing over my face. “Sounds exciting and very Bond like.”
He laughs. “You’re not going to let that go are you?”
I have often wondered if he was a detective or with the FBI or something like that. All I knew was that he made me feel safe for a few fleeting moments and that he was a good man. He still is a good man. I take a deep breath, letting the tension I had been holding in my muscles release. With Anthony by my side I know everything is okay. “No, probably not but I’ll try not to bring it up too much. You don’t need your head to get any bigger.”
He glances over at me and I laugh. He smiles and I visibly see him relax too. “Another win! You are talking like there will be more banter between the two of us.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“You can’t keep thinking everything is a win for you and besides you are putting words in my mouth. I said no such thing. This is dinner and talking nothing more, it will more than likely need to nothing more.”
“More than likely but not absolutely?”
“Are you always like this?”
“Like what?” he asks with a glimmer in his eye.
“So, difficult?”
“Oh, I see, I’m the difficult one now?” He chuckles turning off the coastal freeway.
“Okay, I’ll give you that. I’m the difficult one. But, you are…are” I throw my hands up exasperated.
He laughs harder. “There is no word for me is there?”
“None.”
He shrugs his shoulder. “Nobody’s figured me out so far. If you find a word please let me know.”
“Oh, I will,” I say haughtily but smile so that he knows I’m only kidding.
“Here we are. Home sweet home.”
He pulls up a long driveway as I’m wondering where the time went. Being with Anthony is like blinking. He makes me forget my surroundings, the world melts away and time stops. I glance out the window for the first time since getting in the car actually seeing what lies beyond the glass. There is nothing for as far as I can see except ocean, rocks, open land and the mountains behind us. It is beautiful. We are up higher than the beach and I can hear the ocean pounding into the rocks below.
He pulls into the garage of his beautiful home. When he opens the door for me I take a second to look at all of the expensive toys that he has collected there. A jeep, motorcycle, three wheelers and other things that I don’t even know what they are. All expensive and all sleek black. The irony is not lost on me. Black. Maybe he is hiding too. I doubt it but the thought of someone else relating to even a sliver of what makes me tick makes me feel better. Stupid, he just likes expensive things and expensive things happen to look good in black.
He catches me staring at the motorcycle. “I think we will take that back to town tonight.”
It startles me out of my musings. “Ah, no thank you. I like your car just fine.”
He laughs and starts to head for a door which I assume leads into his home. “You act like you have a choice, princess.”
I should be scared of the notion of him making me get on the back of that death machine but all I can focus on is how he called me princess. Does he remember me? No, hell no, he doesn’t remember me and that is how that is going to stay. He already thinks I’m weird enough without adding victim to the mix.
I follow him as he flips a few lights on. The sun is setting low on the horizon as night moves in from the east. I walk past him, past all of the opulence of his home straight through to the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. His house is perched on a cliff and down below is a private beach set between rocks the jut out into the water. I stop about ten feet from the glass unable to go any further, it is spectacular but scary too. If you stand close to the windows it would appear as if you were standing on the very edge of the earth. I feel him come up behind me. “You like?”
“It is beautiful,” I whisper.
He wraps his arms around my waist and steps forward forcing me closer to the windows. “I…I can see from here.”
“I know.” But, he doesn’t stop. Another step and then another. My heart pounds, but I let him move me slowly forward. I try to dig into the carpet with the balls of my feet as we get closer. “Hey, easy, it’s okay. There is no possible way to fall. None.”
I swallow so hard that it echoes in the large room. There is nothing to hold on to, nothing to grab hold of so that he can’t drag me closer to the edge of…to the edge of my fear. I grasp at his arms wrapped around my waist.
“Breathe. We will watch the sunset and then we will move back to the kitchen.”
I nod my head unable to speak. Oh, fuck we are up high. How the hell did they build this place? I close my eyes allowing him to walk us the rest of the distance. I know when we are as close as we can possibly get when I can feel my breath bounce back at me off of the glass.
“Open your eyes, Dani.”
“I can’t. I don’t like this.”
“All the best things are right on the other side of fear. If you don’t open your eyes and face it you are going to miss one heck of a sunset,” he says pulling me tighter to his chest. “I won’t let go.”
I make a pathetic whimpering sound and try to turn myself in his arms. He actually lets me. I bury myself into his warmth, wrapping my arms around him for dear life. I know this is silly, I know it. He doesn’t laugh, he doesn’t dismiss my fear. He holds me tight and shifts so that our sides are facing the glass.
“Open your eyes, baby. I won’t let go,” his breath whispers over my hair.
He is in the moment, but I am suddenly seventeen again. Clutching to the only solid thing I’ve ever been able to hold onto. Him. Mine. I am well and truly fucked. When he leaves my heart will be left in a million little broken pieces and there is nothing I can do to stop it. He will fix me, yes, he will fix me but as soon as he walks away I will break all over again. Dammit.
“Come on sweetheart, I promise you, it will be worth it.”
Will it be worth it? I certainly hope so because if I do this, I am literally handing him my heart. He jostles me lightly in his arms.
I peek one eye open and then the other. He is right, the sky is colored in purples, pinks and blues. There are a few white puffy clouds absorbing the colors, making them their own. And the ocean, ah the ocean. When I first came to California I would sit on the beach for hours. Mesmerized by the enormity of it and how small I actually was in the realm of the world. But, on D-day that all ended. Since then I only catch glimpses of the water between the trees from my apartment. This is as close as I’ve been in seven years.
I raise my head off his chest not taking my eyes off the beauty in front of them. Through the reflection of the glass I notice that he is looking not at what lies beyond but at me. Boldly, I turn to face him. He leans over and kisses me hard, hungry. My head swims as I gulp for air. He pushes me back against the glass and I let him. Not one ounce of fear enters my pores. I just drink him in, savoring the moment. His warm lips, his wet mouth, his tongue as it spears into me. His smell envelopes me. Mine.
Just as swift as his kiss began it ends. He turns me and pushes my chest flush with the glass. My face rests against the cool smoothness of it. My heavy breathing fogs it over. He places his mouth next to my ear. “I am going to push you again, and again, and again until you are forced to reach out and grab life instead of running from it. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whisper making the glass fog over again.
“Good girl.” He leans back pulling me with him to face the view in front of us. His arms wrap around my waist once again.
As we stand in silence watching the sun dip into the water, I realize that I have been waiting for this for years. Not just anyone but for him. T
he tears are right there but I choke them back. After the last sliver of the sun makes its final decent he walks us back a few steps and then releases me. I hate it, I want to stay in his arms forever.
He tips my chin forcing me to look up at him. “See that wasn’t so bad was it?”
“No, I suppose not. But, what if I would have said no.” I don’t elaborate on whether I meant no to standing so close to the windows or no to the kiss, but he doesn’t ask.
“We will go over the answer to that question while we eat. Now, let’s see what we can rummage up.” He grabs my hand and pulls me to the kitchen with him. It is then that I notice the rest of his home. It is a-fucking-mazing. I run my hand over the island in the middle of the kitchen drawing my finger along the silver ribbons running through the black marble.
“The security business must pay very well,” I say leaning over staring at my own reflection in the marble.
He laughs. “It does, but I’ve made some very smart investments. I like nice things what can I say.”
I frown and lean back looking down at myself. Hmm, if he likes nice things why is he with me? Oh, yeah, to “help” me. He slides two glasses down the counter towards me. I grab them just before they fall off the counter. “What the fuck?” I yelp.
“Get out of your head,” he says sternly.
I huff glaring at him. He pops the cork out of the wine bottle he is now holding as we glare at each other. Next thing I know he is sliding that down to me too. I quickly set the glasses down and catch the bottle as it reaches the edge.
“Think of that word to describe me yet?” he asks.
“How about bossy?”
“And you love it,” he says as he sets to work preparing our meal. “Pour us both a glass of wine and then I want you to go over to the table and read the contract I have for you to sign.”
I glance over to the table he is speaking of and stare at the contract. “Um, I’m not signing any contract. Why do we need a contract?”
“So, that we both are on exactly the same page and that you,” he turns to point to me, “knows exactly what I expect.”
I straighten my shoulders lifting my chin higher. “What about what I expect from you? Am I allowed to add to it or change it?”
“That’s what this is, the negotiation period, so the answer is yes. We will make compromises tonight and we begin tomorrow.” He turns back to the stove.
My eyes roam back to the windows. I can still see the smudge my face left when he pressed my cheek to the glass. My stomach flutters. Things are only going to escalate from here, how far will he take me? This is all happening so fast. I pour the wine and take his over to him. He pauses what he is doing and reaches for the glass in my hand, but I don’t release it. He looks down at me.
“I thought of the word.” He blinks at me twice.
“And?”
I let go of the glass.
“Intense.”
He smirks. “Oh, Dani, you haven’t seen intense yet.”
When I get to the table I stop. “Wait, you knew you would be bringing me back here tonight, didn’t you? The contract has been sitting here since we arrived, you didn’t have it with you.”
“Very observant.”
It’s all he says. Fuck. I am so fucked it isn’t even funny. He is fifty damn steps ahead of me. How am I ever going to keep up with him? I plop down in the chair and stare at his back. He is tall, slender but yet muscular. An athletic build. He has a five o’clock shadow that accentuates his strong jaw. And those fucking grey, silver eyes. Oh, and how can I forget the suit. He has the jacket off now, but he still has his dress shirt on. God, how I would love to see more of him.
“You can ogle me later. Read,” he says throwing a smile and a wink over his shoulder.
Dammit, he is a pain in the ass. I take a long drink of wine and then pick up the papers. I skim through a bunch of mumbo jumbo, basically the contract is just a way of covering his ass in case I or someone else doubts his intentions with the things he is going to insist that I do. Fair enough. I thought this was going to be a…you know one of those kinky contracts.
He comes over to set the table. “Did you read it?”
“Yes, sounds fine.”
“So, you will sign?”
“Yes. Umm wait. No. I don’t know.”
He laughs as he goes back to retrieve the pasta salad he made. He spoons an overly large amount on my plate. “What questions do you have?” He sits down across from me after refilling our glasses.
“Well, none about the contract. Makes sense. But, I guess, I don’t know. Are you really going to force me to do something if I don’t want to?”
He points at my plate with his fork. “Eat and I will explain.” He waits for me to actually place a bite in my mouth before he begins. “Tomorrow I would like to move you in here for at least one year. I will keep up on the payments to your apartment. I have already spoken to Mrs. Chan about it.”
I drop my fork and it lands with a clang on the plate. “I can’t move in here…tomorrow!” I look around, it is all so open, so, so, not my haven.
“You can and you will. I know it will be hard for you, so I have a plan for all that as well, but you don’t need to worry about anything. In fact, I want you to get out of your head and just be. I will do your thinking for you.”
“That doesn’t sound very healthy.”
“Is living like a hermit healthy?”
I pick up my fork again moving food around on my plate, waiting for whatever fresh hell he is going to spew next.
“You will have your own space here which I will show you tomorrow. Don’t worry you will have time for yourself. I won’t hover over you every minute of the day. But, each day we will conquer something. You may not even recognize that we are doing it, but we will. Sometimes baby steps, other times giant steps.”
“Um, do I get like a safe word to say no if it is something I really, really don’t want to do?”
“When we are…intimate, yes. With everything else, no.”
A shiver runs up my spine and the hairs stand up on my arm. “Like what do you mean intimate?”
“I think you know. Red for stop, yellow to slow down and green if you are good. But, as an example, if I want you to ride with me in an elevator, there is no safe word. We do it.”
I wiggle in my chair remembering the story that Lizzie and I wrote all those years ago. The one that damned me. “Um, I…I know where you found me. I mean at that club and all but, I’m not experienced that way.”
“That is why we are here tonight. I am going to pick your brain and I expect one hundred percent honesty.”
Oh god. He brought me here for a Q and A. I don’t like questions and his brain runs much faster than mine. Okay, just think about things before answering and it will be okay. “Pick away,” I tell him on a shaky breath.
“Drink.”
I don’t drink anymore so the one glass of wine is already making me feel all tingly. Two, will be my limit. He is just wanting me to get all loosy, goosy on him and spill my secrets. Not happening. I pick up the glass taking a couple of sips before setting it down. Satisfied for now he begins his interrogation. I say this because that is what it feels like.
“Where are you from?”
“Iowa.”
“Family?”
“No.”
“None?”
Pause. “Well, my mom but I don’t speak to her anymore.”
“Why?”
“We don’t get along.”
“Why?”
“We just don’t. Jesus, do you need to know everything about me?”
“Yes.”
“Fine. Fuck. Let’s just say when my father killed himself she lost her damn mind and she changed. We both did so here I am and there she is. We don’t get along.”
“How do you keep yourself?”
I jerk my head back. “What do you mean keep myself?”
“How do you pay your bills?”
“Oh, that. Well I use
d to work for Mrs. Chan before D-day but since then I have a webpage and people hire me for graphic art type stuff. Logos, advertisements, things like that.”
“What is D-day?”
“The day my fear overtook me.”
“Do you like it?”
“Like what my fear? God no.”
“I mean your graphic art.”
“Oh. It’s okay I guess. I’m good at it.” I shrug my shoulders.
“But, not want you want to be doing?”
I turn to stare at the windows, nothing much to see now but the dark that is creeping around the house. “Not really, but it’s okay.”
“You like to paint and draw?”
“Yes.”
“Would you rather do that for a living?”
“Yes and no.”
“This would go much faster if you elaborated your answers right away. This is beginning to feel like pulling teeth.”
“Yes, I like to paint and draw. If I did it for a living I would have to interact with people and I’m not a big fan of that. With my graphic design stuff, people just email me. It is easier that way.”
“You go to Sunnybrook and interact with those folks. I guess I’m not understanding.”
“Well that makes two of us.”
He runs his hand over his face. “Okay, so one year no graphic design business. You will focus solely on your painting and such.”
“Wait. Back it up. You can’t pay for my rent and everything else. That is not happening, I can take care of myself.”
“Did I say you couldn’t take care of yourself?”
“No.”
“Good, then that is settled.”
I push my plate back and drop my forehead to the table with a thud.
“What are you doing?”
“You are giving me a headache.”
He continues without missing a beat. “Boyfriends?”
“No,” I say in a muffled voice still keeping my face on his table.
“None?”
“Dammit I said no. None.”
He stammers a bit which makes me raise my head to look at him. “So, when you said you were inexperienced…”
I shake my head, here it comes. “You guessed it…no experience may have been the better choice of words.”
