by L M Terry
“Oh, I see.” He stands and starts picking up dishes from the table.
Great. He is done with me. Twenty-five-year-old virgins are evidently not as hot a commodity as seventeen-year-old ones. This is for the better anyway. I’m not sure I can handle him for a whole year. I wasn’t lying when I told him he was intense or when I said he was giving me a headache.
He walks out to the kitchen as I gather my wits and push back the tears that are always bullying me. For the better, yes, he will take me home and I can go back to doing what I do. When he returns he sets a piece of red velvet cake in front of me and sits down beside me instead of across from me.
“You can take me home. Thank you for the dinner, it was very good, but I don’t think I have an appetite for dessert.”
He refills my glass pushing it towards me. “Drink.”
“Are you trying to get me drunk?”
“No.”
I chew on my bottom lip. “Listen I understand you found me at a BDSM club and thought I um…that I understood all that but, hey it’s fine. No hard feelings, you can take me home now.”
“Why were you there?”
“I told you.”
He nods his head tapping his finger over his lips deep in thought. Waiting for him to speak is gnawing at my gut so I pick up the glass and gulp half of it down. He points to the cake. May as fucking well. I pick up the fork and take a bite, damn but if it isn’t good. I try to ignore his insistent stare.
“Do you think about it?” he asks.
“About what?”
“What you would like a man to do to you?”
My face flames among other places. I squeeze my legs together to try and make the feeling go away.
“No reason to be embarrassed. Answer.”
“I guess…sometimes.” Lie. All times, especially when he is so close to me.
“What do you imagine?”
I shake my head furiously back and forth. “I can’t answer that, Anthony. Please don’t make me answer that.”
He steeples his fingers in front of his face studying me thoughtfully, his elbows resting on the table. Just looking at him makes me hot. I can imagine him doing a million things to me. Right now, I’m imagining what it would be like to kneel before him, to have him tell me what a bad girl I am as he pulls my hair and kisses me like he did earlier.
“You are having naughty thoughts right now. Aren’t you?”
I drop my head forcing my gaze to my lap. Ashamed. More ashamed than I was when Ted found my dirty story. I laugh in my head at the irony. A virgin with a dirty mind.
“Okay. So, no experience but we can remedy that easily enough.”
My head snaps up quickly, my eyes meeting his. He isn’t mocking me, he doesn’t appear repulsed, he looks mischievous at best. Hmm.
“I’m going to take you home now. Tomorrow you have an appointment with Mrs. Chan to get your nails done at 2:00 p.m. Sign here.” He pushes the papers in front of me with a pen.
“Wait. I thought….”
“You thought what? Did you think that I would back out because you are a virgin? Nothing scares me, Dani…not even sweet little virgins who are afraid of everything.”
I sign. For better or worse I sign. Eight years. Have I been saving myself for him? No. That’s a silly notion. I never thought I would see him again. But, yet, I did save myself. Perhaps I knew he was the only one I could trust after…Ted.
“One more question.”
“Okay?”
“Were you ever abused?”
Be very careful how you answer, Dani. “No, my mom and dad never abused me.”
“Not what I asked.”
“No.”
“I will still help you even if you answer yes.”
“I answered no. I’ve never been beaten or raped if that’s what you want to know.”
“Again, not what I asked.”
I just shrug my shoulders and finish my dessert. He lets it go, thank god. No one knows. Just Lizzie, me and Ted. No one else can know. Besides, he probably wouldn’t believe me anyhow. I mean who sells their own stepdaughter at grimy truck stops? Well, besides Ted. Ted is an exception. Ted is an asshole.
“Clean up and I’ll find you a helmet.”
I look up at him startled. “For what?”
“Duh, you need a helmet to ride on the back of my bike.”
Before I can protest he is up and headed for the garage.
What have I done? Being with Anthony is like standing in the middle of a windstorm. No matter how hard you try to find something to hang on to it blows away before you can grab it. Shit.
Chapter Six
Anthony
◆◆◆
After much coaxing I finally got her on the back of the bike. Now her tiny hands are resting or more like clawing at my stomach and I’ll admit it feels good. She has definitely shaken the funk off me. Tonight, was like Christmas. Unwrapping gift after fucking gift. Sometimes they were the kind that you knew you were getting and then there were those totally unexpected ones. Like her telling me that I was one thing she wasn’t scared of. The other was that she is a virgin. She could be lying but I doubt it. She is keeping her secrets guarded, this I know but I don’t think she is lying about this.
I didn’t mean to kiss her tonight, that wasn’t supposed to happen but damn if she didn’t take my breath away standing there looking at the sunset, trembling in my arms. Her honey gold hair spilled over her shoulders and those emerald eyes shimmered with tears she has yet to let go of.
About half-way on our ride home I felt her relax. Her death grip reduced to more of an affectionate one and then she laid her head on my back and sighed. I don’t think this is going to be as hard as I thought. Yes, it takes a bit of cajoling to get her there but once she accepts what it is I want her to do she releases her anxiety and lets me steer her. She even seems to enjoy what it is I want her to experience.
When we arrive at her apartment, I get off the bike and turn to keep her trapped between my arms. I help her with her helmet and she quick runs her fingers through her hair nervously. I grab her hands to stop her. “This isn’t the first or the last time that I will see you with your hair out of place.” She blushes to a lovely pink bubblegum shade.
“How did you like the ride?”
“It wasn’t so bad, I guess.”
She squirms on the seat, uncomfortable not knowing what to do next. This is part of it. I want her to be slightly uncomfortable, not too much, just enough for her to learn to work through it. She needs to learn that she can handle her nerves. I tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “Good, there is nothing better than the open road. We will do it again soon.” I watch her carefully for a reaction, there is none except another flush. She liked it. Good, cause I loved having her on my bike. It was a first for me…a first for both of us.
I back up after a few more moments of awkward silence. She allows me to help her off the bike and walk her upstairs. I know she is afraid of the dark, she keeps her lights on all night long. I should wait a few minutes with her until she settles in and gets the lights on. Just a few minutes.
I follow her inside, waiting by the door as she turns every light on. “Do you sleep with the lights on every night?”
“Yes,” mortification flits across her face as a pang of something else flits across my heart.
“I’ll wait here while you get ready for bed.” She pauses but grabs her things and heads into the bathroom. I notice that she leaves the door open a crack. She did that when she changed earlier. So, we have a few things to work on here. No time like the present.
She comes out as I’m riffling through her cupboards. She stares at me. “Tea?” I ask.
“Um, yeah, I guess.”
“You always say I guess when I ask you something. A simple yes or no is what I want. I don’t want you to guess about what your answer should be.”
“Yes.” She crosses her arms over her chest, I see she wants to tell me to fuck off, but she doesn’t. Progress
.
She stands there again unsure of what to do next. So, I tell her. I’m good at that. “Go ahead, into bed with you.”
“Um.” She turns to look at her bed. Everything is one room. Her kitchen, living room and bedroom all right here. Moving in with me is probably going to do one of two things. Either she will feel open and vulnerable being in a larger space or she will try to hide being that there will be more places to do so. We will find out tomorrow.
I pour the tea waiting to see if she will listen and she does. Well, sort of. She perches herself on the end of the bed giving me the hairy eye as she does.
“We have a busy day tomorrow so I want you to get a good night’s sleep and I think you would sleep much better with the lights off,” I say handing her a mug and sitting down beside her.
“I can’t.”
“What if I stay with you tonight.” She starts to rise from the bed, but I stop her. “I will sleep on the couch and will leave as soon as the sun comes up. Just don’t forget your appointment with Mrs. Chan.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“Are you afraid of the dark?”
“Yes, isn’t that obvious?”
“Am I here to help you overcome your fears?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Good drink up.”
She finishes the tea then hesitantly crawls backwards and tucks herself under the covers. She tosses me a pillow and blanket as I rise. I catch them giving her a slow smile. I take off my jacket, laying it in the chair beside the sofa. She licks her lips as she watches me do it. Oh, Dani, we are going to have so much fun. Soon. I shut the lights off in the bathroom and then move on to the kitchen. She scoots down laying her head back on her pillow. Her hair fans out beautifully across it. When I hit the last light, I hear her whimper. She doesn’t cry it’s just a little noise that comes from the back of her throat.
“It’s okay, Dani. There is nothing to fear,” I tell her as I lie back on the couch placing my hands behind my head. The light from outside is peeking along the edges of the curtains so it’s really not that dark. She isn’t going to like the dark at my place. We will be working on this again I think.
She bolts upright, and her breathing sounds ragged. Shit, she really is afraid. I go to her as she pleads with me to turn the lights back on.
“Just one, like we could just leave the bathroom light on,” she begs as she is gasping for breath.
I crawl up on the bed drawing her into my arms. “Shh, deep breaths. I will not let anything get you while the lights are off. Sleep.” Laying back I push her head down on my chest and hug her close. After a few minutes her trembling subsides and her breathing evens out. Quicker that I expect she falls asleep. Poor thing must be exhausted between the wine, her fear and me. I’m sure most of her exhaustion is me, but no helping that. I may be her only hope at this point.
Danielle
◆◆◆
When I wake up he is gone. I lay there and think about everything that has happened. I realize three things. First and most obvious, I faced umpteen fears yesterday. I left the comfort of my apartment to go somewhere new. I stood by a window on the edge of a cliff. I drank wine, I had told myself after my vodka night with Lizzie that I would never drink again. I did break that vow at the club but that was the only time until last night. I rode on the back of a motorcycle, which to my surprise was exhilarating and Anthony was hot as hell on the thing. Lastly, I slept all night with the lights off and with a stranger in my apartment none the less.
The second thing I realize is how much I enjoy being with him. I was sad when we got back to my apartment. The evening went so fast, too fast. When he offered to spend the night, I didn’t have it in me to argue. Partly because I was tired and partly because I simply didn’t want him to go.
And that leads us to the third thing which is how screwed I am. It’s fine and dandy when Anthony is with me. I feel like I could do all sorts of scary things with him beside me. The problem is what am I going to do at the end of our time together? What happens if he gets bored or meets someone new? My heart sinks at the thought. But, reality is what it is. He is smart, funny, wealthy, handsome I’m surprised he is still single. Someone will snag him up and that leaves me right back where I started.
I drag myself out of bed noticing the note on the table.
Don’t forget your appointment at two with Mrs. C. If your late she will chew your behind. One more thing, go as Danielle, no hiding behind any ‘fuck you’ t-shirts.
P.S. I think you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Yours truly,
The bossy, intense James Bond (aka Anthony)
Hmph. I can’t help but smile. He is bossy and intense. He is right though, I love it. What does that say about me? I’m not sure. Why am I so surprised that I like it? I’ve always known this about myself. I’m such a mess. I’m all over the place. One minute I’m happy he is here and the other has me wishing I wouldn’t have gone to the club that night.
But, I did and now there is no other choice than to ride this out and see where it goes. Fighting it isn’t going to help and besides nothing else was working. Do I really want to stay here the rest of my life alone, asking others to bring my groceries to me? The answer to that is no.
So, I should trust him. I have to trust someone. No more whining, no more trying to shut him out. I am going to do my best to please him….oh hell. Did I just think that? I need to talk to someone about all of this. I should call Lizzie.
As I’m making my lunch I wait for Lizzie to answer.
“Hey hon. Is everything okay?”
“Hi Liz, yeah it’s all good.”
“I had to look at the clock. Today is the first but why are you calling me so early? Something’s up, you like order and you calling me hours before our scheduled time is just weird.”
“Do you remember me telling you about the guy that saved me when Ted sold me?”
“Yeah, your James Bond dude?”
“The one and only. I bumped into him at the bar a few weeks ago.”
“Oh shit, Dani! You were at a bar? And you just happen to run into your guy. Like that is fucking amaze balls!”
I laugh. I love Lizzie, she is everything that I want to be. Strong, smart, funny and she has balls bigger than most men. “Yeah, and he wants to help me.”
“Like what do you mean help you?” I detect the suspicion in her voice.
“Um, well I’m going to move in with him and he is going to push me to do the things that scare me.”
“No fucking way, Dani. No. This guy could be a creep and that is the last thing you need. You’ve dealt with enough creepers. No.” I hear her shuffling things around and then she yells to her boyfriend, “Tank, get the fuck in here we need to fly to SoCal to rescue Dani from a creep.”
“Lizzie, you are not coming here. Come on, I’m a big girl I know what I’m doing.” I stifle a laugh. I have no fucking clue what I am doing.
I hear Tank grunt and then he is on the phone. “Who’s this creep? Name, address and I’ll come pummel him for you.”
“Lizzie is overreacting as usual. I’m fine. I met someone who is going to help me get over this stupid fear shit. He is nice, he won’t hurt me.”
“I guess we will have to be the deciders of that sweet pea,” his voice rumbles through the phone.
“No. I’m serious you guys. Stay put. I’m fine.”
“She says she is fine and not to come,” Tank relays to Lizzie but I can hear that she is still packing.
“The hell she is fine. She thinks she is moving in with him.”
“Sweet pea is this true?”
“Tank, please. I am twenty-five I can move in with someone if I want. I’ll call you every damn night if that will help but I have to try this. I didn’t call to get her damn feathers in a ruffle I called for some moral support. I have to do something. I can’t take this shit anymore.”
“Put, the damn bag down Liz. We will stay but you call every m
other fucking night. I mean it, Dani Jean.”
I love Tank. The first time I saw him I knew immediately why his nickname was Tank, because he is built like one. He picked me up and gave me a giant bear hug as if he had known me forever. He loves Lizzie and Lizzie loves me which means Tank loves me too. I wish they lived closer but they like the small-town life in Iowa and well I can’t go there so this is our friendship. Phone calls and threats of visits to beat anyone’s ass who wrongs me.
Lizzie grabs the phone from him. “How do you always manage to sweet talk Tank into doing what you want. Huh? Give me your secrets woman.”
I laugh. “I didn’t sweet talk him. I just told him the damn truth, Lizzie. You are overeating and now he expects me to call you guys every night.”
“I’m not overacting, Dani. I’m serious. I don’t feel comfortable with you moving in with someone you don’t really know. You just met him weeks ago you said.”
“I know. It’s hard to explain. Listen, how about this because I already know I’m not calling and bugging you two every night, why don’t I have him call you. Would that make you feel better?”
“I suppose, you think he will?” she asks hesitantly.
“Yeah, I have a feeling he will be wanting to talk to you either way. He thinks he need to know everything about me.”
“Did you tell him about Ted?”
“No, and I don’t want you to either. He doesn’t even have to know I have a stepfather. I mean it Liz, don’t tell him.”
“You know I wouldn’t but, Dani, what if that is what’s holding you up from getting over all this. You need to talk about it.”
“No. I don’t. Please don’t tell him.”
“I would never do that to you. Okay, I’ll wait to hear from your hero.”
This makes me smile. He is kinda like a hero. A bossy, intense, sexy one. “His name is Anthony.”
“Well Anthony better be ready to answer some questions. Hmph.”
“I love you Liz,” I say.
“I love you too, Dani Jean. If he doesn’t call tonight Tank and I are on the first flight out there.”
