Discovering Danielle

by L M Terry

  “Hey,” he whispers taking my hand and pulling me into his chest. His strong arms wrap around me. “It’s okay. We can stay for the funeral and then head to Colorado. My friends will understand.”

  “No, they can call or email if anyone needs anything. I don’t want to stay. There is nothing for me here. I want to go with you to visit your friends. I want life Anthony and the only thing for me here is death.”

  “Okay, baby. Do you at least want to have dinner with Lizzie and Tank? I see where you got your goth girl look. I’m sorry to say she pulls it off much better than you did.”

  I smile up at him. He always has a way of making me smile. “Yes, I think that would be nice. Why don’t you go down and tell them? I’ll be there in a minute.” He shakes his head in agreement and then bends down kissing me softly.

  After he walks out of the room I look at my mom. I want to hate her, but I can’t. I understand how much she loved my dad and when he took his life it broke her. I wish she could have been stronger, but she wasn’t.

  “I forgive you, give Dad a big hug from me,” I whisper and then I walk out.

  When I get downstairs, I hear the others in the living room and Anthony is talking with the funeral director. He is an old man. I recognize him from when my dad passed. That’s the beauty or maybe the curse of small town, not much changes. Anthony shakes his hand excusing himself after noticing me lingering in the doorway.

  The quiet swish of the front door opening and the slight breeze that teases at the bottom of my skirt prompts me to turn around. A man enters and shuts the door behind him. When he turns and our eyes land on each other the world pauses for a brief second before resuming in slow motion. “Dani?” he says after a long moment and then the slow-motion abruptly ends and everything comes crashing at me in warp speed. He rushes forward wrapping me in his arms before my brain comprehends what is happening. “Oh, my god, it’s you. It’s really you,” he says.

  My arms remain hanging at my side as he crushes me in his embrace. My brain fights desperately to stop the trembling that my body has traitorously started. But, I can’t stop it. I never thought I would see him again. I prayed that I never would see him again. Yet, somehow I am standing in his arms. He loosens his hold so that he can lean back and look at me. “You are beautiful,” he says on an exhale of breath that flutters over my face making me want to vomit.

  I’m stunned silent. His facial expression changes as his eyes lock onto something behind me. He releases me and holds his hand out to whatever it is. “I’m Ted, Dani’s father. I don’t believe we have met,” he says as I study the fake smile, hear the counterfeit charm ooze out from between his teeth.

  “Step-father,” I correct still frozen in my spot.

  Anthony’s arm snakes out from behind me and he shakes Ted’s hand before wrapping his arms protectively around my waist. “I’m Anthony, Danielle’s fiancé,” he says the threat almost visible in the thin air. He feels my fear. He knows Ted scares me. He is claiming me as his own, letting Ted believe that I am his fiancé.

  “Fiancé?” Ted questions. “Dani, congratulations! I’m sorry, Anthony, I think I may be at a disadvantage, Dani hadn’t mentioned that she was engaged.”

  Anthony laughs loudly. “Yes, it is hard to mention something to someone she hasn’t had contact with for years.”

  “I see, she has mentioned that we have been estranged. Well, all is forgiven. I wish you would have come home sooner, Dani. Your mom had missed your terribly, it is a shame that she didn’t get to learn of your engagement before she passed,” he says sullenly.

  “Yes, she mentioned you were estranged as you so eloquently put it,” Anthony says before adding, “we were just getting ready to leave.”

  “Dani, perhaps you could spare a moment. I would like to visit with you in my study. It’s been years, can you not spare a few minutes to catch up? Please it would mean so much to me,” he says holding his hand out for me to take. I hear Lizzie guffaw behind us and Anthony’s grip on my waist tightens.

  “I suppose, just a few minutes,” I tell him, my voice cracking slightly. I pull away from Anthony, but he stops me and tips my chin. He looks deep into my eyes. “It’s okay, just a few minutes,” I tell him.

  Ted still has his hand out to me, but I don’t take it, I walk past him and down the hall to his study. The room still looks the same. I guess Ted didn’t fully move out. I’m so stupid, I should have known he wasn’t truly gone. He is like a curse that I just can’t shake.

  I sit down in one of the two chairs in front of his desk. Ted is a psychiatrist. Did I mention that before? No, I guess I didn’t. Master manipulator and my mom’s most reliable dealer. I stare at my lap, listening as he pours himself a drink before sitting in his chair across from me.

  “I have to say I am surprised to see you here. I didn’t think that you would ever return,” he says kicking his feet up on his desk.

  “What do you want?” I ask, I know better than to let him bait me.

  “Come home, stay for a while. You can stay here with me, it will be just like old times, maybe even better now that you are all grown up.” I glance up at him and see that his eyes are lingering over my breasts. He slowly raises them to meet mine, a cocky smile appears on his face.

  “No thank you,” I say flatly.

  “No? Oh, Dani I do hope you will change your mind. I would hate to have to show your story to your new boyfriend, he would be shocked I am sure. He looks like a well-kept man, someone who would want to avoid a scandal.” Someone clears their throat behind me. “Anthony, we were just speaking about you.”

  Anthony’s deep gravelly voice floats across the room. “Fiancé,” he corrects as he settles into the seat next to me. “I heard something about a scandal?”

  “Ah,” Ted says raising his eyebrows turning to lock his eyes onto mine. “Should we tell him, Dani? Oh, wait I still have a copy.” He stands and opens the safe in the corner of the room coming back with the notebook papers, the edges curling up. He sets them on the desk smoothing the paper down with his palms. “Maybe, I shouldn’t share. It might embarrass Dani. She was just a young girl when she wrote this.” He taps his finger on it.

  “I would be most interested in reading it,” Anthony says leaning forward holding his hand out.

  I cringe and turn my pleading eyes to Ted.

  “What do you think, Dani? Should we show him? No? I didn’t think so. It’s just a silly little story that I like to tease her about. It’s nothing really. Something like those naked baby pictures parents like to share to embarrass their kids.” He taps his fingers over the papers once more before pushing them off to the side. “We were just talking about Danielle coming home for a while, to help me with the funeral. I could use a hand going through her mother’s things as well.”

  Anthony drops his hand since Ted is obviously not going to hand over the papers. He turns to look at me. “Is this true? Do you want to stay?”

  No, no I don’t want to stay. I can’t speak, I can’t do anything but sit here like a stupid scared seventeen-year-old girl. Just like when he saved me all those years ago. His words still haunt me, you are going home, princess. I couldn’t tell him then and I can’t seem to open my mouth now. A tear rolls down my cheek. Anthony takes a deep breath and then stands up pulling me with him. “I think it’s time that Danielle and I be on our way.” He looks down at me, wiping the stray tear with his thumb. “I’m sorry I made you come here, princess,” he whispers across my temple.

  “Dani, I think you should stay,” Ted says in a sing-song voice.

  Anthony releases me and turns swiftly placing one of his big hands over the papers on the desk, trapping them beneath. “Do you happen to have a copy of this? Maybe I can read it on our way to the airport,” he says deathly calm.

  Ted stammers, scooting his chair back slightly, trying to tug the papers out from beneath Anthony’s hand. “No, this is the only copy. Sorry, it is a special memento, I cannot part with it.”

  Antho
ny rips it out from Ted’s grip and hands it to me as Ted stands abruptly rushing around his desk towards us. I take the papers in shaking hands cradling them to my chest as Anthony pushes me behind him.

  “Dani, is this any way to treat your father? Your mother and I did so much for you, and this is how you repay us? You ran away only to return on the day your mother passes from this world?” he yells trying to lean past Anthony to get to me.

  “Step back now buddy, or you are going to regret it,” Anthony warns pushing at Ted’s chest to keep him back.

  “Fuck you buddy. I would stay out of this. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into with her. She is nothing but a sick, crazy young woman, with mental issues just like her biological father. She is nothing more than a disrespectful, little, lust filled whore,” Ted seethes.

  Anthony steps forward grabbing Ted’s shirt collar with one hand and his other swings up making direct contact with Ted’s nose. The crunching sound of bone sends a ripple of satisfaction down my spine. I clutch the papers in my hand and run.

  Lizzie and Tank are still in the living room with the funeral director as I rush down the hallway heading for the door. “Dani! What’s wrong, are you okay?” Lizzie screams. I ignore her and continue running taking two steps at a time off the front porch.

  “Dani,” Tank says as he scoops me up in his arms from behind lifting my feet off the ground. They continue to move, unaware that they are not meeting the pavement any longer.

  “Let me go Tank. I’m getting the fuck out of here! I shouldn’t have come back, I shouldn’t have come back,” I scream, kicking and fighting him.

  He grunts holding me tightly to his chest. I hear Lizzie and Anthony arguing just inside the house. “You consider yourself her friend, but you let her come here knowing that there was a chance that she would run into him?” Anthony says through gritted teeth.

  “You don’t know the first fucking thing about him or her, Mr. Bond, so fuck you! I didn’t think he would come here!” She yells, spit flying out of her mouth.

  “Yeah, well he did. And your right, I don’t know anything about him. But, where you are wrong is about me knowing her. I know her, Lizzie. And, I know that you took a risk at her expense, you lead me to believe that this was something she needed and since you were her friend I listened. That will not happen again. I’m taking her away from this!” He throws his arms up in the air and then turns from her stomping down the stairs stopping only to pull me out of Tanks arms.

  He tosses me over his shoulder until we get to the car and then he sets me carefully in the passenger seat closing the door. I stare out the window, watching Tank hold Lizzie back as she yells at Ted who has stumbled his way outside. His nose has blood pouring out of it and he is trying to stop it with both of his hands. Anthony gets in and starts the car. Ted looks up and stares at us as we drive away, completely ignoring Lizzie’s tirade.

  Anthony doesn’t speak as he heads out of town. My heart is heavy, and I begin to feel this overwhelming urge to get out of the car, to go somewhere. But where? I need a moment, just one. “Anthony?”

  He glances at me, the guilt on his face breaks my heart. This is not his fault, none of it is. “It’s okay, Dani. We are leaving, I will never make you come here again.”

  “Can we go to the cemetery before we leave. I know it’s getting dark. I won’t be long.”

  “I will take you to the end of the earth if that is where you wish to go. Tell me where to turn.”

  I give him directions noticing the blood on his hand, Ted’s blood. I glance down at my hands looking at the papers that are crushed between my fingers. I’m so stupid. Why did I let Ted control me for so long? Why did I let him manipulate me over this stupid, fucking story! I realize that I am more embarrassed by the fact I so easily let him get under my skin than what I actually wrote. Anthony and I have done way more kinky things than are described on this damn paper.

  The story doesn’t haunt me anymore, no. It’s the knowledge of everything I did to avoid anyone finding out my secret desires. I sucked strange men’s dicks, I let him take photos of me, videos even. My gut churns as I fight the urge to vomit. Everything drawing so near to the surface. He sold me to traffickers, and I just sat there all because of these fucking sheets of shame in my lap. It all seems so ridiculous to me now.

  Anthony pulls into the little cemetery and parks. He watches my internal struggle so vividly playing out in my body language. I let Ted ruin my life over these fucking words, they are just words. He didn’t hold a knife over my throat or a gun to my head. Oh my god, I’m…I’m so stupid!

  “Danielle, you need to breathe,” Anthony says calmly.

  “I…I…I don’t even fucking know.” I throw the door open and run to my dad throwing myself on the ground above him. I pound on the dirt with my fists, the pages crumpling in my palms. “Why did you leave me? Why did you fucking leave me?” I wail as the storm that has been building for so many years erupts. Pouring out of me with such intensity that I am sure he can hear me wherever he is. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory…wherever he is I am sure he can hear me.

  Anthony doesn’t come to me. I watch through my tears as he perches under a nearby tree, folding his long legs under him. I wouldn’t come near me either. I want to rip my soul out and feed it to the devil. I let Ted do this to me. It is all my fault. Ted is right, I’m a lustful, crazy whore.

  I cry for hours and he lets me. When the moon is full above us and my eyes finally dry up, he braves to move closer. “Let’s go back to our room. You need to rest. We can leave first thing in the morning. Okay, princess?”

  I sit up and look at my parent’s stone. The empty space where my mother’s death date will soon be etched stands out to me. Soon today’s date will be placed there. Anthony reaches out, placing a hand on my shoulder. I let my eyes stray to his and I hand him the papers still in my clutches. He pushes my hand back to my chest, refusing to take what I offer.

  My eyes drop to my lap. “You can send me back to California tomorrow. I’m sorry about all of this.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you that you aren’t getting rid of me? I don’t need to read whatever that is. I don’t care about those pieces of paper or the words written on them. What I do care about is you. I wish you would talk to me about what he did to you but, I understand if you can’t do that right now. You don’t have to tell me anything or you can tell me everything. It changes nothing. This…” he points to the pages, “this does not have anything do with you and I.”

  Oh, but it does. This is what brought me to him.

  “I’m sorry I made you come here. You didn’t want to, and I should have listened. I will listen better from now on,” he runs his thumb back and forth over my bottom lip. “Tomorrow we leave all this behind. Okay? We are going to focus on having fun the rest of our vacation. Yes?”

  I nod and let him tug me up off the ground. My heart heals a tiny little bit at the thought that Anthony didn’t take advantage of my offer for him to read what caused the shit storm today. He doesn’t care what it says, he only cares about me. Most people’s curiosity would have made them accept the offer to read it, but he put me first. He may be the first person to ever do so. I’m going to listen to him. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m not going to let Ted take any more away from me. I am done thinking about him. Done thinking about this story. It’s time to live.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Anthony

  ◆◆◆

  After I get Dani back to the hotel and in bed I head outside to call one of my best friends. I’m going to find out everything about this motherfucker named Ted. I don’t know what he did to her, my guess is that he used whatever she had written on those pages as blackmail against her. For what gains? I also don’t know the answer to that. Guessing is never good, but I can’t help wondering because I just don’t fucking know and that bothers me. I have a feeling that he may have molested her, again I am guessing. Fuck! Maybe he made her work, used her as his personal slave
, maybe he beat her…maybe, maybe, maybe!

  “Hey, man everything okay?” Liam answers in a sleepy voice.

  “I’m sorry to call so late but, no everything is not okay,” I say fighting the urge to go back to that house and kill Ted.

  “What’s up, Anthony?”

  “I need you to use your contacts to find out anything and everything there is to know about a Theodore Canton. Can you help me out?”

  “Of course, this must be important for you to call me so late. I’ll see what I can do. Are you still coming to Colorado?”

  “Yeah, Dani and I are flying to Denver tomorrow.”

  “Addy and I are too, maybe we can carpool up to the cabin?”

  I laugh. “Yeah, that would be nice. I’ll text you in the morning. Not sure when our flight will come in. We actually weren’t planning on arriving for a few days, but you know, plans change.”

  “Anthony, what is wrong man?”

  “Ah, damn, Liam, she is…ah, I just want to make everything better for her. I’ve tried but I did a piss poor job today,” my voice cracks as I struggle to get the words out. Today was bad, today was the first time I saw real fear in her eyes.

  “I understand. Sometimes we can’t make things better, Anthony. We can’t erase the past. We can’t fix everything. This is something that Dylan and I both struggled with and I hear it your voice. You care about this girl and you want to block everything bad from her life, and you want to prevent more of it from happening, I get it. But, you just can’t, man. All you can do is be there for her.”

  “Is this supposed to be helping? Cause it’s not and what you are saying sucks.”

  Liam laughs. “Yeah, it does suck. You have your family to help, you need to remember we are all here for you and if you love this girl then we are here for her too.”

  “I see what you’re doing here, Liam.”