Nanny Wanted

by Iona Rose

  Ella knew I was standing there but she never looked up once. With a frown, I approached them. "Hi Ella."

  She mumbled a response.

  I stared at her in confusion. I couldn’t even hold her gaze and ask her what the matter was. What the hell was wrong? She had acted odd even at breakfast. Obviously, it had something to do with me because she'd been laughing and playing with Bean and Molly, but I couldn’t question her when Molly was there.

  "I’ll be in the library," I said curtly and strode off.

  My plan had been to come home then spend time with Molly and Ella, but I'd gotten the unwelcome message loud and clear. Unexpected pain ripped through me as I made my way to the library. The strength of it shook me.

  How I’d felt when Penelope left me for another man was nothing compared to this pain. Angry with myself, I hurried to the library and banged the door shut. I wasn’t going to think about Ella. I was done with exposing my vulnerability to women I thought I could trust.

  I turned on my laptop and though I was tired, I forced myself to work. It would wipe away the questions floating in my mind, demanding answers I did not have. All I knew was that I didn’t want to play games. I'd thought Ella was different!

  I stayed locked up in the library until it was dinner time. It grew dark and I stood up wearily, my body stiff from being seated in one position for hours. I found Ella and Molly already in the dining room eating.

  "I hope I'm not too late," I said, inserting a cheer I did not feel into my voice.

  Molly smiled, but Ella didn’t even bother to look up at me.

  When my food came, I ate without tasting any of it and kept a conversation directed at Molly. I felt relieved when dinner was over and I could escape.

  In the living room, I sat with Molly and read from her storybook. Then when it was bedtime, I carried her to her bed and tucked her in. I kissed her goodnight and left. At the door, I almost bumped into Ella as she was entering Molly's room.

  She jumped back as if I had seared her.

  Our gazes met and to my shock, her eyes were red rimmed. She had been crying! To my dismay, her tears spilled over her lower lids and ran down her cheeks.

  "Ella, what is it?" I asked, everything in me screaming for me to pull her into my arms. I slipped my hands around her waist.

  She stepped back.

  Her rejection felt like a slap to my face. Undeterred, I took a step closer. "I don’t understand? Please, talk to me." I sounded desperate but I didn’t care.

  She wiped her tears away with the back of her hands and stared at me almost defiantly. Ella had become a stranger. "I'm fine," she said. “I just want to say goodnight to Molly.”

  I held her arm lightly. "You’re not fine. Please," I begged.

  "We can talk downstairs. I'll come and find you," she said, refusing to meet my eyes.

  “Okay,” I said with a frown and went downstairs to wait for her. No matter how much I wracked my brain, I couldn’t come up with anything I’d done to hurt her. I truly hadn't done anything that I knew of.

  I waited for over half an hour. She wasn’t coming. My gaze bounced around the living room. I felt disjointed. Lost. As if my world had tilted. If she couldn’t even talk to me—then it was over.

  Whatever it was we had before was over. I looked up at the ceiling and refused to do what my instincts commanded—march up the stairs to her room and demand to know what had caused her change of heart.

  But I didn’t want to force her to have to tell me the words.

  I felt too tired to go back to work and too tense to sleep. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Maybe the news would distract me. I watched the action on the screen but my brain refused to process what I was seeing.

  Instead, images of Ella played in my mind. I saw her laughing, sleeping with her lips slightly parted, and drawing, her brow creased in concentration.

  All the memories led me back to wondering where it had gone wrong? Had I missed some signs of her getting tired of me? Then a memory came to me. Something that had been nagging me. Ella's distraction and her habit of checking her phone constantly.

  I felt as though someone had doused me with icy cold water. Could I be so unlucky as to have two women cheat on me?

  She'd spoken about an ex, a man she had been in a relationship with for a long time. Perhaps they were communicating again, and she wanted to get back with him. Could I really blame her?

  What had I offered? The only thing I had offered Ella was sex. And she could get that from any man. Something stirred in me. Something I hadn’t felt in years. Jealousy. The thought of Ella with another man made me want to growl and punch something.

  I switched off the TV, turned off the lights, and trudged up the stairs. I strode across the hallway and stopped in front of Ella's room. What if I entered and told her how I felt? How did I feel?

  I raised my hand and stopped just before I touched the doorknob. I couldn’t do it. I knew I wanted her back in my bed but what if she didn’t want to be there? What if she had found someone else to love her? I turned away and headed to the stairs.

  I felt miserable, lonely, and sad. I longed for Ella. She'd become such a big part of my life in such a short time. Resolutely, I shed my clothes and slipped into bed. It was going to be a long night.

  Luke

  I was working from home the following day. I'd slept badly and finally managed to fall asleep at almost five in the morning. Which meant that I overslept and woke up at nine.

  I felt moody. Angry with myself and the world when I went downstairs. I stopped on the first floor when I heard Molly and Ella's voices coming from the playroom.

  I pushed the door open and peered in. They were on the floor playing with some sort of figurines. Ella looked up and when our gazes met, I felt a longing so strong that I almost went on my knees to beg her to take me back.

  Instead, I smiled. "Good morning, ladies."

  Molly jumped to her feet and ran to hug me. I held my daughter and kept looking at Ella.

  She looked so sad. The thought that I might be responsible for putting that sadness there broke my heart.

  "Morning," she finally said and managed a small smile.

  Seeing her smile made me feel as if color had been splashed into my world again. "Is Penelope coming today?" I asked Ella.

  Her smile faded and a haunted look came over her features. The change was drastic… I knew then that whatever had made her change had something to do with Penelope. Anger coursed through me. Had she said something to Ella? I needed to find out.

  "She said she'll come the day after tomorrow," Ella said stiffly, confirming my fears.

  I felt desperate to know but now was not the time. Not when Molly was in the room. Reluctantly, I withdrew and went downstairs. I asked Paul to serve my breakfast in the library and as I headed there, a glimmer of hope grew in me.

  If it was about Penelope, I felt sure we could solve it. Penelope wasn’t in my life and I had no feelings for her whatsoever.

  I got the opportunity to speak to Ella in the afternoon while Molly napped. She came into the library to let me know she would be in the backyard.

  "Can I speak to you for a moment?" I asked.

  She looked hesitant, but stepped in and shut the door. She wore a dress that showed off her shapely legs. My eyes greedily devoured her, wishing the dress were shorter, so I could see more of her creamy thighs.

  She stood far away from me as though I might hurt her. My heart squeezed. This was the woman who’d been comfortable sitting on my lap whenever we found ourselves alone. Now, she couldn’t even stand to be close to me.

  "What is it,” she asked.

  I took a deep breath. "Ella, my sweet Ella."

  At my words, her lower lip trembled and she bit it.

  Taking advantage of her vulnerability, I stood up and went to her. I made sure to get close but not to touch her. "Talk to me, I need to know what happened," I said.

  Her eyes filled up. "I know about you and Penelope."<
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  I narrowed my eyes. Damnit, I was right. "Did she say something to you?"

  "She didn't have to. I saw it with my own eyes."

  I was puzzled. "Saw what?"

  Anger flashed in her eyes. "If you want me to spell it out for you, I will. I saw Penelope leave your room at night and she was stark naked. You’ve been sleeping with Penelope. That wasn’t part of our agreement.”

  My heart felt like it was shrinking. I thought we had trust between us. That we understood each other and Ella knew me well enough to know I kept my word. “Is that what you think of me?”

  She blinked rapidly. “What other explanation would there be of a woman leaving your room at midnight without clothes on? What was I expected to think? Please don’t play games with me Luke. I’m fine with you wanting your ex-wife back, but don’t lie to me.”

  I stared at her incredulously. If Ella didn’t know me then I had no hope that any woman would ever know me. She had penetrated my walls. Become closer to me than any other woman ever had. And she thought I was fucking Penelope.

  "So, you're going to stand there and tell me that I was hallucinating?" she asked, her tone sarcastic.

  "Penelope was in my room. And yes, she was naked but I didn’t sleep with her and I've never slept with her. I have never looked at another woman since you and I got together.

  I could see the battle going on in Ella. She wanted to believe me but she was frightened. I put myself in her shoes and imagined seeing a naked man tiptoeing out of her room at night. The conclusion would be that they were sleeping together.

  Except that I'd gone through enough things in life to know things weren’t always what they looked like.

  "Then what was she doing leaving your room naked at that time?" Ella asked, her voice trembling.

  I wanted to take her into my arms and kiss her insecurity away. But I needed to give Ella a permanent sense of security. Penelope would be in my life for a long time and if our affair were to continue, Ella needed to learn to trust me. "She had come to seduce me. I told her that nothing would make me sleep with her or get together with her again. Ella, I'm with you now, and I don't cheat! I told you that before."

  She shuddered as she inhaled.

  "You have to trust me Ella, or she will play mind games with you until you are broken," I said. "Will we have a fight every time Penelope says something to you? Come to me, ask me and I promise I'll always tell you the truth. Can you do that?"

  Tears streaked down her cheeks. She nodded.

  I opened my arms. "Come here."

  Ella came to me and buried her face in my chest.

  Ella

  That night, I burrowed deeper into Luke's chest unable to believe we were back together again. Tears sprung to my eyes when I thought how close I had come to losing him. And all because I had jumped to conclusions and believed Penelope rather than go straight to Luke and ask him.

  "Are you asleep?" Luke murmured.

  "No," I said, a smile in my voice.

  It probably was way past midnight but time had lost all meaning from the moment we locked ourselves in Luke’s room and stripped off our clothes. Our lovemaking had been different too. More tender, slower. And we'd made love over and over again, as though to make up for the time we had wasted.

  "We need to talk," Luke said.

  My heart skipped a beat. He sounded so serious. My skin prickled with fear. "Okay."

  "I've never met a woman like you, Ella. Perfect for me, in and out of bed," Luke said, his voice heavy with emotion.

  My chest filled with syrupy warmth. I felt the same about him. When I was alone, I'd started to picture the three of us together as a family. Luke, Molly and me. I'd even gone as far as imagining us married and adding to the family.

  "I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I have… um… feelings for you, Ella," Luke admitted.

  My heart began to race. I wanted him to go on. To say the words that had been playing in my mind… desperate to know that he felt the same way I did. Because I'd fallen in love with Luke. A new fear trembled through me. That hadn’t been our deal.

  It seemed as if Luke could read my mind, because he said the same thing, "I know this was not part of our deal, but Ella, you're special… and I want you for myself. Does that frighten you?"

  I inhaled deeply. "A little."

  "It frightens me a bit too," Luke confessed. "When you withdrew from me, I thought you had gone back to your ex and it was killing me."

  His admission infiltrated my bloodstream, rendering me unable to speak. Then I took a deep breath and told him, "That will never happen," I said and let out a trembling breath as memories of my past came back. "Stan liked to hit me,” I admitted softly, ashamed that I could have let someone do that to me.

  Luke's body stiffened as his arms tightened around me. "Bastard," he hissed violently.

  "I feel like such a fool now for staying, but he had manipulated me into believing that he would kill himself if I ever left him. I thought I could rehabilitate him, you know? He said he was like that because his father abused him. I believed him, but I don’t know anymore. I met his father and he seemed like a really nice guy. Anyway, in my arrogance, I thought I could help him. That maybe one day, because of my unstinting love, he would stop being a psychopath and become a normal human being."

  "He was the problem Ella, not you," Luke said harshly. "Any man who lifts his hand to a woman should have his balls cut off."

  I giggled. "Why the balls? Why not the hands, they're the ones doing the hitting."

  "Because balls are the things that inflate his stupid ego. Cut them off and he'll shrink like a deflated balloon. "

  I felt safe, wrapped in Luke's arms.

  "So… shall we try and see if a relationship can work between us?" Luke asked.

  I almost couldn’t believe that something I had dreamed about, but thought was impossible was finally happening. True, there was no declaration of love but this was enough. The fact that Luke wanted to have a relationship beyond just sex was unbelievable.

  "Don’t make me sweat. Say something Ella," Luke teased.

  I chuckled. "I'd like that.”

  Gently, Luke flipped us around, so that he lay on top of me. He caressed my face and lowered his head to kiss me. "I never thought I'd be saying something like this again," he confessed.

  "Me too," I whispered, his scent surrounding me, his breath fanning my face. He brought his lips to mine again, and we kissed deeply.

  Luke broke the kiss. "I want you in my bed every night," he growled.

  "You won’t get any arguments from me.” Luke was everything I wanted and I intended to go with it and see where it led us.

  I parted my legs and Luke guided his rock-hard cock into my pussy. I wrapped my legs around his waist, drawing him deeper into me.

  “Please,” I begged as those magnificent sensations came over me.

  Ella

  Molly and I were in the backyard, playing with Bean. We took turns throwing a small stick and he would run off and get it, a triumphant look on his little face.

  Every time there was a sound from inside the house, Molly went still and listened. It was half past two, Penelope hadn’t shown up yet, and she hadn’t even called to say she wasn’t coming.

  My chest ached each time I saw the hope flair in Molly’s eyes and then go off again.

  Her eyes drooped, as it was her nap time.

  "I'll take you for your nap," I told her gently. "I'll wake you up when your mom comes, okay?"

  She nodded.

  Hand in hand, we walked back to the house and up the stairs to Molly's room.

  She fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

  I smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead.

  I tiptoed out and shut the door behind me. I stood outside the door seething. What was so urgent that Penelope couldn’t have found the time to call and say she would not be coming?

  To me, nothing could be worse than disappointing a child. What was wor
se was that Penelope had been aware of the damage she had caused Molly the first time. I shook my head and went to my room. My phone vibrated from the bedside table just as I entered and a cold sweat formed on my skin.

  So far, I hadn’t received any more threatening messages but waiting was another type of hell. I knew it would come and so, I was always bracing myself to it.

  With slightly trembling fingers, I swiped the screen. The message was from Luke. My legs grew weak with relief.

  Hi sweetheart, has Penelope come?

  I typed back a reply. Hi, not yet. Molly was very disappointed.

  A pause went by before another message came in. I'm so angry right now. She'd better have a good reason why she lied to Molly.

  We texted back and forth a few times before we said goodbye. I grabbed my notebook and pencil then immersed myself in creating new designs, until Molly woke up and came knocking on my door.

  We spent the rest of the afternoon in the playroom drawing but Molly wasn’t herself.

  I tried to comfort her. "You know sometimes urgent things come up," I said.

  She looked up at me with large hopeful eyes and nodded.

  I didn’t want to offer her false hope but at the same time, I wanted the forlorn look gone from her face. "Your mom might come tomorrow." I hated myself for saying it. What if she didn't?

  She managed the first smile of the afternoon and she went back to coloring.

  While Molly was playing, I straightened up the playroom.

  My phone vibrated with a message and I smiled as I picked it up. My heart took on a faster beat when I saw the message wasn’t from Luke. He was back at it again, and dread filled my chest.

  I've been thinking about you a lot. I miss you. We were good together.

  Sweat gathered in my armpits. The person writing the messages was Stan. I felt sure about it now. Despite my earlier bravado and decision not to let him get to me, every part of me trembled.

  I noticed that Molly had stopped playing and was staring at me. She wore a worried look.