Black is the New White

by Nakkiah Lui

  That’s weird.

  Uh, well, I’m going to excuse myself now. To uh … put on some clothes.

  JOAN admires FRANCIS’s bum as he walks away.

  JOAN He is very handsome for a Whitefella, isn’t he?

  CHARLOTTE Very.

  RAY fixes himself a drink.

  JOAN You’re drinking.

  RAY Scotch.

  JOAN I didn’t ask, I observed.

  RAY I need it.

  JOAN It’s barely 10 am.

  RAY I just saw my daughter and a White … you know …

  CHARLOTTE I’m sorry you had to see that. He’s not usually naked. I mean, most of the time he’s quite clothed.

  JOAN Ignore your father.

  RAY Ignore me? I’m not the one who was naked!

  JOAN You know what the fair thing would be to do? Swapsies. You’ve seen his, now show him yours.

  RAY I am not showing the White boy my budhoo, Joan!

  JOAN I was joking, Ray. Stop taking everything so seriously.

  CHARLOTTE I’m really sorry. We didn’t think you were arriving so early.

  JOAN How long have you been here?

  CHARLOTTE A few days.

  JOAN And you didn’t tell us sooner?

  CHARLOTTE I just needed some time to think. That last case was really … hard.

  RAY That was a great case, daught!

  JOAN It was very public. I was worried about you.

  CHARLOTTE No, not hard because it was public. It just felt that maybe …

  At certain points … I was out of my depth.

  RAY Rubbish. You’re a leader.

  CHARLOTTE Oh, Dad, I’m really not.

  RAY You won. The agreements with the mining companies will be made. The communities will be paid. You have made a difference, Charlotte. It was a brilliant case, you won and should be very proud.

  CHARLOTTE I mean, from the outside it looks that way.

  RAY This was the kind of thing I dreamt about when I was working.

  JOAN You mean we dreamt about when we were both working.

  JOAN’S phone rings.

  JOAN That’ll be your sister. I better take it. So good to see my baby again.

  JOAN gives CHARLOTTE a kiss and hug and leaves.

  RAY Drink?

  CHARLOTTE Bit early, don’t you reckon?

  RAY It’s always 12 o’clock somewhere.

  CHARLOTTE Then yes. A big yes.

  RAY Is it really always 12 o’clock somewhere?

  RAY fixes CHARLOTTE a drink.

  RAY This scotch is 22 years old. Did you know that?

  CHARLOTTE No, I did not know that.

  RAY See how it’s not young and White? Means it’s good.

  Makes all the difference.

  CHARLOTTE Please don’t be hard on him, Dad.

  RAY Who?

  CHARLOTTE Francis.

  RAY The naked White boy?

  CHARLOTTE The naked boyfriend. My naked partner.

  RAY If he’s a decent bloke I won’t be hard on him.

  CHARLOTTE I’m serious about him.

  RAY If you were so serious, why did we only hear about him a few weeks ago?

  CHARLOTTE It’s been fast.

  RAY Is this really the time to get serious about anyone, Charlotte? I heard about the job offer.

  CHARLOTTE How?

  RAY The head of the network told me at golf. This is huge, Charlotte. You could be the Aboriginal female version of Waleed Aly. This could help massively if you ever decide to go into politics.

  CHARLOTTE I told you I’m never going into politics.

  RAY Yes, but you can be political without going into politics. Look, I’ve been watching that House of Cards show, and these days you probably have more power in politics without going into politics. That’s why I joined Twitter.

  CHARLOTTE Dad, about Twitter, you really need to stop fighting with people.

  RAY No way. They love me fighting with people. I speak the truth. More people probably listen to me now on Twitter than they ever did in politics. Maybe even more than the prime minister? After my speech went viral people were tweeting that I was Australia’s Martin Luther King.

  CHARLOTTE Oh, Dad.

  RAY In fact, the producers were also saying how great it would be for us to have our own segment. Father and daughter talking politics, race and power. The family business.

  CHARLOTTE Dad, I don’t think race should be described as the family business. It’s a little Third Reich.

  RAY Which brings me to this White boy—

  CHARLOTTE Francis.

  RAY Now, you might like this boy / but

  CHARLOTTE Dad /

  RAY / Okay, Francis. You might like this Francis, but what does he do?

  CHARLOTTE He’s a composer.

  RAY For music?

  CHARLOTTE Yes.

  RAY Which symphony or orchestra?

  CHARLOTTE Not one in particular. He does his own thing. Experimental classical composition.

  RAY Experimental classical comp/osition?

  CHARLOTTE Don’t be so / judgemental.

  RAY Christ / !

  CHARLOTTE Dad!

  RAY I mean, good for him. It’s not very serious or intellectual, but good for him.

  CHARLOTTE You know what? I think I’m finished with my drink.

  RAY Charlotte. Please, sit down. Hear me out. You have a lot coming up. More cases at work, the TV / show …

  CHARLOTTE I’m not doing the TV show.

  RAY Why wouldn’t you?

  CHARLOTTE I’ve been offered a scholarship to do my PhD. At Columbia.

  RAY That’s … that’s deadly, daught.

  CHARLOTTE I know, right?

  RAY What doing? What area of law?

  CHARLOTTE Not law, actually. I’m hoping to look into cultural studies and the post-colonial identity.

  RAY That is quite the switch.

  CHARLOTTE I know it’s different from what I’ve been doing the last few years, but it’s really not, in a lot of ways. That last case got me thinking about things, Dad. I mean, yes, in the end we got the mining companies to agree. But I’ve realised I’m most passionate about changing the archaic conversation around race that we have in this country. Dad, it looked like a win but the amount of time it will take for those communities to see any kind of money is close to never. The Aboriginal community didn’t really win. And how can we change the law if our conversations aren’t / changing?

  RAY / Well, thank God it’s a scholarship, right?

  CHARLOTTE Right.

  RAY Because you wouldn’t want to pay money for that kind of thing.

  CHARLOTTE What do you mean?

  RAY A bunch of academic cultural theory? They’re just whingers and losers who wear weird shirts and don’t actually ever do anything. All words, no action.

  CHARLOTTE Dad, can you hear yourself?

  RAY You could actually change things if you were on television. A young Black woman talking about issues that actually matter.

  CHARLOTTE Talking about issues that maybe I have no right to be talking about. That I may not properly understand. In a way that is palatable to people who may not want to hear them.

  RAY Exactly! You are an Aboriginal person with a platform. Do you understand how rare that is? Use it!

  CHARLOTTE But shouldn’t we be asking why I have a platform? Why me? Because I’m your daughter?

  RAY If that’s the case, don’t take that for granted.

  CHARLOTTE Or because I speak well and look acceptable? Because I’m palatable? Shouldn’t we be asking why me and not others and what that means?

  FRANCIS walks in, this time dressed.

  FRANCIS Well, you may not recognise me now that I’m fully clothed but, uh, hello again, I’m Francis, it’s nice to meet you, sir.

  FRANCIS holds out his hand, but CHARLOTTE and RAY ignore him.

  RAY You’re being incredibly spoilt, Charlotte.

  JOAN enters.

  JOAN Rose and Sonny are an
hour away. But who knows, that boy drives so fast it could be sooner. My family will be back together again!

  CHARLOTTE storms out of the room.

  JOAN What’s wrong with Charlotte?

  RAY I think our daughter has finally hit puberty.

  FRANCIS Wait, she told me she was over 18.

  JOAN and RAY stare at FRANCIS.

  FRANCIS That was a joke. About consent. You said she just hit puberty and usually that means teenagers. So it would mean that I’ve been sleeping with a … never mind.

  JOAN We won’t.

  RAY I’m going to find my golf clubs.

  RAY angrily leaves.

  JOAN I’m very much looking forward to meeting your parents, Francis.

  FRANCIS They’re very much looking forward to meeting you, Mrs Gibson.

  JOAN Please, call me Joan.

  FRANCIS Joan.

  JOAN When did you say they were arriving?

  FRANCIS Well, they’re meant to be here fairly soon. They were actually going to call me this morning.

  JOAN And what do they do? Your parents?

  FRANCIS is visibly awkward.

  FRANCIS Uh … well, my father … he worked in … uh … governance.

  JOAN Oh, what area?

  FRANCIS Just finance stuff. I don’t really know, you know. Gen Y, all that, too busy looking at our phones.

  JOAN And your mother?

  FRANCIS / My mother has a passion for … philanthropy. You know, that kind of / stuff.

  RAY (Off) JOAN! I can’t find my golf clubs!

  JOAN Of course he can’t. You better give your mum and dad a call. The property can be a little hard to find.

  FRANCIS Will do.

  JOAN And don’t worry about Ray. He’s just a grumpy old man.

  RAY (Off) Joan! You said they were here!

  JOAN Bloody hell, Ray, can you wait one second!

  RAY (Off) It’s been one second! Joan!

  JOAN Francis, please, make yourself at home.

  FRANCIS Thank you, Mrs … Joan. Will do.

  RAY (Off) Joan!

  JOAN Shut up! I’m coming!

  JOAN leaves. FRANCIS sits at his cello and starts to play. His phone rings; he stops playing. He goes to answer it but then decides not to. He starts to play the cello again as it rings out.

  SCENE 3

  RAY walks through the lounge with a virtual reality mask, with golf clubs, phone in his hand, glued to the screen, on his way to play golf. CHARLOTTE and FRANCIS carry in boxes marked “Christmas tree” and “Xmas decorations”. JOAN pulls out a cigarette and lights it. She relaxes and enjoys her cigarette.

  NARRATOR

  Charlotte knows that Joan smokes. She pretends to have quit, but has smoked bi-annually ever since Charlotte can remember. But who is Charlotte to judge her mother’s flaws?

  Charlotte can count the amount of things she has done wrong in her life on one hand, and each time Joan had been there. Never telling Ray.

  One being the time she took ecstasy, forgot how to speak English and watched the movie Clueless on repeat for six hours straight.

  Two was the time she shoplifted a pair of socks when she was nine.

  And three was when she gave her first blowjob and accidentally bit the young man’s penis. Charlotte called her mother, who had to come tend to both of them.

  This situation is different. Charlotte isn’t in trouble. But she is in a crisis.

  Joan knows something is going on with Charlotte but she doesn’t know what. She thinks about this as she erases the traces of her cigarette.

  There is a friendly banging on the door. JOAN quickly stubs out her cigarette, rolls it up in some paper and pops it in a sandwich bag like a pro. She opens up a hollow book, pops in the bag and pulls out some perfume. She sprays it around. She then pulls out some breath spray, and sprays her mouth. Finally, she rubs some hand cream into her hands. She closes the hollow book and places it back.

  JOAN Francis! I think your parents are here!

  JOAN answers the door. ROSE runs in, throwing a huge hug around her mother. SONNY follows, lugging a huge amount of bags, but he’s still chipper.

  ROSE Mum!

  JOAN Rose! Sonny!

  ROSE Mum! I missed you so much!

  JOAN You’re so brown!

  ROSE Sonny took me on a surprise trip to Eden Roc at Cap Cana!

  JOAN Where on earth is that?

  SONNY hugs JOAN and hands her a present.

  SONNY The Dominican Republic.

  JOAN I’ve always wanted to go there!

  SONNY If we had known, we would have taken you.

  ROSE Oh, Mum, you would love it. LOVE. IT. Wouldn’t she, Sonny?

  SONNY Love it.

  ROSE We had this villa right on the lagoon. And the water in there is so blue. Like no shade I’ve ever seen before. And every day we would just eat fruit and swim and drive our golf cart around the island. It was like that island in the Florida Keys – remember? Except a resort. Just really private.

  It was like being on a deserted island if that deserted island had staff and an infinity pool.

  JOAN How delightful.

  ROSE Mum, it was so good. I was just this sloth, eating tuna tartare, laying in the hammock and watching the sunset on Jaunillo Beach.

  SONNY You should go.

  JOAN Well, if your father ever takes me.

  SONNY Forget Ray, come with us. I’d look great with two beautiful women by my side.

  RAY walks into the room with his virtual reality mask on, feeling his away around as if blind.

  ROSE Daddy! What on earth are you doing?!

  RAY takes off his mask.

  RAY If it isn’t little Rosie-May and the big Blackfella!

  SONNY Ray!

  SONNY and RAY hug. RAY’s demeanour to SONNY is the antithesis of his response to FRANCIS

  RAY How was LA?

  ROSE Great. I’ll have to be back again in January and then we’ll open that store at the beginning of February. You’ll have to come over. It’s the most amazing space. It’s, like, minimal, and the whole store is based around a pool.

  JOAN Your store has a pool?

  ROSE I call it a tranquil area for, like, thinking and reflecting.

  JOAN You did always think big, my darling.

  ROSE It’s just this very minimal 70s holiday vibe. Lots of rock and green and neutrals and gray and glass.

  RAY I have no idea what any of that means.

  SONNY Neither do I. But take her word for it, it’s great.

  ROSE I mean, it’s more of a space than a “store” anyway. Like, you can buy things, but it’s more about the lifestyle choices you’re making when you’re in the space. I have pics on my phone. Here.

  ROSE pulls out her phone and hands it around. CHARLOTTE comes running in, with FRANCIS behind her.

  CHARLOTTE ROSIE-MAY!

  ROSE CC! Why didn’t you come visit us in Paris?

  CHARLOTTE I couldn’t, I was just / so busy

  ROSE / Who’s this?

  CHARLOTTE This is Francis.

  FRANCIS Hey, guys. I’ve heard so much about you. It’s lovely to meet you.

  ROSE This is Francis?

  FRANCIS That’s me!

  ROSE Not quite what I expected.

  CHARLOTTE What did you expect?

  SONNY I expected somebody English. “Like I’m from England, yeah. Chimney sweep, got a fiver.” You know … because you met in London.

  FRANCIS Ha, no, not English.

  ROSE Well, you kind of are.

  FRANCIS Pardon?

  ROSE Well, where else are you from?

  FRANCIS Australia.

  ROSE But where are you from?

  FRANCIS Uh, Sydney, specifically.

  ROSE What’s your background?

  FRANCIS Australian?

  ROSE But you’re White.

  FRANCIS That I am.

  ROSE So where did your family come from?

  CHARLOTTE Rose.

  FRANCIS Yes, my fam
ily is traced back to the UK.

  ROSE See, Sonny, you were right.

  SONNY Don’t worry, mate, my mum is White too.

  CHARLOTTE Francis, this is my sister, Rose.

  FRANCIS Lovely to meet you, Rose.

  ROSE So this is the man who has stolen my sister away?

  FRANCIS Just call me the Aborigines Protection Board.

  Everyone is silent.

  FRANCIS Like I stole … your sister … like the Stolen Generations …

  CHARLOTTE Francis.

  FRANCIS I’m sorry. It was a joke. Not the Stolen Generations, I’m sorry for that too.

  ROSE Our grandmother was part of the stolen generations.

  FRANCIS I’m so sorry.

  ROSE Francis, is it? Francis, this is my husband, Sonny.

  FRANCIS It is such a pleasure to meet you both. And, Sonny, my father is such a fan. As am I.

  SONNY Mate, don’t worry, that was years ago now.

  FRANCIS Best player in the game.

  SONNY Thank you. I replaced the footy boots with a suit a while ago now but it’s always nice to know people still remember me.

  RAY Remember you? You’re a bloody legend. Drinks?

  ROSE Yes, please. Do we have any champagne?

  CHARLOTTE Oh yes, bubbles!

  JOAN There’s a bottle of Bolly in the chiller.

  RAY Sonny?

  SONNY A beer would be great.

  RAY Pilsner?

  SONNY Perfect.

  RAY Glass?

  SONNY Thanks, Dad.

  RAY No problemo.

  JOAN Francis?

  RAY I’m not the bloody waiter.

  JOAN Yes, you are. Put yourself to good use. Think of it like virtual reality but in real life.

  FRANCIS Beer, please.

  ROSE thrusts a box at CHARLOTTE.

  ROSE Here. I have a gift for you too, Char. Open your gifts.

  JOAN I’ll save it for Christmas.

  ROSE They aren’t Christmas gifts, they’re hello gifts. I haven’t seen either of you for three and a half months. What kind of Blacks are we? Now, open your gifts.

  JOAN and CHARLOTTE open their gifts. In the boxes lay beautiful silver and turquoise Native American jewels.

  JOAN This is beautiful.

  CHARLOTTE They remind me / of—

  ROSE / Of New Mexico. After we got back from Palm Springs, Sonny and I decided to hire a car and take a road trip to Las Vegas instead of flying. We always fly.