Crimson Snow

by Ina Carter

  When the plane landed, we took an Uber to the address Kevin had for Connie. The apartment building was in a poor area, but in the early morning hour, there was life, not misery, in this place. There was Spanish music coming from a balcony, and the woman, hanging laundry on a clothesline, was singing along to the song. Two kids – a boy and a girl, around 8-9-years old, came out of the building carrying their backpacks, heading to school, but also holding hands, just like Kev and I had done in the past. We looked at each other and both smiled, like without words we shared the same old memory.

  We climbed the stairs to the second floor when Kevin stopped and picked up something from the floor. I looked at his hand and grinned. He was holding a children’s book called The Green Amber, which had two rabbits – a boy and a girl on the cover.

  “This is so weird.” Kevin looked at me, astounded. It was honestly. Like the Universe was sending us some clues, sprinkling crumbs that were leading us to our final destination.

  When we reached the apartment, Kevin leaned into me and kissed me. “Breathe, okay?” He reminded me to be strong. I rang the doorbell, and we waited.

  The door opened and a woman stood on the other side. I didn’t recognize her immediately. Her hair was streaked in gray, the light blond barely noticeable anymore. She was frail and weathered, like time had taken away more than her youth and beauty. The one thing that hadn’t changed were the green eyes that I looked at when I was a little girl that made me happy. The same identical eyes that she gave to the man who was my happiness now.

  Connie looked at Kevin and covered her mouth with her hand and took a step back in shock.

  “Kevin, is that you?” she whispered.

  “Hi, Connie. Yes, it’s me. It’s us.” He looked at me, bringing her attention my way.

  He called her Connie, and even though the old memories were flooding in my head like waves of a raging ocean, I couldn’t think of this woman as my mamma either. Not because I resented her, simply because I had moved away from the past. I didn’t understand it until this moment.

  “Julie? My little Jewel… Oh, my goodness, baby…You are so pretty! Like a picture...” She reached for me and touched the side of my face, her eyes filling with tears. I didn’t pull away from her touch, in fact, I wanted to give her a hug, embrace her for some odd reason, thank this woman who had taken care of me in my first years on this earth. It was strange that she still had the southern accent, and it felt familiar and comforting to hear her speak. Kevin and I had lived in California for years, and both of us had lost it.

  “It’s Lauren, now Connie…” I corrected her. I let Julie go in that one sentence to live happily as a memory.

  “Yes, Yes, Kevin said in his letter… They gave you the name you were born with, baby. It is yours to love,” she said softly. Connie had changed not just in appearance, but there was a new gentleness to her, something wise, like she understood the world better, and was not angry or bitter. They said jail hardened people; with her, it might have done the opposite.

  “Kevin, can I…” she stepped to him and opened her arms, afraid to even ask him the question.

  I watched him as he closed his eyes and swallowed, but then he lifted his head, stepped towards his mother and embraced her. She shook in his arms, her shoulders trembling, but besides the choked sound in her throat, she didn’t cry. When he let her go, she held to his arms and looked him from head to toe with a smile.

  “You are so handsome…I can’t stop looking at you… Come in, please… Both of you.” She moved out of the way and invited us into her apartment.

  The place was small with worn furniture, but it was clean and homey. Some Mexican blanket was thrown over the side of a beige suede sofa and a large icon of the Virgin Mary was hanging over the fireplace. Connie led us to the kitchen, which was also older, but looked well used and inviting, smelling like freshly baked pastries.

  “I was just getting ready to go to work, but now that you gave me such a surprise, I ain’t going. Let me call Consuela and tell her…”

  “No, Connie, we don’t want to take up too much of your time. We have to get back to L.A. this evening… I have practice tomorrow morning, and Lauren has classes….” Kevin stated like he was not too keen on a long family reunion. She was picking up the phone but stopped and looked at him, her eyes pained.

  “Just give me a minute. I’ll just have to tell her I’ll be late then…” she said, her voice trembling, but she understood.

  She dialed a number and then spoke briefly to someone in Spanish. That was something neither of us expected, and Kevin and I exchanged looks. Connie hung up the phone and looked at us.

  “This was Consuela We shared the same cell for eight years in Texas. She taught me Spanish, and I taught her some southern manners and a few recipes. She got out two years before me and took me in when I was released. Her cousin has a restaurant a few blocks from here, so she got me a job. I clean the kitchen and the restaurant before lunch and after dinner time…” she explained in a few sentences her whole existence. I understood her life as an ex-convict, after ten years in jail, was not glamorous or easy, but I hopped Connie had found some peace and was happy. It seemed like she had a good friend, and she was at least content.

  “Do you want some tea, coffee?” she offered, but then she was already plating us some cookies and pastries. She put them on the table and got a kettle with water going on the stove.

  Kevin and I sat down at the small table, and Connie sat across from us. His hand found mine under the table, like he needed my touch to get through this.

  “Jul… I mean, Lauren, can I ask you… I know you might hate me for what I did to you…I just want to know if you were happy all those years? If that man was cruel to you?”

  What? I looked at Kevin, wondering if he had told Connie about my father, but he shook his head at me. If it wasn’t him, how did she know that my father was a bad man?

  “I am not angry at you, Connie. I tried to understand why you took me… In the news stories, I read it said you lost a baby and stole me instead…But you are right, my real family was far from perfect. This is a long story, and honestly, I don’t feel like going into it today, but it’s the reason we came all the way to Tulsa. Kevin and I wanted to ask you about your trial and that woman who defended you – Annabelle Barrett. Do you remember her?” I went straight to the point because I felt like Kevin was having a hard time being face to face with his biological mother.

  “Oh, goodness. I told that woman the truth. Did she tell you? I know it don’t matter anymore since I already served time, but… are they looking into me again… for the money?”

  She was confusing me, rambling about something that was not making sense.

  “Connie, why don’t you just tell us everything. From the start, please. What did you tell that lawyer, and what money?” Kevin asked impatiently.

  Connie took a deep breath, looked down at her entwined hands, and spoke.

  “I was seven months pregnant – around the same age you are now– only 21. Mike and I were having financial problems and were behind on rent at the park. I got some money from tips at the diner and hopped on a bus to go to California to ask my mother for help. It was around Christmas, and I hoped she would have it in her heart to give me at least a loan.

  “Letty and I had a problematic relationship, and she left me when I was eighteen and took off to California with some boyfriend. She didn’t give me money or even let me stay at her house. I was heavily pregnant, alone, and scared in that big city.

  “It was dark when I tried to make my way back to the bus station, but then the pain started. Some woman helped me when I fell and took me to a hospital. My little girl was born six hours later. She was tiny, barely four pounds, and didn’t cry or make a single sound. They took her to another floor and told me it’s the intensive care unit for premature babies.

  “I lied on the hospital forms about my name, told them I lost my purse and my ID. I was afraid that they would take her away, l
ike they took you Kevin, two years earlier. I assumed they would blame me for being irresponsible for having her early…I named her Lucy and stayed by her side for the next nine days while she fought to live.

  “Lucy died on the tenth day of her short life. I was heartbroken, just sitting there in the hallway, waiting for the doctor, who came to tell me she stopped breathing. They were going to let me hold her little body and say my good-bye. A man came over and sat next to me. He was well dressed, and I remembered him.

  “There was one more baby girl in that room with Lucy. You were the prettiest baby I’d ever seen, Lauren. You had this big chunk of red hair and huge blue eyes. You were already a month old and were much bigger than my poor baby girl.

  “When Lucy died, your father sat next to me, and he had you in a baby carrier next to him. He knew my little girl just died, while his was being released to go home. He held my hand and let me cry on his shoulder. He asked me questions about where I was from and what’s my name. I was so heartbroken, and it didn’t matter anymore if I told the truth, so I spilled my guts and told him everything. How I was afraid that when I got back, my boyfriend would likely leave me and blame me for Lucy’s death. I even told him I gave the hospital a fake name and how the Socials took Kevin – my sweet baby boy. The man asked if I could watch his daughter while he went to get me coffee and use the restroom.

  “I didn’t take you then, Lauren. I didn’t. I watched your sleeping face while he went away and wondered how such a pretty baby could go home with such a cruel man.

  “While I was keeping vigil next to Lucy’s incubator, I saw the man and the woman who came to see you. Your parents… I remember the first day they were in the hallway, and I was coming out of the restroom. I heard them arguing, and I hid and listened.

  The woman was pretty but had big bruises on her face and was in a wheelchair. The man was screaming at her, calling her names. He called her a cheating whore and that he was not going to take care of her bastard child. He said that the man who fathered you is lucky he died in some accident, or he would have killed him with his bare hands. Your mother cried, begging him for forgiveness, telling him no one would ever know the kid is not his, if he took her back….”

  Connie stopped talking, watching my reaction to her words. I looked at Kevin, and I started shaking like a leaf. That monster was not my father! I didn’t know if I should be ecstatic, relieved, or brokenhearted that I had suffered so much abuse from a stranger.

  “It explains why he was so cruel to me all those years. It explains everything…” I uttered, the shock still raw, the emotions storming in my head like a beehive. Kevin pulled his hand from mine and pulled me to him, kissing my shoulder, and holding me tight.

  “He hurt you, didn’t he? This is what I was afraid of. That they gave you back to him.” I heard Connie’s whisper. This drew my attention back to her, and I was eager to out find what else did she knew.

  “What happened then? Why did you take me, Connie?” I asked through tears. It was still unbelievable that she was saying Robert was not my real father.

  Connie surprised us when she got up from her seat and hurried to another room. When she came back, she was holding an envelope. She took a piece of paper from it, and then she spoke.

  “I didn’t steal you, Lauren. As I was telling you, I was watching you when your father came back with a cup of coffee and handed it to me. Then he shoved this note in my hands and said he would go to the restroom. He left a diaper bag on the chair next to me. I kept the note all those years. I hid this envelope in the diner in Forth Heaven, and I got it last year when I went back there. Here, read it.”

  She gave me the paper, and I recognized Robert’s handwriting immediately. He had a habit of leaving those passive-aggressive notes around the house, reminding me of what I was allowed or not allowed to do. The content of the note made me almost drop it, that’s how hard my hand shook.

  ‘Take her and raise her as your own. No one will ever find you. There is a check for $10,000 in the bag, plus another $1,000 in cash. The emergency exit leads to an alleyway, and there is a taxi waiting for you. The driver will take you to the bus station, and I paid him enough to not say he’s ever seen you.”

  I looked at Connie in disbelief.

  “He sold me to you?” I barely uttered.

  “He did. I also have a copy of that check he gave me.” She pulled another old yellowing paper and gave it to me. It had the monetary amount of $10,000 written in the same handwriting as the note but also the name of Robert Wilcox on top. Connie was talking, telling me the rest of the story, but I was staring at that check, realizing how much I was worth to that monster.

  “I was not stupid, you know. With a new baby, Mike and I needed the money, so I cashed the check, but I went to the diner and used the Xerox machine to make a copy. That man sold you to a stranger, and he had these cruel eyes when he looked at you. I should have kept my mouth shut and never told anyone how you came into my life, Jules. When they returned you to him, I was worried about you.

  “When they arrested me, that woman – the lawyer, came to see me and told me she’d defend me. I told her the whole truth because I knew that what I did was wrong, but your father - he was at fault, too. It wasn’t right what he did. That lawyer-woman told me to keep quiet and never tell anyone about this. She said I would get more years in jail for taking, not just the baby but also the money from him.”

  Kevin was still holding me, but he reached to Connie and took her hand as well.

  “Connie, I think she lied to you. She works for Robert Wilcox now in L.A. I think that bastard was afraid when you got arrested and probably made promises to Annabelle Barrett to shut you up, so you wouldn’t incriminate him. You had all this evidence against him,” he explained.

  “Oh, goodness. I should have spoken then, and told the truth to the judge… That man should have been in jail too…”

  Kevin looked at me and noticed that I was shaking. This was too much to take in. He was not my father! He sold me! Those sentences were repeating in my head, and I felt a bit disoriented.

  “Connie, I am sorry we have to leave, but I think Lauren is not feeling well.” Kevin stood and helped me to my feet, holding my waist for support.

  “I am so sorry; I shouldn’t have dropped all of this on you at once…” Connie started apologizing.

  “No, No!” I found my voice, and before she could say anything, I reached for her and hugged her with all I had in me. “Thank you! For telling me, for taking me away, for being kind. Now I understand.”

  She shook in my arms, and I felt her tears on my shoulder. “And Connie, thank you for bringing me to Kevin. He is my friend, my love, my everything!” I spilled my heart into her hands.

  She pulled away and looked between us, wiping her tears. “I am happy you love my boy, sweetheart, and it’s clear he loves you, too. You were always like two peas in a pod growing up, but I am glad you are much more than that. I couldn’t give you love, but both of you deserve it.”

  “Ma, we do have to go now, but I will call you soon, okay?” He reached and hugged her with one arm and kissed the top of her head. Then he reached into the pocket of his jacket and also pulled out an envelope.

  “I wanted to give you this, too. I know you are settled with your friend here, but… This is the deed and the key to Letty’s house in L.A. My adoptive parents paid the property taxes and the bills, but this house is yours to do whatever you want with it.”

  I was so proud of him for doing this. Kevin was not only offering his mother an olive branch, but he was letting go of the past. That house was a big part of the pain he held inside, and he was ready to move away from it.

  “Thank you, Kevin,” Connie simply said, but her hand shook when she took the envelope from his hand.

  She rushed to the kitchen and wrote her phone number on a piece of paper and gave it to us before we left. We both hugged her at the door and promised we’d keep in touch. This was not exactly a happy family reunion,
but it was a first step for all three of us.

  When we stepped outside, I looked up at the sky and took a deep breath.

  “You okay, babe?” Kevin asked me.

  “You know what – I am great! I have no idea who my real father is, but it’s not Robert Wilcox.”

  He was about to say something when someone pushed the building door at his back. That boy from earlier ran out and was looking frantically around, almost out of breath.

  “You looking for this?” Kevin pulled out of his back pocket the book with the two bunnies.

  The kid grabbed it from his hand, like it was his most treasured possession, and smiled widely.

  “Thanks, man! It’s my friend’s. She is crying at school thinking she lost it, and I had to run back to look for it!”

  He dashed down the block in a hurry to get back to school, but Kevin shouted after him. “Hey, don’t let go of that girl! She is a keeper!”

  “Hey, don’t be a wierdo – she is my best friend, not my girlfriend,” the boy shouted back.

  Kevin and I started laughing. This was serendipity plain and simple. We were both on the right path, that was for sure.

  Chapter 24

  We were back at the airport waiting for our flight back to L.A. We had two hours, so we sat at some restaurant, and Kevin ordered us some food. I was picking at my salad, trying to process what Connie told me. Something was not adding up in my head. She said she overheard an argument between my parents that Dana was cheating on Rob and that I was not his child, but now that I thought of it, things were not making sense.

  “Kev, I am confused. You haven’t seen my mother, but I don’t look like her at all. I look like Robert, or at least I thought so. Also, when I was thirteen, I snuck into his office and searched for my birth certificate. I was seriously hoping there was a mistake, and they were not really my parents. I found the DNA report – the one they did in Texas. It confirmed they were both a positive match, and I was their child.” I told him about my upheaval.