Kiss From a Rose

by Fontaine, Bella

  “No, I’m coming in. I’m coming in, and you have to tell me what happened.”

  “Just one time I wish you wouldn’t be so stubborn. Normally, it’s sexy as fuck. Not today, Anya. Not today.”

  He stumbled away from the door and wobbled back into the house.

  I went in and closed the door. Following him into the sitting room revealed all. There were bottles of rum and vodka. The hard stuff I wouldn’t even touch.

  It was clear that he intended to get plastered out of his mind.

  Very clear.

  He threw himself down on the sofa and grabbed the half-empty bottle of rum closest to him.

  First, he took a glass that sat next to the empty stash, but then he pushed it away and started drinking from the bottle.

  I sat next to him, and he looked me over.

  “What happened, Caine?” I attempted in a softer voice.

  He looked at me. “My father is the evilest son of a bitch I’ve ever come across. I’m so ashamed he’s related to me. I’m so ashamed, baby. We sat together eating yesterday. Me trying to rebuild this blood relation between us, but he was full of lies. Full of shit.”

  “What did he say?” Did he tell Caine what happened with Halle in the past?

  No… I didn’t think he did. This wasn’t about that.

  A person like that kept such things secret. Caine would have had to find out like me. The same way I had. I couldn’t even see Halle telling anybody.

  She wouldn’t, so Caine’s debacle was about something else.

  “I can’t tell you, not today. Not with me like this. But there’s something else I will tell you, because I trust you.”

  I reached out, and he set the bottle down, so he could take my hand.

  “I trust you too.”

  “That means everything to me. When I tell you this, I don’t care who you tell, because it shouldn’t have been a secret.”

  “What is it?” Suspense gnawed away at my insides.

  “My father treated my mom like she didn’t matter. He treated her like she was nothing. She loved him though. I saw it. I saw her love for him, and all the years of her life were a continuous cycle of her trying to make him love her. Why did he marry her if he didn’t love her? Why take something beautiful and try to damage it? Why?” His gripped tightened on my hand before he released me.

  I understood that situation all too well. My father had never loved my mother either, or me. It was clear, and I’d watched my mother try her best to make him love her. Then he left. He’d just left us.

  Caine looked away and reached for a diary on the desk. I didn’t think he was the kind of guy to have a diary, and I hadn’t seen it until then. It was black, small and thin, more of a pocket book.

  “Halle made me keep this. She said it’s good to write down what happens, so one day, you can look back and see where you came from. I haven’t written in years, and I haven’t looked back in a while because of the last thing I put in there.”

  As he opened the book, my heart stilled. This was the second diary I was looking at in the last twenty-four hours. I didn’t know how much my poor heart could take.

  However, the entry I saw was only one sentence long. It said:

  I can’t do this anymore.

  In the center was a note folded in half. A small note.

  He took it out and opened it. The handwriting was different to Caine’s entry.

  “What’s this?”

  “My mother wrote it on the day she died. It’s a suicide note.”

  My eyes snapped wide with alarm and shock. That light-headed nauseous feeling took me, and I had to breathe slowly to catch my breath.

  His mother committed suicide?

  “I thought… she died of… Oh, Caine… God.”

  “Yes. I know. This is what really happened. Dad was at a meeting. He took me along to help out and possibly to get me to change my mind about leaving for the Navy. He left his briefcase and sent me home to get it. I went upstairs to my parents’ room and found her dead on the bed, pills everywhere. There were so many pills. This note was on the bed next to her. I think she wanted my father to find her like that. I doubt that was for me, but hey. Embarrassed by what she did, Dad told people that she’d had an undiagnosed heart condition, and he paid off a coroner to say just that. He didn’t want people to know that she killed herself and it was his fault.”

  I didn’t know where my voice came from, but I had to ask. “What did he do, Caine?”

  “He cheated on her. I don’t know who it was with, but it was enough to make her kill herself.”

  With his hands shaking, he handed me the note, and for the second time in twenty-four hours, I swear my heart stopped beating. The note said:

  Thank you, Bradford, for the horrible life you gave me.

  My mother was right. I shouldn’t have married you.

  Couldn’t keep your pants on, could you? I wish you could have chosen someone outside our home. I saw you with her last night, but you didn’t see me.

  Why her? Why her? Why her?

  Doesn’t matter.

  Tell Caine I love him.

  Goodbye.

  A conflict of emotions suddenly assailed me as the words sunk in.

  That last part of the note kept ringing through my mind.

  I wish you could have chosen someone outside our home. I saw you with her last night, but you didn’t see me.

  Why her? Why her? Why her?

  Why was it ringing through my mind like it was telling me something?

  “June 7th, 1998. That was the day my angel of a mother left me and the same day I found out my father was the devil himself.” Caine did that off-key chuckle again, but in my head he sounded so very far away.

  So very far… away.

  June 7th, 1998, as in the day after June 6th, 1998?

  The day after Halle’s entry in her diary.

  The day that would make the date in Halle’s diary last night, last night as in the last night Caine’s mom referred to in her note.

  I saw you with her last night, but you didn’t see me.

  I put it all together.

  I wish you could have chosen someone outside our home. I saw you with her last night, but you didn’t see me.

  Why her? Why her? Why her?

  Her was Halle.

  Chapter 19

  Anya

  * * *

  I sat there like a hypocrite all night.

  Not saying much, just being there for Caine.

  I’d always heard that you never know how much something, or someone, was worth until you lost them.

  Well, I was pretty certain that I would experience that to its full extent in the very near future. It was oh so very certain, as certain as how much I loved Caine.

  I loved him, and I realized just how much I did when I realized that I was going to lose him.

  In the same night I realized I’d fallen head over heels for him, I realized I loved him from the bottom of my soul, and I was going to lose him.

  And possibly everything else, including Halle.

  It didn’t matter what happened or how it happened, Caine lost his mother because she’d caught his father with Halle.

  He could see it as her fault. If she’d left him, left the job, it wouldn’t have happened. If she hadn’t taken care of me and Mom, Caine would most likely still have his mother today.

  I would have preferred to live on the streets and eat nothing for the rest of my life than to have this. There was no happy ending from any sacrifices made.

  I wanted to tell him what I knew, but I couldn’t. Not when he was so wasted, and still he didn’t really tell me what happened. What happened to stir up the painful memories he harbored, the secrets.

  I didn’t ask much more. I watched him drink more, then he rested against the back of the sofa and passed out.

  That was in the early hours of the morning.

  I stayed, falling asleep next to him, and when I woke early, he was still sleeping. The
perfect chance for me to leave and clear my head.

  I must have gotten halfway home before I diverted and went to the hospital.

  Halle had expected me yesterday with her hair oils, and I’d never made it. Today, she would get a shock because I had to tell her what was going on.

  She was the resilient kind of woman who kept things to herself. I couldn’t be that. I was like Mom. I spoke my mind and got things off my chest. I spoke my heart and risked getting hurt.

  Like now. Halle was days away from surgery, and here I was, ready to give her news that would break her heart too. If the only people who knew the real cause of Caine’s mother’s death were Caine and his father, then Halle wouldn’t have known.

  She didn’t know that the night before, Mrs. Donoghue saw her husband cheating on her with Halle. She wouldn’t have known that it wasn’t what it looked like at all.

  I stopped at the entrance to her door and looked at Halle sitting up in the hospital bed. She had a blanket drawn around her shoulders and her hair braided to the side the way I did on my lazy days.

  She was reading a book. It was one of the poetry books I’d brought from home for her. Something by Maya Angelou.

  Halle loved Maya Angelou. Anything by her was like words of wisdom to her. Same as anything sung by Eta Jones, Billie Holiday, or Aretha Franklin.

  I grew up with her talking about her role models, and they became mine too. There was a certain strength I got from reading and listening to anything done by any of those women.

  Strength I would need now.

  You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.

  Maya Angelou said that. It was a famous quote that Halle had instilled in my mind from birth. It was perhaps why I tried to keep going, even when it felt like it was time to stop.

  I’d almost felt like stopping last night. Like I could lie on the ground and scream forever. There was so much that could go wrong from this. So damn much. When Caine found out the truth, there was a strong chance he’d pull whatever funds he’d secured for the surgery and Halle’s care. He could do that, and we wouldn’t be able to stop him.

  I had to be prepared for that to happen.

  Halle must have sensed my presence because she turned to the door and saw me standing there.

  Her face broke out into an open, friendly smile, but the smile fell from her face when she saw how I looked.

  “Sweet girl, what’s wrong?”

  I walked inside, closed the door, and sat next to her.

  How did I begin?

  Where… did I begin?

  I’m sorry I read your diary, and I found out that you were sexually abused by Caine’s father and you kept the job to take care of me and Mom. Oh, and by the way, his wife saw the two of you together and killed herself the next day. Also, when Caine find’s out, there’s a strong chance he’ll stop funding your treatment, and I, your loser niece, won’t be able to save you…

  Fuck. That was so fucking messed up. It was so fucking messed up.

  I wiped away a tear that ran down my cheek.

  I didn’t even want to think about the other stuff in the equation. Caine wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.

  “Anya. You’re worrying me. Please tell me what’s wrong.” Halle shuffled around so that her legs hung off the bed, and she leaned forward to cup my cheeks.

  “Aunt Halle, I have to talk to you about a few things.”

  “Talk, I’m listening.”

  “I’m so grateful for you, and how you looked after me. I’d have nothing if not for you. I would have probably had to live on the streets if not for you. You gave Mom a good send-off, like she was a queen. I know she looked down from heaven that day and thanked you for loving her and for loving me too. And Brown University. God, when in the world would I have had the chance to go to such a place? It’s all you,” I rambled, trying to get it all in before I broke down completely.

  “I appreciate this, child, but what happened?” There was a tremor in her voice, and I didn’t know what words I’d use yet to say what I truly had to say. So, I thought I’d start at the beginning.

  “On Sunday, I went to get the oils for your treatment. They were on top of your wardrobe, just like you said. I found them, and I found a pretty little book. Looked like a sari.” The minute I said book, she sucked in a breath, but I didn’t let that stop me. I continued. Had to. “I opened it because I thought it would be nice to use it for my beauty stuff. If you didn’t need it. I was going to ask you. I opened it to see if you were using it, and I didn’t mean to read, but I…”

  She started crying, and shame filled her eyes.

  “I had no right to read your private diary. It was kind of an accident.”

  “Oh Jesus…” She winced, clutching her hand to her heart.

  I freaked out when I saw that. “Halle, your heart. I’ll get the doctors.”

  I jumped up, but she stopped me. “No, sit back down.”

  I thought she was mad at me, but she didn’t look it.

  “Halle, I’m so sorry for everything. As grateful as I am for you and all you did for me, I wish to God you’d let me suffer. I would have preferred to suffer than have you go through what you went through.”

  She shook her head. “That wasn’t your decision to make. You are mine, and your mother was my sister, who was the apple of my eye. Love. When you love your family, you take care of them. I stayed at the Donoghues and hoped one day, things would change. They didn’t. I changed things when I realized I had enough money to leave and start up my own business. The motel. I just got up one day and left. I just left, and that bastard came after me threatening to kill me, threatening to do whatever to me and that I wouldn’t be able to work anywhere ever again. He didn’t realize I had plans. Big plans that he couldn’t touch. I didn’t need to work for anyone ever again, and I didn’t need him. I had enough to put down the deposit, and because the place was so rundown, I got a massive discount. So, the little mortgage I had on the place was little more than an expense until I got sick.”

  “You should go to the police.”

  “No. Caine is trying to rebuild his relationship with his father. It would destroy him. I didn’t want to be that person.”

  “Aunt Halle, that’s madness. And I’m afraid it’s too late for that.”

  “Did you tell him?” Panic washed over her face. “If you tell him, he will kill him.”

  “I’m not so sure about that.” This part… this was the part where I would hurt her the most. I wasn’t sure how she would react when she heard this part. “I spoke to Caine last night, and he told me a few things about his mother. I don’t know what happened to trigger it, but it was one hell of a thing. From what he said and the date of your diary entry, I figured something out.”

  “What is it? What did you figure out?”

  “She died the day after you wrote that first entry in the diary, didn’t she?”

  She nodded and ran her hands over her face. “It was awful, and all the time Bradford acted like she was something that cut into his busy schedule. Something to burden him.” Her voice shook as she spoke. “Is that what you figured out? The dates?”

  “The dates were important for a reason. Caine told me she didn’t die from what everyone else thought. She killed herself.”

  Now, Halle’s hands flew up to her cheeks and her mouth dropped open. “No…” she breathed in anguish. “No.”

  “Yes. She did.” I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them again. “She saw you and Mr. Donoghue together, and she killed herself. She left a note but never said who she saw him cheating with. She didn’t know what he really did to you.”

  “Oh God, Jesus, no, please, no. It’s not true. It can’t be. Please, Anya, no, tell me it’s not true. Say it’s not true.”

  God, I wished I could.

  And maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t have come here and told her anything.

  * * *

  Confusion was a terrible thing.

  An absolutely
horrible thing. Disturbing and lonely. Lonely because the confused person didn’t know what to do.

  Hence being confused.

  Halle must have cried for hours, and I only left her because she said she needed to be alone. That left me with this situation in my head.

  A big secret I knew I should tell Caine.

  He’d called today, and I didn’t answer. He’d sent messages that I never looked at. At least twenty of them.

  I went home feeling tortured, and I went straight back to my source of torture, Halle’s diary.

  Why I picked that thing up again I didn’t know. It was perhaps to do with the meaning it held for her, for me. It held details of that piece of her soul that she’d sacrificed for me.

  What was I going to do? I couldn’t look at Caine again and keep this from him.

  Trust. It seemed to be the most important thing for us.

  For him and for me.

  How could I claim to love him yet keep such a terrible secret from him?

  I’d really hurt Halle today. I know I did, and it worried me what the day would be like for her. Or rather the night.

  Here I was again, dreading getting that phone call. The phone call telling me something truly awful had happened to Halle this time.

  I rested my head back on the cushion on the sofa when the doorbell rang.

  I didn’t need to guess who it was. I knew even before I opened it that it was Caine.

  I opened the door and just stood there looking at him. Looking at him and wondering how I would talk to him and seem like nothing was wrong. He looked much better than he did yesterday, but only because he’d shaved off his beard. His eyes were still red, and his face still had a rough hue to it.

  “Baby, where were you? I’ve been calling. The guys at the motel said you hadn’t been in all day.”

  I didn’t even know what time it was, but darkness was falling. If I had to guess, I’d say it must have been just after six. I’d left the hospital after two and had been here by myself for a few hours.