“I couldn’t explain how I knew without telling you everything.” He runs his hands down my naked arms.
“It doesn’t matter.” I take his hand. “Let’s go.” I have no problem being the aggressor. “You can show me how those cylinders work.”
When we get to the edge of the woods, he stops. With a quick jerk, he pulls me into his arms. He looks into my eyes with a loving expression.
Fear runs through me. He’s stopping. Again.
“I refuse to write my name on the wall of the boom-boom-room.” He’s half-smiling, and I relax.
“We don’t have to write your name on the wall. But I’m definitely adding mine.
The giant redwoods gently sway, and my heart races in anticipation. I hurry forward before he changes his mind.
“Abbi.” He slows our pace.
If this leader of the pack crap is real, if I keep walking, he’ll follow.
“Abbi, stop.”
“Here we go again.” I sigh and drop his hand. “Am I that repulsive?” I’m being a brat. I don’t care.
“Quit being a child.” His sharp rebuke sends an angry swell through me.
“Is that it? You want a woman? Someone like Lauren?” I almost spit her name. “Whatever.” I turn back to camp. “How many times are you going to reject me before I get the picture?” The question is rhetorical. I don’t want to him to answer, but he doesn’t really care what I want.
Leaves rustle under his feet as he rushes to keep up with me. “Please stop so I can explain myself.”
“You can talk and walk.” I stay a few steps in front of him, afraid to see his face or hear his words. I definitely do not want him to see my reaction.
“You’re right, I don’t want to go to the boom-boom room.”
“Surprise, surprise.”
“I’m not saying I don’t want you.” He takes my hand and slows, hoping I’ll concede. I do.
I steady myself for another round of ‘we are better than this.’ I don’t hear him. All I hear is rejection. I’m not sexy enough to be ravished in a grimy room in the woods.
“I don’t want to take you to the factory.”
“Obviously.”
“Do you have to be such a smart ass?”
I roll my eyes.
“I don’t want to take you to the factory, because I’d rather go to your cabin.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“I thought… I assumed….”
“Stop thinking and start walking.” He leads the way this time. We exit the woods, cross the path, and slink through camp central to my cabin door. He places a hand on the doorknob. His unease has been replaced with pure, hot desire. He wants me more than he’s letting on.
I place a hand over his on the doorknob and press my back to the door. He gently snakes his fingers through mine. My breasts are smashed between us, and I catch him looking at my cleavage. He smiles.
“You’re sure this is what you want.” He presses against me so I feel his excitement.
“Y-yes.” I’m taken aback by his force. I’ve always felt like he was holding back. This is the first time he’s shown something deeper, but I’m the one with the winning hand. “Are you sure?”
“Seriously, Abbi, do you even have to ask?” His desire and intentions are never in sync. I need to take advantage of this moment before he changes his mind again. I wiggle free and open the door. The smell of pine cleaner wafts past us. A row of not-very-sexy bunk beds line the wall. I pull him past the stripped down beds to my bunk.
“Let’s do this.” I clap my hands together like I’m fired up before a big game. I kick off my shoes and toss my camp shirt on the floor. Even though he’s seen me in a bikini, I feel naked standing before him in a bra and jeans.
He watches from a few feet away and makes no move toward me. I keep my spirits high, even though it looks like he’s about to pull out of the game.
“Focus, Jay. There’s a half-naked girl in front of you. Do your thing.” I spread my arms and fall back on the bed.
“This isn’t a joke, Abbi. Sex should be meaningful.”
“Have all of your sexual encounters been momentous life-changing experiences?” I sit up on my elbows and glare at him.
“No. But none of them were you. I care about you on a level I didn’t know was possible.”
I wish his words made my heart flutter instead of my stomach turn. Knowing the history between our families, we’ll never get my parents’ blessing for us to be together. As much as I like him, I respect my mother and father more.
He lifts me off the bed and raises my chin so we’re eye to eye. “I want everything between us to have meaning.” My heart tears a tiny bit when I see the aching in his eyes. He wants me to say I feel the same way.
“You’ve never just hooked up with a girl?”
“You’re unbelievable.” He doesn’t mean that in a good way. My attempt to bring levity to the moment fails. “You accuse me of not wanting you when you’re the one who doesn’t want me. You’ll use my body but you want nothing to do with my heart.”
“I care about you. I just don’t see a future for us. Not the one you want anyway.”
“Come to the ceremony with me.”
I shake my head. “My parents are against it.” Telling Jay about R-249 isn’t an option. He’ll spend the rest of our time together trying to persuade me from taking it.
He wraps me in his arms. “Do you trust me?” He lowers his mouth to mine, stopping millimeters from my lips. “I want you in every way. I want your heart.” He kisses my neck. “I want your soul.” His tongue eases into my mouth. “Tell me you want the same things I do.” His lips explore my neck, his hands roam to new regions. “I want every inch of you. All of you.”
“What if I don’t look good covered in fur? What if I don’t turn at all? Let’s keep our options open. I could meet someone sexier than you at the ceremony.”
“You’re going to be sexy as hell in fur, I guarantee it.” His arms tighten around me protectively, possessively. He plants tiny kisses from my cheek to my mouth. “After today you are mine. Nobody will ever come between us.” He rubs my left butt cheek. My body molds around him. It’d be so much easier to tell him what he wants to hear. Agree with everything he says.
“Are you allergic to cats?”
He stops kissing. “What? No. Why?”
“What if my cat, Shady, hates you? That would be a deal breaker.”
“Cats love me.” He laughs into my hair. “You’re scared of commitment. I get it. I am 100 percent certain we belong together. Let me prove it to you.”
“How?”
“The ceremony. We’ll match, I know it.”
Technically I can go to the ceremony. I can phase then take R-249. The serum will reverse the gene, not what happens between me and Jay.
“I can’t commit to forever.” I pull back. “I barely know you.”
“Yet you want to have sex with me?”
“That’s different,” I argue. “We’ll look back on this years from now and have a great story.”
“Whose story is this, Abbi, yours or ours? Am I just a supporting character, someone written off in the first act?” He lets me go. “You want a one-night stand.”
“And you want my entire life!”
He looks over my head and remains silent.
“Admit it. You want me at the ceremony so you can stake your claim. You want to own me.”
“You’re right.” He moves farther away. “I am trying to persuade you to be part of the ceremony, but not so I can claim you. I want you to claim me.” Pain and anguish replace my angst and desire. “I want to be the love of your life, not the first guy you fuck.”
As soon as the door slams, I allow my true feelings to flood forth. Hidden behind the sarcasm and indifference is a vulnerable girl who has no idea what love is. I don’t know how to love him. How can I, when I don’t even love myself.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The end of summe
r always feels lonely, empty.
This time it’s different.
Raine isn’t down the street, ready to sneak out of her room with a stolen bottle of wine to cheer me up. I don’t know where she is or if I can still call her my best friend.
Jay completely rocked our world. Swooping into camp and spilling the truth, not just about who and what we are, the feelings he declared for me. His words haunt me. They keep me up at night wondering if he is the monumental event I was waiting for, dreaming about, since I was a little girl. In those quiet moments, I allow myself to believe he’s right, that we are fated to be together. Those thoughts fade almost as fast as the early morning dew. Today of all days, Jay is the last thing I should be thinking about.
“This view is amaze-balls!” Trevor spreads his arms in front of our bay window and stares across the cityscape. “Abbi, have you seen this?”
“Yep.” I pop the P at the end of the word. “Have you seen these bags? They aren’t going to empty themselves.” I place a carton of orange juice and a block of cheddar cheese in the refrigerator.
We moved into our apartment last night, when the view was a thousand twinkling lights. I use the term moved in loosely. The only things we brought from home were our clothes and a few pictures. The apartment is furnished and paid for by my grandparents.
Layla knocks as she opens the door. “Are you decent?”
Grandma’s got jokes.
“Yes, Ms. Layla.” Trevor sings in reply and rushes to greet her. “I know I’ve said this a thousand times, but thank you!”
“Oh honey, we’re happy to have you.” Layla glances at Monte. That’s his cue to agree. He doesn’t dislike Trevor, but he’s uncertain about me living with a male. Even if that male doesn’t find me the least bit attractive.
“Yes, of course.” Monte shakes Trevor’s hand, then turns to me. “How are you, sweetheart?”
“I’m good.” I kiss his cheek. “Is Mom with you?”
“She’ll be here in an hour or so. She had some errands.”
We’re having a little housewarming party. I invited Raine and Ozzy, but I doubt they will show up. Raine hasn’t replied to any of my texts, just Trevor’s.
Layla places a bottle of champagne on the counter that separates the kitchen from the living room. The apartment is a modern spin on a classic Victorian. The main room has an open floor plan with high ceilings and hardwood floors.
“Your father sends his love. He’ll come by during the week to make sure all the outlets are working,” Layla snarks. She doesn’t hate my dad, but even from a young age, I could tell she thinks Jase is beneath my mother. I wonder now if that was a hierarchy thing.
Dad won’t tell me about his parents. His aunt and uncle raised him in Quincy, they’re all the family he has ever needed.
The door opens again, and Rusty and Leah appear. Right off they start offering advice on restaurants and local dry cleaners. They lived in this building for a few years, so did my parents and Rusty.
“Stay away from the Thai place on California Street.” Leah places a hand on her stomach, recalling the pain of food poisoning.
“I love that place,” Monte exclaims. “You just got a bad batch of egg rolls.” He rattles off dishes from their menu I should try. Most of them sound horrible.
“Abbi will figure things out on her own,” Layla chimes in, always in my favor. “Have you spoken to Jay?”
My heart leaps into my throat at hearing his name. Leah shoots a look at Layla. My grandmother ignores her.
“He’s been busy recruiting. They’re up to twenty participants.”
I unpack groceries and pretend not to care.
“What exactly happens at the ceremony?” Trevor pours champagne into a glass and hands it to Layla. “Maybe I should make an appearance at this soiree.”
Monte and Rusty chuckle from the sofa.
“What’s so funny?” I ask. “Is Trevor not allowed?”
“Once upon a time, no.” Rusty shares a look with Monte. “I didn’t go to mine because, well, there wasn’t anyone there for me.”
“You mean your kind.” Leah is careful with her words. She loves my uncle to death, but she’s always been uptight when it comes to his lifestyle. After Taylor’s death, she let it slip that maybe Rusty and Carrick’s unconventional upbringing had something to do with Taylor’s choice. Her opinion wasn’t received well, and it took a few months for Rusty to accept her apology.
“Yes, my kind. Gays.” Rusty is blunt.
Trevor laughs, awed. He has a crush on Rusty. Who wouldn’t? He’s Hollywood gorgeous. Too bad he’s happily married.
“Well then forget that.” Trevor fills another glass and keeps it for himself. Before he can sip, Layla swipes it and hands it to Leah.
“That was then, this is now. Jay has made it clear that all are welcome. The ceremony isn’t about matching. It’s about inclusiveness.” Layla is definitely Team Jay.
Trevor has never really been included, especially with the guys. His mother being an outsider always made him feel like a fraud. Although I never believed he was any different than us, he felt it.
Layla continues to talk about Jay. I continue to pretend the mention of his name doesn’t cause a highlight reel of our favorite moments together to play in my head. The way his fingertips graced my palms at the bonfire. His warm, shivering lips on mine the morning we jumped in the lake. His eyes the day he walked out of the cabin. I’ll admit it. I like him. I’d give anything to see him walk through my door. To smell him, to touch him. If we’re truly meant to be, we wouldn’t need a ceremony to prove it.
“Did they find a site yet?” Leah asks.
“They’re scouting locations.” Monte nervously tosses back his champagne. He may not agree with those pushing for the ceremony, but he won’t stand in their way. The mark of a great leader is allowing people to have free will. My grandfather has a commanding presence, but he’s also the kindest, fairest man I’ve ever met.
“I’m here.” Mom announces her arrival from the entryway.
The room goes silent.
Trevor is the first to acknowledge her. “Hey, Ms. Kali.” Everyone else is scared she overheard our conversation. Mom is wholly against the ceremony. She is ready to fight whenever the subject is broached.
I give her a hug. “How was the drive?”
“Not bad.” She sets a box on the counter. “I brought you some things. Towels, that air freshener you like.” She has never looked happier. After Jay infiltrated our lives, she decided a gap year was a bad idea. She couldn’t get me out of Meyers and away from Jay fast enough.
My family sits around the living room, telling stories about the city, spilling tea about the people who aren’t here. Trevor soaks it up, and I try not to fall asleep.
“Mom, your phone.” I point to her cell, buzzing on the floor. It must have slipped out of her purse.
She picks it up and swipes to unlock it. “I’ll be right back.”
After she leaves the room, Rusty says to me and Trevor with a grin, “Have you two come up with a code yet?”
“Code?” I look at Trevor.
“He means for sex.” Trevor raises a told-you-so brow at me.
Leah chokes on her champagne.
“You have to come up with a code in case one of you brings home a date,” Rusty explains. “Like a sock on the door.”
“Gross. Do not tie a stanky sock on our door,” Trevor says.
“Me? You’re the one most likely to bring home a date.” I go to the kitchen.
“Can we change the subject?” Monte is clearly uncomfortable.
Mom returns to the living room, smiling from ear to ear. “I have amazing news. Abbi, come back in here.”
I leave my half-filled cup of soda on the counter and join her in the living room.
“I just got off the phone with the dean of admissions at the city college. He has a spot for you and Trevor this semester. Isn’t that wonderful?” Mom holds her arms out to me. I hug her and feel
the noose tighten.
Everyone congratulates her on her accomplishment. Her accomplishment. I read online the waitlist is two years long. It’s obvious she pulled strings to get us in. She used whatever influence she had to put me and Trevor at the top of the list. Isn’t this exactly what she was trying to rectify with the serum? Creating a level playing field within our kind?
“I appreciate the opportunity, Ms. Kali, I really do. But I’m not going to college.” Trevor hugs her, then leaves the room.
“I thought he’d be thrilled.” Mom looks perturbed.
“We should go,” Layla says. “You two need time to settle in.”
“But I just got here,” Mom protests.
Layla invites the group back to her house. “I have a new Danny O’Conner painting I want to show off.” She touches Rusty’s hand. He smiles sadly at the mention of Taylor’s favorite artist. She had prints of his work taped all over her room. He was the reason she wanted to be an artist.
“I don’t want to do this alone.” Rusty urges Leah and Mom to come with him for support.
“You’ll be okay?” Kalysia is waiting for more admiration, so I give it to her.
“Yes. This is everything I ever wanted.” I glance around the apartment. “Thank you.”
After a lifetime of battles, this doesn’t feel like a victory. It’s more like an impasse. Even though I’m technically living on my own, she still has control of my life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has access to the security cameras hung all over this apartment.
“Abbi.” Trevor says my name softly from the other side of the room. “I have something to tell you.”
I already know what he’s going to say. “When did you decide to go to the ceremony?”
He sighs and sits on a stool at the counter. “When Raine did.”
“That’s why she’s texting you, not me.”
“Yes and no. She’s pissed at you.”
She thinks I’m a hypocrite, and she’s right. “Tell her I’m sorry.”
“You can tell her yourself.” He checks the champagne bottle, then pours what is left into a glass. “She’s parked around the corner, waiting to come up.”
The Lunam Legacy (The Lunam Series Book 3) Page 12
