Catch Me When I Fall

by Jackson, A. L.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leif nudge at Rhys with the toe of his shoe again. “See, asshole. Think before you speak.”

  I was pretty sure that was Leif’s mantra. Motto. The way he lived his life.

  Royce shook his head.

  I didn’t see it. I felt it.

  Crap. Now I was sensing his every movement. I was so screwed.

  “It’s fine.” A rough chuckle left him. I almost drowned in it. “Might have a few mommy issues. Nothing new. No need to tiptoe around it.”

  Richard cleared his throat to break up the tension. “You want to deal in, Reilly? Asshole here is about to steal the shirt right off my back. Don’t want to be the only sucker getting swindled. Tell me you’ve got some cash to throw down.”

  I knew some words had been said between them.

  Hell, no one could miss the outright animosity that had been ricocheting between them for the last four days.

  Surely Richard wasn’t happy that Royce had kicked everyone out.

  Taken charge.

  Clearly lettin’ on that things had been brewing between us, standing firm at my side when I’d needed him in a way I hadn’t anticipated.

  And still, I needed him just as bad. Was aching for him to touch me. For him to whisper his comfort into my spirit.

  But how could I ask him to stand in the flames for me?

  Cory Douglas was a rich man. A famous man loved by millions of fans that he’d blinded with the bling of his smile and the dimple in his cheek.

  The devil’s dimple.

  He was the kind of guy who dripped slime and scum and sleaze but always got away with it.

  “Ah, he’ll have plenty of dough as soon as we finally sign, yeah?” Rhys issued it like a cheer, grinning in Royce’s direction as if they were the best of friends. “Bet there’s a big ol’ bonus when we sign on that dotted line, isn’t there, Reilly? No wonder you don’t mind climbing this bus night after night, slummin’ it with the entertainment.”

  Rhys’s deep brown eyes twinkled with mirth. The guy couldn’t be serious to save his life.

  Leif kicked him again. This time hard. “God, man. Do you have no tact?”

  Rhys hiked his shoulders again. “What? I was born in a barn. Remember?”

  “You wish, Cowboy,” Melanie said, rollin’ her eyes.

  “Stallion, Mells Bells, stallion. How many times do I have to tell you?”

  “That’s it. You’re getting your ass left in Dalton, Rhys,” she said. “I can’t be on this bus with you for another day.”

  We were playing a show in South Carolina and then had a couple days off to stay in Dalton, South Carolina.

  Our hometown.

  My chest swelled with the thought of being in my mama’s kitchen, the smell of freshly baked biscuits and love in the air.

  I couldn’t wait.

  I needed a breather.

  A break from all of this pressure.

  “Not about the money,” Royce said, gaze falling on me as if I were the ultimate target.

  An exotic destination.

  Shivers raced. Temperature rising to 150 degrees. If I stayed in his space for a second longer, I was going to combust.

  I shot to standing. “I’m gonna go work on some music in the back. Goodnight, everyone.”

  Waving an awkward hand, I scrambled for the back like my tail was on fire.

  Good thing I was going for subtle. But it wasn’t like I hadn’t been all sorts of neurotic lately. At this point, I was pretty sure they expected it.

  Heart in my throat, I fumbled down the narrow aisle of bunks, almost gasping out for the fresh air when I made it to the back room. At least in there, there was only the vague, lingering scent of Royce coating the room.

  I didn’t bother flipping on the light switch. I went right for my guitar, pulled her out of her case, and cradled her on my lap in the wafting darkness that slashed in through the windows.

  Blinks of light and miles of shadows.

  There was something comforting about it. The stars drooping low, as if I could reach out and brush my fingertips through them. Stir them up and twirl them around. Maybe become a part of them if I could somehow manage to get close enough.

  I flipped open my notebook to where I’d been working.

  Shock raked from my lungs when I saw the scraps of ripped paper that had been tucked inside. I picked them up, my eyes adjusting to the dim light, rereading the lyrics that had begun to weave, the hum of a tune infiltrating my mind.

  Come to me

  I’ve been waiting for a break.

  Looking for something to save me from myself

  I moved to the first sheet he’d tucked under my door.

  Have you been looking for someone

  To fill up what you’re missing

  Who is it who’s gonna stop you

  From the circle that keeps going ’round

  I shifted that one behind to find the one I’d left on his nightstand four mornings ago.

  My life a spiral

  You sent me spinning

  I’ve lost control

  Now I’m questioning everything I think I know

  My heart raced like mad when I shifted that one behind the others to find a new one waiting, again written in that bold, masculine script.

  I already hit rock bottom

  Waiting to catch you now

  It’s you, little mind-wrecker

  Trippin’ me up long before you could know

  Everything squeezed, my heart and my belly and the hold that I had on my guitar.

  The glue that melded us together.

  Breaths heaving from my lungs, I spread the pieces of paper out on the seat, and I strummed that low, echoing chord, humming beneath my breath as I let my spirit chase down the song.

  Threads of the obscure melody encircled me.

  Comforting and right.

  Even quieter, I began to piece together the lyrics as I picked through the progression of the patchwork song.

  My fingers fumbled on the strings when I felt the presence overpower the room.

  That lingering scent was no longer just a hint.

  It was an inundation. A torrent of longing that hit the air.

  Cedar and a dark, decadent promise of sex.

  Shivers raced across the surface of my skin.

  Slowly, I opened my eyes to find him standing in the small doorway, so much like he’d been the first day he’d stepped onto the bus. Only now, everything felt different.

  Ominous and bleak and foreboding.

  Hopeful and bright and burning.

  The man a dichotomy I wanted to discover.

  “What are you doin’ back here?” I asked.

  Tension bound.

  Pushing at him.

  Pulling at me.

  A tremble of irrevocable desire that banded us like a tether.

  Royce stepped forward and slowly slid the door closed behind him. His massive shadow towered over me. A wraith I wanted to disappear into.

  “Was worried about you,” he grunted.

  I tried to focus on him through the muted flashes of light that strobed through the trees whipping by at the side of the narrow, winding country road.

  His sharp jaw and his defined cheeks and his powerful brow.

  But it was those onyx eyes that had me pinned. Intensity brimming from their depths.

  “You don’t need to worry about me,” I whispered into the passing night.

  “I don’t think I could stop. It’s getting harder and harder to stay away from you.”

  “Don’t you think it’s for the best?” My argument felt weak. “You’re the one who’s been tellin’ me from the beginning that we are nothing but conflict.”

  “Maybe it’s a war I want to fight.”

  A sizzle of need blistered the air. The song still playing through my mind. This man standing across the space and still touching my soul.

  I gripped my guitar like a security blanket.

  “I don’t wan
t you to go down for me,” I told him.

  His nostrils flared, his body rigid as he took a step forward. “You are everything that is good in this world, Emily Ramsey. Everything that is right. Going down for you would be a fucking honor. But you aren’t the only person I owe a debt to. The only one I’m fighting for.”

  The words inscribed on his chest blazed through my mind.

  The name he begged in his dreams.

  My heart shuttered and flailed.

  Maybe ending this now was for the best, because I had to wonder right then if he could ever love me.

  The way I could feel myself falling for him.

  “Your heart isn’t yours to give away,” I murmured, a soft admission.

  His big body moved across the tiny room. Filling it full. Overpowering.

  Blood crashed through my veins, my heart hitting a jagged boom, boom, boom.

  He planted his hands on the back of the couch on either side of my head.

  Hovering.

  Towering.

  Making me squirm in my seat.

  He angled his head, his nose brushing mine. “And somehow you managed to steal a piece of it, anyway.”

  His gaze wandered to the scraps of paper I had laid out in order on the cushion.

  Could feel the energy rumble from his spirit.

  “Do you hear it, Emily? Do you feel it yet?”

  “It’s right there, waiting for me to grab it, just out of reach.”

  Just like him.

  He traced his fingertips over the scraps without looking down. As if the lyrics might seep into his bones.

  Liquid.

  “Sing it to me,” he murmured.

  Emotion knotted my throat. So tight I was sure I was choking. The feeling trying to break free.

  He angled closer, his face caught in the blinking, glittering light. Those full lips moved, barely brushing mine.

  Inviting.

  Coaxing.

  “Hum it,” he demanded.

  Our eyes locked.

  I thought maybe I could feel it crawling out of my spirit. The broken melody vibrated up my throat and spilled out of my mouth.

  The words began to bleed free.

  Come to me

  I’ve been waiting for a break

  Looking for something to save me from myself

  I swore, he inhaled them.

  Lived them.

  His jaw clenched, those eyes fierce, but he began to sing the part of the first verse he’d left for me, voice raw and filled with that same mournful intonation.

  Have you been looking for someone

  To fill up what you’re missing

  Who is it who’s gonna stop you

  From the circle that keeps going ’round

  He touched my cheek.

  My phone went off in a slew of blips.

  I jerked back, blinking off the stupor, the spell the man had me under.

  My phone blipped again.

  Royce swore under his breath. Frustrated, he raked his fingers through his hair. “Seems someone has something important to tell you.”

  Flustered, I dug into my pocket to pull it out, and I thumbed into the screen.

  I wished I hadn’t.

  Wished I would have just changed my number.

  Erase who he was and who he’d been.

  Nile: I heard you’re coming back to Dalton.

  Nile: I can’t wait to see you.

  Nile: Things aren’t right without you in my life.

  Nile: I’m going to fix this, baby. You’re going to see why you’re making a huge mistake.

  Nile: I promise you.

  I cringed as I read through his messages.

  As if he had a right or a say.

  Royce’s expression flashed possession.

  I wondered what he saw written on me. I was beginning to think the man had his own special view. A vantage no one else possessed.

  “Who is that?” This time, the demand resounded with a low undercurrent of anger.

  I blinked through the annoyance. “My ex,” I said, futility oozing out with it.

  Lost dreams and lost causes.

  How was it possible Royce’s expression darkened?

  An eclipse.

  “I take it you didn’t like what he had to say?”

  I fiddled with my phone, glancing down at it. “Not so much.” I peeked up at Royce. “It’s funny how someone can be the one to let you down, and they suddenly think you’re the one who’s holdin’ them back. That you’re the one who ruined things. Convenient, isn’t it?”

  “That’s what cheaters do, Emily. They make excuses. Pin you with the blame.”

  “Unfair, isn’t it?”

  Royce gave a tight nod. “What did he say?”

  Bitterness tumbled out in a rush of words. “He thinks he’s gonna win me back. Like I could possibly forgive him for what he did.”

  Royce angled down, getting in my line of sight. “Do you want to? To find a reason to forgive him?”

  A stake of light cut across his face right at that moment, that face illuminated in a blast of red.

  He looked like a man on fire.

  Consumed alive.

  Or maybe it was him who was consuming me.

  “There are some scars that can’t be undone,” I whispered. “And there’s nothing he could say or do that would change what he left inside of me. I needed him, Royce. Needed him more than anything, and he wasn’t there.”

  “You’re not doing that great of a job convincing me not to end this asshole.” A charge of violence streaked just under the surface of his skin. The ghastly faces on his arms coming to life.

  Screaming out for vengeance.

  But this wasn’t his debt or due.

  “No . . . though you could hog-tie him for me while I’m there. Might make my stay a little easier. He is a pig, after all.” With a tiny smile, I shrugged a single shoulder, thinking maybe I should go for light before Royce really lost control.

  Royce managed to grin around the hostility vibrating his big body.

  God, it was pretty.

  Punching me with a shot of affection so big I felt it like a chemical explosion.

  He took the phone from my hand, watching me as he did.

  Carefully.

  As if he were asking me for his trust.

  I trembled. Quivers of excitement and unease.

  “What are you doin’?” I asked, all breathy as I sat forward.

  Royce smirked. “You won’t let me take him out in the traditional sense, I have to get creative.”

  He stretched out his arm and snapped a picture, typed a bunch of words before he pressed send and tossed the phone to the other end of the couch without letting me see what he’d said.

  Then he stood, taking me with him, shocking me by wrapping me in his arms.

  What in the world?

  With Royce, I never knew if I was coming or going.

  Warmth raced. Flames and need. A combustion sparking right in the middle of me.

  Royce hugged me tighter, rocking me into a slow sway. Then he began to hum. Humming that song that had somehow become ours.

  I got lost in it, in the rough scrape of the melody that reverberated up his throat.

  I exhaled a shaky sound, falling into his embrace as he hugged me tighter. He pressed his mouth to my temple and murmured, “Finish the song, Emily Ramsey. Write it and live it. Find someone who’s good enough to live it with you.”

  Then he turned and left me standing there as he disappeared out into the main cabin. Taking another piece of me with him.

  If I’d really managed to steal a piece of his heart, then I was pretty sure he’d stolen all of mine.

  Chewing my bottom lip, I glanced at where the door had slid closed behind him before I rushed back for where he’d tossed my phone.

  The image was still there, glowing on the screen, vague and brilliant. He was glaring at the camera, ominous and dark, and I was looking at him from the side as if he were the light.
>
  You thought you could hold her back.

  Dim her light.

  Belittle her existence.

  She’s a star that can’t be extinguished.

  Soulshine.

  Her flame is too bright.

  Look too close? I’ll personally see to it that you get burned.

  And suddenly, that’s where it felt like I was. Flying. In the stars. Soaring above the earth. Wishing there was some way that I could take this beautiful man with me.

  Seventeen

  Royce

  “He’s here, Royce. Oh God, he’s here.” Whimpering echoed from the other end of the line.

  I pressed my phone harder to my ear, trying to make out the secreted words that were laced with hysteria. So quiet I could barely hear them. Only thing I could process was the hiccupped terror that was coming out of my baby sister’s mouth as she pleaded with me from across the fucking country.

  Rage pulsed beneath my ribs, and I gritted my teeth as I started to pace along the alleyway behind the club where the band had just played.

  Music throbbed through the dingy walls and rippled in shockwaves across the muddy puddles gathered in the pitted pavement. A siren wailed as it sped down the street, car engines accelerating, the sounds of the filthy city crawling through the muggy atmosphere.

  I dropped my head, gritting the words, trying to sound rational when I was two seconds from hopping on a plane so I could go on a rampage. “Calm down, Maggie. Tell me what’s happening.”

  “Cory Douglas is here. Downstairs.”

  Motherfucker.

  Was that bastard serious?

  That goddamn callous and cold?

  I tried to keep my voice calm when I was a beat from coming unhinged. “Take a deep breath, sweetheart, take a deep breath. I’m right here with you. I’m right here. Do you hear me?”

  She sucked for air. “Yes,” she whispered, sniffling, trying to contain her sobs.