Catch Me When I Fall

by Jackson, A. L.

  And I was terrified that was exactly where she was always going to be.

  Eighteen

  Emily

  “Load ’em up and move ’em out.” Rhys held open the back door of the Escalade that was waiting at the curb.

  “Cool your jets . . . since when are you the one trying to wrangle the band?” Melanie arched a brow at him as she handed her duffle bag to the driver, who was loading our luggage into the back.

  “Um . . . hello, Mells Bells. Every second we stay standing out here is one second I don’t get to spend with my mama, and that’s just uncool. So why don’t you get that sexy ass of yours into the SUV so we can get out of here.”

  “Mama’s boy.”

  Rhys touched his chest. “You say that like I’m gonna take offense to it. I think it just might be the best compliment you ever gave me. I’d go down in a blaze of glory when it comes to my mama.”

  Melanie chuckled. “I think you might be right, cowboy.”

  Rhys narrowed his eyes.

  She patted him on the chest as she edged past him. “I know, I know—stallion.”

  Rhys gasped and clutched her hand, holding it closer to his chest. “Holy shit. I think the sky might be fallin’. Did y’all hear that? Mells Bells just complimented me and acknowledged what a thoroughbred I am in the same breath. I think it’s gonna be a damned good day.”

  “It will be a good day when we finally get to Dalton,” Richard grumbled.

  “Then let’s do this shit,” Rhys said, smacking his hands together as the last bag was placed inside and the driver lowered the hatch.

  A tremble of nerves rumbled through my body. I glanced over at Royce, who was standing on the sidewalk, hands shoved in his pockets, wearing another of his suits.

  Sunshine poured over him. Lighting him up even though I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him appear so dark.

  Beautiful and raw and rippling with that energy that grew stronger every day.

  “You ready to check out our hometown, Money Man?” Rhys asked. “You should probably know you don’t need to be wearing that suit.”

  Somehow, Rhys had convinced Royce to come with us to “check out the old hood.”

  The hint of a smile played around Royce’s mouth. “I figured if I am going to meet your mom, I’d better dress to impress.”

  With the way his eyes cut to me, I wondered exactly whose mom he was talking about.

  He was staying with us since my mama had an extra room.

  Need twisted my belly.

  Last night, everything had finally shattered when I saw him with that woman at the bar.

  For a split second, I’d thought he was with her. I’d been struck frozen while visions of him taking her back to his room had assaulted me. Stripping her of her clothes. Touching her the way I was desperate for him to touch me.

  And I knew it then—in the way my heart had completely clutched in my chest. Stalling out before it’d jumped into a sprint when he’d looked at me as if he’d been watching for me.

  Waiting for me.

  As if he needed me every bit as much as I needed him.

  I was falling and there was zero hope of being caught.

  Swept away by a current that was stronger than my reservations.

  That current only intensified when Royce edged up behind me right then, his breath caressing the shell of my ear.

  “In you go, Precious,” he murmured just for me, voice rough as he guided me toward the third-row seat.

  The very backseat that the two of us had been relegated to. Melanie had claimed she’d put all our names in a basket and pulled them out at random.

  I called BS, although there was a bigger part of me that wasn’t complaining at all. The part that shivered with needy nerves as I climbed into the backseat.

  It was my heart sure it was getting ready to get crushed all over again that was doing the worrying.

  Royce guided his massive body in beside me.

  I did my best not to breathe him in.

  Useless.

  I was inhaling all things Royce Reilly.

  Cedar and sex and that lingering scent of cigarettes. I had the urge to burrow my nose to his throat.

  In the cramped confines, the outside of his thigh pressed up against mine.

  My heart stuttered and heaved.

  This was going to be a very long trip.

  Everyone else piled in, Rhys in the front, Richard and Melanie in the middle.

  Leif had flown home to spend the few days off with his wife and their kids.

  The driver pulled out of the hotel and headed in the direction of my hometown.

  “Here we go,” Rhys called. “Dalton, South Carolina. Best fucking town on the planet. Basically because I was bred and born there.” Rhys shifted around to toss an exaggerated wink to Royce.

  Royce just grinned with a small shake of his head.

  Looked like Rhys was winning him over, too. Adding an easiness to the air that wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for his casual smiles and friendly gestures and over-the-top ridiculousness.

  It was hard not to love Rhys Manning. I just wondered if he’d ever completely love someone back.

  Well, other than his mama, of course.

  The car sped down the road, the city disappearing behind us as we began the two-hour trip that would take us deep into the country.

  My gaze drifted out the window, taking in the increasingly familiar scenery. God, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed it. How I’d been longin’ for something familiar. Something that reminded me at the end of the day, after the lights went down and the glitz faded away, that this . . . this was what was important.

  Family.

  Above, blue skies seemed to go on forever. It was dotted by a few flawlessly puffed white clouds that looked as if they’d been drawn on a child’s coloring page, one perfectly hewn at the bottom edge of a blazing sun so distinct you could almost make out the little triangular rays.

  I’d have been lulled into the deepest comfort if it hadn’t have been for the tension that bottled in the space between Royce and me.

  Awareness thick.

  Our breaths shallow. Time spinning in a way that felt as if it were knitting us together all while forcing us apart.

  Two worlds shoved together that couldn’t possibly fit.

  And somehow . . . somehow, I was getting to the point that I was willing to risk it all to give it a try.

  Would he be willin’, too?

  Because I was pretty sure a risk was the only thing we were.

  The SUV slowed as we made our way into a town that could barely be considered a city.

  Royce leaned over, eyes watching me as he whispered, “Are you happy to be going home?”

  There was almost pain in the question.

  I pulled his hand into my lap for the briefest second, squeezed it in sincerity. “Yes. So happy. I have to admit I’m glad you’re goin’ to be there with me. That you can see where we’re from.”

  Regret and something that looked like guilt traipsed across his face. “I hope you can always say that about me—that you’re happy I was here. A part of your life . . .”

  He didn’t add the rest, even though I heard it plain as day—before I am gone.

  A stake of the grief I could already feel coming sliced through my heart.

  Agony.

  I forced myself to ignore it, gave him a smile as the driver pulled up in front of Melanie’s childhood home. She hopped out almost before the car came to a complete stop. Apparently, Rhys wasn’t the only anxious one. “See you all tomorrow!” she said, rushing to the back and grabbing her bag.

  In less than a beat, we were back on the road, driving through the tiny town and even farther into the country.

  Here, it was nothing but a dirt two-lane road. The driver slowed and made a right-hand turn onto the narrow lane that led to our properties. Rhys’s family lived on the left, and ours was off to the right. Both homes were set on three acres of rolling fields, though o
urs had a corral and a barn to shelter the horses.

  “Go left,” Rhys instructed.

  The SUV rolled to a stop at a clearing in front of the small white house. A single-story three-bedroom with a porch on the front. Rhys hopped out and popped his head back into the cab. “See you in a bit, suckers.”

  “No rush,” Richard ribbed.

  “Don’t act like you won’t be missing me,” he told him, reaching in to pat him on the cheek.

  Richard grabbed his hand and squeezed.

  Rhys jerked away, laughing and shaking out his hand, though he was still leaning in. “Ow, you asshole. You overcompensatin’ for something with that grip? Or are you just trying to get rid of me so you can stand in the limelight? Don’t be fucking with my hand. Next stop Nashville, baby. The big time. Don’t go and fuck that up. Y’all would suck ass without me.”

  “You wish, dude,” Rich taunted, smiling wide.

  “No wishin’ about it.” Rhys winked.

  Nerves roiled through my spirit with the mention of Nashville.

  It was coming up fast. Faster than I anticipated. Here before I could make sense of it.

  Royce glanced at me.

  As if he’d felt it.

  That powerful gaze met mine. A hard whisper in my ear that I felt like a caress. You can do this.

  Rhys pointed at each of us. “Y’all don’t have too much fun without me. See you tonight for dinner. Tell your mom to make double the mashed potatoes. This boy here is hungry.”

  He patted at his ridiculously flat, muscled abs.

  “Like she forgot who you are,” Richard grunted. He glanced at Royce. “Asshole would eat all the food at his house and then come raid our fridge.”

  “How could I not when your mom loves me more than you? That’d be rude. She even stocked extra Oreos in spots that only I could find them.”

  “That was me trying to hide them from you, jackass,” Rich deadpanned.

  “Liar!” Rhys sang, laughing loud, slamming the door shut and slinging his duffle over his shoulder as he headed for the porch. The Escalade was backing up when his mama came flying out and threw her arms around his neck.

  Dropping his bag, he lifted her up and spun her around.

  So sweet. But it felt even sweeter when Royce hooked his pinky finger with mine, our hands hidden between our legs where they rested on the seat. The smallest embrace. A tiny reminder that he was here, with me, at least for a little while.

  The hardest part was knowing the only thing I wanted was for him to stay.

  * * *

  “What can I do to help?” I asked as I stepped down into my mama’s old kitchen from the narrow second set of stairs.

  The scent of a chicken roasting in the oven held fast to the air, and warm sunshine slanted down through the window, spraying spikes of light onto the worn linoleum floor.

  I was hit with a burst of longing.

  A nostalgia so fierce I could feel it hugging my spirit like an old friend.

  My mama was wearing shorts and a tee, her graying hair tied up in a tight bun, her middle expanding in time with the lines that deepened on her face.

  She glanced over her shoulder at me from where she was at the counter snapping the ends off the fresh green beans that no doubt had come from her garden.

  Her smile so wide, her green eyes sparkling with an outpouring of love.

  She would always be the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. The picture of who I wanted to be.

  “I thought you were nappin’?” she said with one of her small, curious smiles.

  I huffed out a sound. “Couldn’t sleep,” I admitted as I waded farther into the kitchen, coming up to her side so I could help her with the chore.

  From the side, she took a long look at me, studying hard, her voice lowered when she asked, “This have something to do with that man who came following you in this afternoon?”

  I flinched a little. Was I that obvious?

  “Mmmm,” she mused, looking at the job she was doing as if it wasn’t anything at all when I could feel her toiling with something big. “He is somethin’ to look at, isn’t he? Little scary, actually.”

  She cut a glance my way, watching for my reaction. Ready to catch my true feelings. The woman had always been able to read me like an open book. One that had pictures painted in just to be sure you actually picked up on the meaning. Hell, I was pretty sure that book even had cliff notes.

  “I’m a little scared of the way he makes me feel, honestly.”

  She gave a tight nod, as if she totally got it. “So . . . are you two a thing?”

  “No,” I mumbled, snapping the end of a bean and tossing it into the colander.

  She laughed a light, knowing sound. “Well, there may not be any labels you have placed on each other, but you definitely are something. I felt you two coming on like a sonic boom. Think I felt the rumble of it an hour before you hit town.”

  “No, Mama. I think we might be too complicated for each other. Too messed up. Besides, we don’t exactly match, do we? I think I might be a little simple for him.”

  She pushed out a small sigh. “Too simple? I don’t think so, sweet girl. But there is no doubt that man is carrying around a burden. You can see it written all over him. Holds his shoulders too high to keep the weight from crushing him.”

  I blinked through the confusion. “He’s a fortress, Mama.”

  She bumped her hip into mine. “One you wanna climb.”

  “Mama,” I chastised.

  She laughed. “What? You’re a grown woman, and that is one fine looking man.”

  “Mama,” I hissed quickly again, though I was laughing a little, too.

  “I might be old, but I’m not blind.”

  “You’re not old.”

  “You’re the blind one,” she told me softly, as softly as she was looking at me. She reached out and touched my cheek. “And I see the burden you’re carrying, too, Em.” She grimaced. “I hate that Nile hurt you. I nearly chased that boy out of town with a stick when I found out what he’d done.”

  My head slowly shook. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  I fumbled a smile, and she frowned. “What is it, sweet girl? It’s more, isn’t it? There’s something there that wasn’t there before. Something that’s dimming those trusting eyes, and I hate to see that.”

  I scrambled around for an explanation, for something to give her because I didn’t want to give her a lie. If she knew about Richard, about what I’d done to protect him, what it’d done to me, she would be devastated.

  But I knew if I was goin’ to take a stand, neither of those things would remain a secret for long.

  Dread curled through my body.

  A bridge I was going to have to burn was coming up fast.

  Would I be brave enough to light the match?

  My tongue darted out to wet my dried lips as I struggled for the right words. “All my life growing up, you told me that life is full of choices. Ones we don’t always want to have to make but we’re forced into. That sometimes life takes us directions we never planned on goin’.”

  “It’s never too late to turn back.”

  “But what if we get there and there’s no way of leaving? What if we have a dead-end coming up, and there is no way to stop before we collide with it?”

  Worry sped across her features, and she set her hand on my cheek. “You can trust me with anything, Emily. You know that, don’t you?”

  I pressed her hand closer. “I do. But there are some things we have to stand up and do for ourselves.”

  “I will always be here if you need me. But the one thing I want you to remember is if you’re in the middle of something, dealing with a stronghold in your life? Know you have the power to crush it. Make the choice never to go back. Or if you are stuck? In a place you can’t leave no matter what? You make that place your own. Conquer the cruelty. Own the oppression.” Her voice deepened with emphasis. “You, Emily Ramsey, are stronger than you thin
k.”

  I started to respond, but I fumbled, words dying on my tongue when I felt the presence invade.

  A quiet power that infiltrated the room.

  I glanced up to find Royce standing in the kitchen entryway, shifting in discomfort, roughing one of those inked hands through his black hair.

  God, the man was staggering.

  Stunning where he stood.

  He’d changed into ripped jeans and an old band tee, his attire so different than what I’d grown accustomed to seeing him wear, though it somehow seemed to fit him perfectly.

  He looked like he’d been plucked from a stage. A rocker who played hard and fast and a little wicked. Or maybe like one of those tatted Instagram boys with a gazillion followers, tossing one of those sinful, brooding smiles at the camera.

  So sexy he wasn’t real.

  So appealing he sent my tummy quivering and my knees knocking right there.

  My mama sent me a glance, as if she were worried the entire place was gonna go kaboom.

  “Hi,” I whispered, the word trembling like my heart.

  “Hey, sorry to interrupt. I was just looking for a glass of water.”

  My mama jumped into action. “Oh, goodness, I’m so sorry. And here I pride myself on being a good host, and I didn’t even offer you anything to drink.” She grabbed a glass from the cupboard. “I have fresh-brewed iced tea if you’d prefer?”

  “Water is fine, thank you, ma’am.”

  Why did his being polite instead of bossy and demanding get me all hot and bothered, too?

  This boy was a danger to my mind. To my sanity. Who was I kidding? He’d already stolen it. Left me reeling and unsure and wanting things that were going to leave me scarred and banged up more than I already was.

  Why did we always go chasing after pain?

  Ice clanked as she dropped it in the glass, my mama moving quick as she filled it the rest of the way with water from the dispenser on the fridge.

  While Royce just stood there watching me.

  Pinning me.

  Owning me.

  It was true.

  This bad boy?

  He had my heart.

  And I knew he was going to leave it mangled.