by Ryan Michele
“Thank you.”
He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze, then released me. Instantly the loss of his heat hit me somewhere deep. I liked it. A lot. It also got my mind swirling, and where it took me wasn’t the best headspace.
Katie loved watching those shows where they did paternity tests and the ‘you are not the father’ or the opposite reveals in this big dramatic way. People would storm off screen to find out their baby wasn’t theirs, or they’d cry when the baby was.
This kind of felt like one of those moments. It plagued me, and now was as good a time as any to ask him. “How do you know Remy’s yours?” For all he knew I could be some floozy who slept with everyone and not know who my baby daddy was. He met me at a club, for God’s sakes, and I’d fucked him without thinking twice. Sure, we’d used condoms, but I could be lying through my teeth to get his… Hell, I didn’t even know what he had, but you get the point.
“Your eyes,” he said, mysteriously confusing me.
What the hell did my eyes have to do with anything?
“Huh?”
He gazed at me, his focus so intense I forgot to breathe.
“They don’t lie. You have this spark in your green eyes that isn’t cold, damp, gray or negative. It’s light, sunshine and honest.” My heart stopped a beat as he continued.
“Been to a lot of places over the last four years and picked up some good skills. One is reading people, and the easiest way to do that is through their eyes.” He paused. “And the fact that if it wasn’t true you wouldn’t put your little girl through meeting a stranger. You love her. That much is absolute. I have a feeling you’d do absolutely anything to protect her. Just like you leaving your home to keep her. You wouldn’t lie about something of this magnitude. You’re not that kind of girl.”
Relief flooded me. I didn’t realize until he answered the question how much that answer would mean to me. “No. I wouldn’t, but know that you were the only one I slept with during that time.”
“During that time?” His brow quirked. “What are we talking here?”
My head shook as I let out a chuckle. “I’m not getting into my sexual history right now. Just know that you were the only option to be Remy’s father.”
Truth was, I’d only had one guy before him. It was years before, and it was horrible beyond belief. Everything else I learned through the books I hid in my room. Proving once again I was not cut out for the life my parents wanted me to have. All these glaring signs, and it took my baby to get me the hell away from there.
“Good to know,” he said on a slight grin. “So you’ve been here in Sumner for a while then?”
“Yeah. We moved here when Remy was only twelve weeks inside of me and haven’t looked back.”
“Do you miss your folks?” he asked, turning to look at me.
That was a loaded question with so many different answers that it made my head spin. I didn’t know if I could answer it completely. “Yes and no.”
His brow quirked. He had a serious thing with the brow quirk, and it was becoming very cute. Knock it off, Ens. He’s just getting to know you for Remy!!
I continued, “I mean, I miss the idea of a mother and father. I miss the idea of a family unit. I miss having a group of people around to help. But that’s the thing—they were all ideas to me. Never a reality. My father had seven wives and so many kids it was crazy. I’d look around at times and wonder how this was my life. Wondered how I could have seven mothers and more half siblings than a football team. It was unreal to me. Even being born into it didn’t change my thoughts on the matter.”
“Isn’t that what the religion states?” he asked, surprising me. I wondered if he knew about us.
“That’s what we’re taught from the time we’re born. Men need to spread their seed and make as many children as possible to keep God’s word going. Women are there to procreate and take whatever the husband gives them and isn’t to complain. It was a very strange way to grow up. Me? I’d always been the oddball but learned very early not to question anything out loud only to do it in private.”
Boy did I ever learn.
“What the hell does that mean? They hurt you?” He asked with a bite to his words as if he were going to jump up from this table, hunt down my family and beat the ever-loving daylights out of them. Was it twisted that I found I really liked that notion? That it made me like him more and even admire him just for thinking it?
I gazed over the water watching it sparkle in the sunlight. This was one of my favorite places to be. Austyn and Ryker even had a playset put in off to the side for Remy because we loved it here so much and spent a ton of time here. It was like going to the park but minus the bad parts like germs.
“It wasn’t a nice place sometimes Micah. But what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” And it did in the end.
“I would’ve never guessed you came from that type of family the night we met.”
That would be the truth. I ditched my neck to ankle coverings and exposed a lot of skin that night we were together. No one would know where I came from. It was a way to be someone else. To think about what my life could’ve been if I hadn’t been born to this family.
“That was the point. It was a chance to go out and just have fun. Just so happens I met a hot guy and well…” I trailed off. At his shoulder bump I giggled. “Yeah. Things happen and we just have to make the most of them.”
“You’ve done remarkably well for yourself.”
I shrugged loving the compliment, but my pride wouldn’t let me acknowledge that. “If it weren’t for Ryker and the entire Ravage MC, I don’t know where we’d be right now. We left with a garbage bag and nothing else. Ryker was a lifeline helping us change our names and disappearing into a puff of smoke. Never once did he say we were a pain in his ass or that he was tired of doing this or that. He just put on a smile and acted his crazy self never skipping a beat and we needed that at the time. There was too much heavy going on and Ryker lightening the load helped tons.”
“It took guts to leave everything you know and not have a clue what the next steps were all to protect Remy. What did your parents say they were going to do when they found out you were pregnant?”
I’d purposely avoided this when talking earlier because I hated even the thought of it. “They were going to take me to the clinic to kill her.”
His hand darted out resting on my knee as if this news rocked him down to his foundation. “So fuckin’ happy you got out of there. By the way, that’s a kickass name.”
This warmed me straight to my core. “Thanks. Katie and I were searching, and it popped up. As soon as I saw it, I knew. Knew this little girl would be Remy. Its origin comes from the French and it’s intended to be a boy’s name. Me, it was my girl.”
He smiled bright. “You know you’re not alone in this anymore, Ensley. I’m here. I want to be a part of Remy’s life. I’ll work with you on how that happens, but I want to help you in any way I can whether it be monetary or my time. I’ll take what you let me have.”
This should scare me like it did the other night, but sitting here talking to him, it didn’t. He had a way of putting me at ease and talking to him came natural. He wasn’t going to take away my little girl. He just wanted to help and get to know her. That meant the world to me. It would also take a lot of getting used to as well.
“I want you to know her too. She’s a bundle of energy.” I reached in my back pocket and pulled out my phone pulling up a picture of her and handing it to Micah. “This is her.” I probably looked like the crazy mom who just wanted to shove pictures in everyone’s face, but I was proud of my little girl.
He took the phone from my hands and stared at the screen for a moment not saying anything. He just touched the screen reverently like he was memorizing the photo. I’d thought I had lost him there for a moment until he spoke. “She’s beautiful. A little blonde baby. Who would’ve thought that one? With us both being dark haired. She has my eyes.”
; I swore I saw him swipe the corner of his eye. This was really getting to him and I respected that.
“She does have your eyes and they are beautiful. But…she has this horrible habit of sucking her thumb quite a bit and I’ve given up trying to break her of it. It’s not worth the fight.”
He chuckled. “Learning to pick your battles. Totally get that one.” He paused. “Gotta tell you I admire you and what you’ve done to protect Remy and yourself. Not a lot of women would go to such lengths. And she’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe I helped make her.”
This made me chuckle and it also had those warm feeling flowing through me once again. I liked the thought. “Yeah. You did, but she must have your wild streak because no way she got that from me.” I couldn’t even keep a straight face saying it. The way we met kind of blew that out of the water. She and I were rebels. I could live with that.
“Never.” He smiled and it was gorgeous. The kind that should be on a magazine cover. It lit up his face turning his defined features a bit softer and way too hot. Pull yourself together woman!
“So you were in the Marines.” I tried changing the subject hoping that he’d let me. There was so much heavy again.
Luckily, he did. “Yeah. Been all over.”
“What did you do there?” I had zero clue about what Marines did at any place or time. No one around me growing up was in the service. Hell we didn’t even learn about it. But since being out on my own, I’d watched enough television to know bullets flew and it was a huge risk of one’s life.
“Computers and tech. I was on the ground in the field a lot.”
“Did you like it?”
“Yep. I’d done computer stuff before going in and the Marines knew I had skills there and used them to their advantage. They did. When it was time to leave, they asked me to stay on another four years, but I bowed out.”
That was interesting. Could one actually bow out of the military? “Really?”
“Yeah. It was time to come home.”
“They just let you leave?”
He aimed his sexy smile my way causing flutters in my stomach. “Yeah. I’d finished my contract with them. It was my choice to stay or go. I chose to go.”
That was a good thing. I liked he was home now. “What do you do now then? For a job I mean.”
“Computers still. I have clients that I work with some that were from before I left, others new from reference.”
This sounded seriously intriguing and I wanted to know more. “Doing what?”
He smirked. “Can’t get into all that Ensley. There are some things that are better that you don’t know. With my clients there is a strict confidentiality and both ends must follow it. Same with when I was inside. I can’t tell you about those missions because they were and are classified.”
This shocked me as something hit me. “Are you doing illegal stuff?”
His head shook. “Just stuff that’s confidential.”
Somehow, I didn’t think he was telling me the whole truth, but I understood confidential stuff. It didn’t mean I had to like it. I liked knowing everything around me as much as possible. This would be one of those things up in the air that I hoped didn’t fall and hit me in the damn head. “Okay.”
I looked to my watch seeing the time. “Shit. I have to get home. Katie has to go to work. She took a late shift since I had the day off.”
“When can I meet Remy?”
My heart thumped hard in my chest and hesitation hit me. Him talking about seeing her and actually doing it were two different things. But it had to happen no matter how much it worried me. She could not get hurt in all of this. “I’m off on Friday. Can we meet up then? Maybe here?”
“We’ll make this work Ensley.” He said and I felt like he was telling the truth. As scary as all this was we would make it through.
We hopped off the picnic table and he walked me to my car. “Yeah, we will.”
This was going to be a challenge because being with him, those old feelings rose from that night together. I had to squash them down and lock them up tight. Us being together was only because of Remy and I needed to keep that on the front burner in my mind. This was Remy’s dad. Nothing more. Nothing less. Now, if I could just tell my brain and body that.
18
Ensley
“So tell me all about it!” Katie excitedly yelled as Remy ran to me clutching onto my leg as I bent down and picked her up into my arms. While Micah and my time together was good, I was happy to be home. Even as overwhelmed and scared as I felt about everything circling around me, Remy always made everything better.
“It went alright. He’s really easy to talk to.” I replied, giving Remy a big hug letting her wrap herself around me and soaking in her baby scent.
“And he’s not into the whole taking away thing.” She said in code so Remy wouldn’t understand. It was one good thing at this age, they didn’t know yet when shit was about to hit the fan. Those days would be greatly missed when she could spell and or understand our codes.
“No. He just wants to be part of her life and that’s good. She’ll love that.”
Remy’s hands came to either side of my face grabbing my attention. As soon as I looked at her she smacked me with a kiss and said, “Mama!” with a bright smile causing me to giggle.
“Hey baby. Did you have a good time with Auntie Katie?”
She bobbed her little head. “Cookies!”
“We frosted some, but more went on the table and in her mouth than anything. But we had fun. A mess, but fun.” Katie replied taking a seat on the couch.
I looked over to the small kitchen table and it was clean. “And had time to clean it up too. Thanks for that.” Huge relief for that. Today with Micah didn’t leave a lot of energy left. I felt wiped and drained both in uncertainty and relief if that were a plausible combination.
Katie shrugged. “All good. She had fun, that’s all that matters. So… stop delaying tell me about him.” She patted the seat next to her. I followed.
“I don’t really know a whole lot about him yet. He was a Marine, which you knew. He worked in computers and tech. He still does computers now. His family is part of the club. That’s about all.”
“Does he live with his parents or have his own place?”
I thought on that for a moment. “I don’t know. We didn’t get down to talking about him too much. We focused more on Remy.” And me.
“Well, you’d better get to know him really well with him coming into our lives Ens.”
Remy kicked her little feet and I put her down to watch her run through the apartment. I pulled the throw pillow up and hugged it. “I will. All this will take time. Can’t jump into everything at once. He knows this and said he’ll talk to his parents too. He seems to really understand where I’m coming from here.”
“Get that. Look I gotta run I’m sorry.” Katie said looking at her watch and jumping up. “Have a good night with her. Oh and sorry if she’s bouncing off the walls. Sugar and all.”
“Gee, thanks.” The crash would be harsh for my little girl. The good with the bad. She’d learn eventually.
“Not a problem.” Katie dashed off and I finally felt like I could breathe.
It wasn’t until later that night after Remy was asleep that what Katie asked me ran through my head. Tossing and turning, I was getting nowhere with sleep. Tired of fighting it, I decided something had to be done. I grabbed my phone and went to the recent list.
Tapping on Micah’s number, my fingers flew over the keypad needing to do this, but terrified all the same.
Ensley: Hey It’s Ensley. Are you around?
It only took a minute before the little bubbles showed on my screen letting me know he was typing. My stomach felt in knots, even more that when I met him today. How that was possible I did not know. My thumb started to come to my mouth, but I stopped it. It was a habit I was going to break.
Micah: Yep. What’s up?
What’s up? Ever
y damn thing in my life seemed to be tilted at the moment. Everything was up in the air like a bunch a balls and if I didn’t juggle them just right, they’d all fall to the ground smashing this life I’d built. If I didn’t blow up before this was dealt with it would be a miracle.
Ensley: Do you live at home with your parents?
Micah: Gotta say that wasn’t the question I thought you’d ask, but no. I have my own place. Closed on it and already moved in. You can come see it anytime.
A flutter came to my belly as I typed.
Ensley: I’d like that. Do you live alone?
Micah: Normally, yeah, but my buddy Dryerson is staying with me for the time being.
Ensley: Is that a guy or a girl?
I instantly backspaced that before hitting send and retyped.
Ensley: Gotcha. I’ll let you go then.
Micah: No need. How’s Remy doing?
It totally warmed my heart that he was thinking about Remy and if she was okay.
Sitting in my bed, I snapped a picture of Remy sleeping in her crib and sent it to him.
Ensley: Sleeping like a baby.
Micah: She’s even more beautiful sleeping.
Ensley: Just wait until you have to chase her naked little butt around because she won’t put on clothes.
Micah: Know you can’t see this, but I’m seriously laughing.
Ensley: good, but it won’t be a joke once it happens.
Micah: So you’re raising a streaker?
It was my turn to laugh, but I did it quietly as not to wake up sleeping beauty.
