“Fear. It’s stopping me from moving forward. It’s stopping me from being who I’m supposed to be.”
“Don’t let it stop you.”
“Every time I get to the door, I remember. I remember the accident and how it happened. My sister died. I didn’t. I didn’t and I could have. I don’t know what I could have done different and I’ve never experienced that type of fear in my life. I could have died.”
“But you didn’t. Paige, it was your chance to do more. As surgeons that’s what we do—we give people chances. Isn’t that why you decided to become a surgeon?”
She nodded slowly.
“Take my hand and walk with me. When we get to the door I want you to think of why you’re here.”
My whole body sighed with relief when she took my hand. I didn’t care who saw me and what they thought. I was holding her hand and I was going to help her get past this obstacle in her life.
We moved forward and her grip tightened the closer we got. We got to the door and it was further than we had the last time.
We stepped through the door and she pulled in a deep breath when we saw one of the medical students working on a body. There were another three people toward the far end. Paige moved closer to me and I put my arm around her.
“These people here, all of them, the ones on the table and the doctors working on them, are all here for the same reason.” Sometimes when I spoke these days I hardly recognized myself. I was different to how I used to be. Different from that guy who used to mess around and walk through life like it was one joyride. “All the people on the tables are here because they wanted others to benefit in some way from their donation. They, or their families, donated their bodies for medical research and the further advancement of medicine in some way. It’s not death…it’s life. We’re all here to save lives. All of us.”
Her lips parted and her eyes widened. She held my gaze and released a sigh.
“Life…”
I nodded. “It’s life.”
She moved back a little out of my embrace and looked at me, but still held on to my hand. Nervously, she glanced over at the doctor who was working on the body near us. She looked like she wanted to go over there but froze up.
“Why don’t you go over and see what’s happening? You’ll be okay.” I was hoping this would help her more. She just needed to get back what she lost.
“You think so? I don’t want to embarrass myself by fainting.”
I smiled. “You’ll be fine. You’ve done this hundreds of times. Nothing to worry about. This is just one more time.” I gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
“Hundreds of times. Yes, I have. I have.” She nodded seeming more confident.
“And I’m here, Paige. I’m right here if you need me.”
That seemed to mean something to her.
“Thank you,” she said breathlessly.
On another breath she released my hand and turned to and walked closer to the doctor. He looked up and offered her a smile.
I watched Paige, who couldn’t get an inch close to a body weeks ago, walk right up to the operating table and she seemed fine. If that wasn’t an accomplishment I didn’t know what was. Aside from how I felt about her, this felt like something good for me too.
“Hi…what kind of procedure are you doing?” she asked him.
“Heart transplant. I have a certification exam soon,” he answered. She smiled.
“Wow, good luck. Looks like you’re doing a great job.” Paige nodded.
“Thank you.”
Paige made her way back to me with a smile on her beautiful face.
“I did it, I’m doing it now. I still feel a little anxious but I don’t have that lightheadedness.” She bubbled. “Ryan…I feel like myself.”
I gave her a warm smile. “Well done! See, I knew you could do it.”
“With your help,” she stated, but then it was like she’d just realized something and the smile receded from her face. Just realized, or remembered.
I could almost read her mind. She was thinking about us. This morning, the whole thing.
“Thank you, I…have to go.” She made a move to go but I caught her arm and pulled her back to me.
“Paige…”
“No…I don’t know what came over me this morning but I meant what I said, and I don’t want to need you like this. It’s not good.” She looked at me with hurt in her eyes.
“You don’t need me, and if you did I wouldn’t mind you needing me.” It was all true but I needed to say something better than that if I wanted her. I just didn’t know what the right thing was. “Come home with me.” The words fell from my lips without me thinking first. But it was what I wanted.
Her.
Her, not here or anywhere else. Her, at my house. In my home. Maybe then I could feel out some kind of answer.
That spark came back to her eyes. “Home?”
“Home.”
She gazed at me and for a second I thought she was going to say no. I thought she would decline and stick to her decision, but she didn’t. Instead of doing any of that she nodded.
“Yes.”
Chapter 16
Ryan
No talking.
No form of talking was done.
The minute we stepped into my house I had her up against my wall. Clothes came off downstairs and we ventured up to my bed where I feasted on her perfect body.
In my head I kept thinking of the answer.
The answer for what I should do.
Be with her…that was what it was to me. Be with her, but how?
Dad would find out. When people were already suspicious they didn’t need a reason to continue to search until they found something. In my case I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act like I didn’t have feelings for Paige, or like I didn’t want her.
How was I supposed to do that? Each time I had her I got lost in her. Lost in her body and soul. Every time she looked at me I saw that need for me. The want and the desire that made me want to keep touching her.
She’d fallen asleep about an hour ago and we had to be up in an hour. I didn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t.
I watched her though.
I sat over by the window bay and watched the moonlight spill over the perfect body of the woman in my bed wrapped in the navy silk sheets. That mass of white-blonde hair spilled out across the pillow like sunlight. Sunlight against the moonlight. Like night and day. Both were striking to look at. Just like her. I loved seeing all the different sides to her. I liked seeing her personality reveal itself to me.
It was different for me because I never knew I could feel this way about one woman.
My phone buzzed on the floor and I picked it up.
It was Cole.
It wasn’t unusual for him to message me at this hour. It was normally to check if I was on site. What was unusual today was his question.
Are you okay?
That’s all the message said.
I wasn’t okay and he must have known what Dad was doing was wrong or he wouldn’t have messaged.
I didn’t message back. Not because I was angry with him, but it was because if I said no, he’d call me or, fuck, even come here.
We might not get on most times but when Cole decided to play big brother he did it well.
I set the phone down and Paige stirred and rolled on to her side reaching out her hand across the sheet. Feeling for me. I felt like a complete asshole when I imagined her doing that that first night when I’d left.
When her hands came away with nothing her eyes opened and she looked around until she saw me.
I made my way over to her and sat on the bed.
“Hey,” she said in a groggy voice. “What time…what time is it?”
She glanced outside, saw how dark it still was, and looked back to me.
“Time for more.” I smiled, tugging at the sheet so it fell away from her gorgeous breasts.
She swatted away my hands and giggled when I tried to touch her. “Ryan, you are terrible. You had me all night.”
“And I still want more.” I pulled her closer to me and moved the sheet uncovering her naked body. “I want you.” I did. I didn’t care what the time was. The world could wait. I wanted her again.
I cupped her massive globes and lowered to suck her right nipple, then her left. The little pink nipples pebbled instantly and hardened when I sucked harder.
I could have done this all night and died a happy man. I loved that she allowed me to do this to her and touch her everywhere.
“You can have me,” she moaned, running her fingers through my hair, holding me in place so I could continue my wild suckle. “That feels so good.”
My cock hardened and I was ready to go again. With the way we’d gone crazy all night I was surprised. “I’m about to make you feel better.”
I sucked harder until she started moaning louder then I knew she was almost coming. I wanted to taste that sweet nectar again. One more time before the sun came up.
I trailed kisses down her stomach and down to her sweet pussy where I parted her thighs and nuzzled my face in, pressing my tongue right up inside her core.
Sweet, sweet juice like honey coated my tongue. Sweet and full of the wild sexual desire we always seemed to share. I held her in place as she writhed against my mouth, moaning and groaning. Calling my name. Hearing my name on her lips was divine. It urged me to continue until my mouth was full of the taste of her.
I wanted more. Her orgasm took her and she arched her back into the bed.
I continued drinking from her pretty pussy. Eating her out until there was nothing left. I’d licked her clean. I drank her up and licked her clean, then moved back so I could watch her come undone in my bed. Watch the desire and pleasure on her face from what I did to her.
“Ryan…” she moaned and sat up with a cunning smile on her face. I liked this side of her. The sexy side. It was a side I hadn’t seen much in the time I knew her, and it seemed to be there just for me. Only for me. And part of me wanted to keep it that way.
I moved in to kiss her, running my fingers over her slender neck. She kissed me back, but pulled away smiling.
“Hey, you can’t torture me like that.” I tried to reach for her again but she pulled back.
“I want to taste you too.”
“Taste me.” I cupped her face and practically drooled over the vision of having her mouth on my cock. Like fuck, I would never lie and say I never imagined it and here she was offering it up like this was some kind of fantasy.
“Taste you.” She slid closer pressing her dainty hands on my chest to push me back into the headboard, then she ran those fingers down to my waist and pulled down my boxers. My cock sprang free, jutting toward her, beckoning her to take it. And take it she did.
I took off my boxers to give her better access and here we were again naked together. Her with her beautiful tits bobbling before me as she wrapped one slender hand around my shaft. Me getting ready to get lost in her all over again.
Running her fingers up and down my length she smiled then lowered her blonde head to lick the tip. I watched her, watched the way she held me like she wanted me, and fuck I nearly came right there in her hands when she took me into her mouth and started sucking. She’d done this for me before. This time felt different.
I wanted more. Just like everything else with her. More of her. More of this feeling I had inside me that craved more of the thing she gave me. The thing that only she could give me. Every time she touched me it was a reminder.
It was scary. It was terrifying actually because it was realization of what it was I felt for her.
Paige Taylor.
She sucked me hard and I felt it, the tug of desire tighten in my balls that told me my release was near, but I wanted to finish inside her.
I ran my hands over her soft hair not wanting her to stop but also wanting to choose the poison of pleasure.
“Princess I need to be inside you now,” I groaned.
With one last lick she lifted her head and smiled.
Yes. Just like that…
I wanted to see her face just like that as I pounded into her. I set her down on her back to lay on the pillows. Her eyes clung to mine in wild anticipation.
I went to get a condom from the nightstand, but she stopped me.
“Just you, I want to feel you inside me. I’m…on birth control. You’re…the first man I’ve been with in two years so if you trust me, we can…”
I was stuck on hearing I was the first man she’d been within two years.
Me. Me of all guys. I got to be with her.
“Two years?”
“Long story.”
I cupped her beautiful face. “Mine now. You’re mine now, and of course I trust you.”
She smiled. “I just want you, just in case it’s different tomorrow…today. Later.”
“It won’t be.” It wouldn’t be. Not at all.
I parted her thighs and guided my cock inside her.
The minute I pierced through her delicious folds and slid inside her the pleasure of being skin to skin washed over me.
It took over my mind and consumed me. I could no longer control myself or the slow pace I was going for. I’d barely gotten inside her when her sweet passage clutched and gripped me, then the flow of desire, greed for her, and wanting to consume her guided my movements.
Spurred by the frantic need I started pounding into her with all that flowed through me, rocking her perfect body, claiming her, making her mine as she writhed beneath me.
She cried out as an orgasm gripped her and snatched me too. Taking me on the ride of ecstasy. My body responded in every way imaginable and it was like something unlocked inside me. Unlocked and awakened my soul.
I gripped onto her hips and really started to fuck her hard with the primitive force that worked its way from deep inside of me, and as the force unleashed so did the last shred of whatever control I had to hold off my release.
Another orgasm tore through her and that was it. It took me again, consuming me whole, leaving nothing but the answer I sought so desperately and knew.
I needed her. It wasn’t a question of want.
I’d gone past wanting and now I needed her. I needed her and that meant everything else had to take shape around that. It was fact.
One last thrust held my release and I thundered into her like a wild storm set of destroying everything in its path. Then we both came with mutual surrender to the maddening call of lust and passion.
It drained me, as if a piece of my being had been taken from me.
We both stilled and I lowered next to her. I never imagined that being inside her could feel like this. Every time was different. Every time left my brain buzzing as if it was the first time.
It took a minute for me to catch my breath, her too.
I rolled over to face her and watched her stare out the long French windows. It was a little bit lighter outside, reaching past the hours of twilight when the sun would peak through the sky. That was all it was at the moment, a peak. A hint of the new day, a taste of what lay ahead.
Worry washed over her beauty as she looked on. She turned to me and I pulled her closer, sensing that need again, but as she came she slid her hand up my jaw and kissed me hard. It was as if she was trying to savor what she could.
I’d never felt that before. A woman trying to take what they could from me like she was committing me to memory.
If it was fact that I needed her then it was fact that meant I’d have to tell her everything. The parts of my story that were important.
I cupped her face too and pulled back so I could look at her.
“It’s today.” She winced, running her finger over the outline of my mouth. “A whole new day and I don’t know what we are. I don’t know what we’ll be by tonight. I don’t know if you’ll tell me you can’t see me
anymore, and I don’t know how to get you out of my head. I can’t…just screw around with you Ryan. I don’t think I can do it.”
“I don’t want you to.” I pulled in a deep breath. “This…Paige, there was a part of last year’s events that no one knew about. I think people guessed though. It’s perhaps the only explanation to my massive change around.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was an asshole. A big asshole who sailed through life thinking I could do whatever I wanted because my father would save me. He always did. Prior to last year, I wasn’t the kind of guy a woman like you should ever be with. I wasn’t the kind of guy who had any respect for anything or anyone. So last year was the last straw.” I straightened up a little, releasing her. It was hard thinking that if I was the guy I was last year I would have seen her, slept with her from the first night we met and moved on. I wouldn’t have seen the additional beauty inside her that only came from getting to know her. “My father gave me an ultimatum and placed me under a year’s supervision. It ends at the conclusion of the training year. It was a form of disciplinary action, like a formal warning but worse. It was an answer to the board’s request to kick me out. This year is basically my last chance, my only chance.”
Her eyes widened and she straightened up too. “Oh my God, Ryan. That is just awful. But you didn’t do anything.”
“I did enough. The worst part of the ultimatum is the fact that I’m not supposed to get involved with anyone at the hospital.”
“What do you mean? Anyone?” she narrowed her eyes at me.
I brushed the edge of her cheek with my thumb. “I’m not supposed to get involved with any woman at St. Michaels or associated with the hospital and definitely not one of my mentees.” I pressed my lips together.
“Oh my God. Ryan…”
“Paige, I’m only telling you this because I wanted to give you an explanation of why I acted the way I have over the last few weeks. It’s why I was so weird.”
“Ryan it’s understandable and crazy. But, what are you really saying to me? What would happen if he knew you were with me?”
I took a moment to think before answering. “He’d fire me.”
Dr Dawson Page 11
