by A M Burns
“And even if his mother’s a—”
His mom held up a hand to silence him. “Be polite, and we’re not going to talk about his mother anymore. We’ll leave it at, she’s going to need to work harder to impress your father and me. Shelby saw it too. She also saw what Esteban did to Adrian’s paintings. That really is unforgivable. But that was Esteban and not Channing.”
“But they’re brothers.” Finn stood and started pacing. He didn’t want his mother in there defending Channing at that moment. He also didn’t want to tell her about his vision that was just Esteban spilling sauce. There was no way he was going to back up the idea that Channing wasn’t a jerk.
“They are, and you and Shelby are brother and sister. You’re both very different, even though you’re still family.”
Finn looked out of his window, wishing he could be up on Pikes Peak or anywhere other than his bedroom. It was a new feeling for him. He’d always found solace at home.
“I think there’s more going on here than just Shelby. Do you want to talk about it?”
“What do you mean?” He didn’t turn and look at her. Even without turning, he could see her rolling her eyes at him in the weighty pause that came before she continued.
“What’s going on with Ivan and Adrian?”
His heart skipped, and for a moment he wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about the feelings he was still trying to sort out. “They’re my friends… best friends even.”
“That’s good. You need friends, but I’ve never seen you this intense about your friends or even the girls you went out with back in Austin.”
Finn shrugged, his tight T-shirt making the movement awkward. Again, he wondered how he’d missed for so long the fact he was finally filling out.
“What about you kissing Ivan good-bye just now?” Her voice was still soft and level.
“You saw that?” Finn leaned his head against his window and wished he could fall through.
His mother’s arms were suddenly around him, hugging him. He hadn’t even heard her get off the bed. “Yes. You weren’t trying to be subtle. I think half the neighborhood saw.”
The urge to dig a hole and crawl in engulfed him. “That’s all I need at school.”
“Who really cares?” She kissed the top of his head. “As long as you’re happy, that’s what matters most to me and your father.”
A fresh fear raced through Finn. “You didn’t tell Shelby and Channing, did you?”
“I haven’t had time to talk with Shelby, and it’s none of Channing’s business. It’s up to you to say anything to him if you want him to know.”
“Thanks for understanding about Ivan, Mom. That means a lot to me.” He wasn’t sure he’d be able to explain how Adrian fit into the picture, but it made him feel better to know that he at least wouldn’t have to hide his feelings about Ivan around her.
“You’re my son.” She let go of him and took a couple steps back. “You’ve found someone to love. I’m happy about that. And as long as you stay happy, I’ll be happy.”
Finn’s throat tightened, and he swallowed hard. “Thanks.”
She smiled at him and ruffled his hair. “I’m sorry about what Esteban did to the painting last night, as well as what he did to Ivan and Adrian in the past, but you really should give Channing a chance for Shelby’s sake.”
Tilting his head, Finn sighed. He didn’t want to come across as a complete asshole after his mother had just been so understanding and cool. “Can it wait until later? I’ve had a hard day. Adrian’s still extremely upset about last night, and Ivan and I are worried about him.”
“Okay. Just promise me that you’ll try to give Channing the benefit of the doubt, at least when Shelby’s around.”
“I’ll try.” Finn scuffed his shoes through the carpet and turned back toward the mountain.
“That’s all I can ask.” Her footsteps behind him moved toward the door. “I also want you to know that you and Ivan can do whatever you want in your room. As long as the door’s closed we’ll respect your privacy. It’s safer than fooling around in his truck at the park.”
Heat raged through Finn’s face as he turned to gape at her. “Mom?”
She waved off his dismay. “I’m serious—I’d rather know where you are and that you’re safe.” She opened the door and disappeared.
Finn stood there as the door closed behind her. He realized his mother now knew he was into guys—and if his mother knew, his dad was sure to find out soon as well. A light-headed feeling washed over him. His phone beeped with a message, so he pulled it out, smiling when he saw it was from Ivan. Finn plopped into his desk chair and proceeded to relay the incident.
14
The next morning Shelby glared at Finn all through breakfast, and then, at the first sight of Channing when their mom dropped them off at school, she ran into his arms like he was the love of her life and she’d missed every second they’d been apart.
Finn rolled his eyes and went over to lean against Ivan’s locker as Ivan put his things away. “Hey. Is Adrian here yet?”
Ivan shook his head, allowing Finn a good look at the bags under his eyes. He probably hadn’t slept any better than Finn had. “Not yet. I’ve texted him a few times. And called. He’s not answering, though. I was hoping he’d be here, but his parents have to drop him off early so they can get to work in the Springs, and since he’s not here yet, I’m thinking he’s probably not coming.”
Finn frowned and crossed his arms as he looked down at his shoes. “Should we take off and go spend the day with him?”
“Don’t think I haven’t considered it. But I’ve got a test today, so I can’t.” Ivan sighed and closed the door to his locker. “It’s in my last period too, or else I’d be getting sick right after it and going home. He’ll be okay. He’s got to pick up or return our texts at some point.” Ivan brought his hand up to Finn’s shoulder, which Finn covered with his own.
“You’re right.” He’d known Adrian longer, so of course Ivan was right. However, knowing that didn’t convince Finn that everything was okay quite so easily. He felt unsettled but tried to play it off and believe it was just from seeing his little sister making out with the school bully not ten lockers away. “Hey, do you ever feel the need to make a scene like that?” he asked Ivan with a nod in his sister’s direction so Ivan would know exactly which couple with their tongues down each other’s throats he was talking about. There were quite a few to choose from that morning, each getting more enthusiastic by the second as if they were trying to compete with each other for most disgusting PDA of Monday morning.
Ivan chuckled and turned back to Finn. “Not really. But I think if we even so much as kissed, we’d have a lot more attention than any of them are getting.”
That was the stupid part. Finn wanted to hold Ivan’s hand. And he wanted to hold Adrian’s hand too. In fact, he wanted to walk down the hallways with his arms around each of them and not have people staring at them. Girls could do it all the time—he’d seen it. But even if the three of them weren’t together now, he knew people would think it would be weird for three guys to be that openly affectionate with each other.
There shouldn’t be such a stupid double standard when it came to couples that weren’t the usual girl and guy, and white girl and guy at that, but there was. He didn’t think anyone was looking as he leaned over and kissed Ivan on his cheek. It was just a quick peck, and Finn would have been fine with that until they could have found a quiet moment to actually kiss for real, but Ivan surprised him by wrapping his arms around Finn’s waist and giving him a full-on kiss. It wasn’t like the kisses they’d shared on Ivan’s bed, but it was more than enough of a kiss to take away Finn’s breath and bring the attention of everyone else around them.
“Oh look, they’re all staring,” Finn said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.
Ivan laughed. “Wait until they get a load of the three of us kissing good-bye.”
The thought of it made Finn’s heart start
racing and heat immediately flood his cheeks. “Yeah. That would be something.” When the warning bell for first class rang, Ivan was still holding him and Finn wasn’t about to protest and ask that he let him go. But he also couldn’t be late either.
“I don’t want to go,” Finn whined. “Can’t we pay some freshmen who look a little like us to take our classes today?”
Ivan’s laugh was warm against his ear. “I wish. See you in gym. Text me if you hear anything from Adrian.”
Then he let go, and Finn wished he hadn’t, but the late bell for class rang, and they were out of time.
“You do the same.”
Ivan nodded, promising he would.
In gym they’d been too busy to talk, but by the time they got to lunch, the news of their kiss had spread around the small school as people kept looking at them like they were aliens or something.
“If you ignore them, it might stop eventually,” Ivan offered as he ate the cafeteria’s daily special of meatloaf drenched in ketchup.
Finn had a bad thought, but he didn’t want to make Ivan choke on his food so he kept it to himself. “Any word from Adrian?”
Ivan frowned and pushed his food around a bit on the compartmented plastic tray. “If there was, I would’ve led with that,” Ivan snapped.
Finn shook his head. “Be nice. I’m not the jerk here.”
Ivan blushed and stopped playing with his food, instead choosing to push it away. Finn had only grabbed a bag of chips for himself, which lay unopened in his messenger bag. He knew they’d probably stay like that until after school. Neither one of them really had any appetite.
“I’m sorry,” Ivan quietly said. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have been mean.”
Finn shrugged. “We’re both worried and stressed. I get it.” Leaning across the table he dropped his voice. “I haven’t had a bad vision. I think everything’s going to be okay. It has to.” With the way his emotions were going up and down, he wasn’t sure if he’d have a vision or not. He really wished his grandmother was still alive to talk to. In the years since his first vision, he’d never wanted to have one as badly as he did in that moment.
Ivan nodded and reached over to take Finn’s hand over the table. “Maybe he just needs a little while to not hate the asshats who have been bullying him.”
After lacing his fingers through Ivan’s, Finn gave his hand a squeeze. “He’ll be fine in an hour or two.” Finn hoped he was right, but it would have been a lot easier to believe if Ivan would just nod along with him and at least pretend everything was okay and that Adrian would be fine and right back to school the next day after a little bit of time to himself. Finn hated that he’d needed time away from them too. “Right?” he prompted Ivan.
But Ivan only shrugged. “He’s gone quiet before in response to something they’ve done, but he’s never blocked me out. Ever. He calls me in the middle of the night. I call him. We always answer each other. I’ve never felt this shut out with him, and I can’t help thinking something is actually wrong since he’s just refusing to talk to either of us. I can’t shake this feeling. I think I’ll stop by after school tonight. He can’t refuse to see me if I’m standing in his bedroom.”
Finn instantly wanted to go with him, but then he remembered he was supposed to stay in that afternoon. “I wish I could go storm the Adrian castle with you, but I’m in trouble for apparently being a jerk to Channing last night. If either of you need me, though, I’m sure I can convince my parents to let me out of family punishment time.”
Ivan nodded and tried to smile at Finn despite his obvious worry. Finn gave him a kiss on his shoulder for at least trying.
15
“I’ll let you know the minute I talk to him,” Ivan promised, obviously understanding how much Finn wanted to go with him to Adrian’s.
Finn nodded and rested his hand on the door. “I know you will. It’s just… I’d like to be there too. But I know there’ll be times when I won’t be involved with something between the two of you. And that’s okay. You two have been friends way longer than the three of us have. I just wish I could be included in this.”
Ivan pulled him close and kissed the side of his head. Finn saw his parents both standing in the big front window watching them, but he wasn’t about to pull away from Ivan just because they had company. He wasn’t up to making out with him in front of his parents quite yet, but just being held was a great feeling, and he wasn’t willing to give that up right then.
“It’s weird, in a good way, how easily my mom accepted that we’re together,” he said as Ivan idly traced his fingers over Finn’s shoulder.
“It’s good, though.”
Finn nodded and laid his head more on Ivan’s chest. “Yeah. They’re pretty great.”
“Do they know about you and Adrian yet, though?”
“No. I’m not sure how to explain that. It’s one thing to have two best friends, but when I start thinking about how I feel about both of you and how relaxed I was when the three of us were on Adrian’s bed, that becomes one big, complicated mess.”
Ivan nodded and made a low sound in his throat like he was agreeing with him. “What about trying to uncomplicate it? I like you. And I like Adrian. But I feel best when I’m with you both. I don’t know what that means officially, but I don’t like the idea of either of you being with anyone else. I want you both, and I’m not willing to compromise on that or give either of you up. And Adrian wants us both in his life when he’s not completely shutting us out. And you do too. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”
Finn liked how Ivan put it. He was so simple about it—so direct. And when he talked about it, things did seem completely normal. “What about future stuff? After college?”
Ivan shrugged. “I’ll still work at the center, Adrian will have a horse like he’s been dreaming about getting since he was five, and you’ll have whatever you want too. And we'll be safe, and happy, the three of us. We'll each be able to do what we can and we won't have to hide it from each other. What do you want?”
Finn wasn’t quite sure. He didn’t have a solid plan other than going to college. But for what degree, he didn’t know yet. He closed his eyes and pictured his life in five years, which would put him just after four years in college, if he was even able to get through that much time in college. “To be with both of you. Living together.” Finn tried to picture it as he reached up and played with Ivan’s fingers over his shoulder. A vision hit him. He was taller, broader standing over a large barbecue grill in a pair of tight jeans. A huge brown wolf bounded out of the woods and up onto a sprawling porch where Adrian, taller, but still skinny with a slightly thicker beard, stood at an easel. The wolf shimmered and became Ivan, who had become the most handsome man Finn had ever seen. He walked up and kissed Finn before going over to kiss Adrian. Then the vision faded.
“I want that too. I think it’ll be easy enough as long as we don’t let the haters get to us.”
The funny thing was that with Ivan’s confidence, it did seem to be an easy choice. Finn nodded and forced himself to sit up before his parents went from just watching them in the driveway to actually coming out and knocking on the truck’s window to get him in. He still was in trouble, after all, and he should have been inside already. If he took time to tell Ivan about his vision, they’d be out there for sure.
He wasn’t willing to give up his good-bye kiss with Ivan, though. He turned over on the truck’s seat so he was kneeling and leaned over to kiss him. It was an awkward kiss as they tried to make room for each other in the cab of the truck. Finn ended up banging his elbow on the steering wheel and probably getting the attention of his neighbors as the horn blared, but in the end they were both smiling and laughing.
“I wish you could come in and help me through my grounded period,” Finn said as he went to open the door. He knew he was out of time. His parents had that look on their faces like he had five minutes to get his butt inside before he’d be in more trouble.
Ivan nodded
and gave him one more, much softer and quicker kiss. “Yeah, but if I was with you, then I couldn’t go check on Adrian. Which do you want me to do?”
“I need to know that Adrian’s okay,” Finn said instantly. That wasn’t even a question in his mind. “So I’ll see you later.”
Ivan nodded and Finn slid out of the truck with his messenger bag in his hands. He sighed as he closed the door and waved to Ivan from the driveway. His dad had progressed to tapping his wrist to let him know just how late for his punishment he was.
“That was a very long good-bye,” his mom said as soon as he came into the house.
Finn shrugged. He could have made it a lot longer. He put his bag down in the hallway, then sat on the stairs to take off his boots. “Shelby out with Channing?” he guessed.
But his dad shook his head. “She’s trying out for the soccer team today. If you had stuck around last night, you would have heard her announcement that she was going to give it a go.”
If he’d spent any more time in the living room with Channing, he would have lost it. But of course he didn’t say that to his parents. Instead he smiled up at them and put his boots on the shelf by the back door where they were supposed to go to be kept out of the way. He even picked up a few of Shelby’s five pairs of flip-flops and shoved them into her space on the shelf as well to get them off the floor.
“I’m sure she’ll do fine.” And it would help with the Miss Popularity crap she was going for. Finn tried not to be mad at his sister for wanting to be something she’d never been before. She’d always had friends, but having a few close friends was a far cry from whatever she was trying to do with Channing.
“Good. Now that you’re all settled in, you can tell us how your day was over a board game in the living room.” It was his mom’s idea of punishment. Finn tried not to groan as he followed his parents into the living room where they already had the game set up and spread out over the coffee table.
