The Nurse's Reunion Wish (HQR Medical Romancel)

by Carol Marinelli

  ‘I am—but what if she does move in?’ Rachel sighed. ‘And what happens if...?’ She stopped then, and blinked, because she hadn’t aired her thoughts about this to anyone before. Even when they’d been together she’d kept most of her thoughts to herself.

  ‘If they break up?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You can’t stop your dad getting hurt.’

  ‘I know that.’

  ‘At least she won’t have to look far for a removal company.’ Dominic laughed. ‘God, remember when he moved us into the flat?’

  Rachel wished he wouldn’t reminisce, but she gave a little laugh to disguise her confusion at her fondness for the memories he evoked. ‘I do.’

  They’d actually had so little to move that it could have been done in a couple of car trips, but her dad had insisted on a lorry.

  ‘That flat’s actually up for sale.’

  She’d passed the sign when she’d been at home, visiting her dad, but she didn’t dare tell Dominic that she’d been tempted to go in and take a look, for old times’ sake...

  Rachel hadn’t known it back then, of course, but both the best and worst times of her life had taken place in that flat.

  * * *

  Dominic bought them both another drink, and they reminisced for a dangerously long while.

  About the flat.

  About the café across the road.

  About the best of times.

  But not about the parts that hurt the most—and Dominic knew it was time to get to that.

  ‘Do you want another drink,’ he offered, ‘or the menu?’

  ‘No, no... I really ought to head off.’ She drained the last of her juice. ‘What is it that you want to ask me?’

  ‘It’s a bit sensitive.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ she invited. ‘Just ask.’

  In another version of themselves, Dominic thought, he would take her hand. That was how things had worked for them. Except that wasn’t appropriate now, so instead of holding her hand, he steepled his fingers and pushed himself to speak.

  ‘The photos of Christopher that were taken at the hospital... I don’t have any.’

  ‘I’ll get you some,’ Rachel said hurriedly, wishing she had a sip of juice left, because her mouth was suddenly dry and she could hear the roar of her pulse in her ears as Dominic spoke on.

  ‘I did attempt to get some from the hospital, but it’s closed down and I hit a wall trying.’

  She nodded. ‘I’ll have some copies made.’

  ‘I don’t want to upset you...’ He tried to gauge her expression, but it was completely closed off. ‘But I’d really appreciate it.’

  ‘If you can give me a few days...?’

  ‘Whenever you have time.’

  She nodded again.

  ‘Rachel...’

  He knew, despite appearances, that she was hurting. He couldn’t not take her hand—except she pulled her hand back and took herself completely out of bounds.

  * * *

  ‘I said I’d get them for you.’

  Rachel knew she’d snapped, that she’d overreacted to his touch, but it was either that or break down.

  Right now she was mourning not just the loss of her baby, but also all the moments they’d never shared—as a family, as a couple. So badly did she want to take Dominic’s hand, take him back to her empty flat and go through those photos together. But they hadn’t been able to accomplish that when they were married, so there was no chance now they were not.

  She moved to stand. ‘I really ought to go.’

  ‘You’re sure?’ Dominic checked, and she nodded.

  But of course it wasn’t as simple as just getting up and walking out.

  As if she were dressing for a North Pole expedition, on went her coat, the scarf and the hat. But, feeling his impatience, she omitted the gloves and stuffed them into her pocket instead.

  ‘Don’t you have a coat?’ she asked as they headed out.

  ‘No need. I’m driving,’ Dominic said, though she noticed he had not offered her a lift home.

  They walked out of the pub together and into the dark car park, both wondering how to end this rather awkward meeting.

  Rachel did not recognise his mood. He stood taller than usual, if that was possible, and his expression was serious. Her own feelings were jumbled up after being asked to give him copies of the photos, and it was awkward to know how to say goodbye.

  Though it should not be awkward because there was nothing to say—or rather, because there was so much to say that they did not know how to discuss. Their failed marriage and the baby they’d lost, the photos he didn’t have and their working together, the attraction that still existed between them.

  That persisted.

  For, despite all the changes over the years, there were parts of Dominic she recognised.

  Like the slight glaze that came to his eyes when he wanted her.

  The way he stood just a smidge too close and dominated her space.

  Or was it that she’d stepped a little closer into his?

  And when he looked down at her, and she looked up at him, they both recognised the want in the other person’s eyes.

  It wasn’t fair, Rachel thought. All desire for each other should have been returned with the divorce papers. Every shred of want should have been annulled.

  Except it hadn’t been.

  He was smartly dressed, but end-of-day dishevelled, and he was hungry—she knew it as well as if he had told her himself. She simply knew. And, though he stood still, she also knew he was restless.

  In another time they’d be kissing now.

  In an older version of themselves they would not have been able to wait for each other’s mouths until they were home...

  ‘Are you getting the Tube?’ Dominic asked gruffly, and she nodded. ‘Then I’ll say goodnight here.’

  ‘Sure.’

  How to leave him, though?

  A little wave? Rachel thought, but that seemed stupid.

  A handshake, then? Even worse.

  And, anyway, evidently they did not know how to do a handshake—because as his fingers met hers she looked down at their hands and saw they were entwined once again, and she could not bring herself to pull her hand away.

  A small kiss, perhaps?

  Before she knew what was happening, their touching hands led to moving in for a small kiss...

  Except it was rather like testing the Christmas tree lights, not really expecting them to be working, but then being stunned by the blazing, breathtaking effect when they suddenly sparked into life.

  The instant their lips met they were hurtled back to a time when touch had not been out of bounds. To a time when they had relished each other completely.

  Her body lit like a flare, her senses jamming at the return to this bliss.

  There was nothing tentative about this kiss.

  It was harsh, and thorough, and when gravity wasn’t enough to keep her standing, instead of holding her up he kissed her against the cold brick wall of the car park.

  He pulled off her hat and it fell silently to the wet ground. He made her want sex in dark places as he filled her senses with his touch, his taste, his smell. His ragged breathing told her that he wanted the same. The frantic tangle of their tongues left them both suddenly desperate.

  He went for her belt and parted the fabric of her coat, building to a kiss that was too much for a drink after work on a Monday.

  It was a kiss that warned them they could never be just friends.

  * * *

  And then Dominic felt an unwelcome tap on his shoulder. Only it wasn’t a person—it wasn’t even his conscience. It was the unwelcome thought that they were hurtling towards an affair.

  And Dominic, thanks to the less-than-gorgeous lessons of his parents’ marri
age, would never go there.

  ‘For God’s sake, Rachel!’ he accused as he pulled back. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

  ‘Me?’ she shot back, because he knew he hadn’t exactly been unwilling. ‘It takes two!’

  ‘Yes, but I’m not the one who’s engaged.’

  Dominic was furious with himself.

  While a torrid affair was way down on his list of wants, messing up her life again was way more abhorrent.

  ‘Go home,’ he told her.

  He looked down at her coat that he had parted, at her tousled hair and freshly kissed mouth. He wished for an eraser that might somehow unsex her—if there were such a thing. For if Rachel had ever come home to him looking like that, he’d have known in an instant.

  He reached for her belt and started to tie it. ‘This never happened,’ he said. ‘This is never going to happen ag—’

  * * *

  ‘Gordon and I broke up,’ Rachel cut in, and felt his hands still. ‘I ended it last week.’

  He looked at her then—right at her. And she rather hoped they could get back to kissing...get back to a moment ago, when she had been swept away by the power of their connection.

  But now she had cleared the air and finally told him.

  Except the bark of his response to the news startled her.

  ‘Why would you go and do that?’

  Rachel didn’t know what to say.

  But that didn’t matter because Dominic had plenty to say!

  ‘Don’t do this, Rachel.’

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘Don’t throw away a relationship over me...’

  ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘I mean it, Rachel. We will not be getting back together. I have nothing to offer you, as far as the future’s concerned.’

  His words were so blunt, his statement so absolute, that something inside her shrivelled. And as she stood there being told—yes, told—that there was absolutely no chance for them, that marriage and babies were the very last thing he wanted, she knew that hope had just died. The little flicker of hope she hadn’t even known existed had just been doused.

  Embarrassment and anger kicked her into damage control mode and she gave a mocking laugh. ‘You? You really think I threw away a three-year relationship over you? What happened to you, Dominic? When did you get so arrogant?’

  He let go of her completely then, and there was only one word going through Rachel’s head: deny, deny, deny.

  ‘Did it not enter your head that I could end a relationship without factoring you in?’ She breathed in hard and found some strength. ‘Gordon and I had only just moved in together, and I realised almost straight away that we’d made a mistake.’

  That, at least, was the truth.

  ‘Fair enough,’ Dominic said. ‘But, Rachel, I have to be sure. Because you and I...’ He looked down at her and she recalled the pain and the hell of the end of their marriage. ‘We didn’t work.’

  ‘Obviously.’

  ‘And, despite what I might have said before, I do want you to be happy. It just won’t be with me. And so if my presence did have any impact on your decision, I suggest you go back to your fiancé and patch things up...’

  ‘I would never use him like that, Dominic.’ She blinked as she tried to fathom him. ‘You seem to prefer that I be engaged.’

  ‘I’d prefer,’ Dominic clipped, ‘that you’d never come back into my life.’

  * * *

  It was a horrible thing to say.

  And as she turned and walked off Dominic knew he didn’t really mean it.

  After all, he’d tried to get in touch—not once, but twice over the years.

  And now Rachel Walker had arrived back in his life with a pile of excess baggage—an awful lot of which belonged to him.

  And it hurt to examine it.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THAT KISS SHOULD never have happened, Rachel knew. On so many levels, it should never have taken place.

  For it had awoken her to him all over again.

  The constant smouldering burn that had never quite died out had been reignited.

  She didn’t like him now, though, Rachel insisted to herself. This new, arrogant Dominic did not appeal.

  And it was starting to show.

  * * *

  ‘Is your ex the redhead down in Emergency?’ Richard asked Dominic after a particularly tense afternoon in Resus. ‘Rachel?’

  ‘How did you know it was her?’ he asked.

  ‘Because the two of you barely speak.’

  ‘I told you,’ Dominic said. ‘We’ve agreed to be professional and polite.’

  ‘With extra ice added?’

  ‘Well, how are we supposed to be?’ Dominic snapped. He was doing rather a lot of that of late. ‘We’re hardly going to be friends.’

  But he knew it couldn’t go on like this.

  He sighed and headed back to the department, for he had to sort things out.

  Dominic did not want to be in lust with his ex-wife. And certainly he did not want a relationship with her. He was well aware of how badly it had worked out the first time.

  Despite Rachel’s protests to the contrary, he was still silently panicked that she’d broken off her engagement because of him.

  And there she was, with a long-sleeved top on under her scrubs. Because Rachel was always cold.

  ‘We need to speak,’ Dominic said. ‘Alone.’

  ‘This is becoming a habit, Dominic. Won’t it look odd?’ Rachel said. ‘Us hiding in the drug room or the linen cupboard?’

  ‘Can’t you go for a break?’

  ‘I’m not due for one. Just say what you have to here,’ Rachel insisted.

  But when he stood there silently, refusing to back down, with a sigh she led them to an empty cubicle, where she pulled the curtain to give them some privacy.

  ‘I’m sorry about what I said the other night,’ he started. ‘I was shocked that you and Gordon had broken up and concerned—’

  ‘I don’t need your concern.’

  ‘Let me finish,’ Dominic said. ‘I was concerned that my being here might have factored into your decision to end things with him.’

  ‘Well, it didn’t.’

  ‘Good—because it’s very clear that we want different things. I like the single life. The only thing I want to be married to is my career, and the last thing I want is a family. In fact...’ He took a deep breath and knew the time had come to tell her what he had done. ‘I’ve made sure it can never happen. I had a vasectomy some years ago.’

  ‘Dominic,’ Rachel said coolly. ‘We were divorced thirteen years ago. You don’t have to run your contraceptive methods by me.’

  * * *

  Ha! she thought, laughing in her head at her cool response. Beat that.

  He did.

  ‘I might have had to the other night,’ Dominic said, his eyes never leaving her face as he moved one dangerous step closer, nudging into her personal space.

  He took her hand and for a moment she honestly thought he was going to place it on his crotch.

  ‘Because if I hadn’t stopped things when I did we might have ended up doing it against the wall.’

  ‘You really think so?’

  ‘I know so.’

  Rachel thought she deserved a cape, tiara and a wand—because she didn’t even blush, despite picturing him doing just that.

  The scent of their arousal was in the air she breathed, and his mouth—that mouth—was a mere arch of her neck away. But she didn’t step back, determined to hold both her position and his eyes.

  ‘Dominic, it was a kiss for old times’ sake. Please don’t go reading more into it than that.’

  The audacity of him!

  She shook his hand off hers. ‘I’m certainly not rushing around looking for a replacement fia
ncé.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘And while we’re sharing,’ Rachel said, ‘the reason Gordon and I broke up is because I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to him. He’s a good person.’

  She watched Dominic’s eyebrows draw together in confusion at that.

  ‘And I know, better than most, how it feels to be married to someone who doesn’t really want to be married to you.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ His eyes widened incredulously at her words. ‘I went and told your dad the day I found out about the baby. I asked him for his permission to marry you the same night. I deferred university. I worked two jobs. I even offered to move in with your dad...’

  He shook his head, clearly furious at her take on their marriage.

  ‘You didn’t love me, Dominic.’

  ‘No.’

  He seemed hurt, angry, but the one thing she knew was that they could not go back down the path of them again.

  ‘And do you know why?’ he asked.

  She rather felt that she didn’t want to know, but he let her have it.

  ‘Because apart from in bed, Rachel, I found you to be cold.’

  * * *

  Dominic knew that was below the belt. But this woman brought out the worst in him, as well as the best in him, and her return had made him relive every last hurt again.

  Trying to reach out to someone who constantly pushed you away. Crying alone in the shower for your baby, then walking into a bedroom where your wife had already turned to face the wall. Knowing the pain you had caused her...knowing what you had both lost.

  And even now, when he’d hurt her again, she barely blinked.

  ‘It must be catching, then,’ Rachel said, and walked off.

  * * *

  Rachel knew it now for a fact. Dominic Hadley had never loved her—which meant she had been right to guard her heart.

  Luckily there were only ten minutes or so left of her shift, and within the hour she had let herself into her flat. Without even taking off her coat, she went into the bedroom, opened up a drawer and took out a faded cream folder.