by Jewel, Bella
“Okay, okay,” Josh says. “That’s enough now.” In good humour, he pushes Todd back and puts his arm around my shoulders, and I lean into him. “This is my friend, Emerson. Emerson, this is my friend, Todd.”
“Nice to meet you,” I say, shaking his outstretched hand.
“Absolute pleasure to meet you, Emerson. It’s about time Joshy here introduced me to a woman. I was going to start thinking I had a shot at him.” He laughs with such gusto, and I can’t help but join in.
Josh groans, rolling his eyes, but his smile is genuine.
“I was just helping Clare,” Todd says, walking back to the coffee machine. He shakes his head. “She always gets so stressed before the market, and I have no idea why. She sells out every time.”
“Clare’s Todd’s twin sister,” Josh explains, ushering me forward towards the few tables set up along the back wall.
“You have a beautiful shop, Todd.”
Todd’s chest puffs up, and his eyes glimmer behind the frameless glasses. “Thank you, my love. You’re looking at my three favourite things right here,” he says, winking as Jane deposits my flat white down in front of me and the long black in front of Josh.
“Three? I’m thinking books and coffee . . . but what’s the third?”
Todd throws Josh a cheeky glance. “Hot men!” He throws his arms up in the air and laughs.
It feels so good to laugh, and I realise suddenly how little I have done so in the past five years. Despite the pang of guilt I experience that I’m here having a great time with two men who aren’t Mereki, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to return to the city and face my lonely reality. Refusing to allow myself to ruin this beautiful morning, I push all depressing thoughts to the back of my mind and live in the moment. Another thing I haven’t done in way too long.
“How do you know each other?” I ask, sipping on my coffee.
Josh looks at Todd, then back at me. “We went to school together, then when I moved out here, they visited regularly and eventually made the move themselves.”
“Josh helped both Clare and me get our businesses started two years ago. We joke around a lot together, but he’s the best person in the world, and we’d do anything for him to pay back his generosity.”
“Oh stop,” Josh says with a huff. “Free coffees and candles for my mum. We’re square.”
Todd looks me in the eye and shakes his head slightly. “This guy is way too modest. A blind man could see the chemistry between the two of you lovebirds, so you hold on to him and don’t let go.” He pats Josh on the shoulder. “He’s one of the really good ones.”
I look at Josh, and he stays silent. I bite my bottom lip, knowing I shouldn’t feel so good about what Todd said, so I bite down harder.
“If you’re done with your coffee, shall we go meet Clare?” Josh asks.
I nod. “Let’s go.”
“Dinner at the pub tonight?” Todd asks as he picks up our empty cups and saucers.
Josh looks to me and raises his eyebrows. “What do you think? Interested in a pub meal for dinner?”
I shrug. “Sure. Why not?”
“Fabulous,” Todd says, putting his arm around my shoulder and escorting me back through his shop, leaving Josh to trail behind us. “See you at seven.” He wraps me in a hug and kisses my cheek. “Great to meet you, Emerson.”
“Thanks for the coffee,” I say, smiling. I’m genuinely happy I’ll get to see him again.
Josh and I walk back to the market, and I notice the increase in cars and people. The markets are now in full swing, and I can’t wait to check them out.
“Why didn’t you tell Todd we’re not together?” I ask as we walk past the first stall without hesitation—baby clothes.
“Why didn’t you?”
It’s my turn to remain silent, knowing he has a point. When Josh stops at a stand selling a range of salts, I keep walking.
“Local honey,” a woman calls out, gaining my attention. “Would you like to try some local honey?”
“Yes, please,” I say, walking over to her stand. I place the tasting spoon in my mouth. “Mmmm. Honey is one of those things I always try to buy from markets. It tastes so much better than the highly-processed stuff you buy in stores.”
“I believe you,” he says, but his eyes are on my lips. I turn away. “How many are you going to buy?”
“Two,” I say. “It’s only me, so I really can’t justify more than that.” Mereki stopped eating honey when we were twelve years old and he got stung by four bees. He blew up like a balloon and came out in itchy hives. He held a grudge. I smile at the memory.
“We’ll take four jars,” Josh says, addressing the vendor. He turns to me. “Two for you and two for me.”
I go for my wallet, but he holds up his hand in protest. “I’ll get this.”
I shake my head but don’t argue. I’m sure I can square us up at another stall.
Josh carries the bag with the four honey jars, and we keep walking. It’s a beautiful, sunny day, and I take my light jacket off to enjoy the warmth on my skin. I raise my face to the sky and close my eyes, breathing in the fresh country air. With Josh walking beside me between rows of passionate people selling their homemade goods, I feel a sense of contentedness. It isn’t nostalgia, as I’ve never actually experienced it before. Even back in my hometown when things were great with Ki, there was always a sense of foreboding following us around. When it had all seemed too good to be true, it was.
“What are you thinking about?” Josh asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I open my eyes and face him. “I am having a good day,” I answer honestly.
Josh smiles. “Me too.”
We stare at each other, and the connection I know we both feel crackles the air between us. For a minute, I wonder if he’s going to kiss me again, this time in public in front of the Ugg boot stall with background music provided by twenty wind chimes.
Staring at his mouth, I remember how wonderful it had felt on mine. I draw in a breath when his tongue darts out and wets his bottom lip. Desire shoots through me, and in that moment, I can think of nothing I want more than him. To hell with the consequences and my warped moral compass. Josh takes a step closer, and now I can’t breathe. He lifts his hand to my face and gently grazes his knuckles across my cheekbone. My eyes widen as his incredibly sensual mouth gets closer and closer to me.
With mere inches between us and my brain about to have a complete and cataclysmic meltdown, I hold my breath. This is it. He’s going to kiss me. My mind spins. God, I want this more than anything. I—
“Josh! Josh!”
He doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t come any closer. Our eyes are locked, and I can see his every desire swirling around in his emerald irises, up close and personal.
“Joshua Holland,” the voice calls out, closer now.
Groaning, he kisses the tip of my nose, then turns away, taking a step back. I can’t move, but I’m forced to drag air into my oxygen-deprived lungs. My eyes are still locked on him, but I’m now staring at his strong side profile. His dark blond hair is tucked behind his ears, and he runs his free hand through the length of it as he greets whoever it is who stopped our kiss.
“Emerson.”
I shake my head and acknowledge him saying my name, possibly not for the first time.
“Sorry,” I say, cringing slightly. I look up and am confronted by a female clone of Todd. “You must be Clare.” I hold out my hand and shake hers.
“Nice to meet you,” she says in a friendly, but nowhere-near-as-warm, tone as her brother’s.
Clare reaches for Josh’s hand and pulls him away from me. I don’t love that, even though I have no claim to him whatsoever. Jealousy knows nothing of right and wrong, and I have to stop myself from marching forward and ripping his hand from hers. What a shitty thing that would be for me to do, but it flashes through my mind before I have a chance to control it.
“Your stand looks fantastic as always,” Josh say
s, praising her undoubtedly wonderful setup. “How are sales going so far?”
Clare beams under his approval. “Strong so far. I’ve sold out of my Christmas range already.”
I step forward to take a closer look at her candles, picking one up every so often to breathe in the scent. “Is this the one in your mum’s entry foyer?” I ask, holding up the one that reminds me of the day I was there.
Clare looks to Josh, then back to me. “Oh, you’ve met Sarah?”
I nod and smile.
Josh glances back and forth between us, then interjects, “Todd suggested dinner at the pub tonight if you’re keen?”
She looks up at him with puppy-dog eyes. “Of course. I was going to suggest the same thing.”
A crowd of prospective customers has arrived at Clare’s stall, and she needs to get back to work.
“We’ll leave you to it then,” Josh says, placing his hand at the small of my back. It feels intimate. “See you tonight.”
“Oh. Okay. See you tonight.” Clare appears torn, and I catch the tightening between her brows. She is jealous, and I wonder what their relationship is, or perhaps, was.
As we walk away, I decide not to pry. It is none of my business.
We spend another hour at the markets making a few more purchases. While Josh is preoccupied chatting to an elderly couple he knows, I find a stall selling beautiful, handmade dresses and a select range of underwear. I choose my favourites, relieved I’ll have something to wear to dinner tonight with Todd and Clare.
When I meet up with Josh, we grab hot dogs for lunch before heading back to his house mid-afternoon.
He turns the car off in the driveway, but neither of us makes a move to get out. “I’d like to sketch you,” he says.
My head snaps to his. “What? Why?”
His eyes soften. “It’s just something I’ve wanted to do for a while now.”
And even though nothing he’s said is suggestive, even though it’s all quite simple, something in my stomach tells me this is very, very wrong.
Chapter 24
After depositing my purchases in the spare bedroom, I return to the kitchen to find Josh. “Where do you want to do this?” I ask, trying to sound less nervous than I feel.
Picking up his sketch pad, he ushers me towards the French doors leading to the deck. “Let’s go to the boat shed.”
We make our way down the slope. When we reach the small, wooden building, Josh moves ahead of me to open the door.
Instead of following him inside, I stop to admire the craftsmanship of the structure. Up close, it’s beautiful, obviously made with care and attention to detail.
“Are you coming in?” Josh asks.
I nod. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He touches my shoulder as I walk past him into the cabin, and a jolt of electricity pulses through my entire body.
It is bigger on the inside than I’d expected, housing all manner of tools, water sport equipment, and fishing gear. Clearly, the Hollands are the outdoorsy types.
“Where do you want me?” I ask, glancing around the room looking for somewhere to sit.
He shakes his head and beckons me towards the back door. “This way.”
The door leads out onto a jetty, and I follow him without thinking twice. In that moment, I realise I would follow him anywhere. He makes me feel safe, and I haven’t felt that in far too long.
“You can swim, right?” he asks, gesturing to the dinghy bobbing in the water. “Not that I plan on throwing you overboard, of course.”
“Like a fish,” I reply, stepping in, arms out wide to balance, then taking a seat.
Josh climbs in, dropping his backpack to the floor before taking a seat opposite me. He then unties the rope tethering us to the jetty. Locking the oars in place, he starts rowing while I take in the scenery. It’s a calm, clear day, but I wish I’d brought a light jacket or cardigan as the breeze on the water whips up around us.
Without saying anything, Josh pulls a blanket from the backpack and hands it to me.
“Thanks,” I say, wrapping it around me.
When we reach the middle of the expansive lake, Josh brings the oars back into the boat. We drift for a few moments before he reaches back into his bag and retrieves his sketchpad and pencils.
“Are you comfortable?” he asks.
“Not really,” I reply, scrunching up my nose. “No one has ever drawn me before.”
“I’m glad I’m your first,” he says, a hint of a smile teasing the corner of his mouth.
I roll my eyes. “Just hurry up and draw me already.”
“You’re a hard taskmaster, cupcake girl.”
Shaking my head, I can’t help smiling at the nickname.
“Okay. For a few minutes, just pretend I’m not here. Do you think you can do that for me?”
“That’s no problem at all.”
He clutches his chest. “I feel like I should be offended.”
Smiling, I drop my shoulders and the tension in my body eases a little. But when he leans forward and appears to be studying me, I feel vulnerable to his scrutiny. It’s as if he’s trying to discover all my secrets simply by looking closely enough.
“Why did we come out to the middle of the lake?” I’m whispering, but I’m not really sure why.
He doesn’t answer immediately and I find myself leaning forward, weakening against the magnetic pull I’ve felt since the moment we met.
“I didn’t want you to be able to run away,” he says eventually, edging forward.
We’re so close now I can feel his breath on me. “Fair enough.”
Josh grazes his lips across mine but doesn’t kiss me. Instead, he whispers directly in my ear. “I’m trying to work you out and didn’t want to take any chances.” Pushing the loose strands of my hair behind my ears, he must know the breathtaking effect he’s having on me. “Plus I thought you’d like it out here,” he says, his eyes back on mine. “You get a blissful expression on your face whenever you’re looking at the water.”
Closing my eyes, I nod, accepting his answer. I’m falling under his spell, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
When I hear the familiar sound of lead on paper, I allow my mind to drift away with the cool afternoon breeze. A thousand thoughts jumble together like carriages on a runaway train. For some reason, each one of the many jobs I undertook since moving to Melbourne takes its turn up front before bouncing back to the recesses of my brain. My heart muscles constrict remembering the overwhelming loneliness I experienced by never staying anywhere long enough to make any real connections. I was there simply to do the job, then I’d rush home to Mereki, who was no company at all.
“Hey, Emerson,” Josh says, interrupting my thoughts. “Breathe.”
Opening my eyes, I suck in a breath and scrunch up my nose. “Sorry. I guess I’m still nervous.”
His brows are furrowed with concern. “I won’t be much longer. I can finish it up later.”
“Okay.” I wring my hands in my lap, unsure if I’m disappointed or relieved.
He fixes me with his intense gaze. “I could’ve drawn you in detail without you being here at all.” He cups me under the chin and strokes his thumb across my cheek. “I just wanted the excuse to be this close to you.”
His words both slay and heal. “Can I see what you’ve done so far?”
He turns his sketchpad over and passes it to me. I gasp with rapture, shock, and recognition all at the same time. “It was your drawing I saw displayed in Madeleine’s gallery window the first time I ever went there.” I recall the beautiful drawing of a man’s face, half perfectly detailed while the other half was completely blurred.
“My only self-portrait,” he says, nodding. “Madeleine is my greatest supporter and often displays my work.”
Returning my gaze to the drawing he’s done of me, I’m again struck by the detail he’s managed to include in such a short period of time. “Why the blurred lines?”
He shrugs. �
��No one’s life is black and white. We all have grey areas—insecurities, flaws, imperfections, secrets. We’re all just human, and there’s a kind of beauty in that.”
Chapter 25
When we return to the house, I hurry to the privacy of the spare bedroom, needing a little space from the incredibly talented and devastatingly attractive Josh Holland. For the longest time, I lie flat on my back on the bed and stare at the ceiling, mulling his words and that drawing over in my head.
Eventually, I glance at the clock and see it’s after six, and Josh had told me we’d be leaving at six-thirty to go to meet Clare and Todd. I remove the dress and underwear from the bag and lay them on the bed. It’s the prettiest dress I’ve ever seen, and I can’t wait to try it on, desperately hoping it fits. After a quick shower, I pull it over my head and let it glide over my body. The hem, collar, and sleeves are bordered by tiny green gemstones that catch the light as I move, and I hope it’s not too dressy for the pub. Applying lip gloss I had in my bag and putting my hair in a quick braid over my left shoulder, I allow a few strands to hang loosely around my face. It’s Ki’s favourite hairstyle on me, and I feel a nasty twinge of guilt for hoping Josh likes it, too.
“You ready?” Josh calls from the hallway.
When I open the door, Josh’s eyes widen before raking up and down my body with obvious appreciation. When he meets my gaze, his emerald orbs are now a darker shade of green, and the only word that springs into my head is lust. Josh is lusting for me, and the beast that’s awoken inside me roars in delight. Since I met him, I’ve been unable to deny the chemistry between us. I have no doubt he can see my own lustful thoughts dancing in my eyes.
