Collected Tales (Jerry eBooks)

by Leslie F Stone

  l Peering into his mirror as he lathered his chin for the usual morning shave, George Rock was puzzled. For years he had detested the high-hung cabinet mirror above the basin. Only by stretching to full height was it possible for him to see his Adam’s apple above the rim of the glass. George was only five feet tall. But for the blow it would have given his egotism, he would have used a footstool, but to do so would have been to acknowledge the fact, a fact he always denied, that his wife was actually half an inch taller than he. Had she an Adam’s apple, she could have seen hers without stretching. Therefore, George was puzzled this morning as he realized that he could, without elongating himself, see to shave the upright hairs growing on his neck. Laying down his razor, he looked carefully at the plaster around the cabinet to determine whether, unknown to himself, his wife had had the cabinet lowered.

  l Six-year-old Henry Bechhold half threw himself down the stairs, shrieking as he came. “Ma—Ma—I’ve grewed an inch—I’ve grewed an inch. . . .”

  “Grown, Henry. Never say ‘grewed’, corrected his mother reproachfully.

  The child looked at her with disapproval. “But see—last night Nanny measured me—and this morning I grew—grown an inch. . . .”

  “What’s this?” demanded the father from the middle of his morning paper. “An inch you’ve grown overnight? But that’s ridiculous. Come, I’ll measure you, my lad.”

  l There was exasperation in the voice of Mrs. Todhunter Lane. At her feet, on her knees, crouched her maid, a tape-measure in her hand. “I can’t understand it. I distinctly told the seamstress the dress must be exactly seven inches off the floor!”

  “But, madame, eet is on-ly wan haf inch shor-ter . . . .”

  “Only—only! Louise, go immediately and telephone Hautmann’s. I shall send the dress back this very morning. Half an inch—humph!”

  l “What is this, anyway? What’re you people trying to pull off on me?” demanded Cedric Hume—the Hume of Colossal Pictures. Grouped around the director were a dozen scantily clad beauties, technicians, electricians, his assistant director, three camera men, two script girls, etc., while languidly leaning against a near-by wall was Miss Gloria Moore, star of the current Hume opus of feminine beauty. In front of him was a large wooden frame, the center of which had been cut out, in profile, to the proportions of the so-called Perfect Venus, from which the extravaganza was taking its title.

  “But, Mr. Hume, yesterday they all fitted. You know we’ve taken months singling out girls of the same build as Miss Moore, and. . . .”

  “And today we find that not one of them fits—they’re all too tall!”

  Gaybor, the assistant director, sadly shook his head. He couldn’t understand it. Last night he had a little celebration all his own over the fact that the twelve girls who duplicated Miss Moore’s form and figure were, at last, gathered under the Colossal roof. Suddenly a gleam came into his eye.

  “Miss Moore, I wonder if you’d be kind enough to step into the frame,” he suggested.

  And because she was that sort, the young woman complied, moving across the stage with lithesome grace. Carefully she slipped half her body through the cutout, then something like surprise flitted over her face. Yesterday, the frame had fitted like a glove—today she bumped her head—she was half an inch or so too tall!

  There was an explosion next to Gaybor. It was Hume. “This is an outrage. Someone’s switched frames on us. Someone’ll pay for this!”

  l Gary Silby stared dubiously at his trousers, fresh from the cleaners.

  “Damn,” he ejaculated, “that blankety blank cleaner’s shrunk my last pair of flannels.”

  l In the midget village at the San Francisco World’s Fair there was wholesale consternation. Rising from their diminutive beds with the morning, each and every midget was flabbergasted to discover that he had grown from a half-inch to an inch higher in the night—and in a Lilliputian village, where furniture, utensils, and clothing are made exactly to the scale of the users, half-inch growth can spell ruin.

  “Not a word of this to the ground’s manager,” warned Tim Tom Thumb, smallest midget of the lot, who likewise was the troupe’s personal manager. “Today, when the crowds get here, we must all act perfectly natural; don’t let on by a single expression that anything is different, understand?”

  l In the nursery of the Allison Hospital, two nurses were conferring. “I can’t understand it,” said Nurse Talbot. “I’ve never seen such phenomenal growth before in my life. According to the charts, these two babies have suddenly grown an inch or more.” She pointed to some charts on the table before her.

  “Yes, and so have these,” observed Nurse Morton, holding out two more charts. “Now, this baby was born last night, 8:12 P.M.,” she added as she tapped the top sheet of paper. “It was registered twenty and one-half inches long—this morning, in verifying, I discovered that the baby is twenty-one and one-half inches. I took my measuring rule up to the delivery room to compare it with theirs up there, but there’s nothing wrong about them.”

  “Well, something is wrong. Come along, I’m going to remeasure every baby in this nursery!”

  l The first and second days of the unique growth of the world’s population was not so terrifying as it was to become in the weeks to follow. At first, people had been content to believe that the changes they had noted were due to faulty measuring rods, to practical jokers, or to incompetent workmen.

  On the second day, however, George Rock, who firmly believed his wife had secretly lowered his cabinet mirror for him, was puzzled and worried. Why should his wife lower the cabinet for the second time? Why had she not completed the job all at once, if she wanted it at a more convenient height? He sought her out. She jumped when he addressed her.

  “I lower the bathroom cabinet, George? How silly. Why should I do it? I—I thought you’d done it. . . .”

  “I—I—then, then you’ve not had it done—then—then I’m actually—growing?” She looked up with round, startled eyes.

  “Stand up, woman!” he ordered in happy wonder, but the happiness died from his voice as they stood shoulder to shoulder before the mirror. His wife, if anything, was even taller than before, almost an inch taller than himself!

  On the second morning, young Henry Bechhold repeated his performance of the previous day, racing down the stairs in the same headlong flight. “Ma—Pa—I’ve gre—grown another inch!”

  Mrs. Todhunter Lane was again trying on the dress which, for a second time, had come from the Hautmann alteration department. Again there was exasperation in her voice. “The fools—the fools—they’ve made a mistake again—why they never so much as touched it, Louise, it’s still a half-inch short—”

  “Oh, but Madame, they have. I can see by the hem. There’s thees note, too, from the seamstress. She says the dress, eet positive-ly have been lengthened fully haf inch as you reequested eet!”

  “Nonsense, Louise. You can see by your tape-measure that they haven’t touched it.”

  “No, madame.”

  “What do you mean? Can’t you see—?”

  “Will madame be so good as to slip into thees gown? Eet is the proper length, no?”

  Mrs. Todhunter Lane looked wonderingly at her maid, then with a strange look in her eye, accepted the dress the girl held out for her. She was on tender-hooks while Louise dutifully applied the tape-measure. With a little cry, the maid looked up, holding the measure in her hand. “See, madame, thees dress, eet is just eight inches from the floor. Last week, when you bought eet, eet was seven inches from the floor!”

  Mrs. Lane had to grope her way to a chair. “Louise,” she breathed in horrified tones, “I’ve—I’ve grown an inch!”—she was already uncomfortably close to six feet tall.

  Louise nodded. “Yes, Madame.”

  l “I’m going to ruin somebody for this!” screamed Cedric Hume. “Gaybor, find out what they’ve done with the Perfect Venus frame, the new one—this is the same one we had yesterday. They’ve been switched, I
tell you, and somebody’s going to pay!”

  Hume referred to the fact that, although a new cut-out of the Venus had been set up today—like the one of yesterday, it was too short, by a half-inch or so, even though Gaybor and he had stood on the ground watching the making of the new cut-out, had measured it themselves when it was done and put one girl after another through it, together with Gloria Moore. And for the second time, it was too short.

  Gaybor shook his head. “No one switched frames on us, Mr. Hume. I’m sure of that. You see, last night I took it home with me—sat by it all evening, set it up beside my bed. No, no one switched it!”

  “They did, while you slept. Why, next you’ll be saying that the girls have all grown half an inch.”

  “No, Mr. Hume. I—er—I believe they’ve all grown an inch. Wait—wait, Mr. Hume. What is your height?”

  “Me? Why I’m five ten—but what’s that to do with this mess—the girls?”

  “Here’s a tape-measure, Mr. Hume. Will you please stand by this wall? Ah—just as I suspected—see, you’re five foot ten and nine-tenths tall. I thought yesterday your trousers were short on you—this morning they’re positively too short. They’re catching you in the crotch too, aren’t they? Mine are.”

  l So it was on the second day. Men and women, all over the country, all over the world, were complaining of too short trousers, too short skirts. Alteration departments in dozens of shops were wringing their hands over the deluge of newly bought clothing returned because of poor fit; cleaning establishments were horrified at the number of newly cleaned garments returned because they had been “shrunk”.

  In the midget village, the consternation was without parallel. Things had been bad enough on the previous day, with the morale of the little people sunk low because of the inexplicable growth of all the troupe, but on the second day it was absolutely heartrending. Those who had grown half an inch the previous night now found themselves a full inch taller than heretofore; those who had grown an inch in one night were now a good two inches higher. There was no hiding the fact any longer; several were forced to stoop on entering doors, to wiggle their bodies so as to get knees under a table. Tim Tom Thumb heaved a tremendous man-sized sigh. He saw the Lilliputians already ousted from their village, contracts cancelled, incomes ceased. A few days more of this oûtre growth, and they’d all be normal people, forced to adapt themselves to a normal world, robbed of their living as freaks!

  Mothers were aghast at the untoward rapid growth of their children; infants, toddlers, school-children, young things in their teens were all growing at a rapid rate. Clothing that had been expected to last them throughout the year was outgrown overnight, shoes grew too tight, hats no longer fitted.

  In the nursery of the Allison Hospital, Miss Talbot faced her assistant with what amounted to tears in her eyes. “It’s impossible, unbelievable. Every blessed baby in this nursery has grown from one to two inches in two days.”

  In schools all over the land, teachers of the lower grades stared wonderingly at children who no longer fitted under the small desks provided for them, that a dozen classes had sat in before their time. It appeared that a whole corps of men would have to be imported to readjust the seats and desks.

  It was on the afternoon of this second day that newspapers took cognizance of what was happening in the world. All morning, stories of freak growth had been coming in to the offices, reporters frantic with trying to verify them all. Shortly following the afternoon edition relating these many incidents, cables began to come in reciting items from all over the world, from Europe, from Asia, from Africa, from Australia, from the South Seas, from Antarctica, from Alaska—items all dealing with the strange inexplicable growth of people in every walk of life, of every class.

  Everything else was crowded out of the papers; there was only one subject to be discussed, one topic of conversation that interested the man on the street.

  At first, there were those people like George Rock who rejoiced over the change, only to be disappointed at discovering that all his neighbors and friends were experiencing the same thing. There were women like Mrs. Todhunter Lane who at first grew terrified over the fact that they, who were abnormally tall for their sex, were growing still taller. Their fears modified somewhat when it was found that their less tall sisters were growing in the selfsame manner.

  There were bad moments in some of the picture studios when it was realized that scenes must be done over, skirts lengthened before actresses could go on, new suits of clothing bought for the actors before they could complete half-done scenes. Cedric Hume solved the problem of his Perfect Venus sequence by ordering a new cut made each day for the expanding charms of his Venuses—although when the picture was at last completed, several weeks later, it found its title changed to “The Perfect Juno!”

  l Clothing emporiums were the first to be harassed by the wholesale growth of mankind. For a while they had unprecedented sales on large sizes, but that could not last forever, and soon no store anywhere had one out-size suit or dress—as large sizes are called—to sell. Those who had bought new clothing a few days previous were already returning for larger, longer suits and gowns. Manufacturers were driven to their wits’ ends trying to supply the demand. Dressmakers were sewing their fingers to the bone; tailers were going crazy; mothers were weeping as they sought to keep their growing children properly clothed.

  In less than a week not a man, woman or child was wearing clothes of the correct length—soon, it was considered quite the thing to wear knee pants, knee skirts—but even they could not last; knees began to appear below trouser cuff and skirt hem, thighs began to show. And then it wasn’t unusual to see a particularly large man dressed in ancient Roman fashion, a great square of cloth draped gracefully about his huge frame.

  The English manufacturers of the new elastic cloth,[*] cloth treated with rubber that fitted the form, whatever its size or shape, sold their complete output overnight. In fact, every type of cloth, cotton, silks, serges, tweeds, everything was bought up by a panicky population trying to keep itself clothed. More and more varied became the styles on the street, more evident the Roman togas.

  In two weeks’ time a quick survey showed that the world’s population had grown from four to eight inches; the rate among adolescents, those whose bony structures gave more readily to the new stresses put upon it, was more rapid; just as the aged, unable to adjust their brittle bones to the unprecedented changes, were dying like flies, falling in their tracks, retiring at night, never to reawaken.

  Soon, it was not only clothing dealers who suffered from the new disease of giantism. Furniture manufacturers were added to the lists of those whose merchandise did not fit. Beds were found to be getting too short for the average individual, not to mention the ordinary over-the-average six-footers who were now from six feet six to eight or nine inches tall. Children’s cribs were being thrown into discard by the wholesale. In another few weeks it was evident that likewise tables would be too low, legs of chairs not high enough.

  Next came car trouble. People began to complain of the smallness of automobiles, the fact that knees no longer fitted under driving wheels, that the seats were altogether too low, that the cars did not permit sufficient leg room for expanding limbs.

  Growth, however, had not stopped at length. Men, women, and children were growing proportionately broader, in shoulders, in hips, in chests, thighs, and heads. The next thing to happen was dissatisfaction with homes. Once there had been only the over-tall to complain, but their complaints had been in the minority. Now everyone was claiming that doors were neither high enough, nor wide enough—people were growing too close to the ceiling. They demanded larger, higher rooms, wider doors and window frames, higher steps.

  In a month the world’s population had all grown on an average of a foot, in two months two and a half feet, for the growth was found not to be entirely stable, becoming more rapid as the weeks went on. Builders already foresaw the discarding of present-day cities, since such m
odern structures as the Chrysler and Empire State Buildings must needs be torn down to make room for taller, roomier structures built upon the new scale required by the New Man.

  Of the main industries disarranged by the giantism of the people, the companies providing foods, groceries, manufacturers, dairymen, farmers had nothing to complain of, for foodstuffs were in big demand; dealers were doing a land-office business for the simple reason that with the increase in size of man came the increase in his appetite. Growing bodies demand food; people were eating prodigious meals, nibbling sweets, large quantities of fruits, etc., all through the day in an effort to supply the demands of their multiplying cells.

  Here and there scientists tried to solve the riddle, explain the untoward, unnatural growth of man and the animals for, as stated previously, even the animals were growing—horses and cows were expanding hand over hand, large dogs were becoming larger dogs, toy dogs deserted their class, even the mice and rats were demanding larger quarters, coming out from between the walls that had been their homes but which cramped them now. Zoos were rushing orders for new cages to contain their expanding collections. Insects became enlarged overnight; huge bewildered ants could be seen milling around hills that could no longer contain them, bees were as big as small humming birds, mosquitos grew as large as bees.

  Foods were analyzed, the soil given careful examination; sunlight was put through filters, but it was for the young college student to point out that world giantism had come only after the arrival of the huge meteor swarm from space, that the unknown metal it contained had been converted into rays that attacked the pituitary gland, over-activating it so that the unusual animal growth followed.

  Years of study of these odd little ductless glands, smaller than a pea, had not brought to light much knowledge concerning their effect upon growth, although of recent years the medical profession has found a means of controlling the glands by the use of certain salts and a certain diet. The fact that they could be affected by light rays opened up a new field of thought. But it was next to impossible to attempt to regulate the pituitary and thyroid glands of a world’s population.