The Man on the Box

by Harold MacGrath

  IV

  A FAMILY REUNION

  Warburton had not been in the city of Washington within twelve years.In the past his furloughs had been spent at his brother's country homein Larchmont, out of New York City. Thus, when he left the train at theBaltimore and Potomac station, he hadn't the slightest idea where ScottCircle was. He looked around in vain for the smart cab of the northernmetropolis. All he saw was a line of omnibuses and a few ramshacklevehicles that twenty years back might very well have passed forvictorias. A grizzled old negro, in command of one of these sea-goingconveyances, caught Warburton's eye and hailed jovially. Our hero (asthe good novelists of the past generation would say, taking theirreaders into their innermost confidences) handed him his traveling caseand stepped in.

  "Whar to, suh?" asked the commodore.

  "Scott Circle, and don't pommel that old nag's bones in trying to getthere. I've plenty of time."

  "I reckon I won't pommel him, suh. Skt! skt!" And the vehicle rattledout into broad Pennsylvania Avenue, but for the confusion and absurdityof its architectural structures, the handsomest thoroughfare inAmerica. (Some day I am going to carry a bill into Congress and readit, and become famous as having been the means of making PennsylvaniaAvenue the handsomest highway in the world.)

  Warburton leaned back luxuriously against the faded horse-hair cushionand lighted a cigar, which he smoked with relish, having had a heartybreakfast on the train. It was not quite nine o'clock, and a warmOctober haze lay on the peaceful city. Here were people who did notrush madly about in the pursuit of riches. Rather they proceeded alongsoberly, even leisurely, as if they knew what the day's work was andthe rewards attendant, and were content. Trucks, those formidableengines of commerce, neither rumbled nor thundered along the pavements,nor congested the thoroughfares. Nobody hurried into the shops, nobodyhurried out. There were no scampering, yelling newsboys. Instead, alongthe curbs of the market, sat barelegged negro boys, some of themselling papers to those who wanted them, and some sandwiched in betweenbaskets of popcorn and peanuts. There was a marked scarcity of theprogressive, intrusive white boy. Old negro mammies passed to and frowith the day's provisions.

  Glancing over his shoulder, Warburton saw the Capitol, shining in thesun like some enchanted palace out of Wonderland. He touched his cap,conscious of a thrill in his spine. And there, far to his left, loomedthe Washington monument, glittering like a shaft of opals. Someorderlies dashed by on handsome bays. How splendid they looked, withtheir blue trousers and broad yellow stripes! This was before the Armyadopted the comfortable but shabby brown duck. How he longed to throw aleg over the back of a good horse and gallop away into the great greencountry beyond!

  In every extraordinary looking gentleman he saw some famed senator orcongressman or diplomat. He was almost positive that he saw thesecretary of war drive by in a neat brougham. The only things whichmoved with the hustling spirit of the times were the cables, anddoubtless these would have gone slower but for the invisible andimmutable power which propelled them. On arriving in New York, one'sfirst thought is of riches; in Washington, of glory. What a differencebetween this capital and those he had seen abroad! There was nomilitarism here, no conscription, no governmental oppression, no signsof discontent, no officers treading on the rights and the toes ofcivilians.

  But now he was passing the huge and dingy magic Treasury Building,round past the Executive Mansion with its spotless white stone, itsstately portico and its plush lawns.

  "Go slow, uncle; I haven't seen this place since I was a boy."

  "Yes, suh. How d' y' like it? Wouldn' y' like t' live in dat house,suh?"--the commodore grinned.

  "One can't stay there long enough to please me, uncle. It takes fouryears to get used to it; and then, when you begin to like it, you haveto pack up and clear out."

  "It's de way dey goes, suh. We go eroun' Lafayette, er do yuh want t'see de Wa' Depa'tment, suh?"

  "Never mind now, uncle; Scott Circle."

  "Scott Circle she am, suh."

  The old ark wheeled round Lafayette Square and finally rolled intoSixteenth Street. When at length it came to a stand in front of abeautiful house, Warburton evinced his surprise openly. He knew thathis brother's wife had plenty of money, but not such a plenty as toafford a house like this.

  "Are you sure, uncle, that this is the place?"

  "Dere's de Circle, suh, an' yuh can see de numbuh fo' y'se'f, suh."

  "How much do I owe you?"

  "I reckon 'bout fifty cents 'll make it, suh."

  Warburton gave him a dollar, marveling at the difference between thecab hire here and in New York. He grasped his case and leaped up thesteps two at a bound, and pressed the bell A prim little maid answeredthe call.

  "Does Mr. John Warburton live here?" he asked breathlessly.

  "Yes, sir."

  "Fortunate John!" he cried, pushing past the maid and standing in thehall of his brother's household, unheralded and unannounced. "Jack!" hebawled.

  The maid eyed the handsome intruder, her face expressing the utmostastonishment. She touched his arm.

  "Sir!--" she began.

  "It's all right, my dear," he interrupted.

  She stepped back, wondering whether to scream or run.

  "Hi, Jack! I say, you old henpecked, where are you?"

  The dining-room door slid back and a tall, studious-looking gentleman,rather plain than otherwise, stood on the threshold.

  "Jane, what is all this--Why, Bob, you scalawag!"--and in a moment theywere pumping hands at a great rate. The little maid leaned weaklyagainst the balustrade.

  "Kit, Kit! I say, Kit, come and see who's here!" cried John.

  An extraordinarily pretty little woman, whose pallor any woman wouldhave understood, but no man on earth, and who was dressed in a charmingpink negligee morning-gown, hurried into the hall.

  "Why, it's Bob!" She flung her arms around the prodigal and kissed himheartily, held him away at arm's length, and hugged and kissed himagain. I'm not sure that Mr. Robert didn't like it.

  Suddenly there was a swish of starched skirts on the stairs, and themost beautiful woman in all the world (and I am always ready to backthis statement with abundant proofs!) rushed down and literally threwherself into Mr. Robert's eager, outstretched arms.

  "Nancy!"

  "Bob! Bob! you wicked boy! You almost break our hearts. Not a line intwo months!--How could you!--You might have been dead and we not knowit!"--and she cried on his shoulder.

  "Come now, Nancy; nonsense! You'll start the color running out of thistie of mine!" But for all his jesting tone, Mr. Robert felt anembarrassing lump wriggle up and down in his throat.

  "Had your breakfast?" asked the humane and practical brother.

  "Yep. But I shouldn't mind another cup of coffee."

  And thereupon he was hustled into the dining-room and pushed into thebest chair. How the clear women fussed over him, pressed this upon himand that; fondled and caressed him, just as if the beggar was worth allthis trouble and love and affection!

  "Hang it, girls, it's worth being an outlaw to come to this," he cried.He reached over and patted Nancy on the cheek, and pressed the youngwife's hand, and smiled pleasantly at his brother. "Jack, you luckypup, you!"

  "Two years," murmured Nancy; "and we haven't had a glimpse of you intwo long years."

  "Only in photograph," said the homeless one, putting three lumps ofsugar into his coffee because he was so happy he didn't know what hewas about.

  "And you have turned twenty-eight," said Kit, counting on her fingers.

  "That makes you twenty-four, Nan," Jack laughed.

  "And much I care!" replied Nancy, shaking her head defiantly. I've asneaking idea that she was thinking of me when she made thisdeclaration. For if _I_ didn't care, why should she?

  "A handsome, stunning girl like you, Nan, ought to be getting married,"observed the prodigal. "What's the matter with all these dukes andlords and princes, anyhow?"

  An embarrassed smile ran around the table, but
Mr. Robert missed it bysome several inches.

  Jack threw a cigar across the table. "Now," said he, "where the deucedid you come from?"

  "Indirectly from Arizona, which is a synonym, once removed, for war."

  Jack looked at his plate and laughed; but Mrs. Jack wanted to know whatBob meant by that.

  "It's a word used instead of war, as applied by the late GeneralSherman," Jack replied. "And I am surprised that a brother-in-law ofyours should so far forget himself as to hint it, even."

  Knowing that she could put him through the inquisition later, she askedmy hero how his leg was.

  "It aches a little when it rains; that's about all."

  "And you never let us know anything about it till the thing was allover," was Nancy's reproach.

  "What's the use of scaring you women?" Robert demanded. "You would havehad hysterics and all that."

  "We heard of it quick enough through the newspapers," said Jack. "Come,give us your own version of the rumpus."

  "Well, the truth is,"--and the prodigal told them his tale.

  "Why, you are a hero!" cried Mrs. Jack, clasping her hands.

  "Hero nothing," sniffed the elder brother. "He was probably star-gazingor he wouldn't have poked his nose into an ambush."

  "Right you are, brother John," Robert acknowledged, laughing.

  "And how handsome he has grown, Nancy," Mrs. Jack added, with anoblique glance at her husband.

  "He does look 'distangy'," that individual admitted. A handsome facealways went through John's cuirass. It was all nonsense, for his wifecould not have adored him more openly had he been the twin to Adonis.But, there you are; a man always wants something he can not have. Johnwasn't satisfied to be one of the most brilliant young men inWashington; he also wanted to be classed among the handsomest.

  "By the way, Jack," said my hero, lighting the cigar and blowing thefirst puff toward the ceiling, his face admirably set with nonchalance,"do you know of a family named Annesley--Colonel Annesley?" I knew itwould take only a certain length of time for this question to arrive.

  "Colonel Annesley? Why, yes. He was in the War Department until a yearor so ago. A fine strategist; knows every in and out of the coastdefenses, and is something of an inventor; lots of money, too. Tall,handsome old fellow?"

  "That's the man. A war volunteer?"

  "No, a regular. Crippled his gun-fingers in some petty Indian war, andwas transferred to the Department. He was a widower, if my recollectionof him is correct; and had a lovely daughter."

  "Ah!" There was great satisfaction evident in this syllable. "Do youknow where the colonel is now?"

  "Not the faintest idea. He lived somewhere in Virginia. But he's beenon the travel for several years."

  Robert stirred his coffee and took a spoonful--and dropped the spoon."Pah! I must have put in a quart of sugar. Can you spare me anothercup?"

  "Annesley?" Nancy's face brightened. "Colonel Annesley? Why, I knowBetty Annesley. She was my room-mate at Smith one year. She was in mygraduating class. I'll show you her picture later. She was the dearestgirl! How she loved horses! But why are you so interested?"--slyly.

  "I ran across them coming home."

  "Then you met Betty! Isn't she just the loveliest girl you ever saw?"

  "I'm for her, one and indivisible. But hang my luck, I never camewithin a mile of an introduction."

  "What? You, and on shipboard where she couldn't get away?" John threwup his hands as a sign that this information had overcome him.

  "Even the captain shied when I approached him," said Robert, gloomily.

  "I begin to see," said the brother.

  "See what?"

  "Have a match; your cigar has gone out."

  Robert relighted his cigar and puffed like a threshing-machine engine.

  John leaned toward Nancy. "Shall I tell him, Nan?"

  Nancy blushed. "I suppose he'll have to know sooner or later."

  "Know what?" asked the third person singular

  "Your charming sister is about to bring you a brother-in-law."

  "What?" You could have heard this across the street.

  "Yes, Bobby dear. And don't look so hurt. You don't want me to becomean old maid, do you?"

  "When did it happen?"--helplessly. How the thought of his sister'smarrying horrifies a brother! I believe I can tell you why. Everybrother knows that no man is good enough for a good woman. "When did ithappen?" Mr. Robert repeated, with a look at his brother, which saidthat _he_ should be held responsible.

  "Last week."

  Robert took in a long breath, as one does who expects to receive a blowof some sort which can not be warded off, and asked: "Who is it?" Nancymarried? What was the world coming to, anyhow?

  "Charlie Henderson,"--timidly.

  Then Robert, who had been expecting nothing less than an English duke,let loose the flaming ions of his righteous wrath.

  "Chuck Henderson?--that duffer?" (Oh, Mr. Robert, Mr. Robert; and afterall I've done for you!)

  "He's not a duffer!" remonstrated Nancy, with a flare in her mild eyes.(How I wish I might have seen her as she defended me!) "He's thedearest fellow in the world, and I love him with all my heart!" (How doyou like that, Mr. Robert? Bravo, Nancy! I may be a duffer, trueenough, but I rather object to its being called out from thehousetops.) And Nancy added: "I want you to understand distinctly,Robert, that in my selection of a husband you are not to be consulted."

  This was moving him around some.

  "Hold on, Nan! Drat it, don't look like that! I meant nothing, dearie;only I'm a heap surprised. Chuck _is_ a good fellow, I'll admit; butI've been dreaming of your marrying a prince or an ambassador, andHenderson comes like a jolt. Besides, Chuck will never be anything buta first-rate politician. You'll have to get used to cheap cigars andfour-ply whisky. When is it going to happen?"

  "In June. I have always loved him, Bob. And he wants you to be his bestman."

  Robert appeared a bit mollified at this knowledge. "But what shall I doafter that?" he wailed. "You're the only person I can order about, andnow you're going the other side of the range."

  "Bob, why don't you get married yourself?" asked Mrs. Warburton. "Withyour looks you won't have to go far nor begging for a wife."

  "There's the rub, sister mine by law and the admirable foresight of myonly brother. What am I good for but ordering rookies about? I've nobusiness head. And it's my belief that an Army man ought never to wed."

  "Marry, my boy, and I'll see what can be done for you in the diplomaticway. The new administration will doubtless be Republican, and myinfluence will have some weight,"--and John smiled affectionatelyacross the table. He loved this gay lad opposite, loved him for his ownself and because he could always see the mother's eyes and lips. "Youhave reached the age of discretion. You are now traveled and a fairlygood linguist. You've an income of forty-five hundred, and to this Imay be able to add a berth worth two or three thousand. Find the girl,lad; find the girl."

  "Honestly, I'll think it over, Jack."

  "Oh!"

  Three of the quartet turned wonderingly toward Mrs. Jack.

  "What's the matter?" asked Jack.

  "We have forgotten to show Bob the baby!"

  "Merciful heavens!" bawled Robert. "A baby? This is the first time I'veheard anything about a baby,"--looking with renewed interest at theyoung mother.

  "Do you mean to tell me, John Warburton, that you failed to mention thefact in any of your letters?" indignantly demanded Mrs. John.

  "Why--er--didn't I mention it?" asked the perturbed father.

  "Nary a word, nary a word!" Robert got up. "Now, where is thiswonderful he?--or is it a she?"

  "Boy, Bob; greatest kid ever."

  And they all trooped up the stairs to the nursery, where Mr. Robert wasforced to admit that, as regarded a three-months-old, this was thehandsomest little colt he had ever laid eyes on! Mr. Robert evenventured to take the boy up in his arms.

  "How d'ye hold him?" he asked.

  Mrs. Joh
n took the smiling cherub, and the manner in which she foldedthat infant across her young breast was a true revelation to theprodigal, who felt his loneliness more than ever. He was a rankoutsider.

  "Jack, you get me that diplomatic post, and I'll see to it that theonly bachelor in the Warburton family shall sleep in yonder cradle."

  "Done!"

  "How long is your furlough?" asked Nancy.

  "Whom do you think the baby resembles?" asked the mother.

  "One at a time, one at a time! The baby at present doesn't resemble anyone."

  "There's your diplomat!" cried John, with a laugh.

  "And my furlough is for several years, if not longer."

  "What?" This query was general and simultaneous.

  "Yes, I've disbanded. The Army will now go to rack and ruin. I am aplain citizen of the United States. I expect to spend the winter inWashington."

  "The winter!" echoed Jack, mockingly dejected.

  "John!" said his wife. John assumed a meek expression; and Mrs. John,putting the baby in the cradle, turned to her brother-in-law. "Ithought the Army was a hobby with you."

  "It was. I've saved up quite a sum, and I'm going to see a lot of finescenery if my leg doesn't give out."

  "Or your bank account," supplemented John.

  "Well, or my bank account."

  "Draw on me whenever you want passage out West," went on the statesmanin chrysalis.

  Whereupon they all laughed; not because John had said anythingparticularly funny, but because there was a good and generous measureof happiness in each heart.

  "Bob, there's a ball at the British embassy tonight. You must go withus."

  "Impossible!" said Robert. "Remember my leg."

  "That will not matter," said Mrs. John; "you need not dance."

  "What, not dance? I should die of intermittent fever. And if I diddance, my leg might give out."

  "You can ride a horse all right," said John, in the way of argument.

  "I can do that easily with my knees. But I can't dance with my knees.No, I shall stay at home. I couldn't stand it to see all those famousbeauties, and with me posing as a wall-flower."

  "But what will you do here all alone?"

  "Play with the kid, smoke and read; make myself at home. You stillsmoke that Louisiana, Jack?"

  "Yes,"--dubiously.

  "So. Now, don't let me interfere with your plans for tonight. I haven'tbeen in a home in so long that it will take more than one night for thenovelty to wear off. Besides, that nurse of yours, Kit, is good to lookat,"--a bit of the rogue in his eye.

  "Bob!"--from both women.

  "I promise not to look at her; I promise."

  "Well, I must be off," said John. "I'm late now. I've a dozen plans forcoast defenses to go over with an inventor of a new carriage-gun. Willyou go with me, while I put you up at the Metropolitan, or will youtake a shopping trip with the women?"

  "I'll take the shopping trip. It will be a sensation. Have you anyhorses?"

  "Six."

  "Six! You _are_ a lucky pup: a handsome wife, a bouncing boy, and sixhorses! Where's the stable?"

  "In the rear. I keep only two stablemen; one to take care of the horsesand one to act as groom. I'm off. I've a cracking good hunter, if you'dlike a leg up. We'll all ride out to Chevy Chase Sunday. By-by, tilllunch."

  Mr. Robert immediately betook himself to the stables, where he soonbecame intimately acquainted with the English groom. He fussed aboutthe harness-room, deplored the lack of a McClelland saddle, admired theEnglish curbs, and complimented the men on the cleanliness of thestables. The men exchanged sly smiles at first, but these smiles soonturned into grins of admiration. Here was a man who knew a horse fromhis oiled hoofs to his curried forelock.

  "This fellow ought to jump well," he said, patting the sleek neck ofthe hunter.

  "He does that, sir," replied the groom. "He has never taken less than ared ribbon. Only one horse beat him at the bars last winter in NewYork. It was Mr. Warburton's fault that he did not take first prize. Herode him in the park the day before the contest, and the animal caughta bad cold, sir."

  And then it was that this hero of mine conceived his great (not to sayyoung and salad) idea. It appealed to him as being so rich an idea thatthe stables rang with his laughter.

  "Sir?" politely inquired the groom.

  "I'm not laughing at your statement, my good fellow; rather at an ideawhich just occurred to me. In fact, I believe that I shall need yourassistance."

  "In what way, sir?"

  "Come with me."

  The groom followed Warburton into the yard, A conversation began in lowtones.

  "It's as much as my place is worth, sir. I couldn't do it, sir,"declared the groom, shaking his head negatively.

  "I'll guarantee that you will not suffer in the least. My brother willnot discharge you. He likes a joke as well as I do. You are not handedtwenty dollars every day for a simple thing like this."

  "Very well, sir. I dare say that no harm will come of it. But I am aninch or two shorter than you."

  "We'll tide that over."

  "I am at your orders, sir." But the groom returned to the stables,shaking his head dubiously. He was not thoroughly convinced.

  During the morning ride down-town the two women were vastly puzzledover their brother's frequent and inexplicable peals of laughter.

  "For mercy's sake, what do you see that is so funny?" asked Nancy.

  "I'm thinking, my dears; only thinking."

  "Tell us, that we may laugh, too. I'll wager that you are up to somemischief, Master Robert. Please tell," Nancy urged.

  "Later, later; at present you would fail to appreciate the joke. Infact, you might make it miscarry; and that wouldn't do at all. Have alittle patience. It's a good joke, and you'll be in it when the timecomes."

  And nothing more could they worm out of him.

  I shall be pleased to recount to you the quality of this joke, thismadcap idea. You will find it lacking neither amusement nor denouement.Already I have put forth the casual observation that from Paris to thethird-precinct police-station in Washington is several thousand miles.