His Holiday Promise

by Ciara Knight

  With that thought, panic set in. Not the kind that I felt when my late husband hit me, threatened me, or ran off without me. It was the kind that came with hope. Hope that something great could happen, but I knew it wasn’t possible. How could I love a man again? An even better question, how could he love me?

  Chapter Seven

  I entered the barn looking for Teddy. I’d spent all night trying to think of a way to escape to Sherman with Fredrick without being hog tied to a barn post. Teddy was working, showing a new ranch hand how to brand cattle. At least I had a chance with Jeb being away. If this was my son I had to convince, I’d wait until he didn’t have a hot piece of metal in his hand to tell him I was going away unchaperoned with a man.

  With a deep breath of courage and my twenty-two reasons for why I should go, I marched up to Teddy and put my hands on my hips. “Teddy, I am going into Sherman today.” I waited, but he didn’t respond. He only continued with his teaching. Was he ignoring me and already deciding it would never happen?

  I stepped closer, dropping my hands to my side. “I’m a grown woman, and I can make decisions for myself. Besides, there is no need to stop me because I won’t be traveling alone. I’ll have a suitable escort.”

  Teddy handed the poker to the boy and stood, dusting his hands off on his pants. “Have a good time.”

  I stumbled back, allowing him to pass to reach for some rope. “Um…what?”

  “Mr. Krause asked my permission the other day to have you go to Sherman with him on his delivery.”

  “Asked your permission?”

  Teddy slung the rope over his shoulder. “He said I was a surrogate for your son, that he would only take you with my permission.”

  “Permission?” I heard the raise in my voice. So, Fredrick wasn’t any different. He had treated me as if I couldn’t decide for myself and then gone behind my back to Teddy.

  He stopped and faced me, his face soft and his lips curved into a grin. “Would you rather I had said no?”

  “No, but why do I need your permission?” I asked, my voice raising another octave.

  The ranch hand stopped what he was doing and studied our exchange.

  Teddy shot him a sideways glance, and the boy returned to his duties. “Mrs. Clayton, Mr. Krause is a good man. He only wishes to keep you safe and not cause issues for you. It is apparent that he is aware of your son’s obsession with protecting you. If you ask me, his travels are a blessing. You both need to find out what you want and stop worrying about each other. You’re not living in Kentucky with a bad man no more.”

  I stumbled back, shocked at his frankness but appreciating it all the same.

  “Listen, it isn’t my place to say, but Mr. Krause is a good man. Not all men are like what Jeb’s pa was. If I may be bold, you are still young and pretty. Maybe it’s time you start thinking about a future instead of obsessing with the past. Go, enjoy life, and maybe you’ll find that Mr. Krause is worthy of more than just friendship.” Teddy returned to his duties, ending our conversation.

  I meandered back to the house, shocked at the realization that Teddy encouraged me to go with Fredrick, despite the consequences when Jeb returned. On a ranch, things seldom remained secret. Jeb’s men were loyal and treated better than they had been by former bosses. They’d likely feel obligated to share the information with Jeb.

  By the time I reached the house, I heard the rumble of wagon wheels in the distance. Did I want to risk Teddy’s job? I was the one who originally hired him when Jeb was out of town, so did that mean I had the right to keep him even if Jeb was angry? Not according to the law. Women didn’t have the right to make any decisions.

  The sight of the wagon approaching caused a flutter in my belly, and I realized I really wanted to go to Sherman with Fredrick. I wanted to see where he took his furniture and the people who bought them. Most of all, I wanted to see Fredrick again.

  The wagon rolled to a stop, and Fredrick hopped down from the buckboard. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning,” I said, noticing that his smile reached his ears with his greeting.

  I liked how he always appeared excited to see me. It felt nice for someone to want to be around me instead of always running off.

  “Are you ready?” he asked.

  “I am.” I walked down the front steps, and he took my hand to help me up into the buckboard.

  He settled in next to me and draped several blankets over us both. “It should warm up in a few hours, but for now, let’s keep you warm.”

  My mind drifted to how warm I’d felt when he held me in his arms, but instead of scooting into my side, he snapped the reins and we were off on our adventure. The wagon was overstuffed with large and small pieces of furniture, separated by cloth to keep them from chipping on the bumpy ride.

  I toyed with the fringe on the blanket, conflicted between wanting to be with Fredrick but also realizing he treated me the same as all men. He’d asked if he could take me instead of accepting my word that I could go with him. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes, anything.”

  “Why did you ask Teddy for permission to take me to Sherman?”

  He shifted in his seat and glanced over at me. “If your son feels responsible for you, then I respect that. I once cared for my mama, and if any man took her without asking first, I’d think he was…how do I say? Disrespectful. I don’t want your son thinking I am disrespectful before we meet.”

  His words touched something in my heart. He hadn’t asked to control me but because he cared what my son thought of him. Teddy was right. He was a good man. Did that mean I could ever fully trust him? William had been a perfect suitor before we were married. I didn’t know until after we were married that he was manipulative and only wanted my money.

  “You thinking of him?” Krause asked.

  “No, Jeb is out east, so I’ll worry about him when he returns.”

  He shook his head. “No, your husband.”

  How did he know? I studied his strong jaw and the way he held the reins in his hands. The man was a mystery yet familiar all at the same time. “Teddy gave me advice this morning. He said that I should forget the past.”

  Fredrick rested his hands on his knees. “Forget, no. Deal with, yes.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Sometimes we cannot move on until we face what happened. I had this after war. Not good man for a time. I felt guilty for those men who died and I still lived. I tried to forget, but they haunted me. The enemy haunted me. My life haunted me.”

  I heard the pain in his voice, and I wanted to cuddle up to him and hold his hand to make the memory go away, but something kept me distant from him. “How did you face it?”

  “The men in my village, they met in the mornings and we talked. It helped because we understood each other. After time, each day easier.”

  “So, talking about it helped.” I bit my bottom lip, thinking about how I could never share the horrors of my choices and my failures with anyone.

  “Sometimes others do bad things to us and we blame ourselves.” He reached over and squeezed my forearm, giving me courage and promising not to judge. Not with his words but with his touch. A touch that made me feel brave instead of afraid.

  That’s when I knew that if I ever wanted to have more than a friendship with Fredrick, I had to tell him the truth of how I married a man who beat me, starved me, called me every name, and made me believe no one could ever care about me. And that would be the easier words. Then I’d have to tell him how I didn’t protect my children. That even though I took the physical abuse to protect my children when William came home, Jeb suffered mental abuse. The kind that makes a man not trust anyone. And if Fredrick still didn’t dump me on the side of the road, then I’d have to tell him that I murdered my own daughter.

  Chapter Eight

  It was a long ride to Sherman. Too long to avoid the conversation about my past when Fredrick kept prying. I couldn’t help but think he had planned this so I couldn�
�t escape. I was starting to realize that he wasn’t only handsome and talented but smart, too.

  “You were young, too young to know the man you married. Because he was bad doesn’t make you bad, too,” Fredrick offered.

  “My son suffered because I wasn’t brave enough to leave.”

  “I believe your son would say different. You protected him the best you could.”

  I studied the floorboard, watching a small bug bounce about. “But my daughter died.”

  My bones ached deep inside at the image in my mind. The one moment in my life I regretted, the memory stole my breath and shredded my heart. I doubled over at the thought.

  Fredrick pulled the wagon to the side, and we rolled to a stop. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. He rocked me until my tears stopped but never said a word. Comfort surrounded me. I enjoyed feeling safe in his arms, but I didn’t want to look at him. Shame made me want to push him away and run, but I was stuck for the remainder of the trip. He’d pushed, but why had I told him? Was it because I knew this would end if I did, before I could get my heart broken?

  “You could never harm a child,” Fredrick whispered.

  I sniffled. “A mother should care for her child. My child died because I married a man who left us poor and alone with no food and barely any shelter.”

  He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. “You are good woman. You not choose to starve child.”

  This conversation stung my skin, my eyes, my heart. It was too much to remember, too much to talk about. “We should go. You don’t want to be late for your delivery,” I managed to say, swiping the tears from my face.

  He released me but placed a knuckle under my chin and nudged me to look at him. “You are good woman, but does not matter what I say. Only you can forgive self.” Fredrick snapped the reins, and we were off once more, but every so often he’d glance my way, and I knew he wanted me to move forward in life. I couldn’t, though. How could I give my life over to a man again? I’d already made that choice once, and it cost me everything.

  The sun burned some of the clouds away, and it shone down on us, but I didn’t feel its comforting heat. The wheels bounced against the gravel, and an icy breeze shot from the east. I felt cold inside, empty at the memory and at what Fredrick thought of me now. He was too kind of a man to say anything, though.

  It wasn’t too long until Sherman came into view. It had been a long time since I’d been in a city. The noise, even at this hour of the day, was unsettling. The main road through town was already crowded with men and wagons. Women outside a brothel displayed their merchandise, and the saloon was already raucous.

  A shouting match occurred outside the saloon that ended with fists and a man on the ground. Fredrick pulled the wagon to a stop in the center of town. He secured the reins on the brake and helped me down. “Do you want to shop while I unload?”

  I eyed the storefronts and decided that I wasn’t intimidated or frightened of the people any longer. Living on a ranch alone for so long forced me to appreciate life with a little noise. “Yes, I’ll be back shortly. Thank you.”

  With a deep breath of air that smelled of horses and hay, I walked down to the corner store to see about a new dress. One that might be less practical and more attractive. Inside, merchandise filled the small space. I meandered past the sugars and flour and found the fabric in the back corner.

  “Can I help you, ma’am?” a storekeeper asked.

  “I’m only looking at the moment, but thank you.”

  “If you need anything, please let me know, Mrs…”

  “Clayton.”

  The storekeeper’s eyes opened wide, despite his droopy eyelid on one side. “As in Clayton Ranch?”

  “Yes, I’m Jeb’s mother.” I continued my perusal of some simpler fabrics.

  He scurried to pick up what I assumed would be the most expensive fabric based on material and pattern. “Please, allow me to show you a few things. Of course, you have an open account here. Mr. Clayton is one of our best customers. I hear he is out East making a big deal with the military.”

  “Yes.” I eyed the fabric in his hand, but it was not my taste.

  “Before I forget. There is a letter for Mr. Clayton. Would you like to take it?”

  “Yes, that would be fine.”

  The man dropped the fabric and rushed behind the desk.

  Another couple entered the store. The man had a tight grip on the woman’s arm, as if she were a runaway child. He shoved her into the corner. Her chin lowered nearly to her chest, and her hand hovered in front of her eyes. I knew that stance well. It was to hide bruising in public. I wanted to tell the woman to run while she could. To escape before it was too late.

  The man stumbled through the store and slammed his hand down on the front table. I could smell the spirits on him from several steps away. “Wife says we need some flour if I want to eat.”

  I couldn’t just stand there and let this woman suffer. Not when I had suffered for so long alone. I scooted along the wall and managed to make it to the woman without her husband noticing. She glanced up at me with wide eyes and open mouth before she turned away. It wasn’t fast enough, because my suspicions were confirmed by the massive black-and-blue smudge on her cheek.

  With a glance to the man at the front, I saw that he was busy. I took the opportunity and whispered to the lady, “Are you all right, ma’am?”

  She cowered away from me. The sight of her brought back the embarrassment, the fear, the hopelessness. “Listen to me. I know what your husband is doing, and you don’t have to stay with him. You can leave. Get out while you can. He doesn’t have a right to beat you.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she whispered, but the tears were already streaming down her face. The thought of getting away from the monster she swore she’d stay with forever caused her to split in two. One half loyal to her word, the other half wanting it to stop no matter what the consequence.

  I slid closer, placing my hand on her back, but she jolted and moved away. “Please. I’ll help you.”

  “You can’t help me,” she choked out. “No one can help me.”

  “I thought that once, too. I had a chance to leave one night, and I didn’t take it. That one decision cost me the life of my daughter.” I shared my deepest secret because I knew this woman would understand. She wouldn’t judge. I only hoped that my truth would help her understand that she needed to take this chance.

  Her eyes were trained on the man at the counter, but she lifted her trembling, frail hand to me. I took it and shuffled backward until we reached the door. The bell jingled, calling her husband to check on her, and his gaze met mine. I quickly ushered her outside, but the man bolted through the doors and grabbed hold of the woman’s elbow, yanking her away from me.

  I forced my fear into submission and lifted my chin. “Let her go. She is going with me.”

  He laughed an evil, loud laugh. “You’re not stealing my property.”

  “She’s not property. She’s a woman.”

  His lip curled into a vicious snarl. “I own her. She’s my wife. Now you get.”

  I don’t know if it was the knowledge of what this man would do when he got her alone as punishment for her trying to flee or if I saw the face of my husband, but I lunged forward and shoved him away from her.

  His drunken condition caused him to wobble long enough for me to snatch her hand and make a run for it, but it didn’t last. He grabbed the back of my coat and swung me around. “I’ll teach you a lesson you won’t soon forget.”

  He shoved me against the outside wall of the store and pulled back his arm to slam his fist into my eye. I kicked him in the leg, and he yelped, but it wasn’t my kick that saved me.

  Fredrick grabbed hold of the man’s arm and pulled him away from me. The look on his face was murderous. I thought he would break every bone in the miserable man’s body, but instead he released him. “You will never touch this woman, or I will teach you
lesson on good manners.”

  Terror etched in the lines that deepened on the husband’s forehead and the openmouthed strangled noise that escaped. It took a moment and a few steps back before the man found his courage again. “That woman tried to steal my property.”

  “Property? That is your wife. A person,” I argued. His words sent fire into me that I thought would explode out my ears.

  Neither man acknowledged me, so I took his wife in my arms and ushered her a few steps away from the men. She shivered, but I knew it wasn’t from cold. Inside, her thoughts were fighting each other. Did she stay with the only person who was sworn to have her, or did she take a chance of starving and dying from the elements because there was no one else to help her? “I will help you. Trust me.”

  The man turned to his wife. “Let’s go. Now.”

  She glanced at me, and I squeezed her arms to let her know I had her, but when her husband took one step toward her, my promise wasn’t enough. The years of abuse won in an instant. I saw the decision before she even spoke. “I need to go.”

  With a smug look, the man grabbed ahold of her arm and dragged her away.

  “No. Don’t go.” I hurried after them, but Fredrick caught me in his arms.

  “There is nothing you can do. Not when woman won’t go.”

  I shook my head, watching the man drag his wife down the street in a display of his power. “But you don’t know what’s about to happen to her. If she survives her punishment this time, she won’t survive the next. I need to do something.”

  He held tight as I struggled to free myself. Fredrick—a man I hadn’t heard lie yet—only said the truth. “I know.”

  I wilted into him, and he cupped my cheek, guiding me to look at him. “You are good woman but can only help if she wants it. Besides, what would she do once she escape husband?”

  That question seared my skin and branded me with the knowledge that I had no idea. What could she do once she left her husband? What could any woman do?