London Season Matchmaker Box Set: Regency Romance

by Lucy Adams

  “No,” Dinah replied, surprised that her voice was hoarse with emotion. “No, indeed, I do not feel any anger towards you, Titania. Thank you.” A little astonished that she did, in fact, feel gratefulness towards her cousin, Dinah looked into Titania’s face and saw the surprise in her eyes as she looked back at her. Perhaps Titania had not thought that Dinah would be so willing to accept such words from her, but the truth had been in everything Titania had said. Dinah knew that she did, very often, linger over her own faults. She would seek forgiveness from God as she ought but thereafter would continue to cling onto her shame, going over and over it in her mind and praying almost continually until the feeling slowly faded.

  Perhaps there was another way.

  Suddenly, a wall of shame crashed into her, making her blink back sudden, forceful tears. In that one moment, visions of herself as she had behaved in the past came flooding back to her, reminding her of all the times she had spoken harshly to her cousins, how she had criticized them and laid out Bible verses in defense of what she had said. Covering her eyes for a moment, Dinah fought to keep her composure, feeling as though she had been washed in weakness, overcome by all that she now knew.

  “Dinah.” Titania’s voice was gentle. “I did not mean to upset you.”

  “No,” Dinah replied, lifting her face and taking in a long breath so as to steady herself. “No, you did not upset me, Titania. Thank you for speaking to me.”

  Titania said nothing, looking back at Dinah with her intense gaze that Dinah knew to be so familiar and yet so unwelcome.

  “I—I should go and seek out—”

  “Oh, of course,” Titania interrupted, screwing up her face in evident frustration. “You have missed the first part of this dance. I am sorry, dear cousin. I did not know that you were engaged for the cotillion. Which gentleman was it you were to dance with? Here, do let me see. We should be able to find him together.”

  Before Dinah could protest, Titania had grasped Dinah’s dance card and had lifted it to try and find the name, only for her eyebrows to lift and her hand to drop back down to her side.

  “You have no gentlemen as yet,” she commented, as a faint blush came to Dinah’s cheeks. “Why is that, Dinah?”

  Dinah tried to shrug in a casual fashion. “I have found none I wish to dance with,” she answered, with as much conviction as she could. “I have not been engaging in conversation or the like, Titania. I would not hide the truth from you. I have not been seeking out such a thing from anyone.” Thoughts of joining the convent were still circling around her mind, which was combined with Lady Whitehaven’s insistence that she marry and the confusion that came with considering both things at once.

  “Are you afraid of doing so?” Titania asked bluntly. “If so, then why do you not seek out my brother? I know that he would be glad to…” She frowned and then shook her head. “Although I do not recall him dancing as yet, even though this is now his fifth ball of the Season.”

  “I was seeking out Lord Whitehaven, in fact,” Dinah told her cousin, truthfully. “If you will excuse me, I will speak to him now.” She saw Titania nod, giving her a half smile before taking her leave. Wishing that she could find a way to tell Titania just how much her words had meant, Dinah could only squeeze her cousin’s hand briefly before moving away. Titania had been right to state that Dinah had always looked down upon her behavior, for she had found her much too forward, much too brash and flirtatious – but yet, Dinah knew that Titania was also correct to state that such things were none of Dinah’s concern. She might pray for her cousin, as she did for the rest of them, but that did not mean that she ought to pronounce judgement on Titania. Beside which, Titania had now found a suitable match and was, in fact, deeply in love with her husband. There had been no consequences for Titania’s behavior, as Dinah had once believed. There had been nothing but joy and contentment, which, Dinah thought, throwing a look over her shoulder towards Titania, was what Titania had always wanted.

  Turning her head back, she only just prevented herself from walking directly into Lord Whitehaven, who, catching himself, moved back quickly, although his gait was somewhat awkward.

  “Oh, good gracious!” Dinah exclaimed, a flush creeping up her neck. “I am truly sorry, Whitehaven.”

  Lord Whitehaven did not look particularly pleased, for his expression was dark and his brows low. “Whatever are you doing, Dinah?” he muttered, grasping her by the elbow and turning her away from the other guests so that they might converse in a quieter corner of the room. “Is something the matter?”

  Dinah swallowed hard, waiting until his gloved hand had left her elbow before she spoke. Looking up into his face, her eyes lingered on his lips for just a moment, sending her flush all the hotter as she recalled how they had been pressed to her own. A delicious sensation flooded her as she thought of it, licking her lips and dropping her eyes to the floor so that she would not betray herself to Lord Whitehaven. It seemed he did not recall it, and therefore, there was no need for her to even consider mentioning it to him.

  “I do apologize, Whitehaven,” she stammered, feeling more than a little awkward. “I came to find you. I–”

  “Came to find me?” Lord Whitehaven interrupted, sounding quite astonished. “You mean to say that you have come here specifically to speak to me?” He chortled loudly, although it did not hold any meanness of spirit. “And after all I have done to you, Dinah? Goodness, something must be afoot!”

  Dinah, thrown a little off balance by his remark and wondering if he did, in fact, remember trying to kiss her, cleared her throat gently. She looked away from him, trying to regain her sense of composure.

  “It is only that I wish to apologize, Lord Whitehaven,” she told him, only seeing out of the corner of her eye how his smile began to fade as she spoke. “I compared you to a pig and that was wrong of me to say. I ought not to have tried to insult you, even though my feelings on the matter were quite legitimate.” So saying, she took in a long breath, lifted her chin, looked back at him. “I seek your forgiveness, Whitehaven.”

  Lord Whitehaven said nothing for some moments. His eyes were wide with surprise, his expression one of utter shock. Dinah felt her heart begin to pound furiously in her chest, fearing that she would begin to sink into the floor in embarrassment if he continued to say nothing. Lowering her head, she looked steadfastly at his feet, swallowing the lump in her throat and twisting her fingers together.

  And then, Lord Whitehaven let out a low whistle, raking one hand through his hair as he shook his head gently.

  “You are utterly remarkable, Dinah,” he said softly, making her look up at him sharply for fear that he was mocking her. “You come to me to seek out my forgiveness when it is I who has been treating you poorly for a good length of time.”

  She shrugged, hearing the quietness of his voice but fearing that he was still to make a mockery of her. “I speak to you with all honesty,” she told him, wanting him to believe her and to keep his teasing to himself. “I feel a guilt in my heart that I have prayed over, but it has become apparent that I must seek your forgiveness also.” She drew in a long breath, steadying herself. “It does not matter about your behavior, I think, for how you feel about such a thing is not my concern.”

  Lord Whitehaven blinked in evident surprise, whilst Dinah remained quiet. He did not seem to know what to say, for he looked at her with such astonishment in his eyes that she felt quite certain that either he would make some mocking comment by which to cover up how he had been taken aback, or he would simply shrug and turn away, leaving her without confirmation as to whether or not he would, in fact, forgive her foolish words.

  “You have not always believed that another person’s conduct is not to be of your concern,” he said eventually, his tone even and without malice. “You have corrected, commented, prayed for, and frowned over some of my sister’s behavior, I think, and I cannot imagine what you must think of mine.”

  Dinah’s lips twisted, knowing full well that she th
ought Lord Whitehaven one of the most unkind, most unpleasant gentlemen she had ever had the chance to meet. “Regardless of what I think, Lord Whitehaven, it has been pointed out to me that it need not be something that I discuss with either yourself or anyone else. My behavior is my own, as is yours.” She did not mention that it had been Titania who had made the remark only some minutes before, nor that such words had made such an impact upon her that she had realized, only in that moment, that she had been overly critical and harsh, for to admit such a thing would make her far too vulnerable in his eyes.

  “Well,” Lord Whitehaven muttered, looking somewhat uncomfortable and running his hand through his hair yet again. “That is quite a surprise, Dinah. To hear you say such things, to hear you ask for forgiveness when it is I who….” Shaking his head, he spread his hands and looked at her. “I have nothing but forgiveness to give you,” he replied quietly, looking back at her with such a calm, steady gaze that, for the first time in as many months, Dinah felt as though he were being entirely open and honest with her. “After how I have treated you, Dinah, it is the very least I can offer you.”

  Dinah blinked, a little confused at his words. How he had treated her? Was this his admission that he had been unkind towards her, unwelcoming and seemingly heartless?

  “I – I have been reflecting on my own behavior of late,” he admitted, surprising her all the more. “I do not know what I did last evening, but I–”

  “You tried to kiss me.”

  The words ripped from her mouth before she could hold them back, and Lord Whitehaven, upon hearing this, went completely white. He looked so pale that Dinah almost stepped forward to ensure that he was not about to fall over in a faint, but he merely closed his eyes and shook his head, lowering his head to his chest for a moment.

  “Can you forgive me, Dinah?”

  It was her turn to be astonished, for the vulnerability in both his expression and his voice took her quite by surprise. Never once had he sought her out to ask for her forgiveness in some matter, to apologize for the way he spoke to her, or for the mocking words that seemed to come to his lips so easily. And yet now, here he stood, doing precisely that.

  “I will not be surprised if you cannot,” he told her, when she said nothing. “I know I have not been the family you deserved, Dinah. I know that my conduct, most likely, only added to your grief, and for that, I am truly sorry.” He turned away, meaning to step away from her, only for his leg to buckle. Wincing, he groped about for something to lean on, and Dinah stepped forward at once, unable to prevent herself.

  “Your leg is paining you?” she asked softly, aware that this was a subject that Lord Whitehaven had never discussed with her, and he had forbidden even his sisters from mentioning it. “I only ask because–”

  “I just need to sit down,” Lord Whitehaven interrupted, his teeth gritting tight. “On occasion, when I have been, perhaps, a little worse for wear, I do not take as good care of it as I should.” This was said with a quick, guilty glance down at her, before he turned his head away again. “It is my greatest weakness, I think.”

  Again, Dinah said nothing, surprised that he had been so honest with her when he had never once even mentioned his leg before. Instead, she simply clasped his arm, trying to make it look as though he were accompanying her instead of she helping him.

  “You are much too good, Dinah,” Lord Whitehaven murmured, as they walked slowly together towards a few vacant chairs. “Much too good for someone such as myself. Your kindness burns me.”

  She swallowed hard, not quite sure what she ought to say in response. Should she remind him that she too had made mistakes, had made errors in judgement and spoken with harshness, in much the same way as he had done?

  “This blasted leg,” Lord Whitehaven muttered, saving her the need to say anything at all. “My own fault, really.”

  Waiting until he had sat down into a chair and adjusted his seat so that he was comfortable, Dinah took a breath and decided to be brave. “Might I ask what happened?” she began tentatively. “It is quite all right if you do not wish to tell me, of course, for I do not mean to pry.”

  He shrugged one shoulder. “Ran out onto the road when I was a boy,” he said, without much emotion in his voice. “We were in London for some reason or other, and my father was busy talking to someone he had met. I saw something on the road that caught my eye – a coin or something like that – and thought I could dart between the carriages to get it.”

  Dinah closed her eyes tightly, hardly daring to imagine what would have happened next.

  “The carriage wheel and my leg ended up entangled,” Lord Whitehaven finished dully. “It has never been the same since, even though my father got the very best surgeon in all of London.”

  “I do not think that makes you any less of a gentleman,” Dinah replied, wondering if this was the reason behind Lord Whitehaven’s demeanor. “You are not any different merely because of your leg.”

  Lord Whitehaven’s jaw worked furiously, his eyes narrowing and his lips tugging into a thin, flat line. For a few moments, he looked up at her but said nothing, making Dinah fear that he was about to lay into her with harsh, brutal words that would remind her, once again, that she ought to say nothing at all about his leg. But then, the anger left his face and he sighed, closing his eyes and turning his head away.

  “I should not keep you from the many, many gentlemen who I am sure will wish to dance with you this evening, Miss Shepherd,” he said to her, referring to her by her formal title and, in doing so, setting a wall between them. “Lord Irving, I am certain, will be nearby and seeking you out. Pray, do not linger here any longer.”

  Dinah wanted to say that she had no reason to go in search of Lord Irving and certainly did not want to be welcomed into his company for it might then lead to a courtship that she would be forced into – but the words died in her throat at the blank expression on Lord Whitehaven’s face as he kept his head turned away.

  Without a word, she turned around and walked aimlessly through the guests, her heart aching within her for some inexplicable reason. Was it because she thought there had been the first fragments of friendship between them, only for him to harden his countenance again? What was it she wanted from Lord Whitehaven? It could not be affection or the like, for that would be too mortifying to accept, but a gentle friendship between them would be a good deal better than the anger and frustration that seemed to flourish between them.

  And then, the memory of his lips on her own came back to her, making her come to a stop right in the middle of the ballroom. Heat seared her, running from the top of her head all the way down to her toes. Catching her breath and resisting the urge to fan her face, Dinah lifted her chin and continued on her way, trying to push the memory of it from her mind. She did not want to recall it, did not need to linger upon it. It had been nothing more than a moment of drunken idiocy on his part and it meant nothing to him – just as it ought to mean nothing to her.

  “Ah, there you are!”

  The sound of Lady Whitehaven’s bright, welcoming voice caught Dinah’s attention, and she turned around to see her aunt approaching, with a gentleman walking beside her. This gentleman was tall and thin, with sharp, angular features and a long, thin nose. His eyes were small and very dark, hidden behind a pair of spectacles that appeared to be pinned onto his nose with the lenses catching the light. His hair was very dark in the candlelight and cropped close to his head, giving him an almost skeletal appearance. Dinah curtsied quickly as Lady Whitehaven introduced the gentleman, trying to remember if she had met him before.

  “Lord Irving is delighted to see you here this evening, Dinah,” Lady Whitehaven said, gesturing towards the gentleman whom, Dinah realized, she had been somewhat forced to dance with at the previous ball. She did not recall his face – most likely because she had been eager just to have the dance completed and thereafter had forgotten about the gentleman entirely. “As you can see, Lord Irving, Dinah has her dance card already prepare
d.”

  Seeing that she was not about to be able to escape such a thing, Dinah reluctantly held out her dance card and saw the gentleman smile almost in triumph. A little anxious and certainly repelled by the gentleman’s demeanor, she stood stock still whilst he wrote his name down in two spaces. This was not going to be an enjoyable evening, no matter what Lady Whitehaven hoped for. Lord Irving might prove to be the most wonderful gentleman in all of England, but she felt nothing for him. There was no immediate spark, no flicker of interest that grew in her heart. Instead, the only person on her mind was none other than Lord Whitehaven, no matter how much she wanted to remove him.