Suppression: Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team #2

by Laramie Briscoe

  “Why’d you do it?” I question.

  “You’re Nick Cooper.” Recognition shows across his face.

  I haven’t been called that in a long time, and I honestly don’t know how to react, except to say, “No. I’m Nick Kepler.”

  “No, you’re Nick Cooper, you grew up over there.” He tilts his head to the house I’ve been running from for over half my life.

  “I’m Officer Nickolas Kepler,” I repeat.

  He continues. “If anyone should understand what’s going on here, it’s you. We all repeat the sins of the father, don’t we?”

  Meaning his dad beat the shit out of him and now he’s doing it to his own kid.

  “Put him in the car,” I tell Caleb, barely keeping the disgust out of my tone.

  And all those good feelings I had earlier, about maybe where I could go with Kels? They’re gone, because now I see that no matter how hard we try, we just can’t outrun our past.

  Six

  Kelsea

  “Hey!” I wave to Ruby as I throw my purse down on her couch. “Where are the kids?”

  “Kari took them to karate.” She grins. “So that means we get to have adult food and adult conversation tonight. I have that wine you and Stella introduced me to. Want a glass?”

  “Don’t mind if I do. It’s been a long day, even if I didn’t have to work.” I grin back at her. I love my niece and nephew, but sometimes they completely overtake every situation they’re in. Tonight I’m just wanting to have a relaxing time. Before I can say anything, Caleb comes through the door.

  “Ladies,” he greets us both.

  I’m almost jealous when he snakes his arms around her waist, kissing at her neck, grabbing her ear between his teeth. The two of them have such an intoxicating passion and such an all-encompassing chemistry, it forces those around them to pay attention. Deep in my gut I know the way they look at each other is what I want, what I deserve. Right next to the feeling is the fear I may never get to experience it.

  She spins in his arms. “How was your day?” Ruby asks him as she stands on her tiptoes, leaning in for a kiss.

  His arms tighten around her. “Fuckin’ brutal. Nick and I had to do a welfare check on a kid, and CPS got called.”

  Immediately I’m all ears. Hearing his name, along with the fact CPS was involved, makes me worry. “Are you okay?” I ask my brother, hoping he realizes I’m asking for Nick too.

  The way he looks at me – suspicious with a bit of compassion – tells me he knows exactly why I’m asking.

  “I’m good. Pissed at the situation, but Nick was real quiet after it happened. Have to think it reminded him of his situation.”

  “At least the kid had someone there who could relate.” Ruby rubs his shoulders, grabbing his hand before she kisses his bicep.

  The way she tucks herself in beside him almost makes me want to cry. When Caleb comes home after a rough night, she’s there to help him forget, to make him feel better. Whose there for Nick?

  Nobody, because he tends to be a loaner. While I know that’s on him, it still makes me sad. Instead of forgetting his past, he’s forced to face it head on.

  “Yeah, anyway I’m gonna go get changed.”

  Clearing the emotion out of my throat, I’m overly happy as I hope to hide how upset I am. “I’ll set the table.”

  More than anything, I need to keep myself busy. If I don’t, I’ll make a fool out of myself and this thing with Nick is way too new for me to fuck it up before it even begins.

  As I watch the clock, I become more and more disappointed. I know for a fact Nick got off-shift a few hours ago. We’ve had dinner already and I know he’s avoiding me. The old Kelsea would have left him to his own devices, not wanting to rock the boat. This Kelsea, she’s going to take a chance and go for what she wants. Tired of waiting, I send a text.

  K: Hey, I’m at Caleb’s, heard you had a hard day today. Are you off yet?

  “You okay today?” Ruby asks as I help her do the dishes since she cooked for us. “You seem a little sad.”

  Sighing, I think about telling her everything, but I honestly don’t want the sympathy I know I’ll see in her eyes. I’ve seen it too many times from Stella, and I can’t see it from my sister-in-law. “Just tired.” I make light of it. “Last night was a long night, couple with a long day and the months leading up to the wedding. Just catching up with me.”

  “But it was fun.” She grins as she bumps me with her hip. “Caleb and I got a little drunk. We actually called an Uber to bring us home.” Her cheeks are a slight pink as she lowers her voice, giggling before she speaks. “Then we fucked in the living room since the kids were at my parents’ house. Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve been able to do something like that?”

  “Oh my God, Ruby,” I gasp with shock, even though I finish with a laugh. “I hate hearing that about my brother, but I’m so glad you had a good time.” I dry the dish she hands to me.

  “It was super nice.” She closes her eyes, biting her lip. She shivers slightly before she gives me another dish. “Didn’t I see you leave with Nick?”

  Shit. I can’t give nonverbal clues like she just did. They would totally give me away, and I’m not prepared for my brother and dad to know what happened after we left. “Yeah, he took me home.”

  “Anything happen with him?” She raises an eyebrow. Usually she can read me like a book, but I have to keep this locked down. She’ll have questions that I won’t have answers for. “Hmmm?”

  Again I think about telling her everything, but how can I tell her something when I don’t even know what’s going on. “Nope, he was a perfect gentleman.

  A frown mars her pretty face, along with a look of compassion. She’s feeling sorry for me as I hear the words coming out of her mouth. “Aww, Kels.”

  “No, I’m fine.” I stop her from giving me a pacifying answer. “Really, I’m fine.”

  Drying my hands off, I grab my cell. Still no message from Nick. My fingers shake as I send him another text. I’m irritated at the both of us. Him because he won’t answer, and me because I care so much.

  K: I’m just worried about you. Are you okay?

  Thirty minutes later, as I’m leaving Caleb’s I still don’t have an answer.

  K: No matter what you’re going through, Nick, I can help you, but only if you let me.

  Nick

  I should answer the messages Kelsea is sending me, I know I should. If I’m being honest, I want to, but at the same time I want to protect her. From myself.

  I don’t know how I tricked the Keplers into adopting me. I’ll never know how I won that lottery. It feels like I used up all my good juju with them. Nothing else in my life has ever gone so right.

  My friendship with Ransom notwithstanding, I somehow always manage to push people away. And in always doing that, I did what I didn’t want to do with Kels. The one thing I’ve never wanted to do to her is be a dick, but I can’t seem to make myself be the guy I know I can be. Every time I pick up my phone to answer her, I just don’t fucking know what to say. No, that’s a lie. I want to say too much, and I’m not ready to do that yet. Maybe she’s also not ready to hear it either.

  It’s nights like this I hate living alone, but at the same time I hate being around other people. The only thing saving me is routine. I can do it with muscle memory. I don’t have to think. I’m not required to be responsible, all I have to do is what I know I’m supposed to.

  First thing: take off my gear, store my gun.

  Second thing: take a shower.

  Third thing: eat something I’ve meal prepped earlier in the week, for nights like this when I can’t get out of my own head.

  The routine is over now, and I have nothing but the thoughts in my head. If Ransom were in town, I’d head over to his and Stella’s house, play with Rambo, but they aren’t. Rambo is at my parent’s house, and if I go there, I’ll have to tell them what’s going on inside my head. That’s not my idea of a good time right now. No m
atter how close I am to them, I’ve never let them be privy to the voices swirling when I don’t have anything to keep my mind busy.

  Blowing out an agitated breath, I sit on my couch, turning the television on, mindlessly searching for something to watch, but the memories won’t stop. They’re loud, louder than they’ve been in a long time. Compliments of my last call of the night.

  “What happened to it, Nick?” His voice is harsh, eyes dark as night, hulking over me, knowing he’s bigger, knowing he’s intimidating.

  The man in front of me is a living monster. When I get old enough and big enough, I’m going to hurt him like he’s hurt me. Make him cry like he’s made me. He’s not my real dad, he tells me that often. My real dad passed away, and according to anyone who talks about my mom, she’s had a wheel of men rolling in and out of her life since. Every single night I wonder how my life would be different if my dad were still alive.

  “I…I..I don’t know.” I fumble with my words. The fucking stutter that shows up when he questions me, the thing that makes him angry.

  “What do you mean you don’t know? You were the last person to use it.” He holds up the power screwdriver in front of my face.

  “N…N…No, I wasn’t.” I shake my head. “Jase was the last person to use it,” I mention his son. “He u…us…us…used it last night.”

  “Well guess what? I asked him, and he told me you did this. You know what that means, it’s time for your punishment.”

  Sweat breaks out across my forehead, my hands begin to shake, and I fight against my gag reflex as my stomach churns. I’m fourteen, and I’m tall, but I’m small for my age, because I haven’t had proper nutrition my whole life. As I watch him take off his belt, jerking it from each loop and holding it in his hand, I feel anger. Anger at him, at my mom, at my situation, and I hate it. I hate it all.

  More than once I’ve wondered what would happen if I hurt myself. Would the world be better if I weren’t here? I’ve researched it. It wouldn’t be hard. A few too many of the pills mom likes to keep in her bedroom, maybe the gun this fucker keeps under his pillow, or throwing myself in front of traffic. I’ve thought of all the ways I can make myself disappear, but every time I try, I cry. I cry because I feel like there’s something else out there for me. What? I don’t know, but I have to believe I wasn’t born for this.

  As he brings his arm down, the belt in his hand, I reach out, wrapping the leather around my forearm, yanking roughly. I yank so hard, he falls down, flat on his face. When he looks up at me, hate and anger glittering in his eyes. I know I won’t be going to school until the bruises heal.

  “Fuck,” I growl in disgust as I turn the TV off, throwing the remote on the couch. “When does this shit just go away?” I question, putting my hands on my head.

  Here, inside this apartment, sometimes the memories are so loud I can’t escape them. Tonight is one of those nights, and I know I won’t be able to sleep. Not with these walls closing in on me.

  Grabbing a pillow and a blanket, I take it to my balcony, lying down on the outdoor couch I bought the moment I moved into this place. Out here I can see the nighttime sky, the stars twinkling in the inky blackness, I can breathe without the trapped feeling, and finally I hear what I’ve craved my entire life.

  Peace and quiet.

  Seven

  Kelsea

  It’s been a full seven days since the last time I saw Nick. He hasn’t answered my messages, but I keep sending them, because I want him to know someone cares about him. It’s not in me to give up on someone, so I keep trying. Trying to chisel away at the rough exterior around his heart, hoping he’ll let me in. All it takes is one fracture, I’ll seep in, warm him, show him what a life would be like with the two of us together. It wouldn’t always be perfect, but every day Nick would know someone loves him. Someone would wait for him to come home every night.

  K: I hope you’re having a good day. Not stalking or anything, but I know you’re working days this week. Maybe we could see each other one night? I miss my friend, more than anything, Nick. I miss my friend. Please tell me we didn’t screw up what we had together. Please.

  Tears pool behind my eyes, I hate being that vulnerable with him. It always feels like I’m the only one being vulnerable, but I know if I were to talk to my mom about it, she would say it didn’t matter who was vulnerable. Only that someone was. She would tell me laying your soul out there, is the only way to truly fall in love with a person.

  I see it, I see the way she and my dad are. The way Ruby and Caleb are. My mom and Ruby are two of the strongest women I know. Every day they send their husbands into a world that isn’t safe.

  Then the selfish side of me says I’m sending the love of my life out there too, only I won’t be the first one notified when shit goes south, because he refuses to accept my feelings.

  The stoplight I’m at turns green, so I set my phone down in the cupholder, driving to Ransom and Stella’s house. They got back last night, and I’m hoping I won’t see Nick, but praying that if I do, it won’t be awkward. Turning onto the street, I see her car in the driveway and legitimately almost cry. I’ve missed her, needed her, and more than anything I want my best friend to tell me it’s all going to be okay.

  I park quickly and get out, almost running to the door. “Back here, Kels.” I hear her, glancing over their privacy fence, grinning when Rambo barks.

  Ransom holds the gate open for me, before I give him a fierce hug. “I missed you two.”

  “We missed you too.” He lets me go and I run to my friend, throwing my arms around her. Before I realize it, tears are streaming down my face, and I’m sobbing like a child.

  “Kels.” She tries to pull my face away from her, but I’m resisting, I don’t want either of them to see me like this. At the same time, I can’t seem to stop. She’s the sister I always wanted, the one person I can let my guard down with. She may judge me but she will never lie to me “Kels, what’s wrong?”

  For long minutes I just cry, let everything out, trying to purge myself of what I’ve been feeling the past week. When I pull back, I’m still shuddering, hiccupping, and trying to calm myself down. Ransom has disappeared, leaving just me, Rambo, and Stelle on the back deck. Rambo is always sensitive to how people feel, so when I have a seat on the outdoor couch, he climbs up beside me, putting his head in my lap.

  “Sorry.” I wipe at my cheeks with the back of my hand, breathing out a gulp of air. “I’m a mess, and I’ve been a mess for the last few days.”

  My phone makes a noise in the pocket of my scrubs. Fishing it out, I see a message from Nick, laughing crazily when I read it. The words I’ve wanted for the last week.

  N: I miss you too. Tomorrow night?

  Against my better judgment, I text him back.

  K: Yeah, tomorrow night.

  Throwing my phone down, I put my head in my hands.

  “What the fuck happened in the seven days I was gone?” Stelle gives me a look. The look is part worried, part I’m going to call an ambulance if you don’t get your shit together and let me know what’s going on. “I told you to text me if you needed me. There weren’t any texts from you, so I assumed everything was okay.”

  “I didn’t wanna bother you,” I start, irritated with myself. “You just found out you’re pregnant and on your honeymoon.”

  “But I’m never too busy for you, Kels. Tell me.” Her tone is already that a mother would use when pissed at a kid. She’s going to be an amazing parent.

  She has a seat on their outdoor couch, patting the cushion next to her. What I wouldn’t give for a beer right now, but that’s what got me in trouble before.

  “Nick took me home from your wedding, because I was too drunk to drive myself after helping you out. When we got there, he and I slept together. More than once.” It all comes out in a rush. I worry if I say it slower I won’t be able to get all the words out, and I only want to do this once.

  Her mouth opens wide, she looks at me, at the ground then
back at me, before she squeals loudly.

  “Holy shit, Kels! OH. MY. GOD. You slept together?!”

  Blowing out a breath, I nod in confirmation. “Twice, and when he left, I texted asking if we could get together. He said we’d talk about it, then he had a horrible call that evening. I heard about it from Caleb. Since then, it’s been crickets with Nick. But he just texted saying maybe we could get together this week.”

  “My brother did that to you?” She levels me with a glare. I know what that means, she’s going to give him a piece of her mind, and while I appreciate it, I don’t need her fighting my battles.

  “I don’t need you to be crazy sister right now, I need you to be my friend, Stella.”

  She reaches out, grabbing my hand. “I’m always your friend, but I’m super pissed at him. Do we have any idea what the call was about?”

  Pushing my hair back I do my best to compose myself before I drop the bomb on her. “Child welfare check, and apparently they took the child out of the home.”

  “Shit.” She clucks her tongue. “I wanna be so angry with him, but both of us know what that means.”

  “I know,” I commiserate with her. “Like I’m irritated that he’s ignored me, and make no mistake, he has ignored me, but at the same time I kinda get it.”

  Stella puts her feet on the coffee table in front of her. “I get it too,” she whispers. “Still doesn’t make it right. I wonder how he’s been sleeping. It’s calls and situations like that – they push him back three or four steps and then he has to recover those steps. Sometimes it can take days, sometimes it’s months. Which I know doesn’t help you right now, but I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to think it’s you. It’s not. It’s him.”

  Putting my feet next to hers, I shrug. “I know it’s not me, but it hurts the same. And I have no idea. I’ve thought about surprising him, ya know, just showing up, but we both know that’s not a good idea with him.”