Grabbing out an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt I haven’t worn since high school, I quickly get dressed, just as there’s a knock on my door.
Nick
As I wait for Kels to come to the door, I flick my keys up and then down in my hand. It’s a nervous habit I’ve had for a long time. Since I was young, I’ve had ticks, and this is one of them. The door opens and my mouth goes as dry as a desert.
“Hey.” She’s all bright eyes, toothy grin, and someone whose happy to see me.
“Hey.” I grin back. Before I can stop them, my arms circle her waist, bringing her in close, dropping a kiss on her forehead.
The motion makes me start for a moment. I’ve never, in my life, kissed a woman on the forehead. Covering it up, I release her. “You ready?”
“Is this okay?”
My eyes follow her hands as they run down jeans sticking to her like a second-skin, back up to a shirt hugging her curves. “You’re perfect.”
I mean those words, more than I have before. If anyone has been the problem between us, it’s definitely me. Her cheeks turn pink as she ducks her head and averts her gaze. Reaching across I lift her chin up with my finger. “I’m serious.”
She nods slowly. “I know you are. You don’t say things you don’t mean.”
It hits me in the chest how well this woman knows me, and how much ammunition she has to break me in half. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I grab her hand. “C’mon, let’s go.”
“Where are we going?” she asks, fifteen minutes later as I turn off the main road onto a dirt trail, rutted from the recent rains we’ve had.
“Remember when Leigh wasn’t sure if she wanted to sell her family property or not? Ransom and I bought some acreage.”
This is something not a ton of people know about, we didn’t advertise the purchase, because we want the area to be ours and ours alone.
“You did?” The surprise is evident in her voice.
“Yeah, I’m going to get me a building to do my woodworking in, and we’re going to put a gym out here so we can all work out as a team,” I explain.
“Who taught you how to do the woodwork?”
This subject is another one I haven’t spoken about to many. “My dad,” I laugh. “When I first came to live with them, I had a really hard time sleeping at night. For a few weeks, I would roam the house, just looking for something to do. One night I was doing it when he came home from work. He took me out to his shop and showed me a few things. Within six months I was selling stuff at the local craft shows, and I took commissions here and there. In this apartment I have, I don’t have a place to do it.” I shrug.
“I’m sure you could go to your parents’.”
“Yeah, go to a cop’s house in the middle of the night?”
She gives me a look. “Yeah, that’s probably not the best idea.” She hangs onto the handle as we go over a particularly deep rut. “So does that mean you aren’t sleeping at night?”
“Some nights are better than others.” I blow off the question.
There’s slight tension in the cab of the truck, I know she wants to ask me exactly what that means, but she doesn’t. Pulling up to a locked gate, I turn the truck off.
“From here, we gotta ride.” I nod toward an ATV. “You up for it?”
“I’m up for anything with you.”
This woman, how much she trusts me, almost kills me. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life as much as she trusts me. I’m not stupid either, I know I don’t deserve it.
“Nick, no!” she screams, laughing as drive us through a puddle, causing mud and water to splash on us.
I laugh along with her. Turning my head back so she can hear me, I yell, “You like it, otherwise you wouldn’t be laughing.”
“I do.” She tightens her arms around my waist, holding on as I take us through another mudhole.
“It’s right up here.” I point to where two buildings are starting to take shape.
We’re quiet as we approach the location, turning the ATV off when we get close enough. “This is where it’s going to be.” I nod toward the building that will be my shop. “After we get the road laid out here, I’m going to have this row of trees cut.” I point to the ones I’m talking about. “With the tress cut, there’s a view of pond.”
“Any fish in the pond?” She giggles and I do nothing but groan.
“I’m never going to live down that one time I tried to go fishing with y’all.” I run my hand over my face. “I think I lost your dad’s respect that day.”
“Well I knew how to hook a worm and you had no idea. He did kind of question your man card.”
“My man card is fully intact,” I argue.
Her eyes run up and down my body. There’s an awareness stretching tightly between us.
“It seems to be fully intact to me,” she agrees.
The wind has kicked up, and I’m noticing the sky darkening. “Looks like it might rain.” I hold my hand out to her.
“I don’t mind the rain.”
Pulling her to me, I push one hand into her hair, wrap the other one around her waist. “Of course you don’t. You have all these romantic notions, Kels. I wish I could be like you.”
She twines her arms around my neck, getting all up in my personal space. “I can teach you to be like me.” She drops her lips onto mine.
The kiss is soft, slow, sensual, everything that is Kelsea. When we break apart, those eyes of hers are bright as hell again. “What’s the most romantic thing you can imagine?” I whisper. Lord knows why I ask her this, I’ll never be the type of man who can give it to her.
“A proposal in the pouring rain.” She’s quick to answer. “I’ve always thought of the rain as romantic.” She bites her lip. “You know, lazy days in bed, wet kisses, soaked clothes.”
Listening to her explain why she loves rainy days is almost enough to have me hard. “Maybe I can start looking at rainy days differently.”
She leans in, kissing me lightly. “Maybe you can, Nick. Any of us can change, it just depends on how bad we want it.”
She’s right, and although I want to change, something tells me it won’t be that easy. Not letting go of her hand, I walk us over to the ATV. The ride back to the truck is quieter, but not awkward. I find I’m enjoying the little touches Kels sneaks in when we go over a particular bumpy patch of land. The way her breasts rub against my back, makes my dick punch against the zipper of my jeans.
We get back, both getting off, and using two towels I brought with me to clean off before we get back in the truck. The minute we get in, the skies open and the rain pours.
“We made it just in time.” I turn us around, heading back toward the main road. “Are you ready for part two?”
“There’s a part two?”
“There’s always a part two.” I reach over, grabbing her hand with mine. “One thing I’ve learned is there’s always a second-chance, always something waiting right around the corner. Are you ready for what’s waiting around the corner?”
“If you’re there,” – she lifts our clasped fingers – “then I’m always ready for what’s waiting on me.”
Ten
Nick
In the background, I can hear the rush of water, indicating Kels is in my shower. Leaning against the counter in my kitchen, I take a deep breath, trying to calm the heart that feels like it’s beating out of my chest. Bringing her here was a conscious decision, having her in my personal space is a way to show her how much I care for her, rather than telling her. I’ve never been good with words. Hopefully my actions can say what I can’t. It had taken me years to tell my mom and dad not only thank you for saving my life, but that I love them. It was a word I felt I couldn’t pronounce, no one had ever really said it much to me. Until I came to live with the Keplers. That isn’t a time in my life I want to relive tonight.
Moving over to the sink, I look out the window, watching as the rain falls steadily. Sharp bursts of thunder echo every now and ag
ain, the loud clap rolling with a deep groan, shaking my apartment building with its ferocity. When I was young, right when the Keplers took me, thunderstorms were my favorite. Watching and listening to them let me know I wasn’t the only thing in the universe with a barely leashed anger. They let me know that humans and objects have a breaking point. Realizing it was okay to let some of your anger out had been imperative to me as a teenager. Whether anyone wanted to deal with it or not, I was a bomb fixing to explode. Much like I am tonight.
I’m trying to ignore that Kels is naked in my shower, that she’s here, in my apartment, and I do well for a few seconds. Almost as soon as it began, it ends, because I feel something. There’s a prickling in my neck, along my arms, before I even hear her. Fuck, this girl…
Turning around, I lose my ability to speak.
“It’s okay I put this on, right?” Kels as she stands in my kitchen, wearing the t-shirt and sweat pants I left for her in the bathroom. They swallow her whole, but I can’t deny she looks good in them, a hundred times better than I ever have. I’ve never been the type of guy to get all fucked up about a girl wearing his clothes, but goddamn if I don’t love the fact my clothes are touching her skin. I have to clear my throat. Twice.
“That’s what I left them there for.”
We stare at one another for a long time before I open my mouth and let words come out again. “I think they look better on you.”
She blushes, looking down at the floor as she pushes her wet hair behind her ears. “I’ve never worn a guy’s clothes before. I kinda like it.”
“I do too.”
In this scenario I want to tell her everything I would like if I had the guts to dream. I’d want her to be mine, want her to go to sleep with me every night and wake up together in the morning. The moment between us gets heavy as we each catch the other’s eyes.
“Nick,” she whispers. “I’m trying not to scare you off, trying not to take this faster than I should.” Her voice trails off.
“I know, I feel it too.”
Something I’ve never felt before. It’s almost as if one of us is a magnet, the other a piece of metal. The chemistry between us is palpable. Looking at her across the room is enough to send images of us naked against the sheets of my bed through my head. The thing is, that’s not all I want her for. More than anything Kels has been my friend, and I count on her friendship.
Slowly, she walks to me. When she gets close enough, I reach out, hooking my fingers in the waistband of the sweatpants. I pull, she stumbles, landing against my body. Her gaze won’t meet mine, and that just won’t do for me.
“Look at me, Kels.”
Reaching down, I lift her chin with my index finger. We share a breath, our lips barely touching, just enough for me to feel the hint of her body press against mine. Drawing back, I let her eyes take me away, hold me close, and keep me safe from the realities of the life both of us live day in and day out.
“I love those expressive eyes of yours. They say everything your mouth doesn’t.” My voice is a deep rumble in my chest. “What are you thinking?”
She closes her eyes, tipping her head slightly back. “That I don’t want this to end.”
I don’t either. But I can’t say the words aloud. Instead, I tip her chin, capturing her lips with mine. Out of the kisses we’ve shared, I realize this one is slower, more intimate, and just as important as the rest of them. When we break apart, I give her a smile before reminding her of a normal night between the two of us. “Netflix and pizza?”
The laugh is the one I like the most. Her nose scrunches, and the smile is infectious. “Only if we can get cheese bread, too.”
“I wouldn’t dream of not ordering it.”
Kelsea
If someone told me three months ago I’d be lying on the couch in Nick’s apartment, with his arms around me, I would have said they were crazy. Nothing about this seems like real life to me. Yet, here I am.
Our half-eaten pizza rests on the coffee table, cups with just enough for one more drink sit beside the plates. Any other day I’d be getting up, trying to clean up the mess. I’m not one of those people who can just let a mess stick around. Today, I refuse to move. Nick sleeps against me.
I move just a hair, allowing myself to look behind my shoulder at him. So often when he’s awake, he hides his emotions. His face is a brick, immoveable and strong. What I’m finding right now is a softness I’ve never seen. One phrase I would never use to describe Nick is at peace, but right now, he looks almost peaceful.
This is how every night would be if we were together, I tell myself. I would take care of him, he’d never have to worry about being loved, I’d never have to worry about being too clingy. I almost laugh because he’s always warned me that he never sleeps well. Looks like he is right now.
Tucking in closer next to him, I close my eyes, hoping to catch some sleep too. Yawning, I snuggle in, pulling the blanket off the back of the couch around us. As I drift off, I think nothing in the world can be better than what I’m experiencing right here.
The dream world I’m in is dark, I feel something gripping my ribs tightly. I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m drowning. Fighting roughly against whatever it is pulling me down. Trying to turn away, something grasps tightly at my neck, squeezing with a force I’ve never felt before. I’m straining against the dream, finally breaking free. When I reach up there are fingers against my throat, I tug at them, trying to dislodge their grip. I meet resistance and start to panic, trying to scream.
The scream doesn’t come out, but I manage to gasp a huge breath in. “Can’t…” I fight.
“I can’t…” I gouge my nails into the other person’s flesh, finally prying enough to be able to move.
“I can’t breathe!” Jumping up, it takes me a second to realize where I am and what’s happened.
Nick is sitting, staring at his hands.
“What the fuck happened?”
My question is a demand. I’ve never been in this kind of situation before, and I’m not comfortable being in one now. Both of us stand quickly, looking at one another. The only sound in the room is our labored breathing.
“This.” He runs his hands through his hair, his dark eyes tortured as they move up and down my body. “This is why I shouldn’t be trusted with you.”
I cough loudly, clearing my throat. “No, this is when you’re honest with me, and tell me what in the hell this is.”
“I’m fucked up.” He grips his hair in his fingers, spreading his arms out, trying to get his lungs to expand. “I have nightmares sometimes, but honestly they’re more like memories that I can’t escape.” He turns from me, as I wrap my arms around my body. “Stuff that happened to me when I was younger. I get claustrophobic, half the damn time I sleep outside on the deck, just so I can see the sky. It lets me know nothing can keep me from leaving. I was locked in a closet once,” he admits softly. “Tried to get out and couldn’t. I was in there for days, with nothing to eat or drink. Since then, I hate to be in a place where I can’t see a way out. It does things to me.”
Hearing him say this breaks my heart. I’ve known him for years, but I never knew this side of him. I’ve heard our parents whisper, and I’ve wanted to know, but I never felt like it was my place to come right out and ask.
“Thank you for sharing your past with me.” My voice is soft, barely above a whisper. Hoping I don’t scare him, I walk closer.
“I could have killed you, and you’re thanking me?” He tilts his head back, staring up at the ceiling. “Do you have some sort of death wish, Kels?”
“No, and if I were truly scared of you, I wouldn’t still be here.”
He walks over to me, leaning down until we’re nose to nose with one another. “You should be, I’m scared of myself.”
Putting my hand in his, I entwine our fingers together. “I’m willing to help you work through whatever it is you need to work through.”
“You’re some kinda saint, my own birth parents didn�
�t even want me.”
It hurts, knowing how he thinks of himself. “That’s on them, Nick, not on you.”
“It’s all on me, has been my whole life. I’ve never had anyone to stand behind. It’s always been me taking care of myself.”`
Those words break me.
“You need to open your eyes, Nick. There’s love completely surrounding you from all sides. The Kepler’s have loved you since the day they brought you home, even if you didn’t want to let them. You and Ransom have been best friends for years. He would do anything for you. Your coworkers, the MTF family. Even Rambo loves you, and we all know that animals are the best judges of character. Don’t forget me, I’ve loved you since I was a kid. I’ll stand in front of you, Nick.” I’m crying now, tears slipping down my face unchecked. It’s messy and ugly, like life.
“Don’t cry for me,” he whispers, barely hanging onto his emotions.
His eyes are red, wet, his jaw a tight, chiseled line, staring at me like he’s never seen me before.
Wiping my face, I put one hand around my stomach, the other to my mouth. My head tells me to hold this shit back, but my heart? My heart knows it has to come out.
“I want to cry for you.” I choke out the last word.
“Why?” He’s got his hands in his short dark hair, pulling at the roots. “Why won’t you just let me go?”
“Like everybody else does?” I finish the statement for him. “Like every other girl you’ve been in a relationship with? Like your birth mom and dad did? That’s what you know, isn’t it? That’s easier for you.”
“Kelsea, stop it.”
“No,” I continue, this time stepping up to him, pointing at his chest, getting up in his face. “I’m not going anywhere, Nick, you can try to scare me away, but it’s about time you learned what it’s like for someone to stand in front of you.”
He makes a noise of disbelief in his throat, but I don’t pay attention.
Suppression: Laurel Springs Emergency Response Team #2 Page 6
