Pax Novis

by Erica Cameron

  Cira was the only one there, and she was smiling. “Hi. I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

  Ze tried not to stare as she closed the door behind zem. She’d changed her hair again. It had been naturally dark and tightly curled when they met, but ze soon learned that was unusual. Most weeks, it was far more colorful. It had been a rich green, a happy blue, and a vibrant red at one time or another, but there was something especially striking about the crimped silver-gray cloud surrounding her oval face today.

  “What?” she asked.

  Riston startled, suddenly realizing ze’d been silent too long. “Nothing, I— It’s just, you…” Ze moved zir hand in a vague gesture around zir own head. “It’s nice.”

  Nice was such an understatement it was practically a lie. It looked beautiful. It reminded zem of metal with the consistency of a storm cloud. The silver stood out in stark contrast to her black, white, and gray shipboard uniform and looked gorgeous against her tan skin. Ze wanted to brush the soft-looking strands away from her face, but ze kept zir hands firmly locked at zir sides. Touching wasn’t a liberty ze had the right to take, not without her permission.

  “Oh. Thanks.” Her own hand moved up to touch her hair, and she smiled. Then she seemed to remember something, because her expression faltered. “Is everything okay? You looked worried when you came back from Nea-gi.”

  Ze wasn’t going to admit to being more upset about a brief conversation on a shuttle and an inability to afford a decent present for her, so ze gave her a different truth. “I don’t know if everything is okay, but it’s nothing either of us can fix.”

  She nodded, seeming to understand what ze’d meant. “I thought you might’ve seen the same things the captain did. She was talking like the station might blow up behind us.”

  It wouldn’t be the first time a station had gone up in smoke and screams. Thinking about it wouldn’t help anything, though. All it would do was give zem renewed nightmares of Ladadhi.

  “How are the others?” Cira asked after a beat of strained silence.

  Riston smiled as ze began to talk. “Tinker now insists superluminal speed can be improved on by at least a factor of ten if people start thinking about the laws of astrophysics as guidelines instead of literal laws.”

  Although Cira rolled her eyes, her smile was fond. “For her, they probably are.”

  “True, but don’t ever tell her that. She might actually break gravity or something,” ze joked. “In a bizarre turn of events, Shadow has developed a fascination with gossip and keeps sending us transcripts of overheard conversations.” Riston pulled up zir terminal and showed her several of the transcripts. “It’s starting to feel like a long, convoluted play.”

  “And you’re only getting the periphery.” A wry smirk tilted across Cira’s lips and wove through her tone. “Just imagine what you don’t see.”

  Riston snorted. “That’s what you think. But did you know that Yeocin Malcolm Marlowe has been pining after your very own Commander Halver Liddens for the past two cycles?”

  “No,” Cira said on a gasp, her brown eyes flying wide.

  One eyebrow rising, ze added, “Even more interesting is the fact that this is apparently mutual.”

  “The man who swore, on multiple occasions, he would never find a single person he was willing to tie his heart to is secretly in love with one of the most serious, reserved, and monogamous members of the crew?” A grin spread across her face. “Tell me you’re not joking,”

  “Not even a little,” Riston assured her as ze tried, and probably failed, to hide zir smile. “On top of that, neither of them thinks the other is interested and has therefore resigned himself to disappointment while still doing everything he can to make the other’s life better. Including spending almost every credit to their names leaving anonymous gifts for each other. Malcolm is convinced someone is messing with him. Halver has so far assumed every single present has come from someone different.” Riston shook zir head with exaggerated sadness. “They’re clueless and doomed.”

  The peal of laughter that burst out of Cira echoed off the walls like they were standing inside an ancient bell. It rang like a chime, and Riston reveled in the sound even after Cira clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. “Stars, that’s why Halver has had to have the captain pay his fines planetside for the past year!”

  She laughed again, softer this time but no less full of delight. “If Shadow is this good, I might have to find a way to loop myself into those updates of his.”

  “I’ll let him know you’re interested,” Riston promised. Anything that amused her was good. She was too young to carry as much stress and as many responsibilities as she’d piled onto her own shoulders. Both of them were, but ze couldn’t really do much about zir own plight.

  “What about Greenie?” She asked the question evenly, but the light in her eyes had already begun to dim.

  “Well…Greenie has the new, frustrating habit of staying in the hydroponics lab on deck seven too long.” Ze began to wish ze’d saved Shadow for last. Lying to Cira hadn’t ever been an option, but the gathering of worry lines around Cira’s eyes as ze spoke made zem regret having to share this truth. “He hasn’t been seen, but he’s been there long enough that he’s probably come closer to being spotted by the botanists than he’s let me know about.”

  “You’re right. The crew in hydroponics has commented that two of their experiments are doing better than expected. Please tell him to be careful.” She thought for a moment and frowned. “Or I can tell him myself if you think he’s stopped taking your warnings seriously.”

  “I’ll warn him.” And if Greenie didn’t listen, Riston would lock him in a supply closet until the lesson sank in. They’d have to leave him at the next planetary port if his risks endangered the others. It was what they’d all agreed to when Cira gave them permission to stay.

  “And Treble?”

  “Has been surprisingly little trouble lately,” ze said. Cira chuckled, just like Riston had hoped she would, and the sound made zir heart jump. “She has, however, been harboring a growing crush on Iyana, the yeocin who just started her internship with the cargo crew. The level of detail Treble knows about the girl is almost worrisome, but Treble’s also been unusually cautious, too. No one has caught even a hint of her that I’ve heard.”

  “She must really be falling hard for Iyana. Treble’s only careful when she cares.” Then Cira blinked and smiled softly. “Sometimes I forget it’s only been three cycles since you came on board, and less for the others. I feel like I’ve known all of you my whole life.”

  “Yeah. I know what you mean,” ze said, voice suddenly hoarse and zir heart skipping beats. Three cycles, she’d said. Even if she wasn’t going to celebrate the anniversary of zir arrival, she remembered it. Maybe she would know why today mattered.

  It was as perfect a moment as ze was going to get, and yet fear and anticipation balled up in zir chest until it felt like ze couldn’t breathe. If ze waited any longer to give her the gift, ze might pass out from lack of oxygen.

  “I, uh…I have something for you.” Of course, as soon as ze reached for zir bag, zir hands shook and zir grip slipped. Fumbling, ze kept zir eyes on the bag, glad zir dark skin wouldn’t flush and give away zir embarrassment. Why did ze always feel so incompetent in front of her?

  Ze finally opened the right pocket of the bag and withdrew the tightly rolled screen. When ze offered it to her, she seemed as confused as ze’d been when Greenie had shown it to zem. Then her fingers touched the material and her eyes widened.

  “Is this… Is this one of the new flex-screens?” She took it and pressed each corner. When the third brought up the menu, she grinned. “I’ve been wanting to play with one for months. Where’d you even get this?”

  Even though the others were probably hoping ze’d claim credit for the gift, especially after seeing how excited she was about it, ze couldn’t bring zirself to do it. “It’s from all of us—especially Greenie. He traded som
e advice on a garden for this.”

  “Must’ve been some advice,” Cira murmured as she scrolled through the stored images.

  “Must’ve been some garden,” Riston countered.

  She laughed. “That too.”

  Ze explained the screen’s system the way the others had yesterday, even though ze was sure she could figure it out on her own, and ze showed her some of zir favorites in the stored gallery of art. Then ze opened the bag’s main compartment and pulled out the frame. “It also comes with this.”

  In the brighter light of the forward deck, Riston noticed new details to the frame. The recycled wires were laid out like the overlay grids on an astronavigational map, and certain sections of metal had an incredible shine to them, almost as though they were twinkling stars. Tink had outdone herself.

  Cira’s smile softened when she ran her flesh-and-blood fingers over the contours of the frame. “This looks like Tinker’s handiwork.”

  “Got it in one.”

  “It’s beautiful. I shouldn’t take it, though.” She held screen and frame out, her expression full of regret. “If my mothers see this, they’ll ask too many questions about where I got it.”

  “Adrienn.” Thankfully, ze’d expected this and had already come up with a perfectly logical explanation. “If you show it to Adrienn and warn zem about the ruse, I’m sure everyone will believe ze brought it back from Nea-gi for you.”

  Though her hand retracted a little, there was still indecision in her brown eyes.

  “Really, Cira. Everyone knows how close you are to Adrienn. No one will question it.”

  “I guess the others aren’t the only ones starting to take risks,” Cira murmured, eyes on the gifts.

  Never risks that would hurt you, Riston wanted to say, but ze honestly wasn’t sure who Cira was talking about—zem for giving her the gift, or herself for accepting it.

  “You know it’s not anywhere close to my birthday, right?” she asked, glancing up.

  “Yes. This is…” An anniversary present. Ze managed to keep those words inside zir head and say instead, “This is more of a thank you for everything you do.”

  “You’re welcome, Riston.” Her hands tightened on the gifts, and ze smiled, relief filling zem with giddy energy. “And thank you, too.”

  “You’re—” The words collapsed on zir tongue when Cira leaned down and pressed a fast, dry, completely chaste kiss against zir cheek. The contact was brief, there and gone in less than a second, but it was enough to light zir entire cheek aflame. Stars, it was enough to light up zir whole body. Automatically, zir hands began to rise even as questions sped through zir mind faster than a starship. What had the kiss meant? Should ze hug her? Had ze been wrong about the odds of their relationship shifting? What had the kiss meant? Did she even consider it a kiss, really? What had the kiss meant?

  Eyes dropping, she cleared her throat and moved away, sidestepping zir rising hands without seeming to notice the gesture at all. Riston’s racing heart stuttered as Cira reached for the large bag sitting just behind her and carried on as though absolutely nothing had happened. “Speaking of Adrienn, ze added some extra meds to this week’s bag. Erryla didn’t mention hearing anything about it, but ze said there was a virulent flu running through Mitu. Since you all spent time on the station, ze wants you to take something as a preventative measure. Ze’s giving it out to the whole crew, too.”

  Riston nodded on autopilot. Yes, of course. Preventative was always better; they couldn’t exactly go walking into the med bay if they got sick. Most of zir mind was stuck playing a single moment on repeat, though, and trying to discern intention and motivation from a moment the length of a single heartbeat.

  She effortlessly lifted the heavy-looking bag with her cybernetic arm and sifted through it with the other hand, pointing out the additions or changes to their weekly rations. Sometimes they were delivered in person, but often Riston simply collected the stowed bag and went back into hiding. This week, she’d included new fingerless gloves for them all and several extra blankets.

  “You never say anything, but it’s got to get cold,” she said. “And it’s been a long time since I gave you the last pair of gloves. They’re probably close to useless by now.”

  Zir chest warmed at the gesture as much as the words, and the pure rush of affection that ran through zem was enough to nudge aside zir panicked confusion over her lips meeting zir cheek. It wasn’t an expensive gift—all five pairs of gloves were mended and clearly hand-me-downs from the crew stores—but here it was, tangible proof of how often they were on her mind.

  Zir emotions had swung back and forth between extremes so fast in the space of a few minutes that ze was starting to feel disconnected from the moment. This didn’t seem real. It was more like one of zir rare good dreams in which everything actually went well for zem. She’d kissed zir cheek, the faint touch leaving a speck as bright as starlight on zir skin, and they’d exchanged gifts. Maybe hers hadn’t been given for the same reason as Riston’s, but that didn’t matter. The fact of the exchange felt significant, as though this interaction had somehow changed everything about their situation and brought the impossible down into the orbit of possibility.

  It hadn’t.

  Riston had long ago resigned zirself to loving Cira from afar and had already accepted the necessity of leaving Pax Novis eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. In less than one cycle, ze’d be turning eighteen. Besides, Cira’s original offer had been for a fresh start somewhere new. It was probably far past time ze took her up on the second part of their deal, especially if a meaningless gesture and a moment of general kindness was enough to make zem start spinning possibilities out of dust and calling it starstuff.

  First, though, ze had to convince the family ze’d made for zirself to leave, too.

  Cira left first, disappearing into the elevator after a blessedly quick goodbye with zir presents hidden in her now empty duffle. Ze was about to leave, too, when ze noticed a spot of green that didn’t belong. It was an instantaneous anchor to zir scattered, overly optimistic thoughts, yanking zem fully back into reality with an almost painful abruptness.

  A toolbox was poking out from behind one of the rows of vac suits. It wasn’t the standard-issue shiny, reinforced box the ship’s mechanics carried. This was battered and scratched, and it looked as if it had been painted more than once; the most recent paint job had been green, but black and red poked through in spots. It was Tink’s, but she’d never left it behind before, not even in moments when they were about to get caught. She hardly ever let it out of her sight, and Riston hadn’t known her to come up to this section of the ship at all. There was no reason to. Nothing was here. It looked like Riston wasn’t the only one who had been careless recently.

  Damn. If anyone from the crew found this, there’d be a ship-wide scan for life signs and a deck by deck, tunnel by tunnel sweep. Not even Cira, their protector and patroness, could help them stay hidden.

  Thank the stars Cira hadn’t noticed it first. She would’ve laid into zem for this kind of carelessness, and rightfully so, and Riston might never have worked up the nerve to give her the present, and ze would still have no idea what her slightly chapped lips felt like against zir cheek.

  Riston whistled softly and then listened for the echo of footsteps. Maybe Tink had been up here working on something and had been chased away by Cira’s approach. There was no answering call.

  Ze couldn’t leave the toolbox here, but ze really didn’t want to carry it through the narrow access tunnels; crawling with a metal box was impossible to do quietly. For zem, anyway. Somehow Tink and Shadow could both manage it. Sighing, Riston checked to make sure the box was securely closed and then pulled off zir jacket, placing the thick fabric under the toolbox. Hopefully that would be enough to muffle the noise as ze carried or dragged it through the ship.

  One thing was certain. Ze was going to have some very strong words with Tink the next time ze saw her. If even she was getting this carel
ess, ze might have to get them all off Pax Novis and away from the possibility of putting Cira in danger far sooner than ze’d thought.

  Personal Correspondence

  From: Captain John Litico, PCCS Amitis

  To: Captain Erryla Antares, PCCS Novis

  Terra-Sol date 3814.241 at 0839

  Video transcript below

  You do not even want to know what I’m hauling on this run, Erryla. You really don’t. All I can say is I am extremely glad neither me nor any member of my crew has to physically handle anything inside the crates because—okay. Whatever. I’m telling you whether you want to know or not. You ready? [pause] Literal shit, Erryla. An entire modpod full of actual, literal shit. It’s a small modpod, but still. All this technology in the universe and somehow animal shit is still one of the best fertilizers known to mankind. [laughs and shrugs] Whatever they need, right? As long as it keeps us sailing.

  [shakes head] Anyway, I know you’re heading for Paxis after your next port, but how long are you staying? Will you be there at least a couple of weeks? You better be. It’s been too long since I’ve seen Cira—has she pushed you out of the captain’s chair yet? And Meida! I need to see you both so I can get you drunk and make your wife laugh at how damn awful a singer you are.