by Kat Mizera
“No, you’re looking at it wrong. Everything you just said is exactly the reason to go for it, because you don’t have that opportunity very often. Your soulmate only comes along once.”
Cassie eyed her for a moment. “Was that what Dad was to you?”
Maya looked away, suddenly a little sad. “Your father was…my everything. But we were young and he didn’t want kids. I got pregnant with you by accident, and he stayed, married me, did his duty, but things were never the same between us. He’s been physically gone for a long time, but he left emotionally almost immediately. He never forgave me for getting pregnant, even though it takes two to tango and he didn’t like condoms. I don’t know what he thought was going to happen with all that unprotected sex, because I couldn’t afford birth control and he knew it.”
“But he had more kids!” Cassie protested.
Maya smiled wryly. “He did. So I guess he just didn’t want kids with me? I don’t know. I’m not sure if he destroyed me because I loved him so much or because I was so devastated when he left me alone with a kid he made clear he didn’t want. Mostly, I hated myself for bringing you into this world, knowing he wasn’t going to love you and that I wasn’t capable of giving you the life I wanted for you.”
“Why didn’t you get an abortion?”
“I thought about it, a lot, but you were mine and I didn’t want to get rid of you. I figured he’d come around.”
Cassie sank into a chair at the dining room table. “Why is it so hard?”
“What, life?”
“All of it. School, career, love, sex, friendships, everything, dammit.” Tears blurred her vision and she hung her head.
“It just is, I guess. But we’re survivors, you and me. We get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes we stumble, especially me, but not you, my love. You can have it all. I want you to.”
“I don’t think I can, Mom.” Cassie looked up sadly.
“Fight, Cassie. You’ve always been a fighter, so why would you give up when this is literally the most important fight of your life?”
“Because how can I fight for something when I don’t know or think he wants me too?”
“If he didn’t want you, why are we still here? If he didn’t want you, why was he so angry when you broke up with him? He could’ve just said, ‘Okay, cool, wanna just fuck?’ You know, the way guys do? Instead, he was hurt and angry. You don’t get hurt or angry unless you care. He cares, Cassie. Trust me.”
“You thought Frank cared and look what happened.”
“It’s always easier from the outside looking in. But we’re not talking about me. I know I haven’t been the best mother, but that stops now. Whatever we have to do to make things right with Logan, we’ll do. Or just you. Depending on what you think.”
“I think I have to go to work, but I love you.” She kissed her mother’s cheek before gathering up her things and heading out to her Jeep.
She hadn’t been expecting that kind of conversation with her mom at all. In fact, she couldn’t remember a single conversation they’d ever had like that, with her mom being mature and rational and optimistic. It was strange but gave Cassie hope. Maybe not with Logan, but that there might be light at the end of the tunnel for her. Of course, without Logan, everything seemed pretty fucking dim.
She waved to Deirdre when she got to the restaurant, putting on her apron and sticking pens, change, and her order pad in the pockets. Management didn’t like them using order pads, but when there were large parties, it was impossible to remember everything. She was usually okay up to a party of four or five, but more than that and she needed to write it down, and so far no one had said anything.
“Hey, we have a reservation for twelve tonight,” the manager told her. “They requested you.”
“Who is it?” she asked curiously.
“Guy named Jude LeBlanc? I think he plays for the Blizzard.”
Cassie sighed but nodded. “Okay, thanks.”
So some of the team were coming in tonight and she was going to have to deal with them. Great. Hopefully, that didn’t include Logan, but he wouldn’t torture her that way, would he?
“Hey.” She walked up to Deirdre. “I have a party of twelve coming in and it looks like it’s guys from the Blizzard. They asked for me. You think you could give me a hand if Logan’s with them?”
“Absolutely. Anything you need.”
“Thanks.”
“Have you two talked since the breakup?”
Cassie shook her head. “I haven’t even seen him. He’s been staying out all night.”
“You might need to clear the air, you know?”
“What is there to say? I’m broken and not only did I piss him off, I broke my own heart. That’s pretty much all anyone needs to know.”
“Why are you so hard on yourself? You’re smart, hard-working, gorgeous, athletic, and independent. You can do anything you put your mind to—including love someone.”
“Loving him isn’t the issue,” Cassie said, looking away.
“Then fight for him! I would do everything in my power to make things work if I had a chance with someone as wonderful as Logan. Hell, I’d do things that weren’t in my power for that hunk of hockey deliciousness!”
Cassie chuckled. “It’s not that easy, Dee.”
“It is. You just have to do it. You’re braver than this, Cass. Badass Cass, remember?”
“I don’t feel very badass at all.”
“Well, this is your bestie here, reminding you that you are!”
“Let’s see how badass I am when the guys get here.”
Cassie walked away to approach her first table of the night, but she was on pins and needles, waiting for Jude and the others to arrive. Whether Logan was with them or not, it wasn’t going to be easy. If he was there, she would have to be polite to him and make sure there was no drama. If he wasn’t, the guys might or might not know they’d broken up and she’d either have to address it or listen to a bunch of sympathy. She knew them well enough to know they wouldn’t come to her place of employment to give her a hard time, but that wouldn’t make it easy.
Jude, Ryder and Vik arrived first, waving gaily as they were seated. Two guys she didn’t know came in a few minutes later, sitting beside them, and leaving Cassie confused. If this wasn’t a Blizzard thing, why had they chosen this restaurant and asked for her?
“Can I get you guys drinks while you wait for the rest of your party?” she asked politely, trying to keep a friendly smile on her face despite her thudding heart and the heaviness in the pit of her stomach.
“Can you recommend a good wine?” one of the guys she didn’t recognize asked.
“Are you planning to have steak or seafood?” she asked.
“Steak!” All five guys spoke in unison, laughing.
She went through the favorites on the wine list, took their order, and then went to get three bottles of it, along with twelve wine glasses since they’d said everyone would be drinking. The one good thing about a party like this was that it would undoubtedly yield a huge bill, and if she was lucky, a twenty-percent tip would make her week. She knew from hanging out with Logan and the others that they liked to spend money when they went out, and six of them could easily spend over a thousand dollars, so a dozen would be even better.
And maybe if she kept focusing on the money, she wouldn’t think about Logan. Much.
A few more guys came in, one that she knew, two that she didn’t, and she poured more wine, brought bread to the table and tried to keep busy.
She felt his presence before she actually saw him, and took a moment to breathe in before turning around.
To her shock, it wasn’t just Logan. Standing next to him was Frank.
30
Logan hadn’t been this nervous about anything in years. Ryder and Frank assured him everything would be okay, that Cassie would have no choice but to listen since she couldn’t walk away from a huge table that had asked for her. It was a little
manipulative, but Frank felt he needed to convince Cassie he was on the up and up before he could approach Maya, and then that would open the doors of communication between him and Cassie.
He still wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing, because he’d never chased a woman in his life and this one confused him more than anyone he’d ever met. But he missed her and no matter how tough he tried to be, he was in love with her.
That was the kicker.
He’d fallen for the one woman who apparently could live without him.
It was irony at its finest, but it felt like shit to him.
And she didn’t look all that happy to see him. Or maybe it was Frank she didn’t want to see, but either way, she turned her back as if she hadn’t seen them and poured a glass of wine for one of Frank’s buddies sitting at the table.
“This was a mistake,” Logan muttered under his breath.
“Shut up and keep walking.” Frank nudged him forward and Logan sat down next to Ryder. Frank sat on Logan’s other side and the table was soon full with eleven of them, since one guy had been called in to the fire station at the last minute.
“Wine?” Cassie asked Frank, not making eye contact with either him or Logan.
“Thank you.” Frank waited while she filled both his glass and Logan’s, and then pulled a large envelope out of his jacket. “Take this in the back and read it. It’s important that you see it.”
“I don’t have time for this—”
“I’ve already cleared it with your boss. I told him this was a private family thing and that you needed to take a few minutes to read something.”
She took it from him warily and merely nodded, turning and walking into the back.
“Yikes, she’s a ball-buster,” Jude said, grinning.
“She’s gonna make you work for it,” Ryder said, laughing.
“I’m not the one who did anything wrong!” Logan protested. “She dumped me after dickhead here—” he jerked a thumb in Frank’s direction, “—fucked up.”
“And once I get her blessing to fix things with her mom, that will open the door for Logan to do his thing.”
“I do not understand,” Vik said, shaking his head. “Logan did nothing, but he must apologize?”
“Not apologize.” Logan shook his head and then glanced at Frank. “More like make her see that this thing between us is real and that she has to stop worrying about her past so we can move forward. Something like that. I don’t know exactly—Relationship Genius here seems to have a plan.”
“You’re trusting Mr. Divorce to guide your relationship?” One of Frank’s fellow firemen asked, making a face. “You sure about that?”
“I’m not sure about anything except…” He blew out a breath. “I love her. Since I don’t know what I’m doing, and I have to do something, I’m taking a chance.”
“This is very complicated.” Vik shook his head.
Cassie didn’t come back for a while, but a pretty brunette named Deirdre came out and asked if they were ready to order or if they needed anything until Cassie was free. The guys talked around him while Logan consistently looked to the door leading to the kitchen to see if Cassie was coming.
He truly didn’t know what he was doing here. Frank was the strangest wingman yet, and it felt odd to have a guy old enough to be his father helping him get his girl back, but here they were. Ryder, Vik, and Jude were good, trusted friends, so they might bust his balls but they were still here supporting him. Frank’s firemen buddies had come along for support too, which made for a pretty motley crew at the table. Cassie was probably sneaking out the back, running for her life after they’d essentially ambushed her at her job.
“This isn’t good,” Logan murmured when Cassie didn’t return for fifteen minutes.
“Relax,” Frank said. “At the end of the day, what have you lost if it doesn’t work out? You’re no worse off than you were this morning, right?”
“I guess.” Logan took a sip of wine and almost dropped the glass when Cassie came toward them. She ignored Logan, though, and walked over to Frank, handing him back his paper.
“I don’t understand what this means,” she said. “You’re really divorced but your ex-wife is a psycho who still has keys to your house?”
Frank sighed. “I’ve changed the locks, so that won’t be a problem anymore. Up until I moved Maya in, the divorce had been amicable. I don’t know why she lost her mind, but I talked to her and told her if she ever does anything like that again, I’d cut her off, divorce decree or not. If she wants me to put the down payment on that new house and pay her alimony, she needs to stay the fuck away from me and my new girlfriend.”
Cassie looked uncertain but finally nodded. “Well, that’s between you and my mom. I don’t know why you brought this to me.”
“Because I know how protective you and your mom are of each other, so I needed to make sure you were on board before I approached Maya.”
“Well, do what you have to do. Mom’s at home.”
“First thing I’m going to do is eat. What’s good?”
Cassie spent the next ten minutes taking everyone’s orders and then she was gone before Logan could talk to her, and she still hadn’t even looked at him.
“I don’t see how this is going to work out for me,” he told Frank.
“Just be patient.” Frank grinned and picked up his wine glass.
Patience wasn’t Logan’s forte. He was annoyed all through dinner, barely tasting the incredibly tender sirloin steak, the full-bodied red wine, or even the baked Alaska dessert that the manager sent to the table gratis. It felt like a huge waste of time as far as he and Cassie went, and he just wanted to leave. She was as stubborn as she was independent, and he didn’t know how a dinner with all their buddies was going to sway her decision to dump him.
For the millionth time, he was reminded why he didn’t do relationships. Well, one of many reasons, but probably the biggest one. Everything had been so easy to date and now he was essentially apologizing for something he didn’t do, chasing after a woman who didn’t want to be caught, and making a fool of himself in front of his buddies.
“I think I’m going to call it a night,” he finally said to Frank.
“Just sit down and shut up. Damn, you young’uns are so impatient.”
Cassie came out with the check and Ryder reached for it.
“I’ve got dinner. You guys come up with a cash tip—and it better be at least twenty-five percent,” he said.
Guys started pulling cash out of their wallets and Logan absently tossed a hundred-dollar bill on the table. He didn’t care about money; at this point, he wanted to get the hell out of here. Whatever he’d envisioned happening between them tonight hadn’t come to fruition and it had to be as uncomfortable for Cassie as it was for him.
“Okay, she’s at the register,” Frank stage-whispered. “Get up, go over there, and tell her you want to talk.”
“She’s going to say she’s at work and she can’t.”
“Then ask her when. Say you’ll sit at the bar until she gets off.”
“Frank, I don’t think—” he began.
“Just fucking do it.”
“Fine.” Since he had no other plan, he got up and walked over to the register where she was cashing them out. “Hey.”
“Hi.” She didn’t look up, continuing whatever she was doing on the computer screen in front of her.
“Can we talk?”
“I’m at work, Logan.”
“I know. What if I sit at the bar until you’re done? That way, we won’t be at home with your mom and Ryder underfoot.”
She finally glanced up and the sadness in her eyes nearly gutted him. “I don’t know what there is to say. I’m sad and I miss you, but I’m not good at relationships. Hurting you would be even worse than this weirdness between us now, you know?”
“I think that ship has sailed.”
Her eyes widened a little but then she looked away again. “I’m sorry,” she w
hispered.
“So you don’t even care about me enough to talk to me?” he demanded, frustration seeping through him.
“I care about you too much to set us up for heartbreak.”
“You’re infuriating, Cassie.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry and give me a chance, Cassie. Give us a chance.”
“I can’t, Logan. I just can’t.” She grabbed the receipts that had just printed out and walked away.
Logan stared after her in disbelief. He truly had no idea what to do with her, but he was done. If she wasn’t even willing to talk, he didn’t have it in him to keep chasing a woman who seemed intent on staying away from him. Whatever this was, whatever it had been, it was over.
31
Mom was like a giddy teenager as she packed her things to move back in with Frank. Cassie wasn’t sure what had happened the night before when Frank had come over to the house, but they’d been in bed in the guest room when she got home from work and though he’d left early this morning to go to work, her mother was laughing and humming as she threw her clothes into suitcases.
“I told you there’s hope,” she said to Cassie, who was watching quietly.
“You did not,” she responded. “You said you wanted me to have what you didn’t have.”
“Well, I thought he was married. Now that I know he’s not, I feel optimistic about everything—including you and Logan.”
“There is no me and Logan.”
“Because you’re stubborn as fuck. Talk to him, Cassie. What will it hurt?”
“Me,” she said. “It will hurt me because getting back together just delays the inevitable. As it is, I don’t know if I can still live here because it’s hard to be around him, which fucks up my plans for school, the coaching job, everything.”
“If it truly doesn’t work out, Frank said you can live with us while you’re in school. The house has three bedrooms and a bonus room above the garage, and obviously he and I only need one.”
“That’s sweet, Mom, but you two need your privacy. I’d just be in the way.”
