On the Plus Side

by P. A. Kurch

  My heart was racing. A child was not part of our plans. I hated myself for thinking that. Years of dreams gone, because of a few minutes of bad judgment. But I knew we had no money and no other plan. I thought of the best answer. “There’s always adoption,” I told her.

  Alyssa looked at me. “Oh cut it out, Bryan,” she replied in disgust. She turned away. It all hit her again. “How could we be so stupid? What were we thinking!?” she cried. “I can’t have this baby. Won’t have this baby. And we can’t have this baby. We want college. Good-paying jobs. We want a life! This wasn’t supposed to be a part of that! We need to take care of this, like, yesterday.”

  I stood up from the desk. I put my head in my hands. I knew what she was getting at— getting rid of the baby altogether. And even though I didn’t want it, I didn’t know that I wanted that. “Let’s not decide on anything now. Please?” I begged her. She didn’t answer me. I begged her again. She nodded, but I knew she didn’t mean it.

  “I’ll drive you home,” she told me. I went in for a kiss, but she turned away.

  Alyssa grabbed two books from her nightstand. I looked at the covers. They weren’t my books. “Just in case my parents see us,” she said.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  My dad called me downstairs. He had called for me about four times. I just laid in my bed in the darkness. My face was buried in my pillow. Should I scream? Cry? Nothing came out. I just felt guilty. Terrified. My stomach was in knots. How could I break it to them? What was Alyssa going to do? There was a knock on my door.

  “Bryan, man,” my dad said. He cracked the door open. “Dinner’s been ready.”

  Blinding light from the hallway filled my room. I squinted my eyes.

  “You feeling okay?” he asked as he approached me. He put his hand on my forehead. “You’re kind of warm.”

  I didn’t answer him. “Get some rest,” he said. He closed my door as he walked out. “I’ll check on you soon.”

  I really did feel sick. I didn’t sleep. There was no way I could. And Alyssa! I knew I couldn’t change her mind. After all, she’s the one who had to carry it. It? The baby. She was the one who had to give birth. Any decision I made would be nothing. It would just be an opinion. Still, I felt like I was being choked by responsibility for the situation.

  Evan texted me twenty times. I never responded. Eventually he stopped. An eternity passed. Sunlight eventually filled my room. I got up for school that morning. I wore the same shirt from yesterday.

  This continued all week. I didn’t eat anything. I didn’t talk to anybody. I thought about calling Alyssa. I considered talking to my guidance counselor, Julie (yeah, we were on a first-name basis). Or my dad, at least. Even Evan. I fought with it for days. I almost pressed the call button. Almost knocked on that door. Almost talked to my dad in his office.

  Suddenly, it was Friday.

  I sat on the bleachers in gym that day. I forgot my gym clothes for the first time in my life. My gym teacher, though, was very understanding. He told me not to worry. And then Evan—freaking Evan! He, too, “forgot” his clothes. Guess who joined me on the bleachers?

  He sat on the bench right behind me. We watched as the class played dodgeball. He didn’t talk to me for a while. Eventually I felt him lean in. “Why have you been ignoring me? And my texts?” he asked. His eyes were still on everyone else. I didn’t answer. “What did Alyssa say?”

  I didn’t want to think about it. My silence must have been enough.

  He sighed. “What did they always teach us, Bryan? In health class?”

  I felt my body freeze up. Health class? Did he know? Suddenly, I wanted to punch him. Too many witnesses, though, I thought.

  Evan patted my shoulder. “They taught us everyone needs a support system. So I’m here if you need me,” he said. I felt my shoulders relax. “I hope you know that.”

  The bell rang and we both jumped to our feet. I tried so hard to lose him in the hallway rush. Suddenly, Principal Stevenson appeared, towering over everyone. He was stepping out of his office. “Bryan Parker!” he shouted.

  My dad was standing right behind him.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  My dad’s face was red. He told Principal Stevenson I was leaving early. I followed my dad to the car. My heart was pounding. I opened the door and got inside. My dad went to start the car, but he just held his keys in the ignition. He stared out ahead. My throat was too tight to swallow.

  “Alyssa’s parents called me early this morning,” he finally began. “Her sister found something of hers, and Alyssa didn’t deny it.”

  After a week of bottling it up, I fell apart. Right there in my dad’s car in the school parking lot. “Does Mom know?” I asked, fearing the answer.

  My dad nodded. “She’s with Alyssa’s parents right now. Mom’s taking it kind of hard.” He let out the biggest sigh. “What did I always tell you, Bryan?” he asked. For a split second, he sounded angry. That hurt the most.

  “I know, Dad, I know,” I cried.

  “I’m not mad,” he told me. “I’m just upset that you didn’t come to me.”

  I felt like the biggest failure as a son. As maybe even a soon-to-be father. “I wanted to tell you,” I admitted. “But that’s a lot! For anyone!” I must have sounded like a mess, my voice cracking. My dad told me to stop and calm down.

  My dad’s face turned grim. “Alyssa doesn’t want to,” he said. “Have the baby, I mean.” He sounded worried. “They’re all having a very serious talk right now. You need to be there.”

  My heart ached. My dad looked at me. He looked like he was about to cry.

  “You both have your futures planned,” he said. “I mean, you making video games and Alyssa going to law school. You’ve both worked toward that for years!” he continued. “But you’re both still young. And now you both have to grow up quickly.”

  I kept wiping my tears away.

  “It’s not the end of the world,” he said. “Mistakes happen. Mistakes are fixable. And we’re all here to support you guys. You two owe that child something,” he finished. I didn’t know what to do with what he said. On one hand, the baby was a mistake. On the other hand, we owed it something?

  “Yeah, Dad,” I replied.

  He started the car. I pressed my forehead against the window. What did I get everyone into? I thought. I kept my eyes on the passing houses, cars, and trees. I couldn’t stand looking at my dad.

  Deep down, I knew he was heartbroken.

  I was, too.

  CHAPTER SIX

  My heart pounded as we walked up Alyssa’s driveway. I knocked on the door and Alyssa answered, her eyes red from crying. As soon as I walked in, she gave me the biggest hug. I looked at her moms. I was surprised they could even look at me.

  And then I saw my mom. I almost expected her to yell at me in front of everyone.

  It wouldn’t have been the first time. But she just stood up and held out her arms. She hugged me quickly and then took a step back. She looked at me, sadly, and then she just sort of smiled, like everything might be all right. I swear, I never loved that woman more.

  I sat down next to Alyssa. I held her hand the entire time. We both started by taking responsibility for everything. Alyssa then told me how they’d been talking all morning. “I think we should do this, Bryan,” she told me.

  “Do…?” I asked stupidly.

  “Have the baby.”

  It took me a second, but I knew it was what I wanted, too. I held her hand even tighter.

  And then our parents had questions. Tons of them. Tough ones.

  “When did this happen?” her parents wanted to know.

  “Why didn’t you tell us right away?” my mom asked.

  “What were you thinking?” my dad asked. And then, the biggest question: “And how are you two going to make this right?”

  It was the toughest half hour of my life. Once that was over, the real conversations began. Things got easier after that.

  “Stay in school!” my parents
begged us. Our moms told Alyssa what to expect in the coming months. Oh, and details about labor and giving birth. My dad turned pale. I’m pretty sure that I did, too. Alyssa nudged me.

  Alyssa sometimes started to get upset. I tried to calm her down. We talked about everything we needed to do. “What about money? For clothes, toys, diapers, food, and a crib?” her mom asked. Alyssa’s stepmom got angry with herself. “I just got rid of Laura’s old crib, too!”

  My dad hadn’t been saying much. He sat in a chair across from us in deep thought. I knew what he was doing. He was adding up all of the prices in his head. Judging by the look on his face, it wasn’t good. He noticed me watching. My dad winked at me as if to say, We’re going to be okay.

  I knew I had to start working immediately. “The bookstore!” Alyssa said. “You spend enough time there.” I agreed—surely I could take some hours after school. It would be some money, at least. Alyssa promised to take up more hours at the store at the mall she hated. “Until I can’t anymore,” she said.

  Our focus turned to school. Alyssa seemed tense as we figured out the timeline. The baby would be here just in time for graduation. I know she wanted to walk across the stage, but she would be very pregnant by then. “Everyone’s going to judge me!” she cried.

  Her moms told her not to worry about it. Alyssa turned to me. “And you! You’ll have it so easy!” she said. “No one in your school will ever know. My belly will be as big as a watermelon by then!” She put her left hand on my stomach. She stared at it and then pulled it away.

  And then she began sobbing. I couldn’t calm her down from this one.

  Her parents rushed to the couch we were sitting on. I stood up and moved out of their way. My guilt hit the roof. I must have looked so weird standing there. I felt useless.

  Alyssa’s little sister Laura appeared at the bottom of the stairs. All that crying had woken her up from her nap. She had a baby doll in one hand as she rubbed her eyes with the other. Laura then did what she did best. She herself started crying. Her two moms jumped up and ran to her. Laura made the biggest scene she could. I thought I saw Laura flash a smile at her sister.

  “I swear, people!” Alyssa screamed. My mom jumped. “I better not have a girl! This world doesn’t need another Laura!”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Turns out, I didn’t even have to tell Evan about the pregnancy. It almost bugged me that he figured it out just from how Alyssa and I were acting. One night, a text came from him.

  That meant the world to me. I needed him around. I called him and told him about everything. And then I told him how much I needed a job. “I need one, too!” he said. “I’ll get one with you!” It was decided. We’d go there right after school tomorrow.

  Mr. Jennings greeted us at the door. I asked him about working part-time and weekends. He hired me on the spot. No questions asked! “You’ve been coming here for years,” he said to me. “I’ve always said you were a good kid, Bryan.”

  I didn’t feel like a good kid. I had a child on the way. I wasn’t about to tell Mr. Jennings that, though. What would he think? The idea of working, though, made me feel better. Like I had some control in this new situation. Mr. Jennings even offered a job to Evan. “I’ll let you work in the comic book section!” he told him with a laugh.

  Evan didn’t miss a beat. He swore in excitement and apologized immediately. “I accept your offer with the greatest honor, sir.” Evan said. He gently bowed to Mr. Jennings. I shook my head in embarrassment.

  “I’ll see you boys tomorrow,” Mr. Jennings said. “Welcome aboard.”

  We started the next day as promised. I enjoyed the evening walks to the bookstore. It allowed me to think and clear my mind. That is, when Evan wasn’t talking. He was over the moon about this new “dream job” of his. “Don’t you get it!?” he’d say with a hop in his step. “I’ll get to read new comic books before anyone else!”

  His energy was contagious. I couldn’t help but feel happy for him.

  There eventually came a day when I was asked to stock parenting books. Every box I opened was a reminder of my new life. What had I done to myself? And Alyssa? Even though I hated the thought of this whole parenting section, I grabbed a book. It was basically a survival guide for first-time parents.

  I flipped through it in the break room. I took notes in my head. I cringed at some of the gory details, like how babies’ first poops are like dark green tar. It was truly horrifying stuff. The next day, I chose another book. This time, I picked one about what to expect in the baby’s first year. Milestones that they would reach every month. My reading continued for days.

  It all seemed like so much. So much could go wrong! Problems getting pregnant. (Well, no problem there.) Problems during pregnancy. Problems during birth. Allergies. Choking. Toy defects.

  I worried a lot. Sometimes I’d feel downright depressed. All of this new info was swimming around in my head.

  During dinner, I’d talk to my parents about the book I read that day. I can still hear my mom’s words. “There’s no instruction book, sweetheart,” she’d say. “You learn as a parent. You grow. You make mistakes. You learn from it.”

  I had made enough mistakes. Enough was enough! I began taking notes as I read. I filled up an entire notebook. I was going to know everything. I mean, I had seven months to learn, right? I was going to be the best I could be for Alyssa and the baby.

  At work, I met lots of interesting people. A lot of soon-to-be parents, too. They’d come into the store all scared and nervous like me. Some were excited. And they were always older than me. Most of them were married. Most of them had good jobs and even homes. A few couples already had lots of children. I don’t know why. I mean, one child seemed scary enough, and mine wasn’t even here yet!

  These parents were always impressed with me. I knew all of the newest books and newest research. I was a know-it-all. “Oh, you need a book about your growing baby? Here’s three.” Or, “Need to know the best sleep training skills? Here’s a whole row of books!”

  Mr. Jennings loved me for it. He would tell me every night, “These people can’t say enough about you!” Helping others helped me. It helped me to remember everything, stay sharp on my baby knowledge. It helped me feel better about things.

  Evan made a splash, too. He got the entire Comic Book Club from school to start visiting. Every Thursday after school, they’d order pizzas and buy tons of comics. Mr. Jennings couldn’t be happier. He gave Evan and me a raise.

  Every payday, I’d buy a parenting book for Alyssa and me. One day, I bought this book called The Big Book of a THOUSAND Baby Names. We hadn’t talked about names yet. So we sat on her couch and flipped through the pages. We’d make jokes. Alyssa liked a few of the names. She circled her favorites. Her parents asked us what was so funny. They, too, took turns with it.

  I took the book home. I circled my favorites.

  Evan stopped by that night. Once he saw the book, he totally lost interest in video games. He didn’t play once! He just looked through the book. This stupid book! “This is fun!” he said. “It’s kind of like choosing a name for a new dog.” I told him there was no comparison. And Evan chose weird names. Like names you’d find in a comic book. The only normal name he picked was Peter. I was happy with that until he explained it.

  “With your last name,” he told me in excitement, “he’ll be Peter Parker.”

  I pretended I didn’t get it. “Peter Parker? Spiderman? Seriously, Bryan?” he said angrily. I still acted like I had no idea who that was. Evan’s face got red. He left my house early that night.

  I came home one night after a long day. My mom wasn’t in bed like she usually was. No. She was at the dining room table with her reading glasses on. She was looking at the baby name book! She had colored pens and was using them all.

  My dad was annoyed. “Aren’t you coming to watch TV?” he asked. She told him about the book. I wouldn’t see that book again for days. And my parents! They never finished their Netflix show
.

  A week later, the book reappeared on my desk. It was torn. Stained. The pages were filled with hundreds of different-colored circles. I couldn’t read most of the names. Whole columns were crossed off. Arrows and scribbles filled the pages. It was a mess.

  I was in shock as I looked at the pages. By some miracle, Alyssa and I circled the same two names. Two names out of a thousand! One for a boy and one for a girl.

  If it was a boy, Joseph. And if it was a girl, Sara. We knew we wanted to be surprised.

  And so it was decided! Alyssa and I high-fived. And then we kissed. She told me how much she loved me. And all was good in the world for literally thirty seconds. Evan then brought up a good point. “The middle names,” he said. He seemed confused. “They need middle names, don’t they?” he asked.

  I looked at Alyssa. I wanted to scream. I told him to get out.

  Never again. “I am never opening that book again!” I yelled.

  NOVEMBER

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  School and work took up more time by November. Alyssa’s pregnancy kept going, too. We were saving up every dollar and every cent. Slowly, the money began adding up. We knew that we wanted to be ready.

  Alyssa’s moms were ready, too! They had a spare room that they were painting for the baby. Her mom hated the color, though. “Do you think we should repaint it?” she asked Alyssa. Alyssa asked for my opinion.

  I looked around the room. It was a bright, sunny color. I really liked it. Alyssa’s stepmom liked it, too, but Alyssa shot me this look. “We’ll be right back,” Alyssa said. She and her mom disappeared for a short while. They returned with two new gallons of paint.

  I offered to do the painting this time. They were already doing so much for me and Alyssa. I needed backup, though. I called up Evan. “Are you free?” I asked him. “For like, an hour? I have to paint.”

  “Paint what?” he asked. I heard a game in the background. I could tell what game it was, too, just based on the sounds. It was a new game that both of us were going to play together. I never had the time anymore. I suddenly felt sad. Jealous, even.