Austin

by Erin Havoc

  Austin’s free hand flicks my other nipple, twisting it, torturing it. Pleasure coils low in my body and I’m moving back against his length, seeking friction. He gives me it, rubbing against my clit so fucking deliciously.

  My panties are about to catch fire, I’m sure of that. He digs his cock into my cleft with hard strokes, and I move back, my mouth hanging open, moans leaving me in torrents.

  “Oh, God,” I whimper in a pathetic, flimsy voice.

  Austin meets my eyes and I just know, from the way he looks at me, I’m about to be devoured. I wonder if that’s what his prey feel. When they meet his hazelnut, foxy eyes.

  I should be running. Instead, I’m arching my back, feeling my release ever so close. Heat clogs my throat and I’m unable to utter words. My brain shuts down, my entire focus pinpointed on the place his cock drives into me.

  His fingers hold me in place, but his other hand finds my panties and pulls them down in quick tugs. My legs fall open, my pussy lips parting around his hardness. Now I’m covering his length in my juices, and Austin licks his lips. Starved for me. He tells me that through his actions, but I don’t have time for this.

  I shake my head, desperately. The heat inside me is too hot. “Later. Later. I need you to fuck me.”

  He grins, feral. His thumb finds my throbbing clit, and he runs circles around it. I jerk, my climax so near. So close. My head drops back and once more I try to free myself of his hold, but it’s useless. He’s too strong.

  He has complete control over this, and we both know that.

  “Beg, Vivs,” he says in a hoarse voice that makes me ache for him. His cock twitches again, patting my mound.

  I would never, ever beg a man for anything.

  But I’m teetering on the edge of the most powerful orgasm of my life. It grows inside me, convulses beneath my skin. I bare my teeth and I fight his orders for a moment. Austin’s thumb still teases my clit as I curl my toes. He bends his back to capture a nipple between his teeth again.

  I cry out, stars blinking on the back of my lids. My brain threatens to explode if I don’t do what he tells me. I’ll die if I don’t obey. My very blood curls in my veins at this ridiculously powerful feeling.

  “Please!” The word blurts out of me in a single breath. “Please, please, fuck me!”

  My entire body shakes with how hard I’m holding back, teetering, threatening to lose my mind.

  Austin’s face twists and changes, and he shifts to poise over my body. I gape at his hard planes and edges, my mouth watering with thirst for his skin. His lips brush mine, gently, so gently it’s at odds with what comes next.

  His cockhead parts my folds. It hovers there, right at the entrance, for a mere second. Even less than that.

  Then he pumps hard, his jaw locking, his fingers digging into my flesh. He enters me with one single motion, parting me, spreading me. But there’s no pain. My body has been waiting for this, pleading for this.

  He fills me completely. It’s perfect. Unquestionable.

  Austin sinks to the hilt, equal gasps leaving both of us. Our breaths mingle between our mouths and I open my lips in a silent moan, parting my legs even wider. Austin grips one of my ass-cheeks for leverage and moves in a maddening rhythm. Out, then back in. Harder with every pound. Every stroke raking along my walls with perfect friction.

  I arch my back, the skin at the base of his cock finding my clit. It won’t be long now. No time at all.

  Austin still has my wrists held up, my body surrendered to him. And at that moment, nothing matters. There’s no past between us. No pain hovers in the space between our bodies. We forget it all and give ourselves to the bright euphoria.

  Our bodies enter a perfect rhythm against one another. Every inch we touch is beautiful. Every motion filled with affection and promise of bliss. His pounds are sharp, and with every move, he vows no man will ever feel the same.

  I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done this.

  I’m ruined.

  Austin’s grunts tell me he’s close. His eyelids flutter closed, but he forces them open yet again. His gaze fixed on me, riveted on my face. Darting around my features, capturing every microexpression. The gaze on his face reveals something more beautiful than lust. Something akin to adoration.

  His fingers slide through mine. We hold each other. We hold on to each other.

  The fall will be huge, and we’re going down together.

  I feel the drowning, and I open my mouth to gasp for air, my eyes widening as I reject the will to close them. Our gazes locked on one another, I move against him. He rams into my center, and the motions against my clit threaten to be too much.

  Austin’s mouth drops as if he wants to say something. It’s lost as he roars, his cock twitching inside me.

  And that’s too much. Too bright. The orgasm explodes, crashing over me like a tsunami. My lungs empty of air and someone’s screaming. I think it’s me. My body convulses, shakes so hard I threaten to burst open. Pleasure deafens me, and all I hear is the beating of my heart as I ride the wave. It crashes on me again, Austin’s sharp pounds not ceasing. I cry out, digging my nails into his hand. The motions of my hips pick up and we’re moving into each other even harder.

  I feel his seed spill into me, hot and thick, and I come yet again. His hand abandons my thigh to press over my clit like a freaking button, and Austin drives me off the edge one more time. Shivers race down my body, my legs jerking on their own. My inner walls clamp down around him, and I’m so sensitive a tickle could break me.

  “Fuck,” I hear through the haze of my mind. “You’re perfect. Perfect.” His words are broken, but I feel him letting go of my wrists. My body limp, his fingers sear the skin of my hips.

  Austin flops me down on my belly. I gasp as my face hits the pillows. He’s not gentle, and I don’t want him to be. I hasten to prop my weight on my knees, tilting my hips up.

  “Yeah, just like that,” he thunders, then drives himself inside me again.

  I don’t know how long passes. All I feel is his body on mine, his hardness inside me. Over and over he comes inside me, and over and over he pushes me off the edge. My body’s hyper-sensitive, and every touch brings me pleasure. Desire seeps from every pore, and my voice’s hoarse with how much I’ve moaned his name.

  He slaps my ass — something I’ve never let anyone do —, and I love it. I move against him, seeking more, always more. And he gives and gives and gives. And once we’re done, my pussy aching, my nipples throbbing, we collapse together on the bed. We reach the limit as one, as we drift off into sleep bundled together.

  This is the only part that reminds me of old times. And it’s what hurts the most.

  When I come to myself, the sky outside is dark. The moon spills inside my room, and I get up to use the bathroom. Austin breathes deeply, his chest coming up and down in gentle motions.

  I clean myself off our joined releases and walk back to admire his body under the moonlight. The silvery light bathes his six-pack, the half-limp length of his big cock, the muscles of his thigh. It makes his hair look almost blond.

  He meets my eyes when I climb back on the bed. A smile stretches his lips as he offers the crook of his shoulder for me to lie down.

  But night has brought sense back to me. I shake my head. “We should go.”

  His smile melts away. “We could order a pizza. You still like that odious thing that is the California flavor?”

  A laugh threatens to spill, but I hold it back behind my teeth. “We shouldn’t.”

  Austin sits up. It’s so quiet in here. In the dark. Our hearts exposed.

  “Why not?” He tries, his voice light, though his features don’t express the same feeling. “We’ve lost enough calories for that, I’m sure.”

  I shake my head again, my mussed hair covering my shoulders and spilling down my naked breasts. “Just once, remember? If you stay, it won’t be a fuck. It will be a date.”

  Austin’s eyebrows relax, his entire face so vulnerable an
d exposed in the semi-darkness my heart aches inside my chest. “I don’t want to let you go again,” he says in a weak voice. So low I almost miss it.

  “You did fine before.” I shrug. “You’ll be fine again.”

  He shakes his head once, sharply. “No. I won’t. I just left you because it meant saving the lives of my parents. Now, there’s no reason—”

  “Austin,” I call his name in a warning. I don’t want to go there. Discuss the past. “It’s all right. We’re not meant to be. You’ll find some other—”

  “I don’t want to find some other girl. And we—” He cuts himself, baring his teeth as he stares at me with fierce eyes. His hand shoots out, and he clutches mine. “We are meant to be. We are mates.”

  I grind my jaw. So hard I taste enamel.

  How dare he? How dare he use that now? Just because I’m asking him to leave, he has to use that card. It hurts like a slap.

  “I’m your mate?”

  He nods. “You are, I—”

  “Your mate. That thing you are supposed to identify as soon as you meet the person.”

  “Yeah…”

  “So you’ve known we’ve been mates and strangely, you never told me. Even being mates, you never thought of telling me you’re a shifter.” Rage blurs my vision and I jerk my hand from his. “Even being mates, it was a walk in the park for you to leave me behind without a word?”

  I jump off the bed and stride to the light switch. Fuck moonlight. Fuck romance and all these shitty things that get me nowhere. I shouldn’t have done this, but my brain took a back seat and let my fucking vagina take control.

  “Vivian,” Austin follows me, wincing to the sudden light. “My parents were in danger—”

  “Your mom,” I hiss, whirling around to face him, “is a human, isn’t she? So your father, at some point, told her. Because she was his mate. You never thought, I don’t know, since I was your ‘mate’,” I do the air quotes, “I should know? I deserved to know? I deserved some sort of goodbye, or some warning, or anything?”

  “Vivian,” he cries, reaching out, but I step away from his touch. “I know I should have done it differently, but—”

  I collect his clothes and shove them into his chest. “Out.”

  He holds them with desolation across his features. “Vivs. Please.”

  “No. I am not being fooled by you twice.”

  “I am not lying.” He bares his teeth, reaching out again. Once more, I twirl out of the way. His eyes are bright with feeling but I can’t fall for this again. I’d be the stupid one.

  “How am I supposed to know? You lied before. Can you prove that I’m your mate?”

  Austin straightens his spine slowly. Silence hangs between us for a moment, then he shakes his head. He gets dressed a moment later. I watch him do it, my back pressed to the wall, my arms crossed over my chest.

  Tears sting the back of my eyes but I look away and force them back. Clenching my jaw, I order myself not to cry over this. Not to let my feelings have the best of me.

  When I meet his gaze again, he’s dressed. He presses his brows together, his hands curling at his sides.

  “Vivian,” he tries, and I know it’s the last time.

  I shake my head. “Leave. Please.” My voice breaks with the last word, betraying me. But I push myself off the wall and stride into the bathroom, shutting myself inside.

  As soon as I hear the front door closing, tears burst from me. They come as hard as that day I found out he had left. It hurts just as much. And I let myself feel it. I let myself ache.

  And then I promise myself Austin’s never hurting me again.

  8

  AUSTIN

  Pain wrecks over my body as I stride off her building. My heart shatters inside my chest, the shards piercing. I’m breathless with pain as I enter my car and tighten my hold around the wheel.

  I want to cry. I want to scream. But nothing comes out.

  It’s just his lack of feeling. Lack of everything. The world grows mute and grey, and I’m stuck in an existence I have no pleasure in.

  I fucked up. Being mates doesn’t necessarily make things easier. It doesn’t mean she’ll automatically forgive me.

  I fucked up bad.

  Vivian’s the one for me. And I know for a fact I’ll never find joy in life without her. There’s no point. I’ve had her twice, and I’ve lost her twice. I should have done differently when we were teenagers. She would have understood, and she would have accepted the wait. Maybe she would have wanted to move in with me.

  My parents didn’t know she was my mate. I kept that from them too. My mistakes extend through several areas of my life. And now I’m reaping the consequences.

  What’s a shifter without a mate? A sad life stretches ahead of me, and I drive home with no feeling. No will to live. I’m not taking my life, no. This would be too hard a blow for my parents, who always did their best for me. Vivian would feel guilty. My friends back at the station wouldn’t understand.

  None of them deserve that. So all I have left is an empty existence.

  I drive home without noticing. It’s almost ten and I drop on my bed without a hint of hunger. Emptiness weighs inside me, taking every cell, and my fox is dead quiet. Not a sound from him.

  He’s also hurting. He also doesn’t think we have anything left to do.

  When you haven’t met your mate yet, the goal of your life is to find her. But finding your mate and losing her? Your mate not wanting you? That’s unheard of. Painful as if nature itself can’t fathom this.

  But Vivian has settled her mind. While I had control over that fantastic sex we had, she has control over her emotions. She separated the sex and the relationship, and she drew a line between the two. She said “just once”, and she meant it.

  Releasing a breath, I hope for sleep, but it doesn’t come. Memories of her take a stroll on my mind. Her taste, her curves, her words. Wondering what I could have done differently, I relive the day. Over and over.

  If only I could prove to her I am her mate. If only there was a way to show her...

  My fox pries its ears inside me. He nudges me, telling me there is. Maybe there is.

  I’ve heard something about that. Where was it? Something about an app?

  I rake my mind but it’s useless. Picking my phone from my pocket, I have to depend on Google as I type “find mate app”.

  To my surprise, a result comes up. Shifter Dating App. My eyes run over the explanatory text as I download it. DNA compatibility. Several marriages already celebrated. Shifters are free to show their natural side.

  Is this true? Is this possible?

  With my heart thundering again, I glimpse hope. If Vivian’s here, or if I manage to convince her of joining the app... It will show we’re mates. It’s perfect. Quickly, I sign up for it, accept terms, upload pictures.

  And then I wait. But I’ve waited for years. What’s another week when I have the prospect of having her forever?

  ONE WEEK LATER

  Pressing a hand to my stomach, I make a face to the red light. A strange urge has taken me today, but I can’t point out what for. My fox’s unquiet, shifting, moving, pacing. My stomach churns. It’s been like this for an hour, but it’s gotten worse in the past ten minutes. Putting my foot down the gas pedal, I zig-zagging cars to get to the station quicker.

  This morning, my phone buzzed as I had breakfast. Unlocking the device, I peeked at the notification.

  It was a white muzzle. It took me a moment to remember what that stood for. But I realized it quickly. The app. The Shifter Dating App. With my breakfast turning to lead on my stomach, I clicked on the notification, and a shower of pink and orange took the screen.

  Congratulations! You’ve been matched!

  There was no suspense. Vivian’s picture showed up next, and a smile stretched my lips. Hard.

  I know I’m supposed to be delighted. Now I have proof. Then why is the tugging still here?

  My phone rings and I pull it off as I ap
proach another red light. The more impatient you get, the more red lights you hit. It’s Hunter, and I pick it up without a second thought.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  He clears his throat twice. “Hey, man. Are you almost here?” His voice has a pitch I don’t recognize. Something like worry?

  But Hunter’s never worried. He’s never even off.

  “Yeah, five more minutes. What for?”

  “We’ve had an attack.”

  Cocking a brow, I scan the streets ahead. In the distance, I see a mist. No. Smoke. “I can see it. A fire? Where is it?”

  “Here, it’s right here. Some specist threw a fucking bomb.”

  My heart skips a beat. The light turns green but I don’t move. “Is everyone all right?”

  “I need you to get here. Right now.”

  Throwing the phone on the passenger seat, I grip the wheel with both hands and slam my feet to the gas pedal. The tone on Hunter’s voice tells me something is not right. Along with the tugging in my stomach…

  It’s Vivian. I can tell.

  I make it to the station in record time, jumping out of my car as I ride up the sidewalk. The sight in front of me seems to have been taken from a war documentary.

  The station’s on fire. It’s taken by it, several walls crumbling and collapsing. My jaw slackens but my legs move on their own, and I find my teammates bundled together to one side. There’s already a truck pouring water on one side but I see Hunter and several others next to one wall.

  “Did everyone get out?” I call as I approach in a jog. My blood curls as I meet Hunter’s eyes.

  He shakes his head, his jaw hard. “No. This wall collapsed in the waiting room. There’s one still inside.”

  “Who?” My gaze is fastened on my captain, and I dare him to say what I think he’s about to say. I dare him to tell me the truth I already know.

  “Vivian. She’s come after you.”

  My world crumbles so fast I feel nauseated. But in the next moment, I flip into firefighter mode and appraise the surroundings. My colleagues try to lift a side of the wall, but they can only manage less than a foot. I grip it, squatting to put more power into it.