No Time For Sergeants

by Mac Hyman

  But none of them moved or said anything. Then Polettie put his cue back in the rack and said, “Naw, Will, you might as well go ahead and shoot that one too. We wouldnt want to keep you from learning how.”

  “That’s all right,” I said. “There really dont seem to be too much to it nohow. Dont yall want to rack them up for another one?”

  But Polettie said, “There aint one of us that could afford the necessary dime,” and they all started putting their cues back up, and it made me feel pretty bad. If I had of knowed they had bet all they had, I never would have bet with them in the first place. We went out of the place and I was right miserable thinking about it. I wished they was some way I could give it back without making them feel bad, but I couldnt think of no way at all. It aint ever right to act like a man aint willing to pay off his bets, and I know I wouldnt want to lose money to a man and have him try to give it back to me—you wouldnt even feel like a man no more.

  But we wandered around for a while and everything got more dismal, so I decided to take a chance on it. I come out and said, “Well, now, I dont want yall to take no offense at it, but I’d be glad to lend you a dollar apiece if you need it for the night, if you just want to borrow some, being as we are going to have a party and everything.”

  They all stopped and looked at me, and I was scared I had said the wrong thing, only I didnt see no harm in lending them some; but then Sergeant King said, “That’s mighty decent of you, Stockdale. Mighty decent,” and took it pretty good. They all gathered around and I give them a dollar apiece; and then I told them, “I’ll lend you another one later on ifn you happen to need it.”

  But Polettie said, “Another dollar? Why, I dont see how on earth we are going to spend all this one, Will,” so I didnt bring it up no more, as I had gone pretty far in the first place.

  Anyhow, we went down to this place they were talking about, and we drank some beer but it didnt seem like much of a party. The place got pretty crowded up with so many people that you couldnt move around hardly, with all kinds of different uniforms around, sailors and soldiers and so on, and there was so much smoke that the ceiling looked blue with it, and a big old juke organ blaring out so loud that you couldnt hardly talk to each other. We set in the booth and drank some more beer that I ordered, but nobody had much to say, only set there looking at the other people, and the thing got right dull for a party. We saw one right good fight, and we thought we was going to see another one because these two fellows started yelling pretty hard at each other; one of them kept saying, “Let me go. Let me go,” to this little old fellow who warnt half holding him nohow, and kept trying to jerk away from him to get at the other one, and the other one kept doing the same, until they finally got tired of holding them and let them go, but then they just got right close up to each other and poked their faces out and mumbled things at each other, and cussed a little bit; but by that time warnt nobody paying any attention to them and they quit, and the last I seen of them they was up at the bar drinking together.

  I tried to liven it up some by telling them a joke but they just set there and fiddled with their glasses and looked at the beer, and sipped at it, and when I got through, didnt nobody even smile about it. Polettie and Sergeant King kept nagging at each other; Sergeant King said he wished he hadnt even of come, and Polettie said, “Well, this was your bright idea, not mine,” and then Sergeant King mumbled something else, and nobody seemed like they was having any fun at all.

  And it warnt until I mentioned that I might get some whisky that anybody took any notice at all. But Sergeant King said, “Yeah. Yeah, Will, that’s a good idea. Why dont you do that?”

  “Yeah,” Chris said. “That way things might work out pretty good after all,” and looked around smiling at everybody.

  So I went out and got a couple of bottles and when I got back, they was talking hard and excited, and seemed a lot more lively already. We opened the bottles and Sergeant King said he would pour it and poured me a glass about full, and said, “Here you go, Will. You’re the first. Drink all you can hold. We’ll watch out for you, and if there’s any trouble, you dont have a thing to worry about.”

  So I drunk it and they all watched, and then I poured them each one too, and we got to drinking and everybody got to having a lot more fun. I ordered some more beer and we drunk that along with the other. Everybody got real lively and most polite, grabbing my glass and filling it up every time I finished, saying, “Drink up, Will. This is your farewell party, and I do mean farewell.”

  It didnt seem fair for me to drink most of the whisky that way, but they seemed to enjoy doing it, so I didnt say nothing about it. We got to talking about different kinds of drinks and little P.J. said something about how he liked wine, so I went out and got a couple of bottles of that and another bottle of whisky, and when I got back everybody got to having a big time. Sergeant King fixed a special drink for me; he poured some wine and whisky and beer all in a glass, and it didnt taste so good, but they kept saying, “How was it? How do you feel?” so I said, “It’s mighty good,” and then they started to fix me another one, and I drank that one too.

  So we set and drank for quite a while and then Sergeant King tried to mix another drink for me, only this time he couldnt hit the glass and poured stuff all over the table; and then Chris took it and tried putting the glass on top of the bottle and then turning the bottle upside down, and then little P.J. tried it, and before it was over, they had spilled most of the bottle. So then Sergeant King said, “Cant yall think of nothing else for our guest to drink?” and we got to having a chat about drinking in general, and it was real interesting. Polettie tried to tell about some drink he knowed about, but you couldnt make much sense out of it because, even though he was talking right hard, there warnt no sound coming out; so I told them about a drink that this uncle of mine used to fix up with gin and whisky and beer and how he always liked a little bit of kerosene in it for flavor, and they thought that sounded mighty good. So I went out and got a bucket and a little kerosene from a filling station, and mixed it all up together with the gin and everything, and they seemed to like it right well. They said my uncle sho knew how to fix a drink all right, and I told them that warnt nothing to some of them I’ve seen him fix, and after a while things got real sociable.

  And then some fellow from the Infantry come in and one of them got to talking with Chris and pulled a chair up and drank a little with us. He said he was stationed somewhere around there and that the place he was stationed was about the worse place in the United States. Then Chris said it warnt no worse than the place where we was, he would bet, and the other fellow heehawed, and said that where the Air Force was stationed, it warnt rough at all, and they talked a while about it.

  Chris said, “Walter Winchell called it the dirtiest filthiest place in the United States,” and the other fellow said that warnt nothing, that Walter Winchell said the same thing about his place.

  Then P.J. leaned over and said, “Yeah, but yall dont have to pull all the details we do.”

  Then the Infantry fellow said, “Details? Dont make me laugh. That field there is just like heaven compared to where we are stationed.”

  And that seemed like a mighty nice thing to say, so I said, “Well, we sho appreciate you saying so.”

  And he said, “Yall dont have it rough at all. You have it mighty easy and just dont know it.”

  So I thanked him again because it looked like he was going out of his way to say nice things, but then Chris cut in saying, “What do you mean, we dont have it rough?”

  “You got it easy. You got it easier than the Navy.”

  “That’s mighty nice of you to say so,” I said.

  “Look, you dont know what rough is,” Chris said. “You couldnt take a day of it where we are.”

  The fellow heehawed and said, “We got it rougher than any base in the country. They drill us fifteen miles a day.”

  “They drill us twenty,” Chris said.

  “You dont know what har
d drilling is. You boys in the Air Force have got it made. In the Infantry, we never get it easy.”

  And then Chris said, “Well, look, if you think so much of the Infantry, why dont you just shove on off and quit drinking our whisky,” which kind of surprised me, as it warnt the right thing to say at all.

  But then the fellow reached over and got the bottle and hit Chris in the head with it, which surprised me too because he had been talking so nice just a few minutes before. So I stood up and tried to tell him he shouldnt do that but then he tried to hit me with the bottle too so I had to pop him one. And then I heered this bellow behind me and turned around to see Sergeant King standing up on the table with his hair all messed up and his eyes wild-looking, waving a bottle around and shouting like he had gone crazy or something. And then he give another yelp and went sailing through the air like he was flying and caught one fellow around the neck and they went over a table together, and then the whole place was fighting. I bopped one or two more, and set back down, and about that time little P.J. climbed up on the table looking wild too and tried to give a bellow himself, only it come out kind of weak, and then he went sailing through the air at something or other but missed it and hit right on his stomach. And then I seen somebody pick him up and he went sailing back across the other way. I lit a cigarette and smoked it and watched Sergeant King running up and down the bar yelping at the top of his voice, and then I spotted Chris over rassling with some fellow on the other side. The only one that warnt in it was Polettie—he was setting there still thinking he was talking but without no sound coming out. Little P.J. went sailing past again; he hit and bounced and skidded, and then this one big fellow grabbed him on one arm and another grabbed him on the other arm, and they started arguing about who could knock him the furthiest. One of them said, “I’ll bet you a dollar I can knock him further with my left hand than you can with your right,” and the other fellow said, “It’s a bet. Put up or shut up,” and they started digging for their money, and then little P.J. started digging for his money too. He pulled out his dollar bill and waved it around and said, “I’ll just take a dollar of that myself, put up or shut up!” and the fellow looked at him and said, “Look, boy, you’re just throwing your money away—I’m left-handed,” but little P.J. yelled out, “Look, by God, I bet them the way I see them. Put up or shut up!”

  So they argued and took on for a while and I seen that the party was about over with everybody bopping everybody, so the next time little P.J. come sailing by I reached out and grabbed him, and then pulled Polettie out of the booth and took them outside; then went back in and found Chris under one of the tables and got him by the collar and pulled him out; and then had to go back in to get Sergeant King who was tied up around a table and couldnt get loose. Anyhow, I finally got them all out and prodded them down the street, holding little P.J. by the collar because he kept kicking at everybody along the way, until we finally got to the car. But then little P.J. got down off my shoulder where I was having to tote him by that time, and decided to attack the car, and begun kicking at the fenders and making all kinds of noise. So I tried to stop him from that because I knowed how Sergeant King felt about his car. But it didnt seem to bother him—in fact, it seemed to make him right happy because he said now they would have to wash it again. I tried to talk them out of that, but they was all for it then, and went to piling in the car, and finally the only thing to do was just to get in with them and keep them down as best I could.

  But they was the wildest bunch I ever seen by that time. We went driving through the town with them falling all over the place and making all sorts of rackets, and then Sergeant King drove off the road and went wobbling across the field with the car bucking this way and that, and come out on the beach and drove down there a while, from one side to the other. And about that time somebody said that was the best place they knew to wash a car, and Sergeant King said he thought so too, and so he headed it right out for the water. I said, “Sergeant King, I dont think I’d do that; you know what you said about salt water on a car and all . . .” but he never paid any attention; we hit the water going right fast so it splashed out in big sheets and slowed us down some, but then he got the car in second and drove along a bit that way, saying, “Listen to that power, boy. Listen to that power,” and kept going that way until the water was about four feet deep. Then the car just sputtered and stopped there, and they opened the doors with water pouring in from every side, and then they piled out yelling at each other, and then they took off their shirts and begun to wash. And in a little while, they seemed just as happy as they could be with Sergeant King whistling and singing and all the others joining in on it. Little P.J. was setting on the top and he was singing too, only every once in a while, he would get mad and start trying to kick everybody and fall off and splash around in the water. And they kept it up that way for I dont know how long until I got right tired of it and climbed in the back seat to get some rest, only I couldnt get comfortable there with it so wet and soggy; so I got out again and tried to talk them into going back, but they still wouldnt do it. They whooped and hollered and kept on washing and made quite a racket out of it; and in a little while this car come down the beach shining a spotlight this way and that, only he never thought to shine it out in the water, I guess, and little P.J. wanted to attack it too, so we had to hold him a while. But that didnt stop them neither; as soon as it had passed, they went right back to work again, singing and whistling to themselves.

  So after a while I got right tired of it and said, “Aint yall about ready to go now? We got inspection in the morning and I got to get that latrine all fixed up, and yall got to get your stuff up too because the Colonel . . .”

  But Sergeant King said, “Will, you go on off and leave us alone. You aint doing anything but spoiling everybody’s fun.”

  “But you said that salt water warnt much good for your car nohow and . . .”

  “There aint nothing better for it,” Sergeant King said. “Good for the paint.”

  “Get off your shirt and wash,” Chris said.

  “Yeah,” Sergeant King said. “If you dont want to help, go on back.”

  “I dont mind helping. It’s just that we got to get back for inspection and I was going to fix up the latrine special this time because it might be my last time and . . .”

  “You do that,” Sergeant King said. “You go on back and fix up the latrine. We’re going to wash this car and do it up good.”

  So there warnt any way of talking them out of it. I stood around a bit longer, and took off my shirt and washed for a while too, but I finally got tired of it. And then I tried to talk them into coming on again, but they wouldnt do it, so I finally just left them there. I slipped back across the beach after the car had passed with its spotlight going up and down, hearing them singing and splashing around even three blocks from the place, setting up the worst racket you ever heered in your life.

  16

  So I headed on back to the barracks and started work on the latrine right away. What I done, I took this long piece of wire I had and run it from seat to seat, because they are all in a line, you know, and then I pulled it around to the back of each one so you couldnt see the wire, and then I run it over to the door so I could get a grip on it. I had to hitch it to each seat with tacks under the lid, so it took me quite a while to do it. I guess it was nearly two o’clock when I finished, and Sergeant King and them still warnt in. I figgered they would make it sooner or later though because Sergeant King warnt going to miss an inspection if he could help it, so I went on to bed. And I went to sleep in just a few minutes after that because that’s what mixing a lot of drinks usually does to me. Makes me go to sleep in no time after I get in bed.

  I didnt sleep long, though. I was up again before day and Sergeant King and them still hadnt showed up, and I begun to get a little worried about them. But I had the latrine to clean up, so I went ahead and got the mops and rags and soap and a bucket, and really got it to shining too. I never seen it lo
ok so nice. I was through with it before the rest of them got up, and then I closed the door because I didnt want them in there messing it up none. At first some of them wanted to use it anyhow, but I told them how I had cleaned it up and all; but some of them kept on about it, but after I explained to them what I would do if any of them went in there, they acted real nice about it and went over and used the one next door, all of them but this one fellow who didnt act so decent about it. He come up and kept jabbering about taking medicine of some kind, and I said, “Well, go over next door and take it if you want to,” but he stood there saying, “I already took it, I took it last night. Look, I got to get in there. I mean it!” I tried to explain to him but he got to talking louder and louder about the place next door being all full, and then he got right blue in the face, twisting around and whining and not making much sense at all, so I finally had to shove him away a little bit. And he even kept on it a while after that, but I didnt pay no attention to him, so finally he just started crying and left.

  Anyhow, I begun to get right anxious about Sergeant King and them because I didnt want him to miss how I had fixed up things this time. We went to breakfast and come back and they still warnt there. I went ahead and straightened up their beds for them and made everything square, which was a good bit of work being as I had to keep my eye on the latrine all the time, and when they hadnt showed up after that, I got kind of anxious about it. And then some fellow looked out the window and said he seen the Colonel and the other officers next door, and said, “It wont be long now. They’ll be here next. It’s just too bad about King, I guess.”