by Hamel, B. B.
It’s quickly obvious that he served with many of these men in some capacity. None of them are SEALs, but all of them have been overseas and they all have stories about Abel.
“This man saved my life,” one combat medic recounts. “Damn well killed me doing it, but he saved me from some mortar fire. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
Another tells me a similar story. “We were pinned down and he just… he threw grenades,” the guy says. He looks barely twenty. “Just threw a ton of them. Explosions rocked my teeth, but man, Abel, he just… he kept going.”
I’m pulled through the crowd. Mostly Abel’s laughing and smiling with people. He introduces me to the bride and groom and I’m tempted to ask Rick how he got his nickname, but I get the sense that’s not the most appropriate question in the world.
I’m actually kind of surprised by how popular Abel seems to be. Everyone knows him and everyone wants to talk to him. He’s the center of attention and he seems to bask in it all. He’s smiling, charming, funny, and has a ton of energy.
I keep to the edges of it all mostly, except for when he pulls me in the spotlight. I want to watch him talk to the people to knows though, mostly because I want to get a sense of what kind of man he is.
I know I shouldn’t think this way but I guess I can’t help myself. There’s a part of me that wants to see what kind of man the father of my child actually is. I mean, I know he’s a SEAL so he’s a special sort of person, but I want to know exactly what kind.
It has a lot to do with Nova and what she’ll end up being like… but also I’m wondering if he would make a good dad.
God, I know, I know. It’s so stupid to think that. He doesn’t even know she’s his. For all I know, he’ll find out about her and instantly run away.
I just… don’t think that’ll happen. Something about him says he won’t run from a responsibility, no matter what.
Maybe it’s the way the guys all laugh with him and lean forward to listen when he speaks. Or maybe the endless stories about him saving lives.
“This asshole never left anyone behind,” one of his buddies says, punching him in the arm. “Even when he really should’ve.”
“Should’ve left you,” Abel says, grinning. “Then we’d actually be having fun tonight.”
Roar of laughter. Military men and their black humor, it never gets old.
Still, that’s something I keep hearing, over and over again. Each and every story I hear about him involved Abel doing either something really stupid or really brave, but always really selfless.
After dinner and toasts, the crowd breaks up and ends out on the dance floor. Abel’s left leaning on the bar alone, sipping some whiskey, a smile on his face.
I walk over and sit down next to him. “Having fun?” I ask.
“Not too much.”
“Good.” I smile at him. “You should’ve told me this was a wedding.”
“I know.”
“You said it was a speaking thing.”
He grins at me. “I’m giving a toast later.”
“Really?”
“Sure. Gotta say some words before they cut the cake.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re kidding. Let me guess, you saved his life?”
“Yep.” His grin gets bigger.
“Seriously, Abel, is there a guy in here that you didn’t save?”
He sighs a little bit and looks away. His grin falters and he sips his whiskey.
“They exaggerate,” he says finally. “The shit out there, it’s all chaos, you know? It’s hard to say what’s going on around you. Half the time, these guys think I saved their life when I really just followed orders and made sure they didn’t lie down and shit themselves.”
I smile but I can see there’s something bugging him. “You don’t think you deserve the stories?” I ask.
“No, I really don’t,” he says softly. “I just follow orders. Some of these guys, they think I’m some kind of special hero or some bullshit. Truth is, I was just as scared as they were. I just didn’t stop to think about it.”
I watch him and I can feel a new sense of appreciation for him start to slowly blossom in my chest. This man, this complicated man. He’s not at all what I think he’s going to be. Every time I think I have him pegged, he surprises me.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s dance.”
“You actually dance?”
His grin comes back like it never left. “Of course I do, girl. Come on, let me see you shake that ass.”
He drags me out onto the dance floor and I push all my worries and fears out of my mind.
* * *
The cab drops us off outside my place. I take a deep breath, a huge smile on my face. I feel good, really good. I don’t know why. I’m exhausted and my feet hurt from dancing, but I feel good.
He watches me. “What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Nothing.”
“No, tell me.”
“It’s just, I never thought you’d actually dance.”
He laughs. “What can I say. I’m a man with rhythm.”
“You sure are.”
We walk up my stoop together. I lean against the railing and he leans against the opposite one.
“I had fun,” I say. “Even though you ambushed me with this.”
“Would you have come if I had told you?”
“I guess not.”
“Exactly. So I had to do it.”
“Still unfair.”
“All’s fair in love and war.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Which one is this?”
He smirks and leans forward, coming across the space and pressing himself against me. He kisses me, soft and slow, and I melt into that kiss.
Slowly he breaks off. “Both,” he says softly. “What did you think of my speech earlier?”
“It was good.” I feel a little dazed. I blink up at him, barely able to think.
“Thanks.” He kisses me softly one more time. “I’m going to say goodnight now.”
“Okay,” I say stupidly. “But listen. We still need to go over that interview.”
He laughs sharply. “Shit. I forgot about that.”
Truthfully, I had too right up until this moment. “When can we do it?”
“I can come by tomorrow.”
I nod once. “Okay. After work maybe?”
“Sounds good.” One last kiss and he turns away. “Be good, little Lily,” he says as he walks off into the night.
I stand there staring off after him, not sure what to think.
I learned a lot about Abel tonight. He’s popular, well-loved by all the guys he’s served with. That says a lot about him. But also he’s complicated. He has mixed feelings about that adoration.
He wants to own it and deserve it. But there’s always a nagging doubt in his mind…
A healthy nagging doubt.
He comes off so cocky, but maybe he’s not as cocky as he seems.
I smile to myself and step into my place, shutting the door behind me.
9
Abel
I know surprising Lily with a damn wedding was probably a bad idea, but she seemed to have fun.
And besides, I wanted her to see a different part of me. The only thing she knows about me is the whole SEAL thing. She knows me as a one-night stand, a guy out on the Navy charity tour, all that stuff. She doesn’t know me in a social setting.
True, I brought her to a military wedding, but still. I wanted her to see another aspect of me.
I think she got a glimpse of it. Sometimes I wish the guys wouldn’t tell all those stories, but it’s their story to tell. If they want to talk about it, they can talk about it.
I just don’t feel like a hero. Never did and I doubt I ever will.
Hearing those stories did make me miss being out in the shit a little bit. Sometimes I close my eyes at night and dream about being out there again, about the fear and the adrenaline, about the firefights and the fear. I dream about it all and I wak
e up in a cold sweat and I realize something important.
None of that is fun. Maybe I miss it, but that’s the crazy part of me. Being out there isn’t fun.
It’s work, hard work, dangerous work. Plenty of good men I know died out there and won’t ever tell a story about me saving their life. I failed plenty of times, as many times as I pulled off the impossible.
But here I am, still alive, still breathing. And I gotta be happy about that.
It’s a nice evening when I pull my motorcycle up in front of Lily’s place. I’m a few minutes early but I didn’t have anything going on today. I hesitate and think about going around the block a few times until it’s closer to time, but the door to her place slowly opens and I feel rooted to the ground.
I slowly take off my helmet as Lily comes out of her house, followed by a little girl. “Hold my hand,” Lily says, helping the toddler down the steps. The little girl’s just starting to walk so she’s still unsteady, but my god, it’s the cutest thing.
“Okay, ready? Feet first, there you go.” Lily helps the girl down the steps, holding her hands.
She stops when she reaches the bottom and they both look up at me. I’m still on my bike and I’m staring at them with something caught in my throat.
I have to clear it as I slowly get off my bike. The look of pure horror on Lily’s face just confirms what I’ve suspected this whole time.
I smile down at the little girl. “Are you Nova?” I ask.
She clings to her mom’s leg. Lily laughs uncomfortably, getting herself together. “Go ahead and say hi,” she says.
“Hi,” the little girl squeals but she doesn’t leave her mother’s protection.
“She’s in a shy phase,” Lily says, scooping Nova up into her arms.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I say to the little girl.
“I was just taking her over to my mom’s. Mind waiting here for me?”
“That’s cool,” I say, clearing my throat again.
She gives me a look and forces a smile. “Okay. Be right back.”
She carries Nova away, a big diaper bag on her back. Nova watches me over her mom’s shoulder until they cross the street and head down the next block, disappearing into another building.
I sit down on the stoop and I think I might throw up or cry or both.
That’s my daughter. God damn, that’s my daughter.
I’ve been suspicious for a while. I mean, ever since she told me about her, really. I saw the pictures in her house and I thought I could make out a resemblance, but…
Seeing the girl in person confirms it.
That’s my daughter.
She has my eyes, the same eyes. And my nose. And my chin. Fucking shit, she looks like my goddamn mom a little bit, too.
Which means I think I might look like my mom too.
Oh, fuck.
I put my head in my hands and breathe. I gotta get it together. I can’t let Lily know that I know, not yet at least. I need her to tell me the truth. I don’t know how else to do it other than asking straight up who the girl’s dad is.
I have myself together more or less when Lily comes back.
“Sorry about that,” she says, looking nervous. “You’re a little early.”
“Yeah,” I grunt. “Didn’t mean to get in the way.”
“No, it’s totally fine.” She forces a smile. “Come on in.”
I follow her inside. She leads me into the kitchen and takes out a bottle of white wine. “Drink?” she asks.
“Sure.”
She pours two glasses and takes a big gulp. I can tell she’s nervous.
I’m nervous too. Shit, I’m really nervous.
“Cute kid,” I say.
“Thanks. She’s growing up fast.”
“I hear they do that.”
She smiles. “You wouldn’t believe it. The days are short but the years are fast. An afternoon feels like forever but looking back, it was all just a heartbeat.”
I grunt and nod. “I know what you mean. That’s how all my tours seem. Forever at the time, but looking back…” I shrug.
“Yeah. Weird how it happens.” She trails off, looking away.
“So are you and her dad close?”
She winces. “Uh, not really.”
“He’s not in her life?”
“No, he’s not.”
“How’d you two meet?”
“I’d rather not talk about this,” she says quickly. She walks over to the table and grabs a small stack of papers, dropping it in front of me. “Here, this is the interview. Read it over.”
I can’t meet her gaze. She dodged the question about Nova’s father so expertly and so hard that I thought her head might start spinning.
No doubt. No doubt in my mind anymore.
I try to read the interview but it’s all bullshit and I just don’t care anyway. She sits next to me, sipping her wine, clearly distracted.
I want to just ask her. Fuck, I want to push her. Make her tell me the truth.
But god damn. She didn’t tell me for a reason, right? She doesn’t want me involved with this little girl, and I can’t exactly blame her.
I’m a Navy SEAL. My life is expendable. I’m owned by Uncle Sam and she knows it. I can get called into action at any moment.
Except…
I remember the conversation with Commander Bailey. He offered me the promotion, but he didn’t force it on me.
He could have. He easily could have promoted me on the spot and told me to report to base. I wouldn’t have fought him and he knows it.
No, he gave me a choice because he knows what it means to take over a SEAL Team. He wants me to do it because I want to do it.
I can choose. For the first time in my life, I can choose.
I look at Lily and she smiles at me. “How is it?” she asks.
“Honestly?” I cock my head and lean toward her. “I’m not reading it.”
She opens her mouth to rebuke me but I lean forward, take her hair, and kiss her.
Whatever complaint she had is instantly swallowed by the kiss. I don’t know where it comes from or how I can make this happen but it feels so good I can’t stop myself. It feels so good to kiss her, even if she didn’t tell me about my daughter.
None of it matters. I have a daughter. I know I have a daughter.
And this is the mother of that daughter. She’s also the woman I want.
And I have a choice. I can choose my destiny, my fate, my future.
I kiss her harder and I know what I have to do.
10
Lily
I’m a mess of nerves and worry and confusion.
He saw Nova. He saw her, right there, up close. And I saw the recognition in his eyes.
He knows. He has to know.
I don’t know what to do. We go inside and I pretend like it’s all good but I’m freaking out inside. I drink wine just to try and calm myself but of course that doesn’t work. He seems totally sure of himself, like nothing just happened, but this is my worst nightmare. I shouldn’t have brought him here. I just thought I had plenty of time.
This was a mistake. God, I’m so stupid. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him.
But here we are anyway. He saw her and now he knows and now…
I guess it doesn’t matter. As soon as he kisses me, all those thoughts disappear. All I can think about in that moment, during that very first kiss, is how he was at the wedding.
He was charming, he was kind, he was funny. People loved him. Hell, they looked up to him.
I thought that was the kind of man I’d want as the father to my daughter.
I didn’t want it to happen this way. I didn’t want any of this to happen.
But he’s here and he’s kissing me and god, I can’t stop it anymore.
He pushes the papers away and stands. He pulls me over to him and lifts me up onto the table. I gasp as he pulls me tight against him and I wrap my legs around his hips. I kiss him hard as his tongue r
olls against my tongue and I let out a moan despite myself.
He lifts off my shirt, practically tearing it free. He’s wild and rough and my heart’s beating so fast. He lets out a growl as he kisses my neck and tears my bra off my body.
He teases my breasts hard, biting my nipples. I gasp and lean back on the table as he lifts my ass up and tugs my jeans off. I bite my lip while he kisses my stomach and drops to his knees, pulling me to the edge of my table.
He’s not wasting any time and god, I love it. He’s taking what he wants.
I moan and roll my hips as he pushes my panties aside and starts to suck and lick me. He’s not holding back this time, not taking it slow. I moan and whisper his name and he tongues me faster, rolling it inside and back up to my clit.
I arch my back and grab his hair in my fist. I push him harder against my dripping pussy and whisper his name. “Oh, shit, Abel,” I moan. “Keep going.”
He growls and doesn’t slow down. He pushes two fingers deep inside of me and looks up. “You think I’m about to stop after I’ve gotten a taste? You don’t know me very well then.”
I gasp as he pushes his fingers hard and deep, fucking me with them. I can feel my breasts shake with every thrust of his hand. He goes back to licking my clit while he fucks me with his fingers. It feels so good and I’ll do anything to keep him going.
He teases me, licking my pussy top to bottom, lapping me up. “I love your damn taste,” he growls as his fingers sink deep. “Come here.”
He stands and kisses me. I can taste my pussy on his lips as he fucks me with his fingers faster, curling them to hit my spot. I gasp into his kiss and he drops back down to lick me again, faster this time. He’s starving and messy and god, it feels so good.
He pulls back and drags me off the table. I drop to my knees as he pulls off his shirt. I unbuckle his belt and get his jeans down before pulling off his boxer briefs. I don’t waste any time, I take his cock in my mouth and swallow him as best I can.
He groans and grabs my hair. “Fuck, girl,” he gasps. “I love seeing my cock disappear in that pretty mouth of yours. You know how good that feels?”
