by Hamel, B. B.
I shake my head and suck him faster. He groans and I love hearing that from him. I love making him feel good.
“That pretty little tongue feels incredible sliding up and down my big dick. I don’t know how you fit so much of me in that little throat but I love it.”
I gag and pull back, gasping and stroking him. He leans down and kisses me before pulling me up to my feet and turning me around. He bends me over the table and spanks my ass hard. I let out a gasp as he teases my pussy with his fingers.
He drops to his knees and licks me top to bottom from behind, ass to pussy, tasting every inch before coming back up again. He rolls his cock up and down my slit then sinks himself deep between my legs.
I let out a low, deep moan, the sort of noise an animal in heat makes. That’s what I am, an animal, and I need to be fucked right now. I need it so badly I can barely control myself as he sinks himself deeper and deeper into my pussy.
I roll my hips and he spanks me hard, grabbing onto my hair. He pulls it and kisses my neck. He’s such a big man and I know he can easily take me right now, dominate me, use me however he needs. I love the thought, it drives me absolutely wild as I push back against him and take his cock all the way.
He groans. “Every time you get tighter,” he whispers. “I don’t know how. Your pussy drives me wild, girl. I need every single inch of your beautiful, tight body.”
“Yes,” I moan. “Take it all.”
He thrusts up inside of me nice and hard. He slaps my ass again and I know I’ll have a little bruise there tomorrow. But I don’t care right now.
I want it rough and fast. That’s what I need from him and I know he’s willing. I moan and he gives it to me deeper and deeper, fucking me rough and hard and I gasp, letting out moans and groans. I roll my hips and push back against him as he grabs my hips and fucks me hard.
He teases my breasts and kisses my neck. “Every day I think about this pussy,” he whispers. “You’re tight, wet, perfect. This is the kind of pussy that could keep a man alive out in the desert. I can’t dream up a cunt better than this.”
I groan and I love it when he talks dirty. “Keep going.”
“You want more? You want this big fucking dick?” He strokes harder, grabbing my hair tight and pulling it. “You want to take me deep and rough inside. You can’t help yourself. You’re just a dirty girl begging for my big, fat cock. You love taking it, don’t you? You want to come on my fat dick.”
“Oh, god, yes,” I gasp. “Please.”
He rips into me, not slowing down. He lets out a growl, more animal than normal. He’s hitting it just right, his cock thrusting and rolling and diving deep between my legs, hitting me just where I need it. I gasp in pure pleasure and push back against him, bucking my hips.
He lets me do some work, riding back along his length. “Look at that ass,” he groans. “Perfect and round. And that cunt’s made for me. It’s like heaven being deep between your legs, girl.”
I gasp and we’re both sweating now as he takes over again. He thrusts harder, pulling my hair back, kissing my lips nice and hard. I love his tongue in my mouth as his cock fills me to the brim.
He doesn’t slow down, doesn’t hold back. I need it and I need it bad. He fucks me deep and hard and I love his breath on my neck, his sweat mixing with my own on my skin. His cock fills me to the brim and I’m riding so high I feel like I might never come down.
But it builds and builds and he keeps going, wild and rough. “Come on, girl,” he growls. “You want this dick? You want to fucking come for me?”
“Yes,” I gasp, nearly a scream. “Oh, fuck, yes. Don’t stop.”
“You better fucking come for me, girl. You better come on this dick.”
“Please,” I moan and he keeps ripping into me, not slowing, not holding back.
My orgasm rides through me, an explosion in every inch of my skin. It’s heaven as my eyes roll back and my hands clench the table until the knuckles turn white. He doesn’t slow down as he rips into me and I’m vaguely aware of him tensing then filling me up with his own orgasm.
I gasp for breath and slam forward as his cum fills me. Slowly we finish together, sweating and dripping and gasping for breath, both buzzing in pleasure. I can barely think as I slowly pull forward and turn around to lean against the table. I’m panting and he’s panting and I can’t help but smile.
“Shit,” I say.
“What?” he asks, smiling back.
“You made a mess.”
He follows my gaze. The interview is scattered all over the floor, completely out of order now.
We both laugh. I don’t know why. It’s not really that funny. But for some reason, the orgasms, the rough sex, the feeling of release, it just all seems so funny right now in this moment.
I can’t help it. We both laugh and he ends up kissing me again.
I let him do it. I let the father of my daughter do it.
I know he knows. Now it’s just time to wait and see what we’re going to do about it.
11
Abel
I meet Commander Bailey in the same coffee shop. He’s wearing cargo shorts and a gray t-shirt. He hasn’t shaved since I saw him last and his beard’s mostly gray.
“Sailor,” he greets me as I sit down across from him.
“Sir.”
We don’t salute. Civilians always think that’s weird.
“How goes things?” he asks casually.
“Good, sir.”
“Have you thought about our last conversation, son?”
I hesitate. I look down at the floor and for a second, I think I’m making a mistake.
I’ve been a SEAL my whole life but I only realized I’m also a father yesterday. I’m making a huge decision here. I know Lily doesn’t want me in her daughter’s life and I have to respect that.
I slowly look back up at the man that’s saved my life countless times, the man that taught me everything I know.
“Sir, I think I want to stay here.”
He doesn’t react. It’s like I didn’t just break his heart.
“Are you sure?” he asks flatly.
“Yes, sir,” I say. I stare down at the floor again, unable to meet his gaze.
All that hope, all that work. I’m failing him and I hate myself for it.
But I’m a father. I have new responsibilities that I can’t run from. I know. Lily hasn’t told me yet and might not want me in Nova’s life but it doesn’t matter. I’m going to be there for my daughter no matter what. She’ll see, it’s for the best. Even if Lily doesn’t want me, I can still be a father to my little girl.
“Tell me what changed,” he commands.
“Sir,” I say, looking up. “I have a daughter, sir.”
He lets out a sigh. “I see.”
“Sir, it wasn’t planned. I just… found out recently, sir.”
“A daughter, huh.” Bailey picks up his coffee and sips it. He puts it down and adjusts the cup until it’s just so. “What’s her name?”
“Nova, sir.”
“Good name.”
“I didn’t choose it, sir. But I like it too.”
“Her mother. You like the mother?”
I nod once. “I do, sir. Very much so.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Love her?”
I don’t even hesitate. “Yes, sir.”
“Good.” He smiles. It looks almost strange on his face. “Then you’d better stay.”
I let out a breath of relief. He could still order me to take the promotion and we both know I’d do it. If he forced me, I’d become the man he groomed me to be. I’d be damn good at it and I’d never look back.
But he gave me a choice and this is what I need. “Thank you, sir.”
He nods once. “I’ll find someone else. Ramirez might be a good choice.”
“He would be very good, sir.”
“I’m glad you approve.” His smile disappears. “You’re making the right call, son.”
I blink, surpri
sed. “You’re not angry?”
“Angry?” He barks a laugh. “Hell, I wish I got out years ago. You’ve got a girl and a daughter, something to live for. You’ve got a life here if you want it. The fucking military can’t be your home forever, son. Just look at me.”
I shake my head. “You’re not so bad, sir.”
“You have no clue,” he says softly. “Listen, you have a chance.” He leans toward me. “Get out and stay out. Go to your girl. Never look back.”
I meet his gaze and nod slowly. “Yes, sir.”
“Good.” He leans back and sighs. “I’ll pull some strings, get you stationed here. Maybe you can keep doing some civilian bullshit outreach, we’ll see.” He gives me another smile. “Good luck, son.”
“Sir.” I push back from the table and snap a salute. “Thank you, sir.”
He nods and salutes back. “Now get out of my sight.”
I turn and I leave that coffee shop, feeling like a weight’s finally been lifted.
I don’t know what I’ll be if I’m not a SEAL. I’ve never tried to be anything else. But here I am, finally free of it, and I feel…
God, I feel good.
I don’t know what I’ll be in the future. But for the first time, I know I have a future at least. No more missions, no more risking my life. I have a future and a daughter.
That’s the best thing I could ever hope for.
* * *
I meet Lily outside her office during her lunch break. She smiles warily at me. “It sounded urgent on the phone,” she says.
I nod. “I’m staying here,” I say.
She laughs a little. “Uh, okay. What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not going to be deployed overseas ever again.”
She stops laughing and stares at me. “What are you talking about?”
I sit down on the steps to her building and she sits next to me. People rush past, totally oblivious.
“My commanding officer offered me a promotion a week ago. I wasn’t sure at the time, but today I was sure. I turned him down.”
“Turned him… down?” She looks surprised. “Why would you do that?”
“If I took it, I’d be overseas for a very long time. I wouldn’t be able to see my daughter grow up.”
She stares at me, a mingled look of surprise and anger on her face before she takes a breath and calms herself.
“I was wondering when you’d mention that.”
“Is it true?” I ask softly.
She can’t meet my gaze. “Does it matter?” she asks. “You don’t know her. We don’t even know each other. We had one night in India and I came home and you didn’t. That’s all we need to know, right?”
I shake my head. “No. I’m here now and we’ve had more than just India.”
She still can’t look at me. “You’re a SEAL. Disappearing is what you do.”
“I’m done with that.”
“How can you be sure? You do what they tell you to do.”
I let out a little frustrated growl. “That’s true, but it’s different.”
“Is it?” She finally looks up at me. “What if you go away again? And that little girl, she thinks…” She stops herself before she says it. “I can’t risk that. You have to see that, right? She’s been fine without a father and she’ll keep being fine.”
“She’s my daughter,” I say.
Lily just shrugs and stands. “I’m sorry, Abel. I just… she’s my daughter. I can’t take the risk.”
“Lily.”
She turns her back on me. It feels like a knife in the chest.
I passed over my life for her. I gave up everything and she’s acting like she can’t trust me.
I don’t… I don’t know what to do.
She walks away. I watch her go, still sitting there like a fucking idiot.
She walks away and I feel like my whole life is torn from my body, everything gone, everything.
12
Lily
Roger looks at me over his glasses with a little frown on his lips. He doesn’t speak right away and I can barely even meet his gaze.
I just keep seeing Abel’s face as I walked away from him.
“This is good,” Roger says. “Really good.”
“Thanks,” I say. Normally that sort of praise would lift me up, but right now, nothing’s going to help.
“You like this guy, don’t you?”
My frown deepens. “Excuse me?”
“It’s obvious from the piece.” He clears his throat and reads. “‘Abel’s hard eyes shine as he tells story after story about his comrades, about saving their lives, about being saved in return, and I know that America is in good hands.’ That’s some high praise.”
I shrug a little. “It’s true. Abel is just… that kind of guy.”
Roger nods. “Well, it’s a good interview and a nice little story. We’re going to run it.”
“Great.”
He hesitates a second. “You don’t seem excited.”
“No, I am excited. Very excited.” I force a smile on my face. “Thank you.”
“Get back to your desk and back to work.” He waves me away, already picking up another paper and starting to read.
I stand and head back to my desk like a zombie. I can barely think or breathe or move or do anything but see his face, over and over again.
He knows about Nova. I knew it, I could tell, it was obvious. But hearing him say it out loud…
It broke something in me. It made me realize that the most important thing in this world is my daughter. No matter what I do, I have to put her first.
Even if I want to spend all my time with this amazing man that came back into my life, I can’t do it. Even if I want to throw myself at him, give myself to him, make him the center of my world, I can’t.
I already have a center. That’s Nova, my love, my baby girl.
I hate myself for it a little bit. I hate that I’m weak and pathetic enough to want this man despite everything. But I am a little proud that I managed to turn him down.
I spend the rest of the day in a fog. I do what needs doing but I don’t feel any of it. I’m watching myself from a distance, wondering if I’ll ever find someone like Abel again.
It’s all so broken and messed up.
Around five, as I’m gathering my stuff, I get a call from my mom. “Hi, sweetie,” she says. “Listen, small thing.”
“What’s up, mom?”
“There’s a man sitting on your stoop. No big deal, but I think I’ve seen him around before. Is this your boyfriend?”
I blink rapidly. “Describe him.”
And she does, she describes Abel perfectly. “He’s handsome,” she says with a little laugh.
“Mom, keep Nova at your place, okay?”
“What’s wrong?” she asks, hearing the edge in my tone.
“Just keep her inside, okay? Please.”
“Okay, sweetie. Should I… call the police?”
“No,” I say quickly. “No, it’s nothing like that. I’ll handle it. Okay?”
“You know where I am. Just call if you need me.”
“I will. Thanks, Mom, I love you.”
“Love you too, sweetie.”
She hangs up but I can tell she’s worried. I can’t blame her, she probably thinks I’m a psycho. But I don’t want Nova to go around him. I don’t know what he’ll do.
I don’t think he’d hurt her, of course. I’m more afraid he’ll introduce himself to her and confuse her.
I grab my things and leave in a hurry. Normally I’d take the subway to a station near home and walk the rest of the way but today I flag a cab. He drives me back and as we sit in traffic around City Hall, my knee’s shaking up and down and I can barely keep myself calm.
Finally though, we get to my place. I spot Abel right away, sitting on the stoop. He watches me carefully as I get out of the cab.
“Abel,” I say.
He stands, raising his hands. He’s holding a pie
ce of paper up.
“Listen,” he says quickly. “I know you made yourself clear earlier. But I think this might change your mind.”
I frown at him as the cab pulls away. He’s wearing his black jacket, his dark jeans. He looks effortless and cool and gorgeous and it hurts so badly that I have to send him away again.
For my daughter, not for me.
He walks up to me, holding out the paper.
“What is this?” I ask.
“Read it,” he says softly.
I take it from him. It looks like a letter on official military stationary. The paper’s heavy with a watermark, so I’m pretty sure it’s real.
As I read, I realize that these are official written orders. It’s broken down into five sections and it’s written in military-speak, so it takes me a second to understand what I’m actually reading.
He watches me the whole time. I look up slowly and meet his gaze. “What is this?” I ask, although I think I know. I try not to let hope blossom in my chest.
“Those are orders I received this morning from my commanding officer,” he says softly.
“You’re… they’re keeping you here?”
He nods slowly. “He gave me a choice, and I chose this.” He steps closer. “I chose you.”
I stare at him, barely able to understand. “You’re not going anywhere?”
“No,” he says. “I’m never going anywhere again. I’ll be the liaison to the something or other, some fancy title, but I’ll be in the city. I’ll be doing speaking engagements.”
“Recruitment?” I ask.
“Something like that.” He stands close to me now and takes the paper from my hand. “You need to understand something.”
I look up at him and feel that hope fully break free. I hate myself for how weak I am but god, I can’t help it.
“What?” I whisper.
“I love you, Lily. I love you and I know that Nova is our daughter. I want to be here for you, for both of you. Maybe you’re not ready for me to be her father or even in her life, and I’m okay with that. We can take it as slowly as you want. But I’m not going anywhere, you hear me? Because I love you and I want you.”
