by N. M. Black
Bea killed her brother, who also happened to be her best friend and neighbor, to save my life, and if she doesn’t want to remember, I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that she doesn’t. Who am I to judge her and how she chooses to live? I will do laps around this whole fucking city to get this woman a shot of vodka, if that’s what she wants. Whatever it takes to erase the look of pain and sadness that lines her eyes when she glances at me.
I never understood how she had something that was more important than survival during the apocalypse, but now I see that it wasn’t more important than survival, but this was the only way she is surviving.
“We have one more stop,” Bea says cautiously as if I don’t already realize this. I know we have one more stop, and I dread this stop the most.
The hospital.
We try to stop at a medical facility of some sort to get whatever we can on every run, but no matter how much I plan it out, we always end up running for our lives.
I’ve mapped out the floor plan of this hospital and memorized it, same as every other medical facility for miles. I managed to download the basic layout online. There are still some sources of internet and electricity that run throughout the city. Satellites weren’t affected, only those who controlled them.
With no one to govern it, it’s basically a never-ending supply if you can tap into it correctly. I’ve had some outside help with that, not that I would tell anyone, but now we have access to a lot of things still available on the internet that can help us create a new life. Blueprints and how to’s have come in extremely handy since the outbreak.
Sobering my thoughts and remembering what I came in for, I make my way through a narrow corridor to the supply closet in the hospital to gather the items from the small wishlist Dr. Tanner sent. Thanks to Rowan’s crew, I make it in with no issues and begin loading my bag with as much as I can carry, starting with the most important.
Dr. Tanner had asked for a few larger pieces but we don’t have the room to spare on this haul. We needed more food and clothing than ever due to all the new members of the community and this winter has been extra harsh on everyone.
I have all I can take and make my way back down the narrow corridor to the parking lot where Bea is waiting for me. She’s no slouch on our runs but these hospital trips are dangerous and sketchy in the best of times, and she isn’t as fast as she used to be. We need to have one driver and the other one to go fetch. It’s the only way we can guarantee one of us always makes it back with the haul.
It’s eerie walking through deserted places like this when you know it used to be so loud and full of commotion, but the only thing that greets you is silence. Even the smallest of noises echo off the walls with nothing to absorb it, so when a large crash comes from behind you, there is no mistaking that you’re no longer alone.
I freeze but only for a brief second before my fight or flight reflexes kick back in. I just need to make it out of the building and I’m free from there. I do not need to fight anything or anyone off right now when we are this close to going home. Coming face to face with a human is almost as bad as coming face to face with a zombie as of late.
I pick up my speed without making too much sound and keep my back to the wall as I make my way through as fast as humanly possible. My heart pounds through my chest as panic tries to set in, but I fight it off knowing I won’t make it out alive if I lose focus.
I come around the corner almost crashing into a horde of z’s that are circling something, but I don’t stop to see if I caught their attention. I spin on my heel and take off in the other direction towards where I hope Bea is waiting and ready to take off.
Crashing through the side door, I dart in the direction of the truck I can see idling about 100 metres away, when out of nowhere a tank comes at me followed by a sprinter. I stumble slightly in shock at its immense size and try to determine my odds of survival right now.
I don’t have to think long before a shot sounds off and hits the tank in the leg, dropping it to its knees, and upping my chance of survival. Marginally.
Tanks are practically invincible. It’s skin nearly impenetrable and gunshots usually don’t kill it, so by shooting its legs, you at least give yourself a running chance.
Forgetting about its extended reach, it grabs my ankle, tripping me up and throwing me off balance knocking me to the winter landscape. I let go of the bag of supplies and crash unceremoniously to the hard snow and ice, cutting my hands and the side of my face in the process.
Fuck that hurts.
I don’t have time to dwell on my road rash, -ice rash?- and lurch to my feet, but not quickly enough. The sprinter hits me like a linebacker and takes me back to the ground forcing the rest of the air from my lungs in a cloud of smoke. He lunges forward, jaws open and clamps down on my shoulder. Hard. The force of his bite makes me scream out, but he doesn’t breach my leathers.
Not today, Satan.
I shove him off of me as hard as I can and Bea takes the kill shot, right between the eyes. I don’t hesitate as I scramble to my feet and run towards the truck, stumbling through the heavy drifts, leaving all the medical supplies behind.
Fuck! All that for nothing.
After we drive for about fifteen minutes, and my heart comes back to a normal pace, I pull down the passenger side mirror and scan the damage on my face. Large jagged cuts pull from the side of my cheek and down my neck. Some start as high as my eyebrow and cut across my face, marring its once flawless appearance. My blond hair is matted to my skin and tinted red from the blood.
Bea clears her throat and I already know the question before she even asks it, but know it’s necessary nonetheless. “You bit girl?”
I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “No, I wasn’t bit. Thank fu—” Her head snaps my way so I correct myself quickly before earning a cuff upside the head. “Thank-fully...I wear my leathers. Nothing pierces the skin through these and the cold weather only aids it.” I smirk, feeling proud that I pulled off my cover-up.
“Mhmmm.” Bea just shakes her head in disapproval. She knows what I was going to say, but out of respect, I try not to curse around her. Same as you wouldn’t drop the F bomb in front of your grandmother.
“Here, wipe your face. You’ve got some pretty deep gashes.” She says while handing me a lemon-scented wet wipe that’s probably been in her purse since the 80s. No joke. Although granted, they have come in pretty damn handy on quite a few of our “shopping” trips.
“I hate to say it, but we may have to find another medical facility to get some of that stuff the doc asked for. And now to patch you up. Jesus girl, I can’t take you anywhere.” She finishes while shaking her head and mumbling. I thought I heard something about he’s gonna kill me when he sees your face, but I really can’t be sure.
We make it back to the compound without any other instances, including our unscheduled extra medical stop. With my hands and face all bandaged I definitely look worse than I feel, but can’t take the chance of infection nowadays. Due to my current state, I had to give driving privileges to Bea, which in turn took us an extra day to get home. Bea hates driving, especially in the winter, and now that we have to plow our way through the snow, she is even less fond of it.
With my hands like this, it will give me extra time to map and document everything that happened on this trip. This is the first time I’ve come in contact with a tank anywhere near the city like that. I’m gonna have to message Rowan immediately to extra take precautions in the city confines, and let him know I didn’t get the supplies this time for his group. He doesn’t have a huge community like we do, but he has a small group that has taken control of an apartment building on the outskirts of the city, with limited outside access.
If we’re getting these breeds this close, it won’t take long before they’re making their way north to our neck of the woods. I will also have to let Lochlan know what I encountered so he and the security team are prepared. Granted, we seem to have less z’s in the winter, but the we
ather will be changing soon enough and that makes traveling easier. For both zombies and humans alike. And sometimes, one is no better than the other.
As we pull up to the gates of the compound, I can practically feel the tension looming over the area like a heavy fog. More men than normal are posted out front, and I’ve seen tire tracks for what looks to be a lot of vehicles coming and going. Recently. We’ve only been gone a few days, but something is different. I can feel it.
We nod to everyone as we drive through our makeshift town and head towards the warehouse drop off when we see Lochlan loading up an ATV with equipment.
“That can’t be good if he’s taking fencing material.” Bea points out quietly, and I couldn’t agree more. It either means we had a fence breach or he is having to cage something to keep from the rest of the population. Either way, he looks pissed to be doing whatever it is he is having to do and I make a mental note to steer clear of him for a while.
Lochlan is the head of our security here, and rightfully so. He’s ex-military, strong, impenetrable and downright ruthless. He can make the call most others can’t; the choice of life or death. People call him an asshole -and don’t get me wrong, he is- but for the wrong reasons.
When the outbreak started, no one was safe out there, no matter who you were. No matter how much firepower you thought you had, there were always more infected. Their numbers supersede ours by hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, and it grows daily making humanity the minority. He is the one who approves all new community members and deems those worthy and removes those who are not. Just because you show up here looking for refuge, doesn’t mean you’ll get to stay.
He seems to have this ability to sense people’s intentions and I’ve witnessed first hand how on point his intuition is. He has saved us all, countless times over by making those types of calls, so when Lochlan makes a call on behalf of our community’s safety, I for one stand behind it faultlessly.
Watching the gates of the warehouse roll up, I can’t help the small burst of butterflies that set flight in my stomach at the chance of seeing Chris. I know he was a dick to me before I left, but after what happened on our run, I could use a little of his tyrannical behaviour right now. I’m almost positive that makes me a masochist, but the desire to be near him is there nonetheless.
However, it’s Dante that stands in the empty space smiling, and waving us through to offload instead. The truck barely has time to slow before he is ripping open my door to no doubt give me a bear hug and raz me for something. These boys are like the brothers I never had, and the ones I wished I could have been given. Instead, I was blessed with foster brothers who enjoyed a more physical approach to their torture. One that left emotional scars instead of visible evidence.
The door being pulled open rips me from my wayward thoughts, revealing my current condition to Dante and he stops dead in his assault, freezing mid-air with a concerned and shocked expression.
Bea and I have been doing these runs for what seems like forever, and never have I returned in a condition quite this bad. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had runs-ins and injuries before, but none that have looked as bad as my current wounds.
My hands look like lobster claws wrapped in thick gauze with a matching headdress to stanch the bleeding until we could make it back. It didn’t seem bad at the time, the cold weather slowing the bleeding, but after I warmed up a bit in the truck, the gash on my head and the multitude of cuts across my palms, wrists and face began to drip uncontrollably. Realistically, I could probably have used a few stitches, but I think the time frame for repair has lapsed.
“What the fuck happened?!” His shout echoed throughout the massive warehouse-like building, garnering everyone’s attention within it. His hands come up to cradle my head and he begins to tilt it gently back and forth, surveying the damage and acting as though he’s searching for the culprit in its confines.
“She’s fine! Now somebody help my old ass out of this godforsaken truck! I've been stuck in it sober, for two days too many,” Bea demands, thankfully not making a big deal out of my injuries and drawing more attention to herself than me. But Dante doesn’t take the bait and levels me with a hard stare.
“It looks worse than it is. Honest,” I say while holding up the symbol for scout’s honor. Or at least I think it is. Shit, I could be showing the international sign for the shocker for all I know, but he seems to accept it either way.
“Seriously Luce, what happened?” His true concern evident in his voice now as he watches me closely.
“Just a small run-in with a tank and a sprinter when we tried to get some of the hospital supplies. Which is also why we weren’t able to get as much this time around.” My voice sad at my own admission, because everyone counts on us to provide the things they need most and I failed.
It doesn’t happen often, but it bothers me more than it should when it does. I’ve never had anyone rely or depend on me before coming here, and something inside me thrives off it. So when it does happen, I always make sure to get twice as much on the next run, but it doesn’t lessen the guilt when someone suffers or goes without because I wasn’t able to get it.
“I think you should go see Dr. Tanner right away, just to be safe. Lord knows we don’t need your crazy ass running around all hopped up on the Z.” He laughs at his own words, instantly lightening the dark territory our conversation was heading.
“I’m fine, honest—” But he holds his hand up to cut off any protest I might have about going to get checked out, and truth be told, he’s right. I did a pretty decent cleanup job, but that doesn’t mean I’m in the clear. So rather than argue a losing battle, I just nod in mock defeat.
“Fine! Can you at least back up and help me down so that I can go see Dr. T?”
Dante’s big hands grab me under the arms and help lift me out of the truck and plants my feet on the concrete floor. He reaches up and grabs my backpack that I never go anywhere without and loops it over my shoulder.
“Hurry on over to the clinic Luce, you’ll want to be seen sooner rather than later.” He finishes with a small smile that seems just a little too cheery for telling me to go to the hospital, but I ignore it as he seems to have his attention pulled elsewhere.
I scan the warehouse one last time to see if I can see Chris, but I come up empty-handed, so I make my way to the clinic across the community square, furthest from the gates.
When I step inside, my senses are invaded by the pungent smell of cleaner and sickness. The need to gag is overwhelming and I have to breathe through my mouth a few times to choke it down. I hate hospitals and everything about them. I spent way too much time in them as a child, that the only thing stepping in here does is bring back terrifying memories that will take me weeks to rid myself of.
When Heidi sees me and my state of injury she jumps to her feet and comes rushing forward, her arms outstretched, but seems to realize her mistake and stops a few feet in front of me.
“Have you been bitten child?” she asks quietly as though it will be our little secret if I were.
“No, I’m not bitten, just stumbled while trying to get away.” I see her face pale at my words and that’s the kiddy version of what happened. I could just imagine the hissy fit she would have if she heard the reality of the situation.
“It looks worse than it really is, I promise.” I try to reassure her as much as possible but I can tell she ain’t buying it. She’s been working as a nurse since the seventies, I bet she’s heard and seen more stories and lies than I could ever hope to dream up, so I don’t even try.
“Well, come here and give us a hug, love. It’s always nice to see you, even if it is under these circumstances. We don’t get many people visiting when they aren’t sick,” she says it so solemnly, that I make a mental note to bring her some baked goods or something and visit her while I’m home. Just because.
After she’s done showering me with affection, which I enjoy too much, she brings me back to an examination room, passing many em
pty ones along the way. However, there is one that isn’t empty and the person occupying it is not someone I recognize.
As I get closer, I try to peek in but at the last second I catch a glimpse of Chris sitting next to her bed, laughing along with her.
Who is this woman and why is Chris with her? Why are they laughing?
I can feel my thoughts begin to spiral out of control and jealousy begin to take hold at the sight of Chris sitting with a strange woman. A woman I’ve never met. A woman he can’t have known long. A woman that isn’t me.
I know we aren’t together and I don’t have any claim on him, but it doesn’t lessen the pain at seeing how carefree he is with her. How he doesn’t seem tense or irritated like he does around me. No, he seems to enjoy being in her presence, unlike any time we’ve spent together.
As though he sensed my scrutiny, his head turns and locks his eyes on mine, causing me to stumble ever so slightly.
“Oh no love, are you okay?” Heidi asks, concerned that my stumble has more to do with my state of health as opposed to my state of sanity. If only she knew how not ok I really am right now. Unable to answer her, I just nod and smile, urging her to continue to the room before I do something to embarrass myself in front of he who should not be named and his new girlfriend.
God, I know I sound childish, and I can see how ridiculous my thoughts are, but I don’t care. There are very few things in this world that I cherish and even fewer people. And Chris is one of them. Ya, we fight like brother and sister, but it doesn’t feel the same when we get along. We have this closeness that I’ve only ever felt with him and I refuse to give that up.
Thankfully I’m shut away in a private exam room while my head drags me through hell and back as I wait for the doctor to come and assess the damage.
I take the time to reflect on everything that's happened out there over the past couple of days and determine a way to inform everyone of what went down without causing a panic. Bea and I never tell anyone the full extent of our missions or what lengths we go to in order to procure and provide for this community. We dumb down our missions to everyone, well, everyone except Lochlan. He knows the truth of what we deal with and how dangerous it is.
