by N. M. Black
Lochlan was the one to suggest we keep our rendezvous PG13 to the public, but not so much as to lead them into a false sense of security, and let them believe they are capable of doing what we do themselves. Chances are, anyone else would not have survived today and it was a close call as it was.
“Hey Lucie, I hear you had a little fall?” Dr. Tanner comes in looking down at my chart but smiles full watt when she glances up at me. No doubt because I was able to grab a few of her “must-have” items on the list, thanks to our extra stop, even though the equipment was a no go. I told her before we left I wasn’t sure I would be able to get it this shipment, and that this was more of a trial run to see what our options were.
“Ya, just a little fall.” I don’t bother to stop the sarcasm that bleeds into the tone of my voice, because yet again, nobody needs to know the truth about how close it really was today.
Too close.
“Well, let's take a look and see what we can do to stitch you up and send you on your way. No bites right?” she asks as if I was hiding something while guiding my back down on the gurney. Jeez, do I look that bad that everyone keeps asking if I was bitten?
“No bites Doc. Just a few cuts and bruises, and making sure to follow protocol.” I smile and close my eyes while she unravels my amateur patch job around my head and let her do her thing.
I don’t bother to open them again until she taps my arm and says she’s done. It was only 20 minutes but I somehow managed to fall asleep during that time. It’s rare to get a moment of reprieve where you don’t have to worry about being eaten or attacked in your sleep, from both humans and zombies alike. Apparently my body recognized the opportunity and took advantage of it.
Surveying my newly repaired wounds, I take notice of the stitches that now line the meaty part of my thumb, shocked at not realizing she was even doing it.
Jesus, was I drugged? How did I not feel that?
When I reach up, I feel matching stitches in my hairline just below my forehead and chuckle lightly, making a mental note so I don’t rest my goggles there and tear em out when I pull them down.
I don’t wait for Dr. T to say anything after I thank her, I just grab my stuff and make my way back the way I came in, hoping to catch a glance at Chris. I don’t really want to talk to him at the moment, but I can admire from afar without having him open his mouth and ruin it.
Disappointment settles over me when I realize he isn’t there anymore and I catch myself almost sulking at the fact I didn’t get to see him.
Shit, I feel like one of those girly teenagers pining after her high school crush you see on an after school special. Ain’t nobody got time for that. It’s the fucking apocalypse and the last thing I need is to get my hopes up on a future that is technically non-existent at this point. Something I’ve clearly built up in my head to mean more than it does.
Shaking off the desperate thoughts of Chris, I pull myself together and head out the front and go straight to the house I share with Bea. No doubt she’s already half corked, so it gives me the time to document everything to send a message to Rowan before one of his group gets attacked by that tank. We didn’t kill him, just immobilized him and he needs to be aware.
Lucie is supposed to be back today, causing my body to thrum with anxious energy as the need to be near her courses through my veins. She’s been gone almost four days, which is two days over their targeted time frame and three days too many if you ask me.
Lucie and Bea are our gatherers and have been doing these runs almost every week since they’ve been here, having to go further and further for supplies. Without them, we probably wouldn’t have lasted this long. Sure we have supplies and have done well with growing and harvesting our own gardens and animals, but without them constantly running for medicine, household necessities and clothing, we would be in much worse shape at this point.
However, Lucie’s role in my survival is vastly different than all the others. Since I was a child, I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. I had a service dog prior to the outbreak to help during the episodes, but unfortunately, he didn’t survive the attacks. After that, I struggled more often than not, until the day I met Lucie.
Lucie has this extraordinary ability to surround me and settle my chaos without doing anything except existing. Lucie gets me at my worst and lowest times, baring the brunt end of my agitation. And as selfish as it is, I cling to that like a lifeline. Somehow, she makes me forget that we’re surrounded by zombies, or that the entire world is falling to shit. She calms my anxiety like no medication ever could.
I need her.
Her quiet, her calm.
At this point, I’ll take whatever she is willing to give me, and right now, I doubt that will be very much.
We didn’t part on the best of terms when she left this time, my fault of course, but something about her makes me act impulsively, and never for the better. I always manage to come across as an asshole or an overbearing brother, no matter my intentions and it causes her to push away from me, causing my anxiety to spike until she can bring me back from my own edge of insanity.
So when my first glimpse of Lucie is her walking through the clinic, her head and both hands bandaged, blood seeping through the gauze, I lose my proverbial shit. I’m up and out of the exam room, leaving Adira stranded and confused at my outburst, but I don’t give a rat’s ass at this point. My mind a hurricane of concern and anger, spiraling out of control at seeing her hurt, even at the slightest cut or scrape, let alone a fucking head wound.
I feel my chest begin to tighten as the first signs of a panic attack begin to manifest. My breathing becomes laboured and my vision begins to swim slightly. I press my palm against the wall to help steady and ground myself as I attempt to pull myself together enough to get answers as to what happened to Lucie.
I know this makes me look weak, but no one understands. They don’t realize what Lucie does for me, what she means to me. They all believe it’s just a crush or an obsession to fuck her, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Lucie is, well… she’s fucking Lucie! Lucie is my world. My end all, be all. I don’t know, I can’t explain it, and every time I try I get the same response, so I gave up trying and just keep that piece of her to myself.
“Someone else needs to get here, now, and take Adira back to her cell!” I shout over the radio system to the other security team members while fighting my own body for control of my breathing. And based on the stars slowly circling my head, I’m losing the battle.
“What’s up, lover boy, gotta check on your injured girl?” I hear Dante spew in response with humor in his voice, sending a wave of nausea through me. He fucking knew this was gonna happen. Chances are, the fucker already saw her at the warehouse before she was forced to come to the clinic and he didn’t say anything or give me a heads up to prepare myself.
“Fuck you, D!” I growl at him in irritation. They know what I’m like when it comes to Lucie, but he still taunts me anyway.
He doesn’t say anything, but his cackle radiates through the radio like it’s on surround sound, making me grind my teeth so hard, I’m pretty sure I heard one crack. He thinks this is funny, but it couldn’t be further from it. We can’t take the chances we used to before the outbreak. One cut, one infection going untreated, is all it takes for a human to switch sides from the living to the undead, and I for one won’t allow that to happen to Lucie.
Ever.
“Anyone know where the fuck Bea is?” But I don’t wait for their response this time, as I storm through the clinic and outside heading towards her house. Anger must exude from me because every person I pass by keeps their eyes down and quickly moves from my path of destruction.
When I make it to their home, I don’t bother to knock, I just bust in and see Bea sitting in a worn-out chair, with a glass of amber liquid in her hand. She doesn’t flinch or even react at my disheveled appearance, just continues to swirl the glass’s contents as though it has her hypnotized.
�
�Christopher, I see the assassins have failed again,” she sneers, with a slight slur to her voice. I know they haven’t been home long, so how is she this sloshed, this quick?
“What the actual FUCK, Bea? I just saw Lucie at the clinic, and she is all bandaged up with blood oozing from head wounds. What the fuck happened? Was she bit?” My words rush out in a string of questions, not giving her time to answer as my emotions get the best of me.
“I trusted you to keep her safe and you let this happen!” I pace back and forth in front of her chair, raking my fingers through my hair and tugging on the short strands I’m able to latch onto.
“Listen here, you little shit. I will protect that girl from anything bad, with everything I have. Including you. So don’t come at me when you have no idea what happened or what went down out there.” Her voice like gravel, her comment meant to strike a nerve, hits home and my stomach drops out.
“Then fucking tell me! Explain it!” I scream at her as my arms flail around at my uncontrolled temper.
“We had a deal, Bea.”
When Bea realized I had genuine feelings for Lucie beyond what everyone speculated, she pulled me aside and told me something that turned my world upside down, more so than the apocalypse itself.
Turns out, Lucie is only sixteen. Well, seventeen, almost eighteen now, which Bea likes to hang over my head and remind me of every chance she gets. Bea also threatened me within an inch of my life that if I ever touched her in a way that isn’t PG, she would cut my balls off and feed them to me. I know she’s old and all, but shit, I think she meant it.
The moment I knew her age, everything I felt towards her was wrong, tainted almost, but I still wasn’t willing to give it up. My frustration builds the longer I have to stay in check, keeping my hands to myself and not claim her as my own, living with me where I can keep her safe.
In any case, we agreed that until Lucie was legally allowed to be mine, she would protect her with everything she had until it was my turn to care for my girl. No harm would befall her while she was with either of us. Lucie came first.
No matter what.
This was the only way I would agree to let Lucie continue to do these runs with Bea on a regular basis. So seeing her return in less than perfect condition under Bea’s care sent me over the edge.
Before I can say anything more, Bea is up and out of her chair so quick, I barely register her movements. She steps right in my face, her jaw ticking in agitation. I won’t lie, I'm nervous as hell right now. I’ve heard stories of what Bea is capable of, and I don’t want to be on the receiving end of her ire.
“Don’t. Tell me what to do. Come at me like that again and you’ll be eating through a straw for the rest of your numbered days. You hear me, boy? And if you want to know something, man up and go ask her yourself.” She emphasizes each word with a stab of her bony finger into my chest.
“I tried that once. I asked her about the leathers, like you said, and she got pissed at me and kicked me out!”
“Ya, I'm gonna bet it's the delivery she got pissed about, not the question. She has a real low tolerance for assholes and their bullshit.” She chuckles as she settles herself back into the recliner she once salvaged from her old home, basically dismissing me.
Fuck.
She’s not wrong and all that does is piss me off more.
I’m not sure I can handle this. Her going out and continue doing these runs. I thought for sure it would get easier after a year, but the longer she’s away from me, the worse it gets.
The worse I get.
And to be honest, I’m not sure how much more I can take.
“She’ll be back soon if you want to stick around and try again, lover boy?” Bea chuckles a dark sound as she takes pleasure in my demise.
I turn on my heel and storm out the front door, making a beeline to my own place. I can’t hit Bea, I know that, but fuck do I want to. I swear some days that old broad gets a kick out of everyone’s misery. Shit, maybe it’s just mine, but she thrives on it either way.
I storm into my own house, practically kicking the door off of its hinges and make my way upstairs to take a cold shower and cool off. I knew the possible consequences of these runs, but I never imagined it would ever actually happen. There have been some close calls here and there and a few scrapes and bruises, but nothing as bad as this.
Seething at the insufferable woman hell bent on making my life a living fucking nightmare, I just about rip my clothing to shreds trying to remove them in my haste to try and subdue the beast that’s growing inside me.
I turn on the shower, not bothering to turn on the hot water tank and just let the freezing water run full tilt. Stepping under the spray I barely notice the frigid temperatures and try to focus on calming my nerves.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I do that a few more times until I feel like I have my temper and mind calmed enough for me to focus my thoughts.
Seeing her like that really fucked me up and I can’t seem to grasp any semblance of control. I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up, and bring her back here, strip her down and ensure she was safe and ok. To wrap my arms around her and inhale her sweet scent of lavender and innocence.
I groan as my cock begins to stir at the thought of stripping Lucie and her alluring scent. I reach down and squeeze it, trying hard to quell the hard-on that has decided to pop-up at the mere thought of Lucie. I know it’s wrong and I shouldn’t be thinking of her like this, but every time I get in here, it’s a losing battle. I hate myself for it every time, but it doesn’t stop it from happening. The more I realize how wrong it is to have these thoughts, the harder I seem to get.
Fuck it.
I reach down and stroke my shaft, giving it one long pump as I picture Lucie’s perky tits as she sits atop me. I have to brace myself on the tile wall as the feeling of euphoria slams into me at the sight.
I close my eyes and allow myself to be swallowed by the fantasy of Lucie while I continue my self abuse. I know the regret and self loathing will come later when I realize what I’ve done but right now, I don’t have the willpower to stop it.
The next morning starts out no better than how the day before ended, as the security team is called to the station for a meeting. Lochlan didn’t say why, but my guess, it’s in regards to the fence break and what Adira informed us of and what our next move will be.
Making my way into the station, my thoughts are on what I can do to keep Lucie safe, and if I can talk her out of doing any more runs, when I come to a screeching halt. There standing in the entranceway talking to Tripp, is my kryptonite wrapped in leather. I wasn’t prepared to see her this morning, and I’m thrown off-kilter at the sight of her.
Lucie is every guy’s wet dream. A blonde Lara Croft, cocooned in leather. Thick pieces strategically placed, enhancing her thin waist and thick thighs, goggles framing her porcelain face like a steampunk goddess. Her long winter coat hangs open, drawing attention to her pert tits that are currently encased in a bodice that is very form-fitted.
Just looking at her caused my dick to jerk towards her in my jeans, as the memories of my activities from last night bombard me. I try to adjust myself discreetly at the building pressure behind my zipper, but it’s becoming harder to hide by the second. Pun intended.
Baseball. Cold showers. My grandma. Baseball. Bea.
I’m bumped from behind, my thoughts effectively halted at the interruption and I swing around ready to tell whoever they are to fuck off. When I realize it’s Bea, the words die on my lips at her appearance. She looks just as bad as I feel, and I know she didn’t sleep last night either. Probably replaying whatever scenario caused Lucie’s injuries, and I’m betting her self loathing is doing a better job than any guilt trip I could throw at her right now, so I let it go.
And then she opens her mouth.
“Christopher, still alive I see.” Bea sighs in disappointment as she sidles up to stand next
to me observing the same person who has captured my attention.
Taking back all my previous thoughts, I’m just about to tell Bea where to go, when Lochlan’s booming voice shakes the building in annoyance and saves me from pissing more people off as he bellows from the conference room door.
“Let’s go, ladies!” he says while holding my stare.
Prick.
“Hey Lochlan, why do I gotta be here?” Lucie asks with teenage attitude laced in her tone as she hangs up her coat and makes her way over to stand next to us. She doesn’t look at me, nor does she say anything and I watch as Bea takes in our encounter -or lack thereof- with a suspicious eye.
Lochlan turns back around, stomping toward us with a menacing look on his face ready to snap, and automatically I take a protective step in front of Lucie, casually blocking her from his direct line of sight, and placing myself between them. If I didn’t know better, I would say a look of respect crossed his face at my action, but it was so fast, it could have just been wishful thinking on my behalf.
I know Adira has got him riled up more than I have ever seen him before, and no one seems to know why, but I won’t let him or anyone else for that matter, talk to Lucie like that.
“Because, Adira is supposed to give us some intel about zombie breeds and what to expect, and since you and Bea have the most experience dealing with them on a regular basis, I would like you there, to correct any incorrect facts and offer any of your own.” He softens his voice ever so slightly towards Lucie, catching my eye as if to say, better? and turns and heads towards the conference room with Bea now in tow.
“Who the hell is Adira?” Lucie questions innocently, not really directed at anyone, having no clue as to what’s been going on since she left.
