by N. M. Black
I’ve never told anyone how affected I was from the zombie bite or Adira’s blood and the process after. Everyone got the version I wanted them to have, but nobody knows the truth. The haunting reality of what I truly go through on a regular basis. The sensitivity to normal everyday things, cravings for things I shouldn’t want, the hunger pains from my body not getting what it needs. And right now, is no exception.
I can smell the fresh blood from where I stand, feet firmly planted as far from Chris as possible. Frozen in fear at the thought that I may not be able to keep myself in check right now, I stay as still as possible, holding my breath. If I attempt to move, even to leave, I may not have enough control to keep me from lunging at Chris and the delicious offering he has pooling in his palm right now.
I feel my blood as it begins to pump through my veins at the sight of the crimson liquid. My heartbeat thunders in my ears and my breathing becoming erratic as the first wave of hunger floods my system. My skin flushing at the heat that is building inside of me at the blood lust and the memory of its taste.
The first time I consumed blood was when I turned and bit Adira, but it wasn’t my only time. One time, I had nicked my finger and popped it in my mouth like any other time to help stop the bleeding. Only I found myself savouring it and sucking harder to draw out as much of the substance as possible.
The next time it happened was during a treatment at the clinic, there was a small amount left in a blood bag after my transfusion. I’m not proud of it, but when everyone was gone I had emptied what little was left into a cup and finished it. My body relished in it both times it happened, and I got the same energy burst, and both times I ended up craving it a little more afterwards.
“Luce?” Chris’s masculine voice breaks through my mental haze. I shake my head vehemently, hoping to get him to stop talking because the silk sound his voice is projecting is causing a purr deep within me, and I’m helpless to its pull.
I take an involuntary step forward, my eyes completely enthralled by the gash on his hand dripping droplets of life onto the counter. I know how wrong it is, but I want nothing more than to climb atop the marble surface and lick it up like a starved cat lapping up milk for the first time.
“What’s going on Luce?” Chris whispers taking a tentative step forward, his hands held up towards me in a placating manner. I track his every movement like a predator stalking its prey, unwilling to let him out of my sight. I can almost guarantee my eyes have taken on that brilliant yellow glow that the undead sport, but I can’t focus enough to care.
It’s taking every fibre of my being not to leap over this counter and wrap myself around his torso while I drink him in. So as long as he doesn’t come any closer, I am pretty sure I can escape, with both of us unscathed.
I look up to determine my best route out and catch a glimpse of the open blood bag on his counter. My breath catches in my throat and a little more of my control slips, making me take a step to the left, closer to the space where Chris and the source of my desire occupy. Chris is staring at me, watching my every move with a ferocious intensity, as though trying to decipher some code.
“Lucie? Are you hungry?” His words, chosen carefully, slam into me like a mack truck and setting off warning bells all through my head.
Why would he ask me that?
And it’s in that moment I realize he knows. Somehow, he knows exactly what is happening and what this current situation is doing to me. Frantic, I search the room for an exit, knowing I won’t have govern over my body soon. As if reading my thoughts, Chris drops the towel that was wrapped around his self inflicted injury and steps to the right, blocking my exit from the kitchen.
“Please don’t go. We need to talk about this Lucie,” Chris pleads with me.
But I can’t focus on anything but his wounded hand. He sliced his palm, a deep score right across the middle, leaking his essence onto the floor.
My body begins to tremble at the thought of it, and I have to close my eyes to regain a semblance of self control before something happens I can’t take back. Because right now, I'm breaking fast and I don't know if I can stop myself.
Chris has moved closer to me without my awareness as I wage a war within myself, and when his soft voice is right in front of me, I start slightly.
“Do it.” His voice like sex when he leans in and whispers right next to my ear.
A shiver rolls through my body at his words and a fire begins to build inside me at his closeness. Goosebumps spread across my skin as I inhale the masculine scent of campfire and leather that he carries, invading my senses completely. He steps in further, forcing me to step back and corners me into the counter, making sure I have nowhere to go.
“Do it little one,” he says again and this time my resolve breaks completely. I snatch his hand up and bring it to my mouth. I look him directly in the eyes as I sweep my tongue across his outstretched palm and hum in approval at the taste.
Must pull away.
Chris’s blood coats my teeth and gums, my body tingling at the sensation of having him inside me.
I want more. NEED more.
My fingers curl around his wrist pulling his arm closer as a haze clouds my vision and blood lust consumes me. I close my mouth tighter over the wound and try to take in long drags, but Chris flinches and I still instantly.
“Luce…” my name a hiss on his lips, lingers in the air.
What the fuck am I doing?
Panic and shame collide, and the force of what I’ve done makes me let go, stumbling backwards away from Chris.
“Lucie stop! We can talk—”
But I don’t let him finish as embarrassment slams into me at what just transpired. I step further away, mortified at my behaviour and lack of control as the tears begin to fill my eyes and overflow onto my cheeks.
Before either of us can do something we’ll regret, I take off towards the front door. Chris tries to stop me, but it’s no use. I’m too fast for him now.
What the fuck is wrong with me? What if I turned him? How did I let this happen or let it get this far? No one knew this side of me, and now the one person I couldn’t imagine knowing, does.
Fuck!
Well that didn’t go as planned. Don’t get me wrong I was successful in finding out what I needed to know, but at what cost?
I already had a feeling that Lucie was craving blood and what it did to her. I didn’t mean to push it that far, but I also wasn’t expecting to feel the same high she did, from watching her lick it off the palm of my hand. When I watched her eyes dilate and lust take over, it took everything I had to fight my own body’s instinct to not grab her hips and crush her body into mine. To feel her against me while she took what she needed to survive. But when she pulled away, I knew I had to let her.
As much as I didn’t want her to go, I knew she couldn’t stay either. Had she stayed any longer, there is no way I would be accountable for my actions. Even now, the want to go after her drums through my veins as the beat of my heart continues to pound wildly out of control.
The pain in my hand pulls me from my reverie and I know that before I can do anything else I need to take care of this cut. It wasn’t my intention to cut so deep, and the throbbing is now beginning to become unbearable after being manipulated and lapped at. If I don’t take care of it right away, I risk getting an infection, and since we don’t have antibiotics at our constant disposal, something so simple as a small cut, can become a big problem.
At that exact moment, a thought pops into my head and I’m not sure why I haven’t considered it before. Actually that’s a lie, I know damn well why I never wanted to consider this before, but sometimes, you gotta make sacrifices for the ones we love.
This is such a bad idea. I knew it would be a hard sell, but I didn’t expect this much of a fuss from Bea. If she would just get her head out of her ass and think about what I’m proposing, I know she would agree with me, but the old coot is stubborn to the core.
“He ain’t coming with m
e. Simple as that.” Bea crosses her arms like a sullen teenager while she glares at me.
“You were the one that said, come out with me pretty boy,” I mock the witch's voice from the Wizard of Oz as I spew her own vile words back at her, waiting for her tantrum to end.
“Come on Bea, we need all the help we can get. And Chris is the only one willing to go with you. You and I both know we need this run more than most and it needs to happen soon. Our supplies are dwindling and fast,” Lochlan practically begs her to see his reasoning.
After what feels like forever, Bea finally concedes and tosses her hands in the air.
“Fine! I’ll take him with me, but I will not be held responsible if he mysteriously vanishes or I return one person light.” She points to me and then at Lochlan to solidify her point. And with a curt nod, she turns on her heel and jumps in the passenger side of the truck, leaving me to drive.
Just as I’m about to go join Bea for the ride from hell, Lochlan whistles at me and flags me over to where he’s stepped out of everyone else’s earshot.
“Listen, I know we all get a kick out of the fact that Bea is always joking about killing you, but truthfully…” he glanced around and slings his arm around my shoulders pulling me in to his side. “I’m not one hundred percent convinced she’s joking. Now I’m not saying she is going to try and kill you herself, but I also wouldn’t necessarily count on her assistance in keeping you alive either. Keep your eyes and ears open. Watch your six, and come back safe and alive.” He pats my back and sends me off to my death.
I may have over extended myself on this one.
Fuck this is gonna suck.
Bea and I have been driving for hours, plowing our way through what’s left of the snow and zombies as we make our way to our first stop. The streets barren, cars abandoned, and the snow covering it all like a clean white blanket preserving the life beneath it.
“Looks like nobody’s been here in awhile,” Bea says as she keeps her eyes open for any signs of life. Or lack thereof.
“What makes you say that?” Genuinely curious as to how she came to that conclusion.
“First, there’s no tracks in the snow. New or old. Second, there is no signs of snow removal or vehicle traffic anywhere. Even without a plow or vehicle, you would still need to remove some of this snow to get around by foot.” She whistles out through her teeth.
Well, shit. I never would have come to those conclusions within the few moments of driving through the deserted town streets. Her observations are clinical and precise but crucial. As the passenger, she needs to be on her A game and be the eyes of two people while the other navigates. Both responsible for each other as much as themselves.
At the realization of how vital Bea is to Lucie’s survival, a new respect for Bea grows and I find myself hating her just a little bit less.
“Let’s start with a grocery store. Small town, means smaller population. More supplies, less zombies to create and less for us to worry about or kill. We might have just hit the jackpot Romeo,” Bea says with a hint of a smile. Or the closest thing resembling a smile she could conjure.
Pulling up to the grocery store, Bea directs me to go around the back to the loading bay. “It’s easier to load the truck if you’re level with it, as opposed to lifting in and out. We can do less trips faster and gather more product,” Bea informs me at my questioning look from her instructions. I hate to say it, but the old broad is pretty good at this and I get why she’s so successful out here.
“Park there and turn off the engine. Leave the key in the ignition. I have a spare on me and there is another spare in the wheel well in a neon green case if needed.” I nod at her instructions and make a mental note of where everything is, if shit hits the fan.
Bea jumps out and grabs her personal arsenal from where she stashed it and I follow suit. She easily pops the door open and steps inside searching for the gate chain to open the loading bay door. When she finds it and starts to pull, the metal screeching sound echoes throughout the building. We pause waiting to hear if there is anyone or anything still inside making its way to us.
After a few minutes of silence, Bea shrugs and continues to open the large door and allowing light to spill through. I stand and watch for anything moving in the shadows, ready to remove any threats but it seems we’re alone. For now.
We get everything organized and grab large warehouse carts ready to be filled. We roam aisle to aisle collecting a bit of everything, making sure to have as much variety as possible. We ensure we have the necessities and even grab a few indulgent items for ourselves. Perks of the job according to Bea.
As I munch down on my bag of stale Doritos and enjoy my treat, still stacking multiple items on my overflowing cart, I hear an odd sound from the next aisle over. The aisle I know Bea is currently occupying.
“Bea?” I whisper shout, unsure of what or who could be accompanying us. But I’m only greeted with silence. When the sound of a thud hitting concrete reaches my ears, I don’t think and run to the source of the noise.
There on the ground is Bea, lying lifeless in a fragile looking heap in the middle of the grocery aisle.
No, no, no, no. This can’t be happening.
Fuck!
Shit!
I gather Bea’s limp body into my arms and take off at a dead run towards the truck. I don’t bother to grab anything or close up the building as I gently deposit Bea onto the floor in the back, wrapping her in whatever I can reach.
“Hang on, Bea, I got you.”
Absolutely frantic, I spin out of the parking lot and fish tail down the road not even caring what ruckus we create, hell bent on making it back to the compound before it’s too late.
Please don’t die.
I practically plow through the front gates of the compound, never slowing and weaving my way through the narrow streets to the clinic. I’m blaring my horn to get everyone to move, but all it does is draw attention to us, not make the trip faster.
Finally reaching the clinic on the opposite end of the compound, I slam on the brakes and slide right past the fucking door as my truck and trailer struggles to halt its forward momentum at this speed. When I manage to come to a complete stop, I jump out and rush around to grab Bea.
Crashing through the front doors and taking everyone off guard, I hear a few shrieks of astonishment. I don’t bother to apologize, because frankly, I don’t care.
“Get Dr. Tanner!” I shout at anyone who will listen to me as I take Bea to the closest bed and deposit her for examination.
“What happened?” Dr. Tanner asks, clinical mode firmly in place as she begins taking vitals and assessing Bea.
“I have no idea. She collapsed while we were out on a run and been like this since. She’s breathing, that’s all I know.” I lift my hands in surrender and step back letting Dr. T get to work.
“How long has she been like this?” Dr. Tanner asks but never looks away from Bea as she lies lifeless on the bed.
“I- I don’t know, almost two hours now.” I fill her in on what little details I have, but it’s not much and none of it will be of any assistance.
I fist my short locks and begin to pace as a restless energy settles in at the thought of having to tell Lucie. She and I aren’t on good terms as it is, and now this?
Fuck she’s gonna hate me.
The moment I open the door, the scent of campfire and leather assault me and instantly the bloodlust returns. My body recognizing his scent, my mouth begins to salivate and my stomach growls at the promise of nourishment.
My cheeks flush pink as embarrassment washes over me at the memory of last night and I duck my head to try and conceal it from him. The last thing I need is to give Chris another reason to harass me about something that I find mortifying.
“Lucie, can I come in?” Chris’s voice is so low I can barely hear him. He called me Lucie. Not Luce or little one, but Lucie. I look up into his eyes, desperately trying to find something that will let me in on his secret, but I co
me up empty handed, his expression unreadable.
Unease washes over me so powerful that I stumble backwards into the house, prompting Chris to follow my retreat, ready to catch my tumbling form.
Something isn’t right, I can feel it. Something bad.
Chris doesn’t say anything, just stares into my eyes as his face gentles by the second, solidifying what I suspected.
Bea.
My body crumbles beneath me and I slide down the wall, no longer able to hold my weight as the reality of Chris’s silence settles over me. Chris crouches down and cradles me into his chest. I grip his arms and sob into his shirt, thinking the absolute worst has happened.
“Is she…” I can’t force out the words and I almost gag trying to swallow them back down. Bea has been the only adult in my life that wasn’t paid to be part of it. She’s the closest thing to family I’ve ever known and the thought of not having her here breaks something within me.
“No, but she’s not well.” His words give me hope, as his voice caresses my skin and leaves a tingle in its wake. I know I shouldn’t enjoy being in his arms, taking advantage of his kindness, but I don’t have the strength to pull away.
Sadness overwhelms me at the thought of Bea leaving me to face what’s left of this world alone and at the same time, I almost hate her for it. She took me in, fed me, cared for me, made me need her for the last four years, and now she wants to fucking leave me? I won’t let her. I refuse to let her go.
A new wave of despair crashes through me at my clusterfuck of emotions being at war with themselves, causing frustration to build and adding another to the pile helping to drain to my already depleting energy source.
Fatigue begins to battle me for dominance at my overactive mood swings and can tell my body is going into overdrive as tremors develop in my limbs. My stomach begins to growl, and my eyes begin to glow, a telltale sign the virus is actively coursing through my system and demanding to be sated.
