by N. M. Black
My eyes practically their own light source at this point, letting me know I am on the brink of my precipice. Exhausted by the whirlwind inside of me, I try to conjure the last bit of strength I possess to push myself away and to my feet, but I can barely lift my head from Chris’s shoulder, let alone support my entire body.
Another hunger pain grips me and this time I fold into myself as the unbearable need to feed bears down on me.
Chris shifts beneath me and relief settles my restlessness momentarily, knowing he will be taking me to the hospital to get a transfusion.
Except that’s not what happens at all.
“Luce, you need to feed.” He says it so casually and matter of fact that I almost believe there is nothing fucked up about the fact that I need blood of some sort in order to survive and that he is offering it.
Chris reaches behind his back and produces a small blade and pops it open. He lifts it to his wrist and I struggle against him to pull away from the temptation he’s offering, but I can barely lift my hand two inches.
“Lucie, you can barely open your eyes. You need your strength to be strong for Bea.” His tone harsh, like a father demanding reason from a child.
I know he’s right ,but I can’t bring myself to do it. How can he offer something like this? How is he not turned off or disgusted by it? By me?
Thump thump.
Chris’s heartbeat pounds against my ear and locks my attention. Enthralled by the blood that flows just below the surface of Chris’s skin, tempting me as I watch his vein throb with life. I remember what it was like, flowing down my throat. I don’t just remember it. I want it. Crave it. And I’m not sure how long I can hold off, my inner-demon fighting its way to the surface, clawing for freedom.
I’m not so sure I want to fight it anymore. Chris’s blood calls to me, tempting me in ways I can’t ignore. The closer he gets to me, the more I slip and the more my hunger grows. My stomach growls, screaming in demand as his alluring scent envelops me.
“Do it, little one.” Chris’s voice slithers into my subconscious and breaks the small hold I had on my demon.
“What if I make you turn?” my voice so soft, I’m not even sure he heard me.
“You won’t. Adira can’t.” He answers so sure that I won’t be his harbinger of death.
“I’m not Adira. My case is different. You of all people should know that.” I nod to our current situation for emphasis.
“I’m pretty sure if I was going to turn, I already would have,” Chris says, putting his head down, probably a little turned off at his admission.
No longer able to resist, I nod in surrender and Chris shuffles me so I’m straddling his waist, supporting my weight and head on his chest. The next thing I know, Chris is pulling my head back and offering me his wrist that is overflowing with life.
I latch on, and this time I make an effort to slow down and not cause him pain like last time. I take small tentative pulls, not wanting to seem greedy, but when Chris’s other hand cups the back of my head and he moans in approval, everything changes. The intoxicating feeling of arousal accompanies each drop blood that passes over my lips as an inferno of lust breaks free from deep within.
In a snap, the bloodlust takes over and I grind down on his thigh as my body undulates against him involuntarily. Chris’s hand fastens onto my hip as he makes a sound that resonates in his chest, and I pull him incredibly closer, breathing him in and growling back in response.
I take another pull from his wrist and my hips match the movement, rocking against him. He thrusts his hips up into me at the same time as he pulls me down, and I can feel him growing harder beneath his jeans. He’s getting off on this just as much as I am, and that only seems to fuel my desire further.
I pull away from his wrist and turn towards him, my bloodlust giving me a confidence I’ve never had before, and press my lips to his. He stills in my arms, hesitating for only a second, before he takes control of the kiss with a brutal attack.
His tongue darts out, sweeping across my lower lip, begging for entrance, and I don’t deny him. I open and let him take what he wants, because it’s what I want too. What I’ve always wanted but could never have.
It’s always been, “Lucie, you’re like my little sister” or “You’re too young to know or understand.” All bullshit answers that mean nothing right now. Because right now, I know they were all lies. He wants this just as bad as I do, if not more.
I wrap my arms around his neck ready to take things a little further when, suddenly, Chris pulls back, gripping my arms to hold me in place and keeping me just out of reach as he catches his breath.
“We have to stop.” His whispers, as he leans his forehead against mine. “They’re waiting for us at the clinic.”
His words feel like a bucket of ice water poured over my head bringing me back to reality and the reason he showed up here in the first place. How could I forget about Bea? She’s in the hospital hurt, or worse, and I’m over here getting my jollies off with her nemesis.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I pry myself from his embrace and move to the opposite wall of the entryway, trying to put as much distance between us as possible while I gather my now growing strength. Clearly, I have zero control when it comes to Chris and the last couple of days just proves it.
Chris stands and holds his hand out to me, but I don’t take it or even bother to acknowledge it or him. Instead, I focus on getting myself under control and being there for Bea.
Frowning at my dismissal, Chris grabs my coat and wraps it around me, leading me out the door towards the clinic. He doesn’t know that the cold doesn’t bother me anymore and I’m not about to tell him. He already knows too much.
Shame once again washes over me at the events that have transpired and the sting of being rejected twice by Chris in just as many days is sobering. I can’t believe I did that. Again. This time I practically humped his leg like a dog in heat.
Fuck!
We’re lucky he was able to pull away, because the same couldn’t be said for myself. He stopped things before they went too far and both of us regretted it. Although, based on his look of shame, I don’t think I would have regretted it as much as he would have.
I try to shake that thought, but the only thing more powerful than the shame of rejection twice is remembering what he felt like under me when I took control. The feel of his hard length pressed tight against my heated core as I writhed on his lap.
Shit, this is gonna be harder than I thought.
I slept like shit last night after what happened between Lucie and I, making my mood foul as fuck. It doesn’t help that being in the god damned zombie apocalypse means no fucking coffee either.
I’m also getting sick and tired of all these impromptu meetings that all seem to be mandatory and always when I’m having a shit day.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I can’t tell for sure without doing imaging and running blood work, but I suspect liver failure or cancer. And we just don’t have the equipment here to confirm the diagnosis either way,” Dr. Tanner informs us somberly.
Lochlan, Dante, Tripp, Grey, Adira and myself all sit around the table as Dr. T informs us, yet again, that we need more supplies. Supplies that no one is able to get, except the two people unable to get them.
“What about taking Bea to the equipment? Do the tests there in the hospital, then get out?” Dante asks. His question is valid, but not possible.
“We can’t take the risk of moving her. Also, we don’t know if there is power in these places to run the equipment long enough,” Dr. Tanner answers him, but that is not the reason we can’t do it, that’s the reasons we shouldn’t.
“Hospitals are the worst places to go now. Everyone needs something from there and those that don’t are just looking for drugs. There’s no way you would have the time to pull something like that off,” Adira adds on.
“Then how the fuck have they been doing it all this time?” I throw my hands up
exasperated. “Lucie’s never told me it was that bad, and her and Bea—”
“I told her not to,” Lochlan cuts me off, dropping his gaze to the table.
“Not to what?” I ask cautiously, not sure where he’s going with this. And based on his heavy sigh and how his demeanor changes instantly, I'm not sure I’m gonna like it.
“I told them not to tell anyone what it was really like going out there doing all these runs. I didn’t have them down play it enough that everyone wanted to do it, but enough no one put up a fuss about it either,” Lochlan says as he begins to pace the floor.
“And they agreed to this bullshit?!” I practically screamed at him. Why the fuck would they agree to it all if it’s that dangerous? But I already knew the answer to that question. Bea goes for Lucie and Lucie goes for everyone else. Lucie wants to feel wanted. She needs it and doing these runs gives her that.
“What about Adira?” I ask. “She’s the strongest person we got, I’m sure that if anyone can do this run, she could.”
“I need her here. Her blood is everything right now, so I need to keep her alive to ensure others survive. I can stop the change with her blood at the right moment, but it must be fresh blood,” Dr. Tanner advises us of her current work. “There’s something else.” She leaves her words hanging heavy in the air.
“What is it Doc?” Lochlan grits through his teeth, knowing full well that this is not going to be good news.
“We, uh, we need more blood. Lucie has been going through it faster and people in the community are not as generous with giving theirs…” Her voice trails off as her words sink in.
“Fuck!” I shout and ram my fist into the nearest wall.
Here we go again.
Chris left.
He just up and fucking left without saying a word.
Again.
I had to find out from Dr. Tanner this morning when she popped in to check on Bea that he and a crew went on a hospital run. I haven’t left Bea’s side since she was admitted almost two days ago and slept here last night, not able to go back to our house. I didn’t want to look at her empty chair and I didn’t want the ol’ bat to wake up alone. She’s been alone her whole life, other than Joe of course, but she isn’t going to die that way.
However, the moment I found out that Chris had gone out with a small group of guys to get the equipment needed to determine what was wrong with Bea, I ran home and grabbed a walkie talkie that I picked up on a recent haul. It allows me to listen in on the channel these guys use and anyone around us. I have it low so that I can take in everything they’re saying. But right now, until they are back within range, all I hear is the nonsense chatter of the guys working the fence and static.
As constant worry and fear begin to take its toll on my body, I decide to lay my head down and preserve my strength.
Movement from under my hand jolts me awake and I snap to attention. There sits Bea, propped up against the hospital bed, sporting a miserable look while taking in her surroundings. When her eyes lock on mine, her face softens and her fingers reach out to me.
“Hey girl, you alright? Your eyes are looking a little pale,” she says sadly. I know this whole thing with me being a hybrid has her worried and she feels responsible for me, but I hate seeing her look at me like that.
“Hey lady.” I can barely choke out as emotion floods me and I jump from my chair into her outstretched arms. I don’t bother to fight the tears as she rocks me back and forth on her hospital bed. She’s the one sick, yet she still takes care of me.
“What happened?” I manage to get out between sniffles and snorts. This is the first time in almost 48 hours that she’s opened her eyes and this is the first time in the four years that we’ve known each other that she has ever hugged me.
“I’m old. It was bound to happen eventually. Don’t worry your pretty little self about me girl. Now, before my meds can kick in again, grab my bag from over there.” She points to the opposite side of the room. Barely.
I do ask she asks and grab her bag bringing it back and sitting next to her on the bed. I open the zipper for her and just as I’m about to dump the contents, the alarm on my walkie talkie goes off.
“There's a herd on our ass, and our vehicle is severely damaged. Sprinters. A lot of fucking sprinters. I don’t think we’re gonna make it.” I hear Chris’s voice come over the radio and instantly I’m alert.
The sound of fear in Chris’s tone spurs me into action at the thought of how much danger he’s in right now. There is no way we have enough firepower to take out a herd before they reach the gate. It would just be too close and would put the whole community at risk if one were to get in.
They need a distraction. Something to pull the zombie’s attention from the boys coming in while the gate is open and I have just the thing. I look to Bea for permission to head out and she gives a slight nod.
“I hate to say this, but you’re gonna have to go save that boy’s ass,” Bea says making a face as though the words themselves tasted like vinegar to say. I chuckle and kiss her forehead before heading out of the clinic, making sure to let Heidi know she’s awake before dashing down the street to where I have my truck parked. I haven’t needed to use this one yet, but am excited to.
I jump in the old fashioned tow truck and hook my megaphone up to the roof and head out. I scroll through my playlist, searching for the loudest, attention grabbing song I can find.
I pull up to the gates, revving my engine obnoxiously, waiting to be unleashed as everyone stares at me in horror.
I have spent the last three months cooped up in this place, depressed at the fact that my life is no longer my own, constantly at the mercy of my cravings and being told I’m a liability. Being told what to do, where to go and where I’m not allowed. But that stops now.
I am capable of just about anything. My limitations, almost non existent. I feel stronger than I have since I was bitten and I plan to take full advantage of that. Time to finally see what I’m made of. Adira has all these extra abilities, and I too have discovered some amped up skills I’ve acquired with her help.
Excitement builds at the thought of my untapped potential and I feel almost giddy with adrenaline. I feel the power begin to rush through my veins and the endorphins kick in as I take a deep steadying breath.
Lochlan stares at me through the front windshield and it’s not in curiosity or concern. He’s merely determining that I’m the only one he’s willing to sacrifice at this moment due to my current situation. And right now, I’m his best option to ensure the highest rate of survival and he knows it. Whether I live or die, he’s ok with either outcome as long as the community is safe.
Lochlan, still staring, trying to find a weakness or hesitation but he won't find one and when he realizes it, he nods and gestures to open the gate.
Hearing Chris's engine getting louder, clearly struggling and seeing the smoke billowing from the hood, as his tuck is pushed beyond its limits, I crank the loud speaker with a song guaranteed to get the attention of the sprinters, praying to keep them away from him and the open gate.
The moment I have enough room, I race through the narrow opening, barely keeping both side mirrors as Adira jumps on my truck. I push open the door as she slides in with ease, holding my stare for only a brief moment, enough to make sure I got this, then nods to let me know she has my back.
We fist pump knowing we can make a huge dent in this population of z’s and since we already know how each other fight, having been working together for months without anyone’s knowledge, we have the advantage.
But it’s gonna be one hell of a shock for everyone else. Especially Lochlan. No one wanted me out on the runs, or to learn how to defend myself or use my strength, because I’m unpredictable, a question mark.
“Why train someone who could turn on you and use it against you?” I believe were Lochlan’s exact words in a meeting I eavesdropped on. But this is my chance for me to prove to everyone that I am not broken or fragile like they’v
e been treating me. Or that I’m gonna turn into a monster or turn on them. That I’m still the same person and can do all the things I could before, only better.
At that realization, I speed up knowing Lochaln is gonna chase Adira and I to try and stop us from going out there, and I see Adira smile at me when she realizes.
We got this.
“No one shoots once that truck hits the field. Fucking no one!” Lochlan screams over the radio.
“Lochlan, NO!” Chris shouts back as we cross paths his eyes locked on mine.
“Adira!” Lochlan tries again, but she just leans over and turns off the radio and focuses on our task at hand.
Here we go.
I drop the plow at the front and turn on my wipers as I hit the first of the group, spray painting everything red and black. I pull the handbrake and spin my ass end out taking out more of the group, while tramping them under my oversized mud tires.
“Hang on,” I tell Adira as I flip a switch and the tow chain drops as I let out its entire length.
I take a second to line it up and then gun it. Adira reaches up, grabbing the “oh shit” handle as I swing the truck around, yanking my backend out to snap the chain like a whip.
The hook from the tow truck, now airborne, slices through the mass of bodies removing heads and torsos as I pull the chain tight by speeding up. A couple more loops and passes, we have 90% of the herd taken care of.
I maneuver the truck through the field of dismembered bodies to finish off the last of them, some still crawling on the ground, using their arms to drag them forward, when I feel the truck get stuck in the thawing ground.
I know we’re going to have to fight our way back to the gate or at least see if we can free the truck, but either way, we’re gonna end up facing off the horde of teeth. At the thought of being outside the confines of the vehicle and away from the safety it provided, I suddenly remembered what it’s like to have those teeth embedded in my flesh. Flashbacks of Joe, the attack at the clinic, being bitten and the pain following it, all flood my vision and I begin to tremble.
