Chasing Hope

by Dana Wayne

  Defensive, he sat up straight, hands fisted on the table. “She won’t tell me shit. And your name was all over the place.”

  Max shook his head, emotions in turmoil. “And you assumed that meant something without having all the facts.”

  The kid’s face got redder, and his jaw clamped tight. But he didn’t lower his gaze.

  “Where’s your mother, Logan? Does she know where you are?”

  This time his gaze dropped to the table, and he shifted in the seat. “Home…I’m supposed to be hunting with friends.”

  A tense silence ensued. Well shit. What now? Best not to give him any false hope. “For the record, Logan,” said Max firmly, “I’m not your father.” He pushed back in the seat and took a breath. “Where are you staying?”

  One shoulder rose then fell. “My truck.”

  Shaken, Max pulled out his cell phone and passed it over. “Call her,” he snapped. “When she gets here, we’ll talk.”

  “I deserve to know the truth!” His exclamation had customers looking their way.

  “Keep your voice down,” said Max firmly. “Call your mother.”

  He stood and stalked toward the counter where Maddie sat with a mug of hot chocolate. Sky stood behind the counter, expression guarded.

  Cade made no effort to hide the fact that he had listened in on their conversation.

  “Something’s come up,” said Max. “I’ll have to pass on the parade.”

  Maddie looked past him to where Logan sat talking on the phone. “Who’s that?”

  “A friend.” He looked at Sky. “I’ll come over later.”

  Sky nodded. “Not sure what time we’ll get home,” she said softly. “Maddie wants to talk to Santa, and I’m sure the line will be long.”

  “Who’s the kid, Logan?”

  Max ignored Cade’s question. “No problem.” He looked at Maddie. “I’m sorry I can’t watch the parade with you guys or take you to see Santa tonight. I might can make it over there later. I’m not sure.”

  Maddie heaved a sigh. “That’s okay, Max.” She looked over his shoulder. “Maybe your friend could go with us.”

  “Another time, Tink.”

  Logan walked up and handed the phone to Max. “She’s pi—uh, mad, and can’t be here till Sunday afternoon.”

  “Hi. My name’s Maddie. What’s yours?”

  Caught in the middle of a bad dream, Max waited.

  “Logan,” the kid said at last.

  “Logan, huh?” quipped Cade. “Interesting.”

  Max took the boy by the elbow. “Come on.”

  Logan had just exited the diner when Max overheard Cade’s vindictive declaration. “Well, looks like all those rumors about him knocking up the Watkins girl are true.”

  Sky’s hands shook as she gathered her things from the back, Cade’s statement ringing in her ears. Worst of all, Maddie heard what he said. There was no doubt in her mind that questions would abound. Too bad she’d have no answers.

  “Y’all have fun at the parade,” said Ruby when Sky walked back out front. “Eat a candy cane for me, Maddie.”

  “I will, Miss Ruby.” She looked at Sky. “I wish Max was going with us.”

  “Yeah. Me, too.”

  “He was gonna take me to see Santa.”

  Before Sky could reply, Cade broke in. “I’d be happy to take you to see Santa, kiddo.” He looked at Sky and winked. “I have a few things I want to ask him for, too.”

  “Thank you, Cade but I think we can manage.”

  “Nonsense.” He got up and dropped some money on the counter. “Parades are more fun when they are shared.”

  Maddie’s expression was dour when she looked at Sky, but thankfully, she didn’t say anything.

  He helped Sky with her coat. “Nice coat. That color looks good on you.”

  “Max gave it to her,” said Maddie firmly. “He’s her—”

  “Put your coat on Maddie, or we’ll be late.”

  The child’s questioning glance brought a rush of heat to Sky’s face.

  It wasn’t easy evading Cade’s attempts to join them, but she did and selected a spot on the corner near the drug store to watch. Maddie’s excitement was contagious, and she soon found herself enjoying the festive atmosphere as they laughed and grabbed for candy canes being tossed from those riding floats. Several folks asked about Max, and she answered with a simple ‘something came up.’

  “Hey, kid,” said Cade, “I’ll take you to see Santa when this shindig is over.”

  Sky jumped. She didn’t know he was behind her.

  Maddie ignored him.

  “Thank you for the offer, Cade,” snapped Sky. “But I’ve got it covered.”

  “Aw come on, Skylar,” he said a little too loud, “I’m just trying to help.” He tapped Maddie on the shoulder as the parade came to an end. “What do you say, kid? Want me to take you to see the big guy?”

  Maddie turned, and Sky suppressed a groan. Oh, dear. I know that look.

  Hands planted on tiny hips, Maddie glared at Cade. “My name is not kid. If you can’t call me by my name, then don’t talk to me at all.” She blew out a long breath and looked at Sky. “Can we go now?”

  Face scarlet, Cade straightened. “You need to teach her some manners,” he barked. “Kids shouldn’t talk like that to adults.”

  Patience exhausted, Sky took a step toward him, nostrils flared in anger. The man had some nerve. “And adults should know when their company isn’t wanted.” She grabbed Maddie’s hand. “And her manners are just fine.”

  Still seething, she joined the throng of people headed toward the community center where the festival continued. The room was filled with booths selling everything from soaps to toys to clothes and all kinds of artsy-craftsy things. The room was filled with the mouthwatering aroma of popcorn and caramel apples mixed with a multitude of other smells designed to tempt the room full of shoppers. Christmas music blared over the din of folks anxious to embrace the holiday atmosphere.

  Maddie’s best friend, Bonnie, met them at the door. “Come on, Maddie! We have to get in line now before it gets too long.”

  “Can I go, Mama?”

  “Okay. I’ll be right there.” She looked around the room, trying to decide which aisle to explore first.

  “Guess now you see I was right.”

  Cade’s statement made her jerk around. She didn’t know he was back there. Oh, for heaven’s sake. He’s worse than a pesky mosquito.

  “Loser Logan is just that.” He hitched up his pants and looked around the room. “How ‘bout we find a quiet spot to talk.”

  The last person she wanted any kind of conversation with was Cade Jackson. “I don’t think so, Cade. I need to keep an eye on Maddie.” She turned to follow her daughter, but he grabbed her arm.

  “Come on now, Skylar. Don’t be like that. I just want us to be friends.” His smile bordered on a leer. “Good friends.”

  It was like he never heard a word she said. She pulled her arm free and didn’t answer as she turned to walk away.

  “The kid even looks like him, don’t you think?”

  Initial thoughts of how the young man looked familiar slowed her steps.

  Cade sneered. “He tell you about Anna Sue? His high school sweetheart? How he left town after graduation to keep from manning up?”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  He leaned in closer, his heavy cologne pervaded her senses to the point she wanted to hold her breath to shut it out. Or maybe it was his hurtful words she wanted to avoid.

  “The proof walked in the diner tonight.” He paused, smug face radiating superiority. “You can’t deny what you saw.”

  She whirled and looked at him, anger, hurt, and resentment rolling into one huge knot in her stomach. She had no way of knowing how much was truth and how much was Cade’s version of it, but she didn’t think for a minute Max would have deserted someone like that.

  “You’re right. I can’t deny what I saw. A young man with brown ha
ir and hazel eyes.” She brought one finger up to her chin as though in thought. “Come to think of it, you have brownish hair and hazel eyes, too.”

  Cade stiffened and jerked back. His face turned dark red, thin lips pulled into a tight line.

  He opened his mouth, and Sky held up her hand, palm out.

  “Not another word,” she hissed. “Not one.” Body tense with anger, she stalked off. The crowded walkway disguised her faltering steps as she headed to the back of the hall. Her lungs constricted, and each labored breath became a chore.

  “Ms. Ward,” came a familiar voice, “are you all right?”

  Sky blinked rapidly and focused on the face of her landlord. “Mr. Jenkins. Um, yes…I…think I’m too warm is all.”

  “Frankly, I think they could turn down the heat a bit with all these folks in here.” His kindly face showed concern. “Maybe you should take off your coat?”

  “What? Oh. Yes. Of course.”

  He held out his hand for her bag as she removed the coat.

  Folding it over her arm, she took her bag and smiled. “That’s better. Thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” Keen eyes focused on her face. “Are you sure you’re okay? Perhaps I could get you some punch or something?”

  “Oh no, thank you. I’m fine. Just got a little too warm I think.” She hugged the coat against her body, still tense with anger. “I best go find Maddie. Thank you again for your concern, Mr. Jenkins.”

  She hurried off before he could say anything else.

  The rest of the evening passed in a blur of mixed emotions. The atmosphere was festive, the throng of people excited and happy, but the sense of being alone in a crowd rolled over her in waves. Ever since Max had come into her life, those feelings had subsided, and she could handle watching happy couples and families doing what families did.

  Not tonight.

  Without Max at her side, all the old feelings of isolation came rushing back, and she struggled to keep the melancholy at bay as family groups surged around her, their laughter and lively conversations like a dagger in her heart, reinforcing the fact that she was alone. Always alone.

  The clincher came when she caught a brief glimpse of unbridled sadness in Maddie’s eyes as she watched a man place his child on Santa’s knee, face beaming with pride, while the smiling woman beside him snapped pictures.

  It took a monumental effort to swallow the lump in her throat. I will not cry. Not now. Not tonight.

  As much as Maddie might want to be that family, Sky wanted it more. She longed for someone to come home to. Someone to be there for her when nights like this came along. Someone to hold her close in the darkness, whisper words of love in her ear, kiss away the sadness that ate away at her soul.

  Someone to make love to her.

  She wanted Max.

  But was that even possible now? The young man who showed up tonight gave her a glimpse of the part of him she knew nothing about. A past that obviously included the possibility of him being involved with someone and maybe even producing a child. She didn’t readily see a family resemblance, but she knew that didn’t necessarily mean anything.

  Doubts and questions bounced around her head like BBs in a bathtub. The bottom line, though, was one question. Did she believe Max’s assertion that he was not the boy’s father? The answer was a simple yes, but the complications presented by the situation were anything but.

  She forced a smile and engaged in conversations with townspeople as Maddie pulled her from one vendor to another, her mood decidedly upbeat after a short visit with Santa. When Sky asked what she wished for, Maddie smiled and said, “I can’t tell you or it won’t come true.”

  Dinner consisted of chili dogs from the local VFW booth and chocolate pie from the Kiwanis.

  By nine o’clock, Sky was physically and emotionally exhausted. The food she’d eaten earlier sat like a stone in the pit of her stomach.

  “Do we have to go now?” groused Maddie, “I don’t have school tomorrow.”

  “It’s late, and I’m tired.” The statement came out shorter than intended, and Sky sighed. “It’s been a long day, Munchkin. The festival goes all weekend. Maybe we can come back on Sunday since I don’t have to work.”

  “Maybe Max can bring me back tomorrow.”

  “He has to work.”

  “Oh yeah. I forgot.”

  Maddie grew silent, mouth moving from side to side, a sure sign she had something on her mind. They were almost home when she found out what.

  “What does knocked up mean?”

  Oh crap.

  Like a moth to a flame, the welcoming light from Sky’s kitchen window pulled Max forward. As crappy nights go, this one pretty much topped the heap. Max had no experience in dealing with kids in general and certainly not resentful teenagers. It took a lengthy call to Dr. Bellamy to come up with a plan, which took almost three hours to work through. In the end, Logan more or less accepted Max was not his father, but nothing diminished the truckload of anger the kid harbored toward him and his mother.

  Max certainly understood the resentment. He suppressed a bit himself, but he’d deal with it when the time came.

  Right now, he needed to talk to Sky.

  He drew in a lungful of cold air, ignoring the gooseflesh on his bare arms. He should have donned a jacket before stepping outside, but his need to see her overshadowed common sense.

  Knots of anxiety filled his belly as he stood outside the door. Would she understand? Would she believe him? Would she send him away?

  And what about Maddie? He hated disappointing her almost as much he hated the questions he now had to answer. He thought the past would stay buried in time. Obviously, that was just wishful thinking.

  Embrace the suck, Marine. Persevere. Adapt. Overcome.

  He rapped lightly on the door, then stuffed both hands in his pockets as a blast of cold air blew through the drive.

  “Hey,” she said softly as she opened the door.

  “I’m sorry. I know it’s late, but…”

  She motioned him inside. “Come in. It’s freezing out there.”

  Suddenly, anxiety threatened to overwhelm him, and he stopped in front of the stove. His breath came in short pants, and he forced himself to breathe deeply. Persevere. Adapt. Overcome. He silently repeated the mantra he had learned in the Corps. Persevere. Adapt. Overcome.

  He flinched at the light touch of her hand on his arm.

  “It’s all right, Max. I’m here. You’re okay.”

  The calmness in her voice and the gentleness of her touch soothed him. He closed his eyes and straightened. A deep breath brought with it the lemony smell of her shampoo and a light, floral scent uniquely hers. Please, God. Let her understand.

  “Are we…” he mumbled. “Are we okay?”

  She rubbed one hand over his forearm, the other rested against his lower back. “Yes. We are.”

  The soft utterance of three little words filled him with a sense of relief so intense, his thoughts scrambled, and he couldn’t formulate a single word in response. He swallowed twice before he could turn and face her, hands still in his pockets. “I’m not Logan’s father.”

  “I know,” she offered. “You would never sluff off that kind of responsibility.”

  He could barely breathe. “I heard what Cade said when I walked out.”

  She gave a dismissive shrug. “Yeah, well, he’s a jerk, and I don’t believe anything he says.”

  He wanted to touch her, let her goodness and warmth take away the pall that went to his soul, but he didn’t move. “I was afraid…”

  “You thought I’d take that creep’s word for something like this?”

  He flinched at the hurt registering loud and clear in her voice.

  “Without talking to you first?”

  “I’m sorry.” He stepped back and raked both hands through his hair as he paced in front of the stove. “I’m just not used to anyone…”

  She walked over and placed both hands on his chest, her eyes cle
ar and bright, filled with compassion and understanding…and something else that made his pulse jump.

  He wondered if she knew the power she held over him.

  “You’re a good man, Max. I believe in you.”

  This time, he groaned and gave in to the urge to pull her tight against him, unable to speak the words filling his heart.

  She stepped into his embrace without hesitation and slid her arms around his waist. Her uneven breath against his chest accelerated his already racing heart to the point he thought it might burst from the exertion. Her soft curves molded to the contours of his body as her arms tightened around his waist.

  This was right. This was real.

  I’m whole again.

  Sky held Max tighter, her breath coming in rapid puffs. A few minutes ago, she had stood at the sink, coffee pot in one hand, tea kettle in the other, the sense of being alone in the world suffocating in its intensity. Now, in his arms, all the sadness fell away, and she felt complete, like putting the last piece of a complicated puzzle in its place.

  She was whole.

  Sky luxuriated in the tightly controlled passion she sensed in him. The tenderness of his embrace was so male, so bracing; breath lodged in her lungs, and her senses spun. Blood coursed through her veins like a raging river.

  She heard the drumming of his heart against her ear as it raced, then matched her own erratic rhythm.

  Ever so slowly, beat for beat, two hearts soon beat as one as they remained locked in a tender embrace.

  It was amazingly sensual.

  Max backed away slightly, the smoldering flame in his eyes unmistakable.

  His mouth lowered.

  A tingle of anticipation made her breath hitch.

  Soft as a whisper, his lips brushed across hers. Once…twice… then covered her mouth.

  Slow and surprisingly gentle, the kiss solidified the fragile bond between them before his lips seared a path along her jaw, down her neck to her shoulders, and back up again. He recaptured her lips, more demanding this time.

  His tongue explored the recesses of her mouth, parried with hers until desire, hot and potent, flooded her veins with liquid fire.

  She matched his passion with her own, moaning softly when his lips left hers to deliver a series of slow, shivery kisses that left her weak and clinging to him for support.