Chasing Hope

by Dana Wayne

  Sky didn’t know what to say. She understood the difficulty of being a single parent, could even sympathize with Anna’s plight. But in the end, only Anna could decide what to do.

  Sky took a breath. “Being a parent, especially a single one, is the hardest job in the world. We have to be perfect, always know the right answer, do the right thing. We aren’t allowed to make mistakes. We can’t be human.”

  “Bill said you have a daughter?”

  “Maddie. She’ll be eight on Christmas Eve.”

  Anna chewed her bottom lip. “Her dad?”

  “We divorced when Maddie was two and a half.” Sky read the unspoken question in Anna’s eyes. “He hasn’t been a part of her life since.”

  “Does she…”

  “Ask about him? She did recently, but it was the first time in a long time.” In an effort to bring some levity to the conversation, she continued. “She’s the reason Max and I are together.” By the time Sky finished the story, Anna was laughing.

  “I’d like to meet her.”

  “She’ll be here this afternoon and thrilled to have a roommate. She’ll talk your head off, though.”

  Anna shook her head. “I called the hotel this morning, and they should have a room available later today. I won’t impose on your hospitality any longer.”

  Further conversation ended with a knock on the door.

  Sky opened it to find Logan standing there, his face tight and drawn.

  He walked in without preamble and tossed a cell phone on the table. “You left your phone last night. That guy Cade Jackson has called twice. Said it’s important that you call him right away.” He shoved his hands in his front pockets. “It’s him, isn’t it? He’s my father.”

  Max couldn’t remember the last time he woke so refreshed. No troubling dreams, no waking up a gazillion times, no tossing and turning waiting for sleep to come. Just wonderful, restful sleep. Evidently, a round of lovemaking with the most beautiful woman in the world was the secret.

  A quick glance at the bedside clock said he had time to grab a cup of coffee with Sky before she left for work. If his houseguest was still asleep.

  He peeked in the living room as he walked by, curbing his disappointment when he saw the empty couch.

  Logan wasn’t in the kitchen either. He debated the advisability of going next door anyway when he saw Logan enter Sky’s house. Unsure of what his presence might mean, he walked across the drive.

  Before he could knock, Sky opened the door.

  “Come on in and join the party.”

  He noted she didn’t smile, and her voice was strained.

  Anna sat at the table, one hand at the base of her throat, twin lines of worry creasing her brow. “You talked to Cade? What did he say?”

  “He sounded pissed,” snapped Logan. “Said you better not be starting that same shit again.”

  He held up a hand and looked at Max. “His words, not mine.” He turned back to his mother. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

  The rhythmic tick-tock of the big clock on the wall and steady drip-drip from the sink faucet were the only sounds in the room. Max did a double take at Sky when he noted no surprise at all in her expression. Only sympathy and understanding emanated from her concerned gaze as she looked between mother and son. How did she know? Did Anna tell her?

  Logan took an unsteady step toward the table and drug out a chair. Without a word or even a glance around, he sat down.

  Tick-tock.

  Drip-drip.

  Max didn’t realize he held his breath until Sky crossed his vision with a glass of water, which she placed in front of the boy.

  She walked back to her spot by the sink, placing a hand on Max’s bicep and squeezing lightly as she passed.

  Tick-tock.

  Drip-drip.

  Tension buzzed and crackled in the air like electric sparks. The ominous silence continued, as though everyone was unable or maybe afraid to break it for fear the room would explode from the immense pressure inside.

  Logan picked up the glass and downed half of it before putting it back on the table.

  Tick-tock.

  Drip-drip.

  Max glanced at Sky, who watched Anna closely.

  The women gazed at each other as though communicating on some secret level, like those whistles only dogs could hear. If he hadn’t been watching so closely himself, he might have missed the almost imperceptible nod from Sky.

  He jerked his gaze back to Anna, who inhaled deeply and turned to Logan.

  All color drained from her face, and her eyes clenched tightly shut as she whispered, “Yes. Cade Jackson is your father.”

  Logan’s body tensed, and he drew in an audible breath as the impact of Anna’s words hit him.

  Tick-tock.

  Drip-drip.

  “Now what?” she asked.

  Logan’s face paled, and he stared mutely at his mother.

  Max’s heart ached for the pain reflected in those two words. He tensed at Sky’s light touch on his arm, understanding eyes silently offering support.

  Logan cleared his throat, and Max turned his attention in that direction.

  “Now what?” he stammered, his croaky voice gaining an octave at the end. “That’s all you have to say?”

  Anna wrung her hands together, then placed them in her lap, eyes focused on her son. “What do you want me to say?”

  His previously ashen complexion suddenly bloomed with color. Body tense, he lurched upright in his chair and sucked in a lungful of air. “I want to know why. Why you lied to me my whole life. Why you kept me from him.”

  Anna’s shoulders slumped. Her jaw worked as she ground her teeth together. Arms crossed over her chest, she sighed. “I did what I thought was best for you, son. That’s all I ever cared about.”

  “Why. Did. You. Lie. To. Me.” Logan’s clipped enunciation of each word, accompanied by a light tap of one finger on the tabletop, emphasized his grief.

  “Nothing good will come of this, Logan,” said Max. “That bullshit about the truth setting you free is just that. Bullshit.”

  He jumped from his chair and whirled on Max. “You know, don’t you? You’re part of this…this lie.”

  “I know that your mother did the right thing—”

  “For who?” he shouted. “For who?”

  “He didn’t want you,” said Anna softly.

  Logan turned to his mother, chest heaving with each labored breath.

  “He didn’t want either of us.”

  She swayed when she stood, and both Max and Sky took a step toward her.

  “I didn’t want you to know.” She extended one hand out, then let it drop. “I wanted to protect you from…from that.”

  A tormented silence once again engulfed the room.

  Max put his arm around Sky and pulled her to him, needing the comfort of her nearness.

  Logan shook his head. “How could he not want his own kid?”

  Tears trailed down Anna’s cheeks as she hugged herself tightly and shook her head. “I don’t know.”

  “Because he’s an asshole,” snapped Max, “who never thinks about anything or anyone except himself.” He pulled away from Sky and stepped over to Logan, who didn’t resist as Max urged him back in his chair.

  This is crazy. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. Even as denial screamed through his brain, he pulled a chair close to Logan and sat down.

  “I wish my mother would have been as strong as Annie and told her old man to go to hell.”

  Max clutched his hands together in front of him, gaze locked on Logan. “Believe me, kid, we would have all been better off.” He paused. “Being forced into something against your will doesn’t bode well for happily ever after.”

  Logan’s stiff posture didn’t change as Max continued.

  “When her old man found out my mother was pregnant, he insisted they get married right away. So they did.”

  “What happened?”

  Logan’s hesitant questio
n opened the door to a past he never wanted to remember much less reveal to anyone.

  “They made life miserable for all of us.” Max took a steadying breath and marginally relaxed at Sky’s gentle touch on his shoulders. “I was too young to remember a lot of it, but I do remember the fights, the yelling, the name calling.” Painful memories, long buried out of self-preservation, were exhumed one by one.

  “He blamed her for ruining his chance to be a big-time football star. She blamed him for drinking away what little money he made.” He had to swallow hard before unearthing the next one. “And they both blamed me for being born in the first place.”

  Sky’s grip on his shoulders tightened, but he didn’t react. The floodgates opened, and words poured out. Words he’d never spoken to a single human being before.

  “I never understood what I did wrong. Tried to be good, do as I was told.” Chest so tight he feared something would break, he forced a painful breath. “But…I was nothing more than excess baggage forced on them…and they hated me for it.”

  Perspiration dotted his forehead and edged its way into his left eye. The sting was nothing compared to the pain of knowing your own parents wished you were never born.

  “I was eight when she dropped me off at school one day.” He couldn’t keep the shake from his voice now or stop the muscle spasms in his chest as the memory washed over him. “I never saw either of them again. I sat outside on the steps till almost dark before the cops came and got me.”

  Sky listened with rapt attention, her heart breaking with each new revelation. She could not imagine doing something so heinous to Maddie. Or Logan. Or any child.

  Torn by what to do, she settled for keeping her hands on his shoulders. When he reached up and grabbed them, holding them against his chest, she knew it was the right thing to do.

  “I spent the next ten years going from one foster home to another.”

  He squeezed her hands so tight, she gritted her teeth against the pain. His chest rose and fell on a long, measured breath, as his head tipped back against her chest, and he closed his eyes.

  “Because young boys with anger issues are not considered adoptable.” The words came out in a hoarse whisper, filled with pain, bitterness, and resignation.

  A flash of grief so intense it took her breath away swept through Sky. Grief for the small boy who didn’t understand what he did wrong. And grief for the man who still carried the pain of that rejection.

  But fast on the heels of that came a rush of love for the man he’d become, a man willing to sacrifice himself for his friends, to lay bare his deepest hurt in order to help someone else.

  No one spoke as each digested what he had said.

  “Oh, Max,” said Anna at last. “I didn’t know.”

  He focused on Logan. “You see what she did as lying to you.”

  Sky glanced at the boy whose dazed, open-mouthed stare remained fixed on Max.

  “But I see it as putting your welfare above all else.” He paused. “She made sure you had a stable home, food on the table, and never once doubted that you were loved. Because that’s what a mother who loves her child does.” His voice cracked. “…I wish mine had done the same.”

  She heard Anna’s light gasp but didn’t glance her way. Instead, she hugged Max closer. How that revelation must have hurt him.

  “She made a mistake by falling for the wrong guy,” said Max. “Marrying him would have made bad matters worse.”

  Defiant, Logan sat up in his chair. “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes. I do,” said Max firmly.

  “He’s right, son.” Anna spoke up louder. “It took a while for me to realize that, but I finally did.”

  “You never gave him a chance!”

  “I stopped giving him chances when he…”

  “He what, Mom?”

  “I did what I thought was best for you.”

  “What did he do, Mom?” Logan’s somber tone implied he didn’t really want to know the answer but asked anyway.

  “Son, please—”

  “Tell me.”

  “He…wouldn’t admit to being your father, even though he knew he was.” She paused, then continued in a sinking tone. “He wanted me to get an abortion, but I refused.” She stood up straight. “You are the light of my life.” She took a step toward him and stopped. “I thought I was doing the right thing. Thought I was protecting you from getting hurt.”

  Logan stood so quickly, the chair toppled behind him. “I need some air.”

  Before anyone could react, he was out the back door.

  Tick-tock.

  Drip-drip.

  A suffocating silence filled the room as Sky processed the sequence of events and wondered what on earth would transpire next.

  Anna finally broke the protracted quiet. “I’ll get my things and get out of your hair,” she said softly. “The hotel should have a room available soon.”

  “Wait,” said Sky. “Maybe—maybe you should stay here.”

  Anna opened her mouth, but Sky interrupted. “I’ll be gone till two-thirty or so. You can have some time to yourself.” She glanced at the back door. “And you’ll be close if y’all need to talk or something.”

  “I’ve already imposed on your hospitality enough.”

  “It’s no imposition since I won’t be here.” She looked at the clock. “Speaking of which, I need to get to work. Ruby wanted me in by ten, and I still have to get dressed.”

  Anna nodded and left the kitchen.

  Sky remained behind Max, arms draped over his shoulders. She wanted to comfort him, say something to ease his pain, but words failed her. She bent down and kissed the top of his head.

  He pulled her around until she sat in his lap, her arms around his neck. He buried his face in her chest as he pulled her tightly against him. “I can still remember that day,” he said at last, his voice muffled against her shirt. “I kept thinking she’s just late again. She’ll be here soon.”

  Sadness tore at her heart as he continued.

  “The cops came with social services.”

  Sorrow closed her throat when he pulled back and looked at her. Had he worn a neon sign, it could not be more clearly discerned. Pain, loneliness, loss, rejection.

  “I found out later she’d made the call herself and told them where to find me.”

  She waited.

  “Never heard from either of them again.”

  “What about her parents? His parents?”

  His half-hearted shrug broke her heart.

  “Don’t remember them. Not even their names.” He inhaled, rested his head on her chest again. “They gave me up, and that was the end of it.”

  She pulled him closer. No wonder he’s so loyal to his friends. He suffered the ultimate rejection.

  “My last foster home, the one that brought me here, was the best I guess, though I was such an ass by then I didn’t realize it.” One hand made small circles on her thigh. “Guess that’s why I ended up back here. Only place I ever stayed more than a few months.” He sighed. “I sent them a card maybe five years ago. Wasn’t sure what to say except thank you and I’m sorry. No idea if they got it or not.”

  “Are they still around?”

  “…He died two years ago. Heart attack. She moved away. Houston, I think.” He expelled a noisy breath. “Told you I was messed up.”

  “Nobody’s perfect.”

  “You are.”

  She scoffed and shifted on his lap. “You’re biased.”

  He pulled back to look at her. “You’re perfect to me…for me.”

  She smiled. “And you’re perfect for me.”

  He cupped her chin with one hand, and his thumb caressed her lower lip. His lips slowly captured hers, and she drank in the sweetness of it.

  After years of dreaming impossible dreams, hope fluttered in her chest.

  Sky made it to work with ten minutes to spare. “Is Ruby in her office?” she asked the cook on duty this morning.

  “Yeah. Said
tell you to go on back when you got here.”

  A million thoughts ran through her mind as she made her way to the back room that served as an office. The door was open, so she cleared her throat to announce her arrival.

  “Hey,” said Ruby with a big smile. “Come on in. Shut the door.”

  Uh-oh. A closed-door meeting. What did I do? Crap. I bet she’s already heard about Doc’s offer.

  “Have a seat.”

  Nothing in Ruby’s manner suggested bad news, so Sky tried to relax.

  “I’m guessing the date night went well after all?”

  Sky sputtered and ignored the rush of heat to her face. “Um, yes. It did.”

  “I must say, it was really nice of you to offer Anna Sue a place to stay last night.” Ruby chuckled. “I’m not sure I’d have been so noble.”

  “It’s no big deal. She and Max are friends, and she was in a bind.”

  “And that doesn’t bother you?” Ruby shuffled papers on her desk. “The friends part, I mean.”

  “No. Why should it?”

  Ruby sighed and crossed her hands on top of the desk. “I’m not one to beat around the bush, so I’m just gonna say it.” She paused as though gathering her thoughts. “I like Max. Have from the beginning.”

  “But?”

  “But he’s carrying around a lot of baggage.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  “And now that baggage contains a woman and a boy.”

  “Your point?” It was difficult not to take exception to her remarks, but Sky kept her voice calm.

  Ruby sat back in the chair and ran one hand through copper-colored curls. “I’m handling this all wrong. I’m sorry.” She sat forward, hands folded together on the desk. “I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. If Max is the ticket to achieving that, great. But right now, all I see is you caught in the middle of a hot mess. I’m worried about you.”

  Explained that way, Sky understood her friend’s unease. Nonetheless, she resented the interference but chose her words carefully. “I appreciate your concern, Ruby. I do. But I can handle things.”

  “Cade is feeding the damn rumor mill fast as he can. He’s saying—”