Monster Problems: Vampire Misfire

by R. L. Ullman

  “But if I’m a vampire, how come I’m not sucking people’s blood?”

  “An excellent question,” Van Helsing says. “Perhaps now is the appropriate time to discuss your lineage. But before we do, it is important to remember that numerous tales have been told about Count Dracula, but I can assure you they are all just fiction. What I am about to share with you is the cold-hearted truth.”

  What does that mean? But I’ll have to wait as Van Helsing takes another sip of his frog brew. Meanwhile, my mind flashes through all of the pop culture references I know about Dracula. The movies, the comic books, the novels. I know they’re only stories, but they all have one thing in common—Count Dracula is always pure evil.

  Van Helsing finishes his drink and begins again. “In the world of the Supernatural, you may be surprised to learn that you come from royalty. You see, your great-grandparents, Jonathan and Mina Harker, played a central role in the downfall of Count Dracula himself, but not before suffering greatly at the hands of the fiend.”

  Great-grandparents? I’ve never heard of any great-grandparents.

  “The time,” Van Helsing continues, “was the late nineteenth century, and Count Dracula was looking to exert an even greater influence over the world. To accomplish this, he moved his base of operations from the remote wilderness of Wallachia to London, a densely populated city where he could more easily add unfortunate victims to his undead army. Before long, his forces swelled and the city was in complete disarray. Dracula’s victory over humanity would have been assured had he not met your great-grandmother.”

  His statement shocks me. What did my great-grandmother have to do with this?

  “Mina was bright and attractive,” Van Helsing says, “and Dracula took a special interest in her, so much so that he did not turn her into a vampire with just one bite. Unbeknownst to Mina, the villain visited her repeatedly during the night, preying upon her, taking his time in transforming her into one of his loyal, undead subjects. That is, until his actions were discovered by your great-grandfather.”

  “What did he do?” I ask, fascinated.

  “Jonathan Harker was a brave man,” Van Helsing continues, “and when Mina’s behavior grew odder and odder, he realized something was wrong. Soon he uncovered Count Dracula’s nefarious plot but could do nothing to stop the monster. Jonathan, however, would not give up until he found a way to save his beloved wife. He searched frantically, sending letters around the globe until he found a Dutch man with intimate knowledge of how to destroy Dracula. That man was my grandfather, Abraham Van Helsing, an expert in all things Supernatural.”

  “Hold the phone,” I say. “Are you saying my ancestors knew your ancestors?”

  “Indeed,” Van Helsing says. “And if it weren’t for the combined daring of those two men, your great-grandmother would have succumbed to Dracula’s power, and the world would have plunged into darkness. But under the tutelage of my grandfather, Jonathan Harker did the impossible. He destroyed Count Dracula. And once Dracula was vanquished, his army of the undead turned to dust. Fortunately, Mina had not been transformed into a vampire, and upon Dracula’s demise she reverted to her natural state. She was saved.”

  “So, she lived a normal life?” I ask.

  “For a while,” Van Helsing says. “But then things took a turn for the worse. As you can imagine, news of Count Dracula’s ‘death’ swept far and wide. Your great-grandparents wanted to live a quiet life, but instead they became unwilling celebrities across all of Europe. And while some still believed Dracula was only a character in a bedtime story, the Dark Ones knew the truth, and they sought revenge against Jonathan and Mina.”

  “What kind of revenge?” I ask, cringing.

  “The worst kind of revenge,” Van Helsing says. “But fortunately, they failed, and Jonathan and Mina realized they were no longer safe in Europe. With the help of my grandfather, they changed their names to Joseph and Miriam Murray, and booked passage to America to start life anew. But even in the new world, they could not escape the curse of Count Dracula.”

  “Why not?” I ask.

  “Because it was always with them,” Van Helsing responds. “You see, while Mina, now called Miriam, had never transformed into a full vampire, she had come so dangerously close that unbeknownst to them, her blood had been forever contaminated. She was now the only surviving carrier of the vampire pathogen—a virus she passed down to your grandfather, and then to your father, and now to you. By blood, your ancestors were half-vampires, and so are you.”

  Half vampires?

  I’m half-vampire?

  “Y-You’re kidding?” I stammer.

  It’s strange to even think about, but deep down I know it’s true. And then it hits me. Maybe what Snide said about my father is also true. Suddenly, I feel angry.

  “It figures my father was part vampire,” I say. “He never loved me. He abandoned me.”

  “That is partially true,” Van Helsing says. “Your father abandoned you, but he did it because he loved you.”

  “That’s a lie!” I yell, surprising myself by my reaction. “How could anyone abandon someone they loved?”

  “To save your life,” Van Helsing says. “Your father was stubborn, but he was a good man who valued your life more than his own.”

  “What are you saying?” I ask. “You’re talking like you knew him.”

  “That is because I did know him,” Van Helsing says. “Your father, Gabriel Murray, was once a student here.”

  What? Now my mind is totally blown. My father was a student here? At the Van Helsing Academy? I thought there couldn’t be any more shocking news about my life, but it just keeps on coming. Then I realize he said my father’s last name was Murray. But my last name is Matthews?

  “Hold on,” I say. “Gabriel Murray. Jonathan and Mina Murray. Are you saying my last name isn’t Matthews? It’s … Murray?”

  “Yes,” Van Helsing says. “Your given name is Abraham Murray. Your father was one of my very first students. His parents had passed away, and he was on his own then. Just a teenager—a lost soul. He had no idea how special he was.”

  Van Helsing looks longingly into the fire.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “In the beginning,” he says, “this school was intended for Natural students. We did not teach the things we do now. We did not have to. But when I discovered Gabriel, I realized the Supernatural world of my grandfather was still very much alive, and I knew it was my duty to help your father. Your father was our first Supernatural student and he had the spirit of a wild horse. Gabriel knew he was different from the others, but I never told him why. The Dark Ones were non-existent in America, and since there was no imminent danger, I decided he was better off not knowing his true heritage.”

  “Wait, you never told him he was half-vampire?”

  “No,” Van Helsing says, “And as he grew into a young adult, he began feeling confined behind our gates. He became increasingly rebellious, challenging the way we did things. He called this place a prison and demanded to leave. I tried to convince him to stay, for his own safety. But he did not understand and one night he ran away. I never saw him again.”

  I see the sadness in his eyes.

  “We… I… lost track of him,” Van Helsing says. “At the time I did not have the resources to track him down. It was only through a chance encounter with an old colleague that I learned what had happened to Gabriel. He had gone far away, met a Natural girl, and fell in love. He got a job, they married, bought a house. Life was normal for a while.”

  “That’s good, right?” I ask.

  “Yes, of course,” Van Helsing says. “I wanted him to be happy with his choices. But, unfortunately, it did not last. At that time the Dark Ones were returning to prominence in Europe. Employing new methods, they retraced Count Dracula’s final steps, leading to the mysterious disappearance of your great-grandparents. They discovered Jonathan and Mina’s new identities, followed their path to America, and tracked down th
eir descendants. By the time we figured out what was happening, the Dark Ones had discovered your parents and… we were too late. They perished in a terrible fire.”

  I had always been told that’s how they died. I just never knew the real story behind it.

  Van Helsing looks down and I can sense that he feels horrible. Like it was all his fault.

  “From that point forward,” Van Helsing says, “I changed everything. I dedicated my life to protecting those who could not protect themselves—Supernatural children. They were innocent outcasts in society, abandoned by their very own families. They were labeled as monsters and left to survive on their own, hunted by human predators who wanted to destroy them.”

  I’m shocked. I had no idea all of that was happening. I mean, I’ve survived pretty much on my own, but I never had people hunting me down.

  “My academy became a haven for these special children,” Van Helsing says. “A place where they could master their gifts while defending themselves against the prejudices of the Natural world. And one day, they will be called upon to save those who shunned them.”

  Wow. If that’s what this school is about it’s kind of inspiring.

  “But despite our success,” Van Helsing continues, “we still did not have the means to defeat a nebulous organization like the Dark Ones. And then, one day, our network provided intelligence that a child with strikingly similar characteristics to Gabriel was discovered in foster care. And that child was you.”

  For some reason I feel tingly all over.

  “I realized that, in some way, my training had paid off,” Van Helsing continues. “Your father must have sensed danger and placed you into foster care, giving you a new last name to conceal your identity. It was likely his final act before facing the Dark Ones.”

  I’m stunned. So, my father didn’t abandon me? He put me in foster care to save me? Then, I have a strange thought. What about my mom? Did she know who my father was? Did she know he put me in foster care?

  “Did you know my mom?” I ask.

  “No, unfortunately I never had the pleasure,” Van Helsing says. “But now we knew of you.”

  I’m confused. “So, if you knew I was out there, why didn’t you bring me here? Like all of those other kids you were talking about.”

  “Because you were different. It was clear from the beginning that you shared the same restless spirit as your father. Vampires are notoriously independent, and I swore I would not make the same mistake twice. It was a difficult decision, but I feared if I brought you here too young, you would grow to resent it, just like your father. So, instead, we kept a careful watch on you.”

  Whoa! What? Suddenly, I’m red hot.

  “You mean you decided to let me suffer out there?” I say, my voice rising. “You just sat here and watched me burn through all of those foster families? All of that bullying? And you didn’t even have the decency to tell me who or what I really was?”

  “Yes,” Van Helsing says. “I decided it was best for you to live free for as long as you could. To experience the world your father longed for. I do not regret this decision.”

  “I do!” I say. “I can’t believe this.”

  “I understand your outrage,” Van Helsing says. “But the timing was not right. Now things are different. The Dark Ones will not stop until they bring Dracula back.”

  “Bring him back?” I say. “How’s that possible? I thought you said he was destroyed.”

  “Only his mortal body was destroyed,” Van Helsing says. “But his soul is immortal. The Dark Ones are working to bring him back to life, and they might succeed if they find the Blood Grail.”

  “What’s a Blood Grail?” I ask, remembering Van Helsing mentioning it before.

  “It is the cursed artifact that brought Count Dracula into existence in the first place. If the Dark Ones find it, they may be able to resurrect him once again. It is up to us to stop them.”

  “Us?” I say. “Hang on a second, I didn’t sign up for this. I didn’t say I’d help you.”

  “I know I have shared a lot,” Van Helsing says. “Most of which is a surprise to you. But remember, if the Dark Ones succeed, Count Dracula will ravage America and everything we know will be in peril. You must join us, Bram.”

  “I don’t have to do anything,” I say. “On second thought, I think I will do something. I’m getting the heck out of here.”

  I stand up and head for the exit.

  “Bram, wait,” Van Helsing says. “You are making a mistake. It is dangerous out there. The werewolves work for the Dark Ones and they will pursue you relentlessly. We can train you here. We can teach you how to use your abilities. There are other students here who—"

  But I never hear Van Helsing’s last words because I’m gone, squeezing my way out of his cluttered office. Once outside, I take a deep breath. My head is throbbing and my clothes are dripping with sweat. Man, it feels good to get out of there.

  This whole thing is nuts. I mean, what’s wrong with that guy? He knew everything about my life but chose not to tell me about it. Who does that?

  Anyway, I was expecting Crawler to be waiting for me, but he’s not around. I don’t know how long I was in there, but now the sun is up. I’m tired and hungry, but I’ve got to keep moving. I need to get as far away from this place as possible.

  I retrace my steps as best as I can remember, sprinting past the faculty doors—all still closed—and turning down a long hallway. I run through a bunch of corridors, hoping to find the front entrance, but instead I wander into a large space that looks like a gym.

  Standing in the center is a girl. She’s walking in the opposite direction, but maybe she knows the way out.

  “Excuse me,” I call out.

  The girl turns around, and I hate to admit it, but she kind of takes my breath away. She’s really pretty, with bright blue eyes and long brown hair. She’s wearing a black sweater with some kind of a silver badge on it.

  “Yeah?” she says. “Do I know you?”

  “W-Well, no,” I stammer. “But I—”

  Just then I notice a huge block hanging by a thin rope from the ceiling, about fifty feet high in the air. How did I miss that? It looks like it weighs a ton and it’s hovering right over her head. Does she even know it’s there? I mean, if that thing drops, she’ll be crushed!

  “Do you need something?” she asks, putting a hand on her hip. “Because I’m kind of busy right now.”

  I’m about to answer, when…

  The rope snaps.

  TALK ABOUT EMBARRASSING

  “Look out!” I yell, pointing up.

  The blue-eyed girl stares at me quizzically, but when she looks up her expression changes to horror as she sees the massive block falling over her head. She’s about to be squished like a grape!

  Without thinking, I launch into action.

  I race towards her, kicking into super speed mode, everything around me moving in slow motion. I’m not sure where I’m getting this extra energy from because I thought I didn’t have anything left.

  But I can’t figure it out now, because if I mistime this rescue by even a fraction of a second, we’ll both be pancakes.

  As I peek up, the block is halfway there and the girl is reeling back in shock, her brown hair bouncing dramatically like she’s in a shampoo commercial.

  This is gonna be close.

  Then, everything around me darkens.

  I’m right under it!

  I might get crushed, but I can’t break my stride.

  I pump my arms and legs harder.

  She’s inches away.

  I feel the block pressing down on my hair.

  It’s on top of me!

  I reach out to wrap her up, hoping my momentum carries us both out of harm’s way.

  But I come up empty!

  I narrowly clear the block’s path before it CRASHES to the gym floor, vaulting me sky high. I land hard on my stomach, knocking the wind out of me, and tumble head over heels until I smash into a blue
-padded wall.

  I’m bruised, but that doesn’t matter.

  What happened to the girl?

  She was right in front of me. All I had to do was grab her. There’s no way I could have missed.

  So, does that mean she’s…?

  I sit up nervously, fully expecting to find a big, disgusting mess. But instead there’s… nothing? I mean, that big old block is there, sticking halfway out of the gym floor. But there’s no girl. Or girl parts.

  Holy cow. She must be under the block.

  Suddenly, I hear a muffled noise. Strangely, it almost sounds like… giggling? And then, to my astonishment, a figure steps out of the center of the block itself.

  My jaw drops.

  I-It’s the girl!

  But instead of walking, she floats in the air straight towards me, hovering a few feet away. Then, she lands gently, her hands on her hips.

  It’s her! But then I realize she doesn’t seem like she’s totally here. I mean, I can actually see right through her, like she’s transparent!

  “A-Are you an angel?” I ask.

  “Nope,” she says, “Just your friendly neighborhood ghost.”

  Wait, did she just say… ghost?

  “And by the way,” she continues, “I really didn’t need to be saved. I can take care of myself.”

  Then, I notice the silver badge on her black sweater. It has a big letter ‘M’ that looks like it was engraved by the claws of a lion. And there’s a word beneath it. It reads:

  AURA

  “Who’s that guy?” comes a boy’s voice.

  “He ruined everything!” another boy says.

  Suddenly, there’s a whole group of kids gathered around me. But then I realize they’re not kids at all.

  They’re… monsters?

  And all of them are wearing black sweaters, just like the ghost girl, with their own silver badges.

  I take in the scene.

  To the girl’s left is a big kid whose entire body is covered in brown fur. His shaggy face sort of looks like an ape, with a thick brow, small nose, and large jaw. He’s not wearing any shoes, and his feet are absolutely enormous. For some reason, he reminds me of Bigfoot, only smaller. His badge says: