Blind Hope

by Olivia Gaines

  “You okay, Mister Cotter?”

  “Yep. Let’s get moving so we can get back and check on your Mama,” Cotter said, throwing away their trash.

  Johnnie walked alongside him in the neon coat and new snow boots that the kid insisted on putting on in the truck, and they went into the health and beauty section. Toothpaste, new brushes, and soap were added to the basket. The one aisle men never went down made Cotter stop. She said she’d run out of everything. That means this stuff too. He thought back to Andrea, his on again off again crazy lover, and the items he’d seen under her bathroom sink. Searching his memory, he reached for the blue package along with a blue box of girly inserts.

  “Not those,” Johnnie said, reaching up on the shelf to get another brand and different size. “These.”

  “Thanks,” Cotter said, anxious to get out of the aisle, but Johnnie went down another to get lavender soaking salts and a bath sponge.

  “My Mama likes these,” he said, checking the price and doing the math with his fingers. “Together, these are only $3, which leaves me $7 more to spend. I want to get her a new pair of slippers to keep her feet warm.”

  “Do you know the size?”

  “I think a seven,” Johnnie said. “Her feet aren’t very big.”

  “Then let’s head to the shoe section,” Cotter said.

  Johnnie picked a pair of soft lined slippers for $5 for the woman and asked if Cotter could afford a pair for him as well. The pair Johnnie chose were a bright red, making the man wonder if something was wrong with boy as they traveled to the underwear section. Cotter reached for boxer briefs and Johnnie started to laugh really loud in the store.

  “What’s wrong, you don’t like this kind?” Cotter asked.

  “They’re okay,” the kid said with a smile. “But I wear this kind.”

  The small fingers pointed at a shelf on the opposite side to girl’s underwear. Cotter was confused by the expression on his face, which made Johnnie laugh even louder. He took it back, he didn’t like the kid. Something was wrong with it and he needed to take it back to its Mama.

  “Mister Cotter, I wear panties because I’m a girl,” Johnnie said, her face bright with amusement.

  “Well, I’ll be damned,” Cotter said, looking at Johnnie in a whole new light. “Well, shit, I guess we need to go back and get hair barrettes and ribbons too.”

  “Oooh, can we? Can we?” Johnnie said, clapping together her hands in the new pair of gloves they also scored at the second-hand store.

  It was at that moment that Cotter Wihlborg knew he was in trouble. The little imp had fooled him, but moreover, she’d snuck one in on him and impressed the hell out of a man who rarely, if ever was duped. The idea of barrettes in the wild hair brought a smile to his face as he threw a cute pink hat in the basket before heading back to get ribbons for Johnnie’s hair.

  JUDY FIDGETED ON THE couch, waiting for them to come back. Fear held onto her chest, almost preventing her from breathing at the thought of the man taking her child and not coming back. She didn’t know why she trusted him, but she did. Johnnie was smart and she’d taught her child well. However, there was going to come a moment when the man found out that the kid, he’d been calling son was in fact a girl. For safety, living in a remote area, she dressed the child as a boy. Lost people infrequently found their way to the door of the home, and the last thing she needed was to fight off a weirdo who had a thing for young girls. It was bad enough she had to worry about fighting one off that wanted to take liberties with her, let alone her child. The concern eased as she heard the sound of his truck coming up the long drive, bringing her child home safely.

  The darkness which surrounded Cotter didn’t give off the vibe that he would hurt a child, and he was all she had right now. At his mercy, the blind hope that Cotter would treat them well kept her calm when she got to her feet, feeling stronger this afternoon. The pills he’d been giving her helped to break the fever, but her recovery was a long journey from being over. Adding a log to the fire, she warmed the room as an exuberant Johnnie burst through the door with bags of loot, anxious to show off the goodies she’d scored.

  “Mama! Mama! Look at my new coat,” Johnnie said. “Mister Cotter gave me an allowance and I was able to get some things for you too!”

  Rummaging through the bag, Johnnie pulled out the slippers, helping her mother put them on her feet. “I got ribbons and barrettes for my hair too!” the child exclaimed while showing off the Kermit sweatshirt, orange socks and other items.

  “We got new toothbrushes too, Mama!” Johnnie explained. “We even got you supplies!”

  She yanked the personal items out of the bag, leaving Judy’s eyes wide. Embarrassment showed on her face as she dropped her eyes, not wanting to make eye contact with Cotter.

  “It’s cool. I have sisters,” he mumbled. “Johnnie, we need to wash that stuff before you wear them.”

  “Yes sir,” she said, heading towards the back of the kitchen.

  “Oh, you have a washer and dryer?” he asked, shocked.

  “A washer, yes, but the dryer is nature or this fireplace,” Judy said, sliding the personal items behind her back. “Thank you for all of this. I don’t know how I am ever going to repay you.”

  “We can start by you trusting and being honest with me,” Cotter said. “You could have told me the child was a girl.”

  “I am trusting and being honest with you,” Judy said. “I let you take her with me having no phone to call for help and being laid up here with pneumonia.”

  “It’s not pneumonia,” he said. “You are just really sick and need nutrition and hydration. Yeah, the lungs are wet with sputum, but not to the point of all of that. Speaking of no phone...”

  He tossed an unopened prepaid phone towards her. “This way, you have a phone. Later, I’ll program in my number.”

  “Are you leaving?” she asked, suddenly aware of not wanting the man to leave them alone. The idea of his presence not filling the space evoked fear inside of her soul. The last thing she needed or ever wanted was to rely on a man, but this one she needed.

  “Not yet,” he said.

  The look of relief on her face touched him. It had been a long time since a woman wanted him to stay around. Even longer since he’d found one, he wanted to be around for longer than a few nights. Touching her hand, he went to check on the meat he left simmering in a Dutch oven on the stove.

  “Cotter?” she said softly.

  “Yeah Mrs. Morrow?”

  “Judy. Call me Judy and it doesn’t matter,” she said softly.

  He turned his head, looking over his shoulder at her. The soft glow from the fireplace lit her face, giving him the first real look at the woman. Even sick, she was kinda pretty.

  “What doesn’t matter, Judy?” he said, placing the lid on the pot and reaching for two sweet potatoes.

  “Whatever you did. Whatever awful thing you did which makes you feel as if you have to do penance here with us,” she said softly. “It doesn’t matter. Your willingness to stay and help is all that does.”

  “I’m not doing penance for any damned thing,” he said. “Caleb was...”

  Cotter lowered his voice, not wanting Johnnie to hear him say a bad thing about her father. He also needed a minute to phrase his wording just so without giving away clues of how he’d come across Caleb Morrow.

  “My husband was many things, but he loved us,” Judy lied.

  “The only person Caleb loved was himself. He sent me in a last-ditch effort to not rot in hell for leaving the two of you here defenseless,” he said. “I have a mother, a brother and sisters. I wouldn’t want this for them and would put a bullet in any man who considered this to be a life. Everything we do in this world matters. If not to us, then those it impacts. Caleb’s bad decisions impacted that sweet child. He will not continue to hurt either of you.”

  That’s when she cried. He came to her side in six long strides, scooping her up to sit on his lap. The sour scent of sickness, swe
at and an unwashed body filled his nostrils, and tonight they both would put their bodies in some water. He actually needed a hot shower as well and looked forward to washing off two days of sweat and grime. Holding her to his chest, he didn’t rock or offer words of consolation, just the strong arms of protection in her time of need.

  Judy actually let go and cried the tears of hatred, fear, and frustration she’d held onto for so many years. Cotter was a bad man too. In her soul she knew it. Miles. Henry. The whole lot of men who straddled the line of good and bad were all bound up in this one body who sat still, cradling her in strong arms, holding her as she cried.

  More tears came as she cried for herself, feeling some sort of way at being held by this man. The warmth of his touch. The tenderness of his care. She wanted more than anything to be well so she could repay him by sharing the sweet spot of connection in the middle of the night between a man and a woman. It was all she had to give him.

  Judy hoped it would be enough for now.

  Chapter Five- What Next...Damnit!

  The oddity of the feelings engulfing him made Cotter want to pack his overnight bag and get the hell out of the house. As the three of them sat around the table eating dinner, the conversation, totally monopolized by Johnnie, reminded him of the days when his father would come home off the road. Cotter would fill the table with every detail that Boubacar Wihlborg missed in his absence while making money for his family. His sisters, Alayna and Susie would get in a word every now and then, but while his father was away, Cotter was the man of the house. He had to fill his Pops in on man details and how he kept the house safe.

  Footsteps.

  Outside of the backdoor.

  Crunching on the snow.

  Cotter held up his hands, pointing at the two womenfolk, asking them to get down under the table as he went for his bag and retrieved the 9mm gun. Walking softly, he made his way towards the back door, cutting the kitchen lights and crouching under the window. Giving his eyes time to adjust, he raised his head to peer out the window and spotted a man. Yanking the door open, he pointed the gun at the man’s head, who was very surprised to see him.

  “What the fuck you doing here?” Cotter asked.

  “Shhherrrriffff,” the man stuttered.

  Cotter reached behind the door and flipped on the light to see the Sheriff’s uniform and lowered his weapon. Grabbing the doorknob, he walked out and pulled the door closed behind him and put his weapon in the waistband of his pants. He eyeballed the Sheriff with suspicion.

  “Why are you sneaking around at the back door instead of coming to the front and where’s your vehicle?” Cotter asked.

  “It’s about a mile down the road,” the Sheriff replied. “I saw a couple of vehicles come this way and one was, I guess, your truck. Didn’t know anyone was still here. Just wanted to peek in before I knocked and got my fool head shot off.”

  “Sheriff, you still nearly got your fool head shot off,” Cotter said, not wanting to invite the man inside, but he knew the Sheriff’s type. He would continue to come back again and again until he got to see inside. Allowing the timber of his voice to rise enough for Judy and the kid to hear him he asked, “You wanna come in for coffee? It’s a cold night.”

  “A cup of coffee would be really good right now,” the Sheriff said.

  “Come on in,” Cotter offered.

  JUDY AND JOHNNIE CROUCHED under the table, listening to Cotter talk to the Sheriff. It had been a few months since the sheriff had been out to the place, and each time he’d come, Caleb wasn’t anywhere to be found. Each time he’d conveniently dropped by with one excuse or another, she only referred to Caleb as ‘my husband’, never giving his actual name. Whispering in Johnnie’s ear, she provided the child instructions on what to do when the Sheriff came inside the house.

  “You understand, Johnnie?” she asked, clinging to the child.

  “Yes, Mama,” Johnnie replied as the sound of the back door opened, bringing in a brisk of cold air, Sheriff Rottingham, and the man she was going to call her own. At least for tonight.

  Climbing from under the table, Judy quickly cleared the dishes and grabbed two cups for coffee. Using a couple of Johnnie’s new barrettes, she quickly smoothed down her hair, clamping away the wayward strands. She didn’t have any dessert to offer, leaving the coffee to be just enough to get the man in and out of the house. A phony smile plastered itself on her face as the men came inside from the cold.

  “DADDY!” JOHNNIE CRIED out, running to Cotter and flinging her small body at him. He lifted the girl into his arms, holding her close to his chest.

  “It’s okay, sweetie, it’s just the Sheriff. There’s no need to be frightened,” he said in his best, put on Daddy voice. “Honey, let’s get the man some coffee to warm him. It’s cold out there tonight.”

  “Sure thing,” Judy said, pretending to feel better than she did. “Sheriff, you want milk and sugar with that coffee?”

  “No ma’am, black and strong is how I like it,” Sheriff Rottingham said, cutting his eye at the woman.

  “My Judy knows I take mine the same way,” Cotter said. “Nothing like a good, strong, black cup of anything to make a man anxious to get home and protect what’s his.”

  “You travel a lot there, Mister...?”

  “Wihlborg,” Cotter said. “Cotter Wihlborg. Used to drive over the road for a while, then took a bit of contract work, but all that is behind me. I’m home to stay.”

  The Sheriff took a swig of the coffee, asking a few more questions as Johnnie sat in Cotter’s lap, looking with one eye at the Sheriff as if he would harm her “new Daddy.” Judy sat across the table, giving Cotter a look of love and admiration that warmed him all the way to his toes. She clung to his every word as if he were Moses sent to deliver the Commandments to the Hebrews, thirsty from wandering about the desert.

  “Sorry, I don’t have any dessert to offer you, Sheriff, but I can make you a chicken sandwich to take with you,” Judy said.

  “Naw, coffee is just enough,” the beady-eyed man said, getting to his feet. “I hope that gun of yours is registered.”

  “All my weapons are registered,” Cotter offered him with a smile. “I was wondering though, since this is my land, can I hunt on it all year? I mean, when the game is in season.”

  “Yeah, you can, but we don’t have much in the way of processing places, other than ole Jeb, who is blind in one eye and got a cataract in the other,” the Sheriff said.

  “No need for all that,” Cotter said. “I can field dress anything and barely leave a trace of blood.”

  It was the way he said which made the Sheriff shiver. “Cotter Wihlborg, you said?”

  “Yep, Wihlborg,” he replied, spelling it out for the man. “W-i-h-l-b-o-r-g.”

  “Nice to see you, Judy, Johnnie,” the Sheriff said, headed for the front door. “Sorry to interrupt your meal and scare the little one.”

  “It’s quite alright. It’s time for a bath, story time, and bed anyway,” Cotter said.

  Johnnie was still in his arms as he escorted the Sheriff out the front door, offering him a ride back to his vehicle. The Sheriff stopped on the front porch, looking about the snow-covered yard. It was good land. Land he’d wanted for himself.

  “Is Johnnie in school?”

  Cotter was grateful for the information shared earlier by the kid. “In the fall. Johnnie just turned six a little while ago. Judy’s working really hard teaching her math, reading, and how to write in print and such, so the munchkin won’t be behind when school starts.”

  “Good to know,” the Sheriff said, touching the brim of his hat and walking out in the dark of night.

  Cotter put Johnnie on her feet, gently pushing her away from the door as he watched the Sheriff’s body disappear into the wood line. The man made him uneasy. He’d come to check on the woman. His words, double-edged, were a warning and Cotter fired back with subtlety. A sense of pride filled him at Judy and the kid’s quick thinking. The Daddy thing was a nice touc
h. It felt real to him and to the Sheriff’s eyes, but trust was hard won in Cotter’s. That man was up to something. Closing the door slowly, he could hear the wood hitting the burning logs in the fireplace as Johnnie added a log to cut the chill.

  Securing the door, he faced his new family, watching their faces. “Nice touches,” he said.

  “That man is a menace,” Judy said. “He sneaks about the place often, looking in, checking, for what I’m not sure.”

  “It’s not very late, but does he come by often?”

  “At least every other month,” Judy said.

  “How many times has he met Caleb?”

  “He’s never met him, and I only gave him my maiden name, Morgan,” she said.

  “Smart. Really smart,” Cotter said, smiling at Johnnie. “That Daddy thing was a nice move.”

  “I don’t know what all Caleb was involved with and with whom,” she told him. “The less people know the better. I see you gave him your name and the spelling.”

  “The best way to lie is to tell the truth,” Cotter said. “He’s going to check me out.”

  “Those things you said, contract, over the road driver, those things were true?”

  “Are true,” he corrected, looking about for his bag. “I need a shower. Does the water get really hot?”

  “Shower’s broken,” Johnnie said. “The tub also leaks water on the floor. Me and Mama usually wash off in the sink, but we hadn’t been able to do that in a while, you know, frozen well and all. I sure would love a bath and to wash my hair and put in those really pretty barrettes.”

  Johnnie eyeballed Cotter when she said the words and he frowned. A hot shower sounded amazing, but now he couldn’t have one. He was too much of a man to wash off in a sink and needed an alternative. Two of the three large water bottles sat in the kitchen. The kid would only need half of one to get the crud off her tiny body. Judy maybe the other half. He was going to need a whole one.