The Darkest Secrets

by Heather Wynter

  Her words changed; she didn’t even make it halfway before she was losing steam. It took about twenty minutes into the hike for her to realize this was a struggle. Okay, maybe more like ten. Both stopped talking so much as the incline set in. It gave precious air over to her lungs as she focused on walking, breathing, and taking in the beautiful sights.

  The canopy of trees overhead was so thick that it soon seemed like the rest of the world had ceased to exist. It muffled reality behind a wall of plant life. They didn’t come across any other hikers on the trail. The world slowly morphed into a version that held only her and Everett. In this dream of green, of things raw and real, she felt free for the first time in so long. This is the world Amelia wanted to be in.

  She lost herself in the movement of her body. The birds cheering her on. There were noises deeper in the forest. There was danger in nature. But different from the danger she was used to. This wasn’t cruel or manipulative. It was nature, beautifully wild and understandable, even if unpredictable. A nice break that was difficult and wonderful. Still, it was a relief when that water came into sight.

  The splashing of the waterfall as it careened down the mountain was sweeter than the birds. Sunlight glinted off the water, revealing another one of mother nature’s treasures. Amelia sat on a rock facing it as the spray cooled her sweaty face. Everett sat next to her so close that their skin touched when they moved, just a little.

  “Stunning, isn’t it?”

  “It is,” she admitted. She gazed at the rocks that disappeared as the water grew deeper. She wondered how many layers lay below the surface.

  “It’s the best place to go to do some deep thinking. There’s nothing quite like staring at the reflective surface of a pool of water to do some self-reflecting.”

  “What do you see?” she asked. She wasn’t sure where this was coming from, but maybe the stress just made her want to reach out to someone. “When you look at the water, what does it reflect to you?”

  His smile faltered for a second, shifted. For a second, she saw something in his eyes, something she couldn’t quite recognize. It was the first time she felt uncomfortable beside him.

  “I don’t know.” He gazed at the water like he was trying to decipher a vision. “I guess, ambition. Someone trying to make the best out of the hand they were given and doing a decent job at it most days. Some regrets, I guess. Sometimes uncertainty as the mask changes. But still, pride. Contentment. What about you?”

  She didn’t know what to say. She regretted ever asking, not considering that she’d also have to answer. She wanted to be like him. Content. Proud. Happy.

  “A cage,” she whispered. “I always see a cage. Though I’m not sure if I’m the one saving people from it or still stuck within it.”

  “I guess you’ll have to look a little deeper, then. I’m sure there’s more outside of that cage you’ve built around yourself you have yet to notice.” He stood. “And you still have plenty of time to. As beautiful as this is, it isn’t the end of the trail.”

  “We’re hiking all the way to the top of the waterfall?”

  “We’re hiking all the way to the top of the mountain.”

  “But it’s so beautiful here! I’m content here.”

  “Yet there’s more that awaits.”

  Amelia groaned as she stood. All those nights of little sleep, of stress, hadn’t done her body any favors. Yet she stood. Ready to move beyond this lovely place to something greater. Or just as stunning in a different way. Time would tell.

  She soon regretted ever sitting down. She regretted ever agreeing to continue as her legs protested. Her feet ached. All the trees were gorgeous, but it seemed like they would last forever. Rock arches were nice at first, but the reminder of just how out of shape her body and mind were was starting to wear on her.

  The path wound around, and the trees were a little thinner up ahead. The leaves a bit sparser. The sun touched their skin, urged them to continue.

  “We’re reaching the top, aren’t we?” she asked as she looked over at Everett. Both were sweaty messes, but smiles were creeping over their faces.

  “I think we are.” He smiled.

  They picked up the pace as much as their exhausted bodies would allow, energized by more wind until they emerged victorious.

  They were rewarded for their efforts with sweeping views of the wild side of Nashville. Wildflowers dotted the landscape directly below them. Trees stretched on further out, meeting cute houses.

  Amelia finally felt in control for a moment. It was difficult, but she had done this. She’d made it to the top and no one could take that away from her. The struggle made the triumph even sweeter. She was glad she’d joined him and proud of herself for pushing to the top, for seeing this journey through.

  She walked to the very edge of the rock. One misstep and she’d fall, tumbling down the mountain. Yet she trusted herself. Knew she wouldn’t make that mistake. She could stand on the edge of the world, feel the wind tumbling with her hair, and stay steady. Safe.

  “See,” Everett said as he joined her and put his arm around her shoulders. It’d be so easy for him to push her right now. Send her flying to her death.

  She froze for a moment. Panicked. He could kill her. He could be the killer.

  Stop it! She told herself. Enjoy the moment. Then she melted under his touch. She trusted him, just a little. And it was nice to have him here on the edge with her.

  “I knew you could do it. Worth it, isn’t it?”

  “It is,” she admitted. And for a moment, she debated telling him about the note to her mother. She could trust him. He could help her work through it. “I’m renewed, I think. Ready to tackle that flash drive and the murder case again. I—”

  “I’m glad to hear it. But today is your break from all of that. I don’t want to discuss the flash drive, any case, or work. Nothing unpleasant. Today is to refresh and be happy. We’ll tackle all the rest tomorrow.”

  She wondered if he would feel that way if he knew what she had to tell him. Would he protest if she just told him anyway? She considered it, but she liked this break, this time off. She wasn’t anxious to ruin that quite yet.

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  They didn’t talk too much more on the mountaintop. The beauty of it stole their breath away. Amelia dipped into quiet reflection, a simple serenity. She dragged her feet when it was time to leave and promised herself she’d make hiking a habit again. It would be part of her transformation into a fully functioning human being.

  Once they started down the mountain, they didn’t discuss the case. Though it was much easier to talk on the incline. They talked all the way down the mountain, about their lives, their favorite movies, their way of being mostly solitary. They avoided all talk about work, enjoying nature and getting to know each other.

  “Well,” Everett said once they were back in the car. “I’m starving, how about you?”

  “I am,” she admitted as her stomach complained about the unfulfilling snacks she’d brought. “But I’m also sweaty and gross.”

  “Obviously,” he laughed. “So am I. But the restaurants around here are probably too used to that kind of thing to care. And at the level of hunger I’m at, I can’t say I care too much, either.”

  “Fair,” she laughed. “I guess getting something to eat would be worth it.”

  “Wonderful! I have just the perfect place in mind. The best restaurant. You’ll love it.”

  Since they were exploring Everett’s secret places, he insisted that they listen to Amelia’s choice of music on the way there. She was all for it until she realized how much her favorite lyrics revealed about her. Yet Everett was slowly making her more comfortable with being herself, not feeling like she needed to hide behind a mask of having it all together. It was easier with him being a stranger. The less she cared, the easier it was to open up, and the more she cared about him.

  Later, he pulled into the parking lot of a small brick restaurant with vines crawling up
its walls. Smooth music greeted them the moment they walked through the door. Low light played against cool, blue walls as a few patrons talked. Many of the tables were empty.

  Everett motioned for her to go ahead of him as he placed his hand on the small of her back. She followed the hostess as she showed them to their table. A slim glass vase of orange wildflowers sat in the middle of them as they looked over the menus and ordered double the amount of food they normally would.

  Once again, Amelia considered telling Everett about the letter to her mother. It would give them something to talk about over dinner, and she was dying to tell someone. She’d at least have to tell him Brett was likely the one who owned the accounts, so he’d have a better idea as to what he was looking at.

  “Thank you for coming out with me today,” Everett said, whisking that urge away as he stunned her with those brilliant green eyes. “I wanted to give you a break, help you destress a little. But it’s been great for me, too. Didn’t realize how much I needed a break. I’ve had a wonderful time and I’ve loved sharing old favorites with you and watching you process them with new eyes. I love hearing you share your different perspective on things.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled and forced herself not to look away. She’d faced dangerous criminals in her career as an FBI agent and then as a detective. She couldn’t be nervous of a harmless guy on a date.

  No. Yes? Was that what this was? A date? Or just two friends hanging out? Amelia hadn’t been on an actual date in a long time. It’d grown harder for her to tell, to pick up on the romantic cues of the world.

  “I have to admit, I’m glad you dragged me out here. I’ve had fun, too. Learned I have to do this stuff more often.”

  “Maybe with me?”

  She pondered that. Did she want to see him again? Did she like where this was going? She had so many weird feelings about this.

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe we can go somewhere special to you next time. What is your favorite place around here to go to?”

  “I don’t really know,” she admitted after really thinking about it. She’d grown so used to acting and reacting, working, not taking time to live. “I guess I’m always so wrapped up in my job that I don’t really go anywhere.” She paused. “I lost myself about two years ago, and today made me realize exactly that. I used to love the beach, hiking, and being active. I miss it. I loved jumping in the waves. Laying out on the sand. The freedom of it, you know? The shock of cold water against the sun. Mom would take us there at least once a year. She’d rent a small beach house for us to stay in. Well, I thought she rented it, anyway. Turns out she owned it. Cameron and I would look forward to it for weeks, then talk about it for at least a month after.”

  As they talked, she remembered more places that she used to love. Things she’d done with her family that were incredible, that showed the love they couldn’t always find words to express. The warmth from those memories seemed to envelop her. She realized the only cage that existed was the one she was putting herself in.

  She was a bit disappointed when he finally dropped her off back home. She was eager to get back to reality, yet she’d enjoyed the break, enjoyed his company. He walked her to the door like the perfect gentleman.

  “Thank you,” she said. “For everything.”

  “Thank you for agreeing to go with me. We’ll have to do this again sometime. But for tonight, take some time to relax, okay? I don’t want to see that pretty face of yours become all tense with worry again.”

  Their eyes met, and a warm, fluttery feeling tumbled through her heart. She knew she should just go inside before this had the chance to slip into something more than friendship. Yet it seemed something lingered still between them. She couldn’t quite make her feet move.

  “Everything will be okay,” he promised as he touched her cheek. Slowly, she tilted her head. She had plenty of time to step back, to resist.

  She didn’t. Their lips met in the sweetest moment.

  “Goodnight,” she said the moment their lips parted.

  She quickly stepped inside. Yet, as much as she tried to focus on work and her next move, thoughts of Everett followed her through the night.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The trance that fell over Emma whenever she became truly absorbed in her art wrapped her up, locked her away from the world until the last stroke was complete. It released her once the last touch of paint was perfected, or at least as close to perfect as Emma could make it. She paid close attention to those tiny details. Going over it until it felt complete, for now. She often returned to her canvases days and sometimes weeks after they were complete to make adjustments.

  When she finally stepped back, really saw her work as the trance slipped away, it surprised her. She had some sort of idea of what she was working on, an idea that had developed over time, but the pieces hadn’t come together fully until now. She hadn’t truly recognized what she was doing until it was done.

  This little girl looked similar to Emma, and Emma initially thought she was working through some of her childhood trauma with this painting, as was often the case. Yet this girl’s hair was a bit darker, and she was a bit scrawnier than Emma was at that age. She had brown eyes instead of Emma’s blue.

  Amelia. Emma had painted Amelia. The girl who was braver than she was, who talked to her during the worst times, who seemed to hold up a bit better. This little girl had escaped into a world of imagination while Emma was dragged into darkness, and she’d always resent her a little for that.

  She could never get away from her, even here. She felt like she never would.

  She quickly removed her paint-covered smock and cleaned up her tools. Then she left the room, her brain a mess. She walked out to her indoor garden, where she usually fled for peace among her most treasured flowers, but she found none there today. Despite her resistance, she slipped into an old memory as she fell to the ground in front of her little pond. Her polka dot stingrays and peppermint angel fish watched in wonder as she cried.

  There was confusion as twelve-year-old Emma lingered outside her father’s office. She listened as his voice rose, as it often did when he was angry. Yet the person on the other end didn’t seem as intimidated by him as Emma was and she couldn’t help but admire that, even as she trembled slightly. The person on the phone wasn’t giving in.

  “Stop this!” he screamed.

  Emma had never seen her father this upset.

  “You’re being unreasonable,” he hissed, which was even worse than his screaming. Terrifying. “When did you become so obnoxious? You have nothing to worry about. She will be safe.”

  Her father’s heavy footsteps put Emma on edge as he paced his office. She knew she should get away before he noticed her listening in on his conversation. He hated when she did that, it made him angrier than anything else. It was never worth the price she had to pay. But she didn’t dare move now. What if he saw her? He was already furious. She had to wait for the perfect moment.

  “That was a mistake and you know it! Sure, I should’ve paid closer attention to what was going on, but it’s not like you caught on, either. We both are at fault. We both made a mistake. You’re no better than me, so I should be allowed to see her.”

  Emma saw her chance to escape as her father turned. She scampered away into her room and began drawing a picture of a monster shooting an angel with a dark arrow. She did really want to know then the connection she and Amelia shared. But that wouldn’t protect her later.

  A ring tone broke Emma from her prison of memories and she couldn’t be more thankful. She answered without even noting who it was, to just be away from her thoughts for a moment.

  “Hey girl!” She recognized the voice of her best friend immediately.

  “Makayla! What’s up?”

  “Well, I’ve been doing some thinking about something important to me lately and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

  “That’s very vague,” Emma answered, though she was grateful to have a juicy secret t
o get her mind off things. “Do elaborate.”

  “I will, promise. But it’s more the kind of thing I’d rather discuss in person. Can you meet me for coffee in twenty?”

  Emma didn’t even have to ask where, but she didn’t want to be left hanging like this. What could be so important that they needed to get together in person? She hated not knowing things right away.

  “Can’t you just tell me over the phone and then we can chat about it further over coffee?”

  “No! That will ruin the surprise. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

  “Fine.” It’s not like she had anything better to do anyway. “See ya in twenty.”

  Emma was grateful that since it was four in the afternoon, they’d miss the usual rush of people. Yet there was still enough noise to distract her from her inner turmoil, to bring her back to the present.

  Chatter intertwined with a song she’d never heard but already liked. Warm colors coddled her as she ordered her usual, a white chocolate latté with soy milk, and joined Makayla at a table in the corner. They preferred to do the watching rather than be watched. Makayla was also from a prominent family, but she didn’t share in her family’s need for attention. She shied away from the spotlight and understood why Emma did as well. That’s why Emma loved her so much. She was one of a very few people who understood.

  Today, though, she seemed off. Either Makayla had downed her coffee, or she was excited. The usually calm woman could barely sit still as her eyes roamed around the room. Her fingers tapped against her cup. She hugged Emma, and it seemed like she had trouble sitting back down.

  “So,” Emma said after she sipped her coffee. “What’s up? You clearly have something buzzing around that mind of yours.”

  “I do,” she smiled. Her blonde hair was twisted into a bun that allowed full view of her blue eyes, shining like little lights. “I’ve been thinking nonstop about wedding plans lately. Well, really I have been since the day Stephen proposed.” She laughed, a nervous laugh. Emma didn’t like where this was going. “And I’ve figured out who I want to be in my wedding party.”