Ashes to Ashes

by Jenny Han

  I’m stepping onto the edge of the dance floor just as Reeve’s walking off it, sweaty and flushed and out of breath. Smiling. When he sees me, his smile slips.

  “Hi,” I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I’m scared he’s going to be cutting, or mean, or indifferent. “You look good, Reeve.” I try to say it warmly, kindly, the way an old girlfriend would.

  It feels like whole minutes go by before he says, “So do you.”

  I lick my lips. They feel very dry. “I’m—I’m glad you came.”

  “Yeah, I wasn’t going to but Kat dragged me here.” Reeve takes a step closer to me, and without thinking I back away from him. He sees me do it, and his eyes go straight to his shoes. We’re standing in the shadows of the trees that surround Alex’s house now. The prom suddenly feels far away. “Can I just say something?”

  I’m afraid to say yes. I just look at him.

  “I’m sorry for what I said to you at the banquet. It wasn’t right. It was out of line.” Reeve’s looking at me steadily, waiting. “I wanted to tell you about what happened between me and that girl. And you know, what? I should have. It should have come from me, not from Alex or whoever. The only reason I didn’t was because I was scared that if you knew, you wouldn’t want to be with me.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “Which is exactly what ended up happening, so . . . yeah.”

  My eyes fill up. I want to tell him that I knew. That I loved him anyway.

  “It’s all right. I’m sorry too—for the way things turned out.” The words come out thin and without conviction. “I would like us to still be friends.”

  Reeve shakes his head. “I don’t think I can do that.” He says it so softly, almost a whisper. “I’m sorry, I have to be honest. All night I’m thinking how it was supposed to be you and me. I know you don’t want to hear that. But we were supposed to be at prom together, Cho.”

  “Reeve, please. I—”

  “I’m never going to not want to be with you. I mean, I still love you, despite all the shit that’s gone down. I would do anything to be with you. So no, I can’t be”—he chokes—“your friend.”

  “Reeve,” I whisper. I touch his face. He grabs my hand, holds it tight in his.

  “I know why you can’t be with me now. What I did, what people here think of me. I get it. But school’s almost over and in a couple of months, we’ll both be off Jar Island. I’m still going to Graydon in the fall. I’ll be an hour away from BC. I’m not giving up on you. On us.” And then he’s pulling me against him, and his mouth is on mine, and I’m kissing him back. I can’t not be kissing him back. The smell of him, the way he tastes, I’m drowning in it and how right it feels. How good.

  Between kisses, he says, “Please. Please find a way to forgive me for what I did. I love you. I love you so much, Lillia.”

  It wakes me up.

  Mary.

  I push him away, my fingers fly to my lips. Oh my God. What have I done? “Don’t ever say that to me,” I gasp.

  “Cho, wait—” His arms are reaching for me.

  “Don’t ever come near me again.” I turn tail and run, run as fast as I can away from the party, to Alex’s pool house.

  I can’t be near Reeve. It’s too dangerous. I won’t go back to school, it’s pretty much over for the seniors anyway. Or . . . or I’ll go to Boston, stay in our family apartment until Reeve leaves for training. Whatever it takes to not be near him.

  My purse. I need my purse.

  I race into the pool house. I stashed my purse and my coat in Alex’s closet for safekeeping. Outside the sliding glass doors, the music is blasting, and I hear the rest of our senior class shouting and clapping along to the music. Flashing lights from the DJ booth speckle the floor.

  I slip out the door and hurry down the path, toward the front of Alex’s house. I’m searching for my car keys when I remember that Alex drove us here. Maybe I’ll call my mom to come and pick me up.

  No. What if Reeve tries to find me?

  I’ll just walk home.

  I’m about to pass through the fence gate when I slam into Alex. Alarmed, he says, “Lil, what’s wrong?”

  “I have to get out of here right now.” I’m shaking. “I’m sorry.” I try to push past him and get on the other side of the fence, where the valet guys are all sitting on the hoods of the parked cars lining Alex’s driveway and street.

  But Alex won’t let me go. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s going on? Did something happen with Reeve?”

  I start to cry. “I don’t want to be near him, Alex. It’s just too much. He makes it so hard for me. He’s outside my house, he’s drunk at the banquet screaming things, he’s telling me he loves me and that he’s never going to let me go. I—I can’t breathe.” I’m gulping for air. Every single day since I made that promise to Mary has been a struggle. How can I live like this? Pushing away the boy I love forever. “Alex, I can’t breathe.”

  Alex puts his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Try to take deep breaths, Lil.”

  I breathe deep. Raggedly I say, “He won’t let me go. How am I supposed to do this if he won’t let me go?”

  Alex’s face changes, and I look over my shoulder. Reeve is standing behind us, valet ticket in his hand, white-faced and wretched. “I’ll never bother you again,” he manages. “You don’t have to worry anymore.” And then he’s gone.

  “Oh no,” I whisper. “No, no, no.”

  I’m about to run after him when Alex steps in front of me. “Lil, this is just what he wants, to pull you back into his drama. He’s sick. You can’t help him.”

  “Alex, you don’t understand.” I’m practically screaming in his face. “It’s not just Reeve. There are other people involved.”

  “Lillia! Calm down! Let’s go get Kat. Talk to her.”

  Kat.

  The spell.

  I don’t say anything. I just turn and run back toward prom.

  Chapter Sixty-Two

  MARY

  I’M ON THE BEDROOM FLOOR, just staring off into space, when my bedroom door suddenly swings open. I run toward it and stare down the hall.

  Are Kat and Lillia back here to do something else to me? I can’t let them catch me off guard again. I was so close to getting Reeve, so close to being free of this place. And again my supposed friends chose his life over mine.

  As I walk out of my room and downstairs, I see the strings tied around the doorknobs, the salt on the floor.

  It’s all perfectly done.

  I know exactly the spell they used on me. They had to sacrifice two things they loved. I don’t know what Kat’s was, but I do see blood on the floor from her dog, Shep. She did give up something, unintentionally anyway.

  There’s a necklace hanging from the front doorknob. I pick it up and immediately recognize it. The necklace Reeve gave her during spring break.

  So she gave Reeve up to bind me. How poetic.

  One of them must have gone back on their sacrifice if I’m free. There’s no doubt in my mind who I have to thank.

  Kat and Lillia are dangerous. They know my secret, and worse, they now know how to control me. I can’t let them do that again. I won’t be bound here for all eternity. I’m leaving. Tonight. Before they know I’m even gone.

  I close my eyes and try to feel him, find him.

  Chapter Sixty-Three

  KAT

  I SPEND PROM THINKING A lot about dead people, even though I dance ten songs straight with Ashlin. The girl can dance; I’ll say that for her.

  I think about Rennie and if she’s watching us. I can imagine her gagging over some of the uglier dresses and the one girl who’s wearing a freaking tiara. And I’m sure she thinks the jumpy castle is immature. Which, okay, yeah. I hear that. But a jumpy castle is also as fun as hell, and there’s been a line to get in it all night long.

  Maybe it’s just me being sentimental, but I honestly believe that if Rennie were still alive, I could have sold her on the idea of ditching the Boston club to have p
rom here. She definitely had a rebellious streak in her. She liked shaking things up.

  I think about my mom. I hope she thinks I look beautiful in my fancy dress. If she is somewhere out there, I know I’ve made her proud. A bunch of people have grabbed my arm tonight, kids from different social groups, thanking me. She would have loved that everyone was invited. That nobody was left out because they didn’t have the money.

  And, of course, I think about Mary. Every girl with long blond hair makes my heart skip, but it’s never her, thank God. Our spell worked. She’s trapped in her house. But it makes me sad that we’re all here having the time of our lives when Mary should be with us. Not Mary as she is now, but as she used to be. She should be alive. I wish she were alive.

  My stomach growls. I need to get on that buffet while the getting’s good. It was Mrs. Lind’s genius idea to get our prom catered, and I insisted we do Antoine’s. Balsamic glazed chicken breasts, roasted red potatoes, those green beans I love.

  I head over to the buffet and see that it’s been pretty well picked over. If I want to eat, I’d better get to it. I get a plate and a soda and am heading back to the table when Lil grabs me by the arm so hard, I almost drop my plate. Frantically, she says, “I think I broke the spell. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Reeve kissed me and I kissed him back and something’s wrong. I can feel it.”

  “Shit,” I breathe. “Where is he now?”

  “He overheard me saying all this stuff to Alex and he said—he said he wasn’t going to bother me anymore and now he’s just gone. I’m afraid he’s going to do something crazy.” A sob escapes my throat.

  “Calm down, Lil. I’ll drive by her house and check that she’s still there. You go find Reeve.”

  The last thing I tell Lillia is that everything will be okay.

  I hope Mary doesn’t make a liar out of me.

  Chapter Sixty-Four

  LILLIA

  I RUN DOWN ALEX’S DRIVEWAY and along the road, where the valets have parked the cars. My heart is pounding in my chest, but I don’t stop running.

  I finally spot Reeve’s truck. Please be inside it. Please. But when I get closer, I see that he’s not. It’s empty. He’s gone someplace by foot.

  And then I spot his keys on the seat. I get in and tear down the roads. Where could he have gone? Maybe he went home? I check, even park the truck and run up to the house, but he’s not there. His bedroom windows are all dark, his mom and dad are watching TV alone in the den.

  He’s nowhere, and I’m wasting time. I should go check on Mary’s house. Kat might need me.

  I’m halfway to Middlebury, speeding up the road that rides along the edge of the cliffs, when I nearly run over him.

  He’s wobbling along the edge, a bottle of liquor in each hand. I slam the brakes, and he stumbles. And a ways up the road there’s Mary, sitting on the cliffs, watching him.

  I lean across the cab and jerk the passenger door open. “Get in!”

  “Cho, what the—”

  “Just get in!” I scream.

  He stares at me in shock, but he gets in. When I put my eyes back on the road, I see Mary there, standing in the middle of the street. Reeve still can’t see her. I drive his truck up and onto the other side of the road, to pass her.

  Reeve says, “What the hell is going on? What are you doing in my truck?”

  “It’s Mary. Mary Zane. Elizabeth!”

  Reeve’s eyes bulge. “What did you say?”

  “She’s been trying to hurt you, Reeve. Her spirit—she’s—she’s a ghost, Reeve. She’s come back here for you.” We’re speeding along. “We have to get off the island. She can’t leave.”

  His face is stark white. “Oh my God. I thought I was going insane. You’ve actually seen her? Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

  I glance at the clock on my dashboard. The next ferry leaves in four minutes. We have to make it. We have to. “When you get to the mainland, don’t come back until I call you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

  “Reeve, don’t argue with me! You aren’t safe here.”

  His jaw sets stubbornly. “I’m not leaving you.”

  We pull into the ferry parking lot, and, thank goodness, the ferry’s still there. There aren’t any cars waiting to board, just us. We’re pulling forward when I see her.

  Standing in the parking lot, right in front of us, in that gauzy white dress, looking like an angel. Face twisted up and screaming for me to stop.

  There’s only one thing I can do. I hit the gas. The dockworkers shout and wave their hands at us. “No more cars!” they shout. This time I drive straight through Mary and up onto the ferry.

  I spin around and look through my rear window. She’s staring back at me. She doesn’t move. She just watches Reeve and me and then disappears as the drawbridge is lifted and the ferry pulls away from the shore.

  Chapter Sixty-Five

  KAT

  I DRIVE A MILLION MILES an hour to T-Town. Dad and Pat are back working in the garage, the hatch door lifted high. They see my headlights bounce up the driveway, and they wander out.

  Dad flops a rag over his shoulder. “Kat? Why are you back so soon?”

  I don’t answer him. I just run as fast as I can to my room and grab Aunt Bette’s books, the candles, the spices, and the salts, and the rest of the shit we used on Mary. I throw it all into my book bag. Just in case. I have no idea what we might need, or if any of it will work if our spell is broken.

  I glance at the clock on my way out. God, I really hope this is a false alarm.

  When I’m back outside, I find Pat blocking my car door, arms folded. “What’s going on?”

  “Move, Pat!”

  “Come on. Just tell me—”

  “Move!” I push him out of the way, which isn’t easy in heels and a prom dress. He tries to stand his ground, and we wrestle for a second, but then Pat must see that I am so not fucking around right now, because he steps back.

  “Okay, okay.”

  I jump into my car, put it in reverse, and hit the gas so fast, the tires spin smoke. Then I’m flying down the street, Dad and Pat left bewildered in my taillights. I drive, drive as fast as this piece-of-shit car will go, across Jar Island to Middlebury. The movie theater, Java Jones, all the tourists are colored streaks out my window.

  A few minutes later I pull into Mary’s driveway. Her house is as dark as the sky. I hike up my dress and tiptoe through the moonlit yard, on high alert, glancing around.

  Is Mary here? Is she watching me right now? Or maybe Lillia was wrong. Maybe she didn’t break the spell.

  The crickets and my pounding heart are the only noises until, far off in the distance, the ferry horn sounds. I stand underneath Mary’s bedroom window and wait for her to come, like she did once before. When she doesn’t, I get this feeling, this sick-ass feeling that someone’s going to get hurt tonight.

  Maybe Reeve.

  Or maybe us. Me and Lillia. Mary knows what we’ve done, that we tried to cage her spirit. I hold tight to my bag. I’ve got to fix this, or we’re all done for.

  I walk through the front door. Though it’s dark, I can see that Lillia’s necklace is gone, the salt disturbed. Every door we bound shut upstairs has been opened wide.

  I go into Mary’s bedroom, fall to my knees, and unzip my bag. With trembling hands I set out the candles and start lighting them with my Zippo so I can see. And then I open one of the spell books and try to figure out what the fuck to do.

  Then the moonlight disappears and an icy wind blows through the room. The candles flicker out, and I feel so, so, so cold, colder than the coldest winter day. I relight my Zippo to start over and I nearly scream when the glow falls on Mary, sitting on her windowsill, staring down at me with accusing eyes.

  “If at first you don’t succeed . . . quit and try something else?” she says.

  My mouth drops open. The wick of the candle sends up twirls of gray smoke. I squeeze my hand tight around my lighter.

 
“You almost had me. I’ll give you an A for effort.”

  I fall to the floor and frantically flip through the book.

  Mary makes a movement with her arm, and the spell book flies across the room, away from me. And then she holds up Lillia’s necklace. “Too bad Lillia didn’t keep up her end of the bargain.”

  I quickly bring out the lighter and rub my thumb over the metal wheel a couple times. Finally the flint sparks into a flame. As soon as it does, I go flying backward and slam into the wall with the force of a truck. Then gravity pulls me down into a crumpled heap on the hardwood floor.

  Mary hops down from the windowsill, and she lands on the floor in her bare feet. I slowly lift my head as much as I can, but my entire body is wrecked and throbbing. My lighter has slid across the floor and is now near where I have the spell book open. I crawl on my belly toward it, squinting my eyes to try to push away the pain. When I’m close, I reach my arm out as long as I can and try to grab it. My fingertips just graze the lighter. But as soon as I make contact, Mary raises her arm and lifts me right up off the floor again.

  “Stop doing that! Why aren’t you listening to me?” She flings me against the wall another time. I can hear the plaster crack, or maybe it’s my bones.

  I cough and gasp for breath, the wind entirely knocked out of me. When I open my eyes, the whole room is a watery blur. I grit my teeth and try to get to my knees. I can’t see where Mary is, but I plead with her anyway. “This isn’t you, Mary. You’re not like this.” Finally my vision sharpens and the spell book and my bag come back into focus across the room. I crawl toward it, gasping for breath. “Let us help you.”