by M. J. Haag
“Now, my good dreams are usually about the past. Simple moments that I’ll probably never see again, like going to work and talking with co-workers. Grocery shopping.” My heart started to flutter, and I forced myself to say the final one. “Having kids.”
He tilted his head, and although I couldn’t see him clearly, I felt studied.
“How many children do you want?”
“As many as I can have,” I said honestly. “I know it’s not safe. There are no doctors to help with complications and things out there that want to eat anything that moves. My head knows that. But my heart just wants a family.”
“But not with your human man.”
I shook my head slowly, feeling sad and bitter and scared.
“No. Not with Wayne. He made it clear years ago that he didn’t want kids.” I drew my knees up to my chest and picked at the blanket covering me. “In a way, it’s a relief he told me to leave. Maybe now I have a chance, you know?” I wasn’t sure if I was convincing Azio or myself that it was a good thing.
“You still miss him.”
“I was with Wayne for years. Since high school. He was familiar. It’s easy to miss what was familiar. But that doesn’t mean we were right or happy together.”
“And you want to be happy.”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
Azio grunted again, softer, and reached for the door.
“Sleep, Terri. You are safe.”
He closed the door, leaving me alone. Oddly, I didn’t feel safer, just lonely and sad.
Chapter Nine
It took forever to fall back asleep after Azio left, and dawn came far too soon. Exhausted but knowing I needed to get up, I stumbled from bed. It was only when I reached for jeans that weren’t there that I remembered I had no reason to get up so early.
For a brief moment, my heart ached for what I’d lost. I pushed that aside and focused on what I’d gained. I was free to sleep in as late as I wanted, or I could shower first thing in the morning like I used to do before the world fell apart.
Torn, I hesitated for a moment before the urge to shower won. I was already out of bed, anyway.
I went downstairs for the clothes I’d washed and found my jeans and shirt folded neatly on the dryer. However, the bra and yesterday’s underwear were missing. Frowning, I started searching the laundry room for them.
“Terri, would you like eggs for breakfast?” Azio called from the kitchen.
That brought an immediate stop to the search. It’d been ages since I’d had eggs.
When I entered the kitchen, Azio’s gaze dipped to my chest, which was moving a bit too freely in my rush to verify he had honest to goodness farm fresh food.
“Are you serious about the eggs?” I asked, fighting the urge to cross my arms.
He lifted his gaze and nodded. His direct attention made my pulse leap, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from what he’d said.
“Then, yes, please. I’d give anything to have eggs again.” I hesitated a moment, then forced myself to add, “Did you, by chance, see my bra in the laundry? I can’t find it.”
He turned his back to me, pulling things from the cupboards as he answered.
“I saw you didn’t have much to wear and left to find you more. Groth stayed. You were safe. I took your clothes with me to compare sizes. I found more but lost your bra. The new clothes are in the bathroom if you want to shower while I make breakfast.”
When he’d admitted to opening the door last night because he’d been worried that I’d left, I hadn’t known what to think. But hearing that he’d gone out in the middle of the night, which we’d already established was dangerous, just to get me more to wear? His thoughtfulness gently pierced my heart. Yes, losing the bra sucked, but outer clothes were so much more important.
“That was really nice of you to do that for me, Azio. Don’t worry about the bra. I’m sure I’ll be able to find another one.”
He grunted, and eager to see what he’d found, I left him in the kitchen.
A small stack of clothes waited in the bathroom. Underwear, as promised, shirts, and shorts. The items were far from the sturdier clothes I’d been imagining. I picked up the vivid pink thong and chewed on my lip. A thong was at the bottom of the list for preferred undergarments, but beggars couldn’t be too choosy. Clean was clean.
The shorts were a little abrupt for my taste, too, and the shirts could barely be called shirts. Made out of threadbare material, they wouldn’t preserve any modesty. Especially without a bra. It would be like wearing nothing at all.
I felt so bad that there wasn’t anything in the pile I wanted to wear and wondered how offended Azio would be if I reappeared in the same clothes I’d worn to bed. Maybe I could get away with wearing the shorts with yesterday’s shirt.
Hoping that the compromise would be enough to prevent any possible ripples in our tenuous cohabitation, I stripped and got to showering. Maybe there were some thong wearers in town who’d be willing to trade for a regular set of briefs. I didn’t need sexy. I needed sturdy.
Wait. Did I?
I’d already acknowledged that I didn’t have the same responsibilities here. In fact, I’d spent the entire prior day watching movies. Not exactly a strenuous activity. And a thong would work in my benefit if or when I finally made up my mind about having a baby.
I rinsed my hair and imagined propositioning Azio while wearing nothing but a thong. Every scenario that I ran through my head ended with me terrified and close to passing out. That made-up terror bled over into reality so much that I had to turn off the water, brace my hands on my knees, and give up that line of thinking.
Disappointment bit into me as I dried off and acknowledged I wouldn’t be pregnant any time soon.
Moving on autopilot, I bent for the clothes I’d removed. They weren’t on the floor. Confused, I looked at the closed toilet seat then the counter where the new clothes waited.
“What in the hell…”
My clothes, my safe underwear, were gone.
I reluctantly reached for the thong. However, the moment that string penetrated my crack, I shook my head and hurried to tug them off.
“Nope. Not happening.”
Leaving the rejected thong on the floor, I snatched up a pair of shorts. The bottom half of my butt cheeks hung out when I checked the mirror. It wasn’t awful, though. Between that and the exposed curve of my lower back, I felt kind of sexy.
The addition of a see-through t-shirt did nothing to make the outfit more respectable. There was no way I could walk out the door in this.
“Azio?” I called.
“Yes, Terri,” he immediately answered from the other side of the door.
I frowned and suspicion flooded me.
“Why are you in the hallway?”
“To see if you like the clothes I found you?” He said it like a question. As if he wasn’t sure why he was in the hall, which only made my suspicions climb as I looked down at my clearly visible nipples.
“Did you lose my bra on purpose?” I asked.
Silence answered my question, and my stomach churned with worry. He’d gotten rid of my bra and gifted me hoochie clothes. Why? The answer to that seemed pretty obvious, and my thoughts turned to how I’d just been thinking of sex and babies…and how badly those thoughts had ended.
I wasn’t ready.
Suddenly, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready to have a baby with one of the fey.
But I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
“Am I still safe here?” I asked.
“Yes, Terri. You are safe.”
“Why did you take my clothes?”
“To wash them.”
“So I’ll get them back?”
There was a beat of silence before he answered, “Yes, Terri.”
“I’m very grateful that you went out to get me more clothes, but I’m feeling very exposed in this kind of shirt. Is there any chance I could wear the one that’s on the dryer?”
“I lost t
hat one.”
“I just saw it this morning.”
There was a longer length of silence.
“I’m trying not to feel afraid, but I don’t understand why you’re taking my clothes away and leaving me with very little. I mean…I think I do understand, and that’s why I’m starting to feel afraid.” I twisted my hands in front of me. “I don’t want to be forced to have sex yet. Can I please have some more time?”
Something thumped outside the door, and I jumped.
“I’m sorry. I promise I’m trying. I just—”
My vision tunneled, and I gripped the counter as my knees buckled.
Nothingness swallowed me whole.
It never took me long to come back from a faint. Five minutes was the longest, and that had been in high school. Usually, once I started coming to, I wasn’t disoriented.
This time, though, I felt myself moving sideways, and that screwed with my head in a big way. I remembered the bathroom and the clothes and freaking out that Azio was preparing me for a good time—his good time—and then fainting. My movement should be downward or still.
I opened my eyes and looked up at Azio.
He wasn’t looking at my head, though. He was staring at my chest. Dazed and confused, I followed the direction of his attention and saw my nipples. Seeing them made me aware of the air caressing half my ass.
A small sound escaped me. Part fear. Part gasp for air. And my gaze jerked back up to Azio, and the blatant hunger in his eyes.
He slowly met my gaze. The hunger disappeared, replaced by…nothing.
My pulse fluttered wildly, and I knew I needed to calm down and ask some questions. Like why he was carrying me and what he meant to do, but I didn’t get the chance before he stopped walking and leaned forward. The moment my back hit the mattress, my eyes went wide.
A choked sound wheezed from my throat.
“You are safe,” he said.
“She does not believe you. You are scaring her.”
I shifted my attention to the other fey at the foot of my bed. While his words sounded like he was ready to be my hero, he was staring at my very visible chest just as hungrily as Azio.
Two fey.
First, they took my clothes.
Then, they carried me to bed.
Together.
My vision started to tunnel. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out.
The sound of worried voices greeted me as I slowly swam back to consciousness. Again.
“We keep scaring her,” a male voice said.
“Uh, the Terri I know wouldn’t dress to show her tits to the world,” a familiar voice replied. “No, shit you scared her if you took her clothes and left that for her to wear. What were you thinking?”
While I recognized Brooke’s voice, I didn’t recognize the man who answered.
“They wanted to see her breasts.”
“They move more without the bra,” the first male, Azio, said. “Ghua said that breasts have tips called nipples and nipples are sensitive and pucker when they are ready to be licked or sucked. I only wanted to see them so I would know when she is ready for my mouth.”
I remembered Azio and Groth, but everything was still swimmy and not making sense. Why were they talking about licking nipples?
Brooke let out a frustrated groan.
“Out. All of you. I’ll sit with her until she wakes up.”
“But—”
“Out, before I nut all of you.”
There was a shuffle of noise and then silence.
Brooke sighed and took my hand in hers. I waited a moment with my eyes closed and let everything come back to me. Once it did, I winced at my stupidity.
Passing out twice in a row broke all the rules. And staying out long enough for Brooke to get here? Well, it was a damn miracle I was still alive. Anything could have happened. Raped by two fey would have been the least of my worries if there’d been another infected breech.
“Is that wince because you hurt something or because they’re making your brain hurt?”
I opened my eyes and looked at her.
“How am I still alive when I pass out every time something scares me? My fears are going to kill me.”
She nodded slowly.
“I think you might be right. Azio said you passed out in the bathroom because he switched out your clothes. He’s not sure why you passed out the second time.”
I slowly sat up then stood up, doing a slow turn for her.
“Yeah,” she said. “I figured that was the reason for the first time.”
“The second time was because I came to with two of them leering at my chest while putting me in my bed.”
She made a face.
“I can see where you’d misunderstand the situation.”
“Misunderstand? Everyone knows they want women. They dressed me for sex, Brooke. What’s to misunderstand?”
Chapter Ten
“What do you want, Terri?”
Brooke’s abrupt change in topic confused me, and I sat down on my barely clad bottom.
“I don’t understand.”
“Wayne was always a dick to you. Nothing over the top, but he was rarely sweet to you, and you always seemed unhappy. Even on the days that Bobby came back with enough food to stuff us. So, I guess I’m asking what would bring you joy.
“If all you focus on are the things that scare you, you’re probably going to keep passing out. But maybe, if you have that one thing that you really want and can focus on that instead, you won’t be on your back so much.
“So, what do you want out of life? Don’t think about the past. Think about the present. Right now. What do you want?”
I gave her question some real consideration. The answer that always came to mind first didn’t this time, though. Oh, I still wanted a baby with every fiber of my being, but I realized that would never happen because I was too afraid of all the steps I’d need to take to get there.
Essentially, I’d created my own hell loop. I wanted a baby but not to watch it die. It needed parents strong enough, brave enough, to protect it. A fey father would deliver on the strength. But every time I paid attention to their predatory eyes and remembered how easily they killed, I froze up on the inside. I would never have what I truly wanted until I figured out how to be completely fine around the fey.
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s what we’re trying to work on.”
I shook my head. “No, I mean of the fey. Ultimately, they’re going to be what bring me joy.” As I said it, I flushed, which Brooke noted with a growing grin.
“And, boy, can they. Okay. Good for you. We’re going to help you reach out and take what you want. Now, what exactly are you afraid of?”
“Their enormous size and strength and ability to rip someone’s head off without seeming to exert even a little effort.” I made a face and added, “And their eyes. They remind me of this barn cat my grandparents had. That thing was mean as hell and killed every single bird my grandma unintentionally baited in with her birdfeeder. That cat hissed if you even looked at it. It ripped me up when I was seven for trying to chase it away from the birds. I can still remember the way its pupils narrowed to slits.”
I shuddered, and Brooke gave me a sympathetic look.
“First, there are a few things you should know about these guys. They aren’t aggressive toward women. At all. Ever. Yeah, they might look longingly at you, but Mya’s been super strict about consent. Like, they wouldn’t touch any of your fun bits even if you landed on their face.”
She laughed at the disbelief in my expression.
“I swear. It’s true. They might steal your clothes and look until their eyes fall out, but they won’t touch unless they are verbally invited to do so. Or unless you’re in danger. They’ll touch you then, too, but only platonically and only to keep you safe. That’s why Azio brought you to your bed, by the way. He heard you through the door and got to you before you hit your head
on anything.”
I wasn’t buying it, and she knew it based on her grin.
“I see that you still doubt me. That’s fine. But I’ll trade you three pot roasts in my freezer for three tests—your choice of what kind—to prove that I’m right.”
“My choice?”
“Yep. Do something you think will upset them. Outcome doesn’t matter. You get the roast just for testing them.”
I snorted. “If I do something I think will upset them, I promise you the outcome very much matters.”
“I’ll be here to protect you.”
“So we can both die?”
“Pfft. So little faith. Come on. What’s something that would have really upset Wayne?”
“Not pulling my weight. Taking more than my share of food. Telling him I didn’t want to have sex. Not having dinner done on time. Making him look bad in front of his friends.” I opened my mouth to keep going but she held up her hand.
“I think that gives us a few options. Come on.” She stood and headed for the door.
“Wait. My shirt.”
However, my protest came too late.
She swung the door open and stopped short at the sight of the three fey she’d revealed in the hallway. They all wore wary expressions as their gazes flicked from her to me then back again.
“When I said to get out, I meant go away. Lingering outside the door to listen to everything we say isn’t nice.”
Solin, her fey, tugged at his ear and gave her a sheepish look.
“I’m sorry, my Brooke. I did not know.”
“I know, baby.”
She looked at Azio and held out her hand. “Your shirt. Now.”
He immediately took it off and gave it to her. She looked back at me with a sly wink and tossed it my way.
“There you go. A better shirt to wear.”
She faced Azio and Groth again as I held the material to my chest.
“You two are going to play a game with Terri. It’s called Terri Says. The rules are simple. If you want her to stay here, living with you, you do everything she says. Want to play?”
They both glanced at me, their pupils narrowing, and nodded.
