Behind the Scenes

by Christina C Jones

  “You’re telling us you aren’t?” Laurel asked, lifting an eyebrow at me as I shook my head.

  “Nah. I mean… I don’t think I am? I’m just explaining what it was like for me – which I realize now doesn’t make a lot of sense outside my head.”

  “I think it does,” Rowan said. “You’re not saying you think this woman was your soulmate or something, or even that the moment had some deep meaning – or maybe it did, and maybe she is – but for you, there was some sign or whatever that made you feel like it was part of your story. It was just… next.”

  My brow furrowed as I listened to her speak, and when she was done, I nodded, because…

  Yeah.

  That was exactly it.

  I didn’t know what – if anything – this dynamic I’d been building with Logan since we both stepped out of our vehicles in the dark that night, meant. I just knew that in the course of everything, from my mother’s death, to living with my aunt, to going back to my father, to his death, those years in the wilderness, to Nubia’s ultimatum, me going to live closer while I got sober… all of it.

  None of it felt out of place in the grand scheme of… whatever.

  “You’re an interesting dude – I see why Lo-Lo was so pressed about having you as a client at first,” Laurel said, in a way that… I’m pretty sure was a compliment?

  “Okay time for you to go,” Logan said, getting up – I thought she meant Laurel, but it was actually my arm she grabbed, tugging until I cooperated and stood with her, following her to the door. “I’m sorry about this,” she said, stepping out of the door completely with me. “I mean, I thought it would be funny for them to grill you, but I didn’t know it would get so… personal.”

  I shrugged. “I told you, shorty, I’m not… easily embarrassed, or none of that. I’m just… P.”

  “Yeah, now I know.” She bit down on her lip, averting her gaze like she was trying to talk herself into something before she looked back to me. “Um… this probably isn’t my business, or maybe it is, but… when we…that first night… was that?”

  I let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah. It was.”

  “Okay. Okay. Um… I thought you’d said that you were just trying to like… make me feel better or something. Not like nature was calling you into my pussy or something.”

  “Wow,” I laughed. “Yes, I only came to your place that night because you asked me to, but when you asked… it felt like it came outta nowhere, right?”

  She narrowed her eyes and nodded. “Yeah.”

  “But it felt instinctive?” I asked. “Like once we were in the midst of it, it was effortless. Like that moment of connection between us was just… intended to be. Right?”

  “Right,” she whispered. “But…”

  “But nothing.” I shook my head. “Don’t… don’t make it something it’s not. I’m not confused about being drawn to you, and you don’t have to be either.”

  “It’s not that,” she said. “I kinda… feel like I re-took your virginity or something though. You don’t feel like you should’ve saved yourself for a special girl or something?”

  I laughed at that shit, and then… I started not to give her a real response to her question, but… fuck it.

  “I gave it up to a beautiful, big-hearted girl who looked at me like she needed me to help her feel something, who didn’t make me feel like her presence was gonna drag me back into the abyss. I can’t think of anything more special.”

  Her lips parted in surprise at that answer, but nothing came out. Instead of waiting on it, I gave her a little salute and then headed on my way.

  If she had more to say… she could tell me tomorrow.

  13

  Logan

  Are you ready to stop acting like a child so we can talk about this? – Daddy.

  I rolled my eyes and tucked my phone away, remarkably unfazed by that text from my father.

  Trei was right – it was better to be the one who got mad and decided not to engage, instead of being on the receiving end of the imposed distance.

  I wasn’t fucking budging, and really? I felt like I could hold my ground on this a long ass time.

  In the couple of weeks that had passed since our blowup, I’d seen my parents exactly once – for an ill-fated public lunch I’d politely walked my ass out of. The invite had seemed innocent enough – a claim they wanted to clear the air, with the possibility of an apology implied.

  I really should’ve known better.

  It was just another opportunity to talk down to me – but in public, where maybe they thought I’d keep my cool, but nope. I was still determined not to make a scene – I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction for one, and plus I never knew when I might be around a prospective client.

  I made them feel the weight and depth of my anger – my commitment to being treated with respect – by simply refusing to be treated a way I didn’t like.

  Either they’d leave me alone, or they’d adapt.

  In any case, I couldn’t focus on that right now – I had show contracts to meet with legal about.

  The network had their own lawyers onsite, and I had all the necessary licensing to represent the show on Pierre’s behalf – if he wanted that, which he did. He was trusting me with his baby, so even though everybody was technically on the same side, I owed it to him to focus on the task at hand, instead of my personal shit.

  When the rep from legal walked in… that suddenly got a lot easier.

  “You must be Ms. Byers?” his fine ass asked, extending a hand in my direction as I stood from my seat in the conference room. Pierre was off somewhere with Nick, talking to the Drakes about using their real casino instead of the set buried somewhere on the studio lot, so I was taking this meeting alone. By the time I was done, they’d be back, and it would be time for the next thing on our packed itinerary.

  “Anthony Cottrell,” he added, once I’d accepted his hand. He smiled at me, showcasing a single dimple embedded in his deep brown skin. “Good to finally put a face with the name from all the emails.”

  “I agree,” I told him, returning his smile before I pulled my hand from his. “Uh… there really isn’t much for us to do here, just a matter of making sure the signatures are in the right place, stuff like that. I’m… a little surprised you didn’t just have an assistant, or an intern do this.”

  Taking a seat, Anthony kinda… blushed? “I’ll be honest with you, Ms. Byers – this isn’t the first time I’ve seen you,” he admitted. “I’ve seen you often, coming and going up and down the halls, through security, all that. So when I caught this opportunity to meet you, I couldn’t pass it up.”

  “As opposed to… just walking up and introducing yourself?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “You always seemed busy,” he shrugged. “Very busy, very focused… very beautiful,” he added, tagging on the kind of smile that probably got him in many doors – between many legs.

  Hell… I felt it right in the seat of my panties too.

  I let out a little laugh. “Oh. So… you thought you should use false pretenses to end up on my schedule, so that you could have my undivided attention?”

  “Why do I get the feeling you think that’s a bad thing?”

  Again, I laughed, shaking my head. “Honestly, Anthony? I… appreciate the motivation, but I really am very busy. So if legal doesn’t really need these documents gone over in person, I have some things I need to get back to.”

  He clapped a hand to his chest. “Damn. I guess this was a swing and a miss, huh? Do I get a consolation prize at least? Maybe dinner?”

  Standing up from my seat, I laughed. “I’m a little irritated with the antics right now, so I’m going to say no. But again – it was smooth, so kudos to you, I guess.”

  “So you’re leaving me with hope,” he chimed, following me to the door, and getting close enough that I could tell he smelled good as hell. “I’ll try again then.”

  I smiled. “Save some trees and ink, and just walk up to me next
time,” I advised, walking away as I pulled out my phone to check my schedule.

  I wasn’t lying – I did have better places to be than getting flirted with by a network lawyer.

  It was great boost to my ego.

  But I didn’t have time for that shit right now.

  Looking at the schedule, I realized I was more distracted than I thought – I’d had the time for the meeting about filming in the casino wrong. They’d actually finished with that an hour ago and were back on the studio lot for cast auditions.

  Shit.

  That wasn’t… me.

  I didn’t get schedules wrong.

  Uh… you kinda did though.

  The meeting with legal had been impromptu, and instead of taking it another day, I’d tried to squeeze it in, which probably accounted for my mix up. Nothing had happened, nothing was broken – hell, no one else even knew about it.

  But I did.

  With a deep breath, I tried to clear my head, switching gears away from my mistake so I could be as mentally present as possible. By the time I arrived on set, they were already deep in the throes of it all – Nick, Pierre, and the casting director they’d brought on, Miko. Nobody blinked about my late arrival, or even seemed to notice anything was off.

  Thank God.

  I settled into a seat while Nick handed me his notes, to get me caught up on everything they’d done so far. Most notably, they’d cast the Jason role – a nice-looking kid who wouldn’t have been out of place on one of those colorful men’s natural hair grooming commercials. He was still on set because they wanted to see his chemistry with potential actors for the other roles, including the one they were wanting to figure out next.

  Tracy.

  To me, one of the most important roles.

  In the course of the series, she felt almost like Jason’s north star, guiding him back towards himself, and keeping him upright. Conspicuously – admirably – Pierre had been careful not to paint her as Jason’s healer, or as if he were something that completed her. Even though the show was about Jason, Tracy was fully realized, and his want for nearness with her kept him focused on his own path, instead of collapsing under his family’s bullshit, or the harmful influence of old friends, all of that. As much as he was – necessarily – doing it for himself, he was doing it for her, too.

  It was a meaty part.

  And… some of the women auditioning were doing better than the others, but none were really giving it what it needed, not to me. Unless somebody came in and knocked it out of the park though, the team was committed to seeing everybody.

  At least, until, Miko called one particular name.

  I could only guess Nick and Pierre hadn’t seen the lists of who showed up for the casting call – I hadn’t either, since it literally wasn’t available until they arrived at the audition.

  As the one with the official capacity though, Miko must not have seen anything out of the ordinary, because when she called out, “Send in… what is this… Elodie?” her face didn’t do anything.

  Me, Nick, and Pierre though?

  We were a different story.

  “El, come on,” Pierre groaned, as soon as she walked up, dressed in heavy boots, jeans, and a white tank, just like the casting call said. “You know this is serious, right?”

  Miko leaned in. “What am I missing, here?”

  “Elodie is his little sister,” I answered, then looked up to give her a little wave, which she returned, then looked right at Pierre.

  “I know it’s serious – that’s why I’m here. I want to audition,” she said, earnestly, looking right at her brother.

  Pierre shook his head. “I’m not about to do this with you because you’re bored, or whatever. You’re not an actress, El. I’ve never even heard you talk about this.”

  “Don’t do that,” I said, before I could stop myself. But now that the words were out, everybody was looking at me, so I had to keep going. “If she’s here, and prepared, like everybody else… at least let her try. If she sucks, okay, don’t hire her for the role. But don’t brush her off just because you don’t think she’s serious. You don’t know what dreams she’s been scared to tell anybody about.”

  Once I’d spoken, I sat back, avoiding everybody’s eyes, lest I make it even more obvious that the wrong chord had been struck with me.

  “I think she’s right, P,” Nick spoke up, and Miko wasn’t familiar enough with the dynamic to disagree.

  “I know the lines. I know the part, and I’m ready to do it. You think you’ve got a monopoly on honoring our parents or something?”

  Oh, damn.

  I wasn’t looking, but I heard Pierre let out a huff, and could imagine his irritated posture. “Fine. If you think you can do it… let’s see it.”

  I glanced up just in time to see the determination in her eyes before she looked away, to the “Jason” actor she’d be working with for this scene.

  The cameraman moved into place, and Miko was the one to count the scene in, and then… they were off.

  “What makes you think you can understand me, huh?” Jason demanded, pacing the floor in front of her as she watched him, her face pulled almost into a sneer. “You see me walking the casino floor a couple times, you know who my father is, and what? You know me now?”

  As Tracy, Elodie bit her lip, clear derision knit into her expression as she stepped forward. “You’ve got the emotional depth of a kiddie-pool, nigga. What is there to know, huh? Oh, because I wear a skimpy little costume, work the card tables, you think you know something I don’t? Sounds like you’re the one doing the judging to me.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Oh but it is. It is,” she repeated, with a pained crack in her tone that wasn’t expressly called for in the script. “You know why I’m here? The same fucking reason as you! Because my family expects it – either that, or the stripper pole, right?” A nasty smile crept over her face. “That’s where the girls like me end up, you know? One or the other, around here, just going along to get along, cause we don’t have any options. Not like the rich, pretty son of the boss man.”

  “Tracy—”

  “Shut up! Just… shut the fuck up!” Tracy shook her head, turning her back to Jason before looking up to the ceiling. “Every summer, I come back to this casino. Because it’s good, easy money, and it’s not as dangerous as it is for the girls at the clubs. Not as dangerous. But still.” She turned on him. “My mother did it, and her mother did, and probably hers too. As long as your family has had this place, mine has come to work – cigarette girls, or passing out chips, dealing cards, getting groped either way. As much as this place is built into your legacy, it’s built into mine too.”

  Jason took a deep sigh, scrubbing a hand over his head. “Why just the summers? Why not year-round, to save up, and get outta here?”

  “Duh,” Tracy said, wearing a sly smirk. “Because just like you… when it’s not holidays or summers, I’m off at school. At your school. You walk around there like your shit don’t stink too.”

  “You’re shitting me.”

  She grinned. “Nope. The same hard ass classes, difficult professors, high ass tuition as you. Only, I have to pay it myself. And then I come home for the summer and work myself like a dog at the mercy of some rich assholes, and have to listen to my parents, my friends, and everybody else encourage me not to fucking bother, cause nobody thinks there’s anything more out there for me than working at this goddamn casino. So… you know what… you’re right – I don’t understand you.” A dry laugh pushed from her throat, and she shook her head. “And really… you suck. So why the fuck would I want to?”

  “Cut.”

  For a moment… we all just sat there, in silence.

  Before Miko ended the scene, I’d been so completely immersed that I’d forgotten where I was, and the sudden imposition of her voice had been startling. When I looked to Nick, I could tell the same thing was going on in his head, and in Miko’s.

  Pierre just looked
stunned.

  Without saying anything to any of us, he got up and approached Elodie, draping an arm over her shoulder to pull her off to the side and speak to her alone. After they’d talked for a few moments, going back and forth about something none of the rest of us could hear, El left, and Pierre came back to his seat.

  Miko was the one to break the silence.

  “So… she’s our Tracy, right?” she asked, in a tone that implied there was no other option – and really there wasn’t, since Elodie had easily blown everybody else out of the water.

  He looked up, looking between us before he spoke. “Yeah… she kinda killed that, huh?”

  So there it was.

  We did see the other actors who’d come to try for that role, but nobody hit quite the right note like Elodie had. We were done for the day after that, with auditions continuing throughout the week for the other roles. Miko went on her way, and so did Nick, and finally, in the later part of the afternoon, it was just Pierre and I in his office.

  “A monopoly on honoring our parents,” I said, pulling his attention from his computer as I took a seat at the edge of his desk. “What was that about?”