Bear in Mind

by Kate Rudolph

  Had that just been this afternoon? It felt like a century had passed since then. “Okay, mate shit. We normally don’t call it that. It’s a good thing. Usually.” He felt tongue tied, tripping over his words in a rush to impart the importance of this to her.

  “You’re stalling.”

  He was. Derek knew that he could take her violence, but he didn’t know if she would run when she discovered the faith that a bear could hold within himself. Its fast and furious nature could scare those who needed time to sort through their emotions. “It’s a connection between two people. A bit of fate, a bit of attraction,” a bit of love, he added silently, glad she couldn’t hear his thoughts. “And there’s a point at which a shifter has to make a choice. Take his mate, keep her, make her happy, or he can let her go and never have her again.”

  She straightened, a shadow falling over her face. “Why are you telling me this now?” Her eyes narrowed the way they did when she was trying to read someone’s mind and he could feel her around the edges of his thoughts. It felt like the buzzing of a fly, but she couldn’t get in.

  Not unless he invited her.

  It came to him in a blinding flash, why she couldn’t read him. The bear protected the man. Sandra had never said so, but he would be willing to bet that she could not read the thoughts of animals. The bear was a shield around him, keeping most of his thoughts out of her reach. If the bear within stepped aside for just a moment, she’d be in, able to read everything for as long as he let her. It was a terrifying thought.

  But he needed to get through this, to explain what Sandra was to him. They could make sense of his discovery later. “I told you that I’m in. However this ends, I want to be with you.”

  “I want to be with you, too.” She sounded sincere, but Derek didn’t know if she understood the gravity of the situation.

  He smiled, that made it so much easier. And, at the same time, much harder. If she said no, he’d know he could have had her, if only he could resist claiming her. “You’re my mate, Sandra.”

  “Oh.” He didn’t think she realized she did it, but she raised her hand to cover her mouth. After a moment, that hand curled into a fist. “So what does that mean for us?”

  It wasn’t a yes, and Derek’s heart hurt at the thought of her no. “It doesn’t need to mean anything. Damn it, no.” He wouldn’t let himself dick around with this. He needed to lay this all out there, even if she pulled away. “It does mean something. Everything, potentially. It means that you’re it for me. It means our souls can bind together forever. It means... well... I think those other points sum it up about right.” If he was going to make impassioned declarations, he really needed to plan them out ahead of time.

  The color had drained from Sandra’s cheeks and she breathed heavily, sucking in deep breaths. Derek didn’t move, afraid that if he budged an inch she’d take off running. But after several moments, Sandra spoke, “Yeah,” she said, “I think that explains a lot.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Mate shit. Of course there was mate shit. Did normal bears even have mates? Sandra tried to understand Derek’s declaration. Was this the bear’s way of confessing his love? Was the connection between them purely because of this magic crap?

  She didn’t want this thing between them to be a quirk of fate. The idea that some mystical force had ordained her to want Derek, to love him, was anathema. But she did want him. She did love him. And he was offering her something that she had never expected. Had never dared to wish for.

  “There’s something else I figured out,” said Derek. He was like a statue before her, his face shrouded in shadow, no expression.

  “What’s that?” No matter what, it couldn’t be more earth shattering than the last confession. But Derek proved to have an endless supply of life-changing revelations at hand. He didn’t answer her. Instead, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His face softened, making him appear almost boyish in the dim light of his room.

  The first thing she noticed was the buffer of his thoughts receding. It had become like white noise to her and now she only noticed it in its absence. But then she felt Derek surrounding her, his thoughts, his emotions, pooling around her like the tide coming in. She could feel how he thought she was beautiful, and smart, and sexy. She felt the staggering amount of love he had for her. If it was fate that brought them together, it didn’t make this any less real.

  “How?” she managed to gasp out. She’d been inundated with many more minds before, but they had never been so intense, so single-mindedly meant for her.

  He didn’t speak, but his thoughts revealed the trick. A bear stood guard, huge, brown, ferocious. It swiped in front of itself and snarled at her. But then the air around the bear went shimmery and she lost focus, unable to quite make out the edges of him. It lasted for several seconds until Derek took its place, tall, strong, his mind singing outward towards hers.

  Of course, she couldn’t read animal minds. She assumed that meant shapeshifters were animal enough, different enough, that they could hide their thoughts from her. It was only in the moments when she touched him that she could read him. Perhaps the bear could not protect his mind when she was so close.

  Sandra did not make rash decisions. She thought out her actions, only taking steps when she was sure of the path. Some might have said that the decision to be Derek’s mate was the riskiest thing she could do, but standing in the middle of his thoughts, she had no doubts.

  “This mate thing, is it a two-way street?” She couldn’t change into a bear, she wasn’t magical, so could she claim him the way he wished to claim her?

  “It is.” He was so restrained when he spoke, and the bear had reasserted itself, clouding his thoughts from her. Sandra didn’t begrudge him his privacy, but she hoped that he would share with her in the future.

  “Good because I’m not sharing you with anyone else.” The thought was fierce within her. Derek was hers.

  Time stood still for exactly three seconds, and then Derek had her backed up against the wall, his towel forgotten on the floor. It had seemed ridiculous to have a serious conversation in a towel when she entered the room, but now she couldn’t have been happier.

  They were fierce, savage with each other, this lovemaking more intense than earlier. This was not just pleasure, but declaration. Derek let his mental shield drop, once more surrounding her with his love, his desire, his need. Sandra was drowning in it, but she didn’t want air.

  She only wanted him.

  He ripped her shirt, popping the buttons off and sending them flying. It would have been funny if she weren’t so desperate, so helpless for him. Her bra went next, leaving her naked from the waist up. Derek’s thumb traced over her nipple, bringing it to a stiff point, a spike of pleasure.

  She gripped his silky hair when he covered her breast with his mouth, swirling his tongue over the nub. The desperate sound of pleasure she made was almost inhuman. This joining was so natural with him, she’d never felt more connected.

  And when he dropped down even lower, unbuckling her pants and sliding them down until she could step out of them, she was more than ready for him.

  She could see the crystal clear image in his mind’s eye of her against the wall, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he pushed himself into her again and again, wringing every ounce of pleasure from her.

  “I want you against the wall,” he said, his voice harsh with desire.

  “I’m yours.” It had never been like this before, his thoughts amplifying her pleasure.

  But Derek pulled himself back. “Later,” he promised. “Wrap your legs around me,” he commanded. Sandra did. “Now hold on.”

  It wasn’t a long journey, but they ended up back in his bed, the soft mattress beneath her. This joining was slow, joyous. It was only the two of them. There was no world outside of these walls, no problem that couldn’t hold off for just a little while. The green of Derek’s eyes flashed, melting to a honey color and then back in seconds. She could tell it
was his bear bleeding through.

  But that didn’t scare her. Derek’s bear was as much a part of him as the man. And she loved them both, as scary as that was. She reached up her hand, cradling this head, swiping a thumb over his cheekbone. Derek turned his face toward her, planting a kiss on her palm.

  And then he was sliding inside her, stretching her to full. Sandra never looked away, a steel cord of connection holding them together. When he was buried to the hilt, he stopped.

  Sandra could feel the promise of the moment surround them. This was it, their mating, and if she turned away from him now, she would never have him again. But now was not the time for rejection. This was a celebration of their love, of their future.

  “I claim you as my mate,” said Derek, a promise and a challenge in the words.

  She could tell that this was more than a declaration. This was ceremony. And while she shouldn’t have known the response, it came to her in a glowing flash. Perhaps from Derek’s thoughts, perhaps from something deep inside her that had always known that she would belong with this man. “I am claimed,” she promised.

  Derek unleashed himself, taking her hard and fast, bringing her to a peak of pleasure that Sandra had never known possible. The sounds she made were not human, and at the same time were timeless and decipherable in every language.

  More!

  Yes!

  Please!

  The torrent of pleasure crested, only to immediately overtake her again and again. Time lost meaning and Sandra even forgot to breathe as Derek became her whole world, her everything. The universe began and ended with him, as did time itself.

  And when he came, it was with her one last time, both of them crying out before the pleasure collapsed them, leaving them both gasping on his bed, two souls connected.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  In the early hours of morning, a knock on the bedroom door woke Sandra. Derek was asleep beside her, snoring lightly, and he tried to tighten his arms around her when she sat up. But his hold was loose enough for her to slip out of.

  She slid into his shirt and crossed the room to the door. She could already sense Ruth’s thoughts on the other side. Sandra opened the door just wide enough to step into the hall and shut it behind her. She knew that Derek would be able to hear everything if he woke up, but the hall gave the illusion of privacy. Over the years she’d learned that the illusion was sometimes necessary.

  “We’ve got company,” Ruth told her. She handed the tablet over, a video feed from the outdoor cameras showing a single woman approaching Derek’s house.

  “How did Canary get this address?” Sandra recognized her former co-worker at once. But Sandra had given the Sector her own address rather than revealing Derek’s. It had seemed sensible. She looked up at Ruth and shoved the tablet back towards her. “You need to go. She’s approaching from the front. If you go out through the cave she won’t see you.”

  Ruth took the tablet back and leveled a look at Sandra. It was the type of look a third grade teacher reserved for a precocious student with the wrong answer. “I’m sure whatever backup she’s got waiting in those woods would love that.”

  Sandra wasn’t so sure that there was backup. There was a tightness in Canary’s shoulders, the kind you got when you were out alone among the wolves. She walked carefully, as if afraid one mis-step would lead to her doom.

  “What time is it?” Sandra asked. It was still dark out.

  “Not quite four.” Did Ruth ever sleep? Or had she taken the overnight shift to guard their hostage?

  Sandra didn’t ask, those questions weren’t important now. “Let me throw on some proper clothes. I’ll meet you downstairs in three minutes. Don’t do anything stupid.”

  Lightning danced in Ruth’s eyes, “Define stupid.”

  “No Sector members until I’m with you.” She left Ruth in the hall and returned to Derek’s room. He was still asleep. Amazing. She’d learned to wake at the tiniest sound. He seemed to sleep like the dead. She found her pants and pulled them on along with the rest of her clothes. She took another two minutes to brush her teeth and wash her face. Sandra would have loved to spend the rest of the day wearing Derek’s shirt, but now was not the time to revel in her newfound relationship. They had work to do.

  She did wonder what this mate thing would mean. If they survived the next week, she couldn’t wait to find out.

  By the time Sandra made it downstairs, Ruth had her gun out and the tablet propped up on the table in front of the couch. Sandra looked at the gun and raised an eyebrow.

  “They’ve got a tool to track lightning strikes. Using my power gives away my position,” Ruth explained.

  “That’s handy. Is Canary still out there?” Morse must have been asleep as well, only she and Ruth were in the room

  Ruth nodded. “Looks like she’s surveying the area.”

  Sandra leaned over the back of the couch to get a better look at the surveillance footage. “She’s headed for the front door.” Canary was a short, curvy woman more suited for the control room than the field. Her hands were empty and it didn’t look like she had any sort of communication device. “I think we should let her in.” Sandra was scanning for Canary’s thoughts, and she couldn’t feel any negative intentions. Their friend was here to help. Somehow.

  “Don’t we have enough prisoners at the moment?” As if to punctuate the point, Paul banged something against the wall. “I think that was his plate,” said Ruth. “It was plastic.”

  “You should hide, just for a little while. I’ll find out why Canary is here instead of at my house.” And she could make Canary go away if need be.

  Ruth looked at Sandra like she was crazy, but after a moment she nodded. “I’ll never forgive you if I end up dead.”

  “Noted.” Somehow in the course of one unbelievably crowded day, Sandra had lost any fear that she had of Ruth. She knew that the other woman was dangerous, but she was now convinced that she wasn’t in any danger herself. For the moment, she was lightning proof. But that didn’t mean that she got to be stupid. “Go to the cave. I’ll get you when it’s safe.”

  Ruth nodded toward the door. “What about him?”

  There was no time to wake Derek or Morse. “We’ll leave him for the time being. It should be fine.” It was a gamble, but one Sandra knew they had to make.

  She gave Ruth enough time to hide before heading to the front door. She could hear Canary’s thoughts on the other side, but nothing useful. The other woman was cloaking herself; she knew that Sandra might be able to hear. With all the speed and grace of ripping off a bandage, Sandra opened the door.

  Canary froze, her mouth an “o” of surprise. “Sandra. Um, hi!” She tried to recover. Her high voice seemed to echo in the dark morning. Canary had originally gotten her name from her bright yellow hair, but it had long since been dyed any number of colors. One day she would show up with green hair, then next week she’d be a sedate brunette. But the name had stuck. She was short, curvy, and vivacious. Even in the hours before dawn she didn’t look the least bit tired.

  Sandra could feel the exhaustion beginning to catch up with her, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it. She reached out and yanked Canary inside. Canary’s power wasn’t offensive, so Sandra didn’t need to fear an attack from her. She slammed the door closed behind them and threw the lock. “What are you doing here?” she demanded.

  “You asked me to come.” Canary had the talent for keeping a chipper voice even in the most threatening and dire of circumstances.

  “To my house. Not here.” She wasn’t going to give away that this was Derek’s place nor would she give away who he was, but the Sector knew her address. They were a few miles away from the correct location. “How did you find this place.”

  “I guessed. According to our file, it was one of three habitable dwellings within reasonable walking distance from your house.” Canary was perfectly relaxed, but Sandra didn’t let that fool her. The woman’s mind was projecting a popular song from the 1980
s. She was hiding something. “This isn’t a good place to hide,” she continued. “If the guy who lives here finds out, you’re in for a world of hurt.”

  Sandra felt a mind brush against hers. Foggy, but familiar. She suppressed a smile. Derek was near. “Why’s that?”

  Canary’s hands curled into fists at her side and she pursed her lips in frustration. “The file didn’t say. But it was marked code red. You know we’re not supposed to go in those places.”

  “Why is it code red?” Sandra hadn’t consulted the Sector’s maps before choosing her house, she hadn’t thought that she would need to.

  “There was no explanation. But you know those places are bad news.” She reached out a hand and placed it on Sandra’s arm. “So let’s go back to your place and figure this out before we get eaten by a monster or something.”

  Amusement sparked through that monster’s mind at that, followed quickly by lust. Sandra’s mind lit as he sent the thought of how exactly he would devour her. Damn, he was getting good at that. She slammed her mental barriers shut. She couldn’t block out another’s thoughts for long, but she needed to keep her bearings for this conversation. “This place is safe,” was what she told Canary.

  The woman nodded and then dropped her mental shield, as if only needing Sandra’s reassurance that she could do so. Her thoughts collided with Sandra’s, the barrier she’d erected to keep Derek at bay washed away in the tide of brain waves. It was why she rarely bothered to try to shut out another’s thoughts, the effort was beyond futile. But Sandra wasn’t worried about that at the moment, not when she sorted through what Canary was sending her.

  “You left the Sector?”

  Shock rang through Sandra’s voice and Derek was a little worried she’d resort to violence. As a bear, he knew that discretion was often the greater part of valor, but now was not the time to exercise those instincts. He stepped into the main hallway, revealing himself to Sandra’s petite friend, who froze when he stopped just a step behind Sandra.