by Dawn Doyle
I screwed up the paper and threw it in my trashcan, cursing myself for not having thought this through properly. “God, I hate writer’s block,” I groaned. “Come on, brain, give me something else I can use!” I rested my elbows on the table and dropped my head into my hands, digging the heels of my palms into my forehead. My characters had stopped speaking to me since Eastyn had shown up. If I was completely honest with myself, it was when we’d kissed. His lips had hit the off switch so fast I hadn’t noticed, and now I was struggling to turn it back on.
He could turn it on, all right.
That was not negotiable. I was not rising to the bait. Eastyn could say what he wanted—maybe he was getting me back for choosing him at the booth, but I wasn’t going to let him think he had the upper hand with me. He might turn my knees to jello when his light-colored eyes found mine, or when he licked over his lips. So. Damn. Slow.
I sat back and fanned my face with my hands. Nothing had happened, nothing was happening, and no matter what Eastyn said or did, that wasn’t going to change.
I heard a click behind me and spun quickly in my chair, almost knocking the pile of antibacterial wipes onto the floor. The door opened a few inches at a time, and in crept Lara, her eyes round and her brows knitted together in apology.
“Hey,” she said, her voice coming out soft and quiet as though talking to an unpredictable creature that would either bolt or go for your throat. “How are you?”
I stared at her in disbelief, noticing that the clothes she wore looked eerily similar to Elise’s. The white skirt was exactly the same as the one I’d seen last week, but the pale yellow tank was new, though fitting of Elise’s tastes. “How am I?” I asked, coming out of my chair. “How do you think I am?”
She blanched at my controlled tone, my words steady and calm, my lack of emotion unsettling even to me. “I’m sorry I never called you,” she said, her voice almost a whisper.
“No, you’re not,” I countered, and her brows shot up into her hairline. “But I understand, Lara. We’re roommates, you don’t have to tell me anything.”
“Shay—”
“No.” I held my hands up, cutting her off. My stomach was in knots, but not from any worry of losing a good friend. I’d learned long ago, not to take a relationship for granted. “I get it, I really do. You went out to party, you stayed out a couple of nights, and now you’re back.” I shrugged, my mouth turning down at the same time. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me.” I grabbed my used wipes and threw them in the trash, picked up my gym bag, and headed toward the door.
“I forgot to invite you,” she said before I could close the door. “I’m so, so, sorry.”
I looked back to see tears running down her face. “Like I said—no, you’re not. We’re roommates, Lara, nothing else.” With those parting words, I closed the door behind me. All I could hear in the hallway was the deafening thuds of my heart against my chest, each pound calming with every step that I took toward the exit.
*****
There were a few people training in the free-weights area, and a couple more on the cardio equipment. I saw my usual spot was free, so I made a move to the treadmill I favored over all the others. I stepped on, placed my water bottle in the holder, and used a wipe to clean the surface before pressing the buttons to begin my workout. My mind was set on getting through the next hour without feeling anything, and the longer I pushed my thoughts down, the harder my shell became, the cracks healing, filling up, and growing stronger than before.
I’d warmed up enough to begin a light jog, and the music pumping into my ears through my buds motivated every step. It was fast enough to follow the beat as I ran, the rhythm pushing me to keep going. I swiped at the perspiration gathering on my forehead with my towel, then dabbed at my temples.
When I placed it back over the side bar, I made the mistake of glancing toward the weights section. I never expected Eastyn and a few others to be training this time of day. Before I could look away, Eastyn’s eyes snapped to mine, then left just as quick.
That guy made me dizzy. Coming to my dorm and making a promise that made my spine tingle, only to act like he was as indifferent as before.
I could deal with that. Hopefully, he’d forgotten about what he’d done and said, or realized coming to see me was a huge mistake. Only, him being there made me understand just how lonely I felt. He’d seemed concerned about me, even just for a moment, and that had confused the life out of me. Eastyn never seemed to care about many things, so his words had hit a part inside of me I’d tried to lock away, knocking on the door and asking for the feelings to come out and play awhile. I had to shut it down. Nobody saw that—not any more. I’d had enough of being played with and I wasn’t going to let anybody take advantage of me again. Opening up, even for just a second, showed my vulnerability, so I couldn’t.
A body appearing in my peripheral vision startled me, and I gripped the front handles to stop myself from falling. “God, Casey, you scared me!” I said, slowing down and pulling out my ear buds.
He held his hands up. “Sorry, Shay, I wasn’t trying to scare you.”
My thrashing heart had something to say about that. “I don’t know where Lara is, if that’s what you’re here for.”
His brows dipped, a puzzled look settling across his features. “Uh, okay, but Lara’s not why I came over.”
“Oh,” I replied, slowing further so that I could breathe properly without panting all over him. “Then, why are you here?”
“Damn, girl, I just came over to say hi, Jeez,” he said, holding his palms up.
I hadn’t paid much attention to my tone, but at Casey’s words, I knew what I’d done. “Sorry, Casey, I never meant to snap. What’s up?” I asked, trying to add a little peppiness to my voice.
He grinned wide. “See? I knew you could be nice.” He leaned against the other side of the console. “I haven’t seen you since the fundraiser. I thought you’d be going to the party, but you never showed.”
This again.
“I was busy finishing off some projects before break,” I lied.
He tilted his head to the side. “Max said you helped with clean-up.”
“Yeah, then I got to work. No big deal.” I laughed it off like that’s exactly what it was.
“Huh,” he said with a frown as though he was questioning it. “So, you doing anything tomorrow?”
I shook my head, although I wanted to nod and say I was extremely busy with packing for break and making sure I had all projects handed in that were due, but I didn’t. I’d finished already, I wasn’t going anywhere until my brief visit home, and all I had left to do was break out of my slump with my story. “Probably working out a little,” I said finally, “and then heading out to the library.”
He grinned. “All the exciting stuff, huh? You’re an adrenaline junkie, Shay, you need to calm down before you give yourself a coronary.”
I flinched, but a smile formed on my lips, stretching wider into a full-on grin. I chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Gotta do what I can to keep the heart pumping, though, Casey. I gotta get my kicks before I’m old and decrepit.”
He laughed loudly, his dazzling smile lighting up his sun-kissed face. He reminded me so much of Mason, who would always try to make me laugh when I didn’t feel like it.
“A few of us are going to the new pizza joint a few blocks away,” he said, thumbing over his shoulder. “Wanna come with? A little bird told me pizza’s your favorite.” His sing-song at the end made it all the more enticing, but I couldn’t.
“That sounds wonderful, Casey, and yes, pizza does happen to be my favorite, but I’ll have to politely decline the offer.”
They’re not your friends, Shay, and inviting you might be a game they’re playing.
His grin faded into a tight smile as he slowly nodded. “No problem. I just thought I’d ask, since Lara’s coming with a few others.”
My own smile dropped immediately as I was reminded of what had happened over the co
urse of a couple of days. “Um, thank you, but I’ll be pretty caught up at the library, I think.” I had to return two books, which would take a few seconds to check in on the new computers that scanned the barcodes printed inside.
Casey tapped the console. “No worries, Shay. I’ll let you get back to your workout.”
I popped my buds back in, and pressed the button to speed up the treadmill. I looked up to where Casey was walking back over to his friends and caught Eastyn staring over. His cold expression shot right through me, until I saw he was aiming it toward Casey, but then when he switched his gaze to me, he held it for a split-second before losing interest and returning his attention to his weights.
Eastyn
Casey shrugged when he got back over to us, and the second he stood next to me, I fucking glared at him. “What?” he asked, shrugging again.
“What’s going on?” I asked, trying so damn hard to keep my shit together. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time, but the emotion there was brand new. Jealousy wasn’t something I was ever bothered about, but here I was, cursing one of my best friends for talking to a girl I wanted.
“Nothing, why?” he asked, his brows pulling together, but I didn’t miss the twitch at the corner of his mouth. “We were just talking.”
“Okay,” I said, then proceeded to curl my dumbbells, squeezing my biceps at the top as hard as I could.
Casey’s eyes bore in to the side of my face. “Just okay?” he asked, his weights still at his sides. “You don’t want to know what we were talking about?”
I glanced at him in the mirror. “No.”
“Really?” Casey’s eyes narrowed on me, but I showed not even the slightest emotion on my face. “You don’t wanna know how I got Shay to laugh?”
I finished my set, then lowered the weights to the floor. I straightened up and faced him, and with our bodies close together it was evident how much taller I was. “Don’t care.” I walked around him to the cable crossover machine, and took the handle set at the bottom.
Casey turned around to face me. “Well, considering the look on your face when I was coming back, I’d say you didn’t like it.”
I slowly blinked and slid my eyes back to him. “I don’t like many things, Casey, as you already know. Talk to Shay—I don’t give a shit.”
Casey shrugged again, his eyebrows shooting up and his mouth turning down as if to say ‘whatever’ and resumed his own workout.
“So, you’re still coming, right?” Max asked from beside me. “The table’s booked for twelve of us, so there’s gonna be a full crowd.”
Since leaving Shay’s room the other night, I hadn’t spoken much which always worried the guys. When I’d come out of juvie, I barely spoke unless it was absolutely necessary. They thought I was turning inward again when I was quiet, but it was my way of dealing with crap I didn’t care to talk about. There was no point. It’s not like it was going to solve anything if I told them about it. Lara was still a bitch for what she’d done, and I still got a semi-on whenever Shay even walked past me. Being right there in her dorm while she looked so damn sexy, I had to take care of business, and more than once, just to calm the fuck down.
My studies were supposed to help me as well as other people but, so far, all they’d given me was a bigger reason to keep shit to myself.
“I bet Lara’s got her seat on your lap, Will,” Justin said as he laughed. “Better cancel a chair.”
“Fuck off,” Will said, flipping his middle finger while he tried to stop a smile. “But if she wants to sit next to me, I wouldn’t say no.”
“Oo, a little hand job under the table,” Max said making a jerk off motion with his hand, then both of them. “Is she any good at skiing?”
“Watch it, Max,” Justin said, pointing at him. “Or we’ll make sure Elise gets to sit next to you.”
Max’s face drained. “Fuck, no, don’t you fucking dare put her near me. Put her next to East—she’d like that.”
All eyes turned to me just as I finished my set. I dropped the handle down, my pulse strong in my neck from the strain of the single-arm curls. “That would be a huge mistake,” I growled.
“So you are still coming,” Linc said, draping his arm over my shoulders. “Good call, East. One last carb blowout for the team before the season starts.”
*****
They were acting like nothing had happened, like they hadn’t just fucked Shay over yet again by not including her. I kept my eyes on my phone in front of me, but I could hear every fucking word that spewed out of their mouths.
“I don’t get what her problem is,” Elise snipped, the sounds of her false nails clicking together making me want to grab her hands and cut the damn things off the ends of her fingers. “It’s not like you were friends anyway. I know this is an absolute first for me to agree with anything that bitch says, but saying you were only roommates was so true.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little harsh, Elise?” Chloe said from beside me. I didn’t miss how she leaned closer to me as she spoke. “I mean, isn’t that how you and Tammy became friends?”
My gaze shot up as Elise flicked her blonde hair back over her shoulder, a clear sign saying her bullshit was showing. She fidgeted in her seat as though fixing her posture, but as everybody was staring at her waiting to finish her rant—the attention that she savored—she made the mistake of looking at me. She must’ve thought my glare was a cue, because her foot rubbed against my calf under the table, and I pulled back, her seductive smile slipping.
She recovered quickly, then turned to Chloe. “Of course, but that was in Freshman year. We were put together and just clicked.”
“Yeah,” Tammy added, then touched at the red and white paisley scarf around her head, holding back her hair. “We’ve always requested to room together every summer. We will again for senior year.”
“Guys, I never asked to be put with Shay,” Lara cut in. “So stop making it out to be like I did. I wanted a room to myself, but I couldn’t. I got stuck with a girl that doesn’t speak much, trusts no-one, and would rather be alone than hang out. The only reason I get that special privilege is because we were forced to share. I tried to help bring her out of her shell, but she’s just so…” She scrunched her face up as though a bad smell had just wafted up her nose. “Difficult.”
“She makes things harder than necessary,” Elise spat.
I couldn’t agree more with that statement, but for a different reason.
I gripped the sides of my phone and my jaw flexed as Elise snipped about Shay once more, reminding everyone of how Shay talked. I knew why that was, but these people just couldn’t see past their fucking cosmetically adjusted noses to see for themselves.
I felt eyes on me and I turned in the direction to where the stare was coming from, only to find Max studying me. I took a deep breath, then leaned back against the chair.
As the back and forth about Shay continued, Casey raised his hand. “Hey, Shay’s cool, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped bitching about her.”
The five girls sat at the table stared with their mouths open in shock, looking like a bad comedy show.
“Yeah, she seems okay to me,” Will said, staring at Lara. “I thought you liked her too.” The guys nodded in agreement.
Lara blew out a breath. “I didn’t say I never liked her, just that she’s difficult to be around. Her parents are both top lawyers with their own firm, and they’ve influenced her a lot with that. I guess she’s just grown up being uptight and wary of others.”
“She just doesn’t fit well in our group,” Kyra said, waving her hand about as her elbow rested on the table. “That’s not our fault.”
I stood up then and shoved my chair underneath, pulling fifty bucks from my pocket and throwing it on the table.
“Where are you going?” Chloe and Elise asked together, then Elise said, “Our order hasn’t even arrived.”
“Anywhere I don’t have to listen to this vicious bullshit anymore,” I ground out. �
�You make me sick”—I shifted my attention to Lara—“all of you.”
“Hey!” Lara said. “That’s not fair, East.”
“Not fair?” I snorted. I turned away, pausing when I saw a pair of sparkling hazel eyes, the lower lids flooding with tears, and one escaping down her flushed face, dripping off of her chin, and landing on her pale-yellow, short-sleeved button down.
“I thought about it and decided to come after all,” Shay said, her voice hitching in her throat. I wanted to sweep her up and take her away from there, to take her somewhere and make her forget whatever she’d heard. “But, I see that my first instinct was correct.” Her fingers clutched at the strap of her satchel, her knuckles turning white the longer she did.
Lara pushed her chair back. “Shay, honey—”
“Please don’t,” Shay whispered, holding her palm up. “I think you’ve said enough, Lara. I won’t burden you with my presence any longer.”
Shay turned to walk out, her head dropping down as she went. I followed, picking up my pace to catch up with her.
“I hope you’re proud of yourselves,” Casey said behind me.
“And I hope you’re all fucking hungry,” Will added.
“Will!” Lara complained.
I didn’t hear anything else as I rushed out of the pizzeria with the guys behind me.
“Shay!” I yelled, going after her as she speed-walked down the sidewalk. “Wait!” I reached her and darted forward to get her to slow down.
She was sobbing, thick, strangled cries jerking her shoulders and stream after stream of tears cascading down her face. “Leave me alone,” she choked, crossing her arms further over her body, side-stepping away from me.
“Fuck,” Casey said when he caught up. “Shay, are you okay?”
She continued walking. “I said leave me alone.”
I reached for her arm and gently tugged, causing her to stop and round on me. “Hey,” I said softly.
