by Dawn Doyle
“What are you doing?” she snapped. “Don’t act like you care, Eastyn, because you don’t care about a damn thing no matter what you said in there!”
She might as well have stuck a damn blade through my stomach, and I kinda knew how that felt. “What? Of course I do,” I fired back. “I wouldn’t have said anything at all or followed you if I didn’t.”
“No,” she sobbed, shaking her head. “You were leaving anyway, and then you saw me. The evidence is crystal clear, so don’t lie to me.” She jabbed a finger in my chest, the contact catching me off guard, and her eyes burned into me as though she was about to unleash hell. “You turn up at my dorm to ask if I’m okay because Lara didn’t invite me to the after party, then next thing, you act like I don’t even exist! Does that look like someone who cares to you?” She turned her red and puffy eyes to Casey. “Thank you, Casey, for what you said, and Will. I appreciate it.”
Shay yanked her arm away with more strength than I expected, causing me to jerk forward, and marched down the sidewalk, leaving the pair of us open-mouthed.
I guess she doesn’t know I want her. I have to change that.
“Fuck,” Casey breathed out. “Lara didn’t even invite her? What kind of person does that?” He turned to me. “You went to her dorm when you said you were going back to your dungeon?”
I hadn’t wanted him to find out about that, but as it was out in the open, there was no way I couldn’t deny it. “Yeah. I kinda felt shitty that she’d been left out. I could tell Lara had forgotten about her, so I wanted to know if she was okay.”
“And?”
I shook my head. “She said she had a lot to do, so inviting her was a waste of time anyway.”
“Did you buy that?”
“Not at all.”
As we watched Shay walk, I’m pretty sure I saw the wall around her grow higher. It was going to take more than a sledgehammer to get past that, but I was willing to put in the work.
I had to.
Chapter 6
Shay
“Stupid,” I spat as I reached my car. “Just fucking stupid.” I opened the door and got inside, ready to take the six-mile journey from the hotel to campus.
I didn’t want to run into any of the group after bearing witness to how strong their dislike of me was. How could I have not seen that happen? How could I have been so naïve to think that anything good could’ve come from showing up at the pizzeria two days ago? I’d gotten there just in time to hear what they’d said. Casey and Will had stood up for me, something I hadn’t had the pleasure of since I’d found out Ross’ motives for wanting us to be together.
I turned on my phone, then waited for the beeping to stop before deleting every unread message and voicemail I’d received from Lara. I’d switched it off after she’d rang me repeatedly. I didn’t want to hear her apologies or her excuses anymore. I was so done with trusting people. I’d slowly let a certain few back into my life, but that had been shattered over the past week since the fundraiser.
Then there was Eastyn. Oh my God, the twisted, dark expression on his face was something that made my gut flip upside down and flail uncontrollably as it tried to right itself. I’d thought non-stop about how he’d snapped at the girls and their ‘vicious bullshit’ as he’d called it. Had I gotten it wrong about him? His behavior made my head spin, and trying to figure him out added to the dizzying affect he had on me. He’d come after me, and even though I’d torn him a new one, I had to stop for a minute and wonder… Why did he follow me out?
The bridge of my nose stung, but I couldn’t force the tears back. “Damn it.” I grabbed a tissue from my glove compartment and swiped angrily across my face. “Why did I think that there was even a small chance that would’ve gone well?” I asked myself, cursing that I’d been dumb enough to show up.
Once I’d gotten away from the guys, I’d headed back to my place, grabbed everything I needed, and drove to the nearest available hotel. I knew I wouldn’t run into any of the group between classes, because I didn’t go. I’d spent the last two days on the room phone, speaking to my RA, Wendy. Before leaving, I’d filled out a request to move out of the dorm I’d shared with Lara. It was probably a childish thing of me to do—to run away instead of confronting her and working through the issues, but I’d had enough of false friendships to last me a lifetime. I wasn’t prepared to waste my strength working things out with people that had already made their minds up about me. My parents had taught me that, and that was one of the few things that we agreed on.
I’d finally managed to snag a small room off campus, a simple studio that would be big enough for me and my things, and all I had to do was get back to Stampton to collect them. As I wasn’t moving to another dorm, it was pretty easy to do.
Everybody had left for break, so the parking lot was almost empty, save for the few that had stayed behind. I parked in the closest space to my old building, and cut the engine.
I looked out of the windshield, my eyes landing on a tall, dark figure standing up against a black car, watching me as I remained inside.
I hadn’t expected to see Eastyn until after break. I stared back with my jaw slack, his gaze on me never faltering as he blew a stream of smoke out of his mouth, the white cloud billowing up into the air. I snapped my mouth closed, too aware of the tightness growing in my stomach at the sight of him in his black T-shirt and dark-blue jeans. The intensity of his eyes scorched right through me from across the lot, the heat penetrating me with ease.
One of his bulky arms lifted and he ran his hand through his hair, the strands falling into a mess that called out for me to fix with my fingers, then shoved it back into his pocket.
In an instant, the stare-off was gone, and Eastyn got into his car, slowing down to drive past me, and I didn’t miss the sexy curl of his lips as he did. Then he was gone. I was free of Eastyn, free of Lara, and free of the people that made me feel less than worthy to be around them. Only, with Eastyn being gone, I didn’t feel the same satisfaction as I should have.
I had to put those unwelcome thoughts aside and forget about him, at least until I got my task over with. Only then would I allow myself to indulge in the way he looked right then, and how he smiled at me. No matter what, the simple twitch of his lips had my heart skipping and my insides whirling, a reaction I had no control over, but I wished I did.
I blew out a breath and shook my head. “Get a grip, Shay, it didn’t mean anything.”
Once out of my car, I looked around, taking in the silence and deceptively large space, now free from the hundreds of bodies passing each other on their way to class, lunch, or to hang out. Now I had most of it to myself, and I was going to take full advantage of the increasing warmth by lounging on the green grass and soaking in the sunshine while doing the one thing I loved the most.
Writing.
I still hadn’t gotten over my block. If anything, it had been made worse, but I was determined to push past it while I had the chance. But first, I had to move my few belongings to my new place, as the landlord was waiting with the paperwork to sign, and my keys.
The dorm room was a mess. Lara’s clothes that she hadn’t taken were strewn all over her bed, her books littered the floor and makeup smudged desk, and the trash can was full. I was tempted to straighten the place up, quickly catching myself as I reached for her inside-out green sweater draped across the back of my desk chair.
“Not my problem,” I said, letting go of the sleeve. “Not my things and not my room.”
I spotted a note on the desk, and picked it up. I began to read Lara’s neat writing, my anger simmering inside as she apologized again for what I’d walked in on, saying it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. Yeah, I’d heard similar in the past. ‘It’s not like that,’ It doesn’t mean what you think it does…’ She then went on to say that once break was over, we should have a ‘heart-to-heart’ and clear the air. I screwed the note up and threw it on top of the about-to-spill trash.
I opened my closet and gr
abbed my case from the bottom. It took a few minutes to pack my clothes, then only a short time to gather my books and pictures. Everything else was already in my car, waiting to go. I grabbed my Panda, hugging it tight, just once, before wheeling my case out of the dorm and closing the door behind me.
Eastyn
Shay had gone.
When I’d returned to campus, her car wasn’t there and I never saw her around for the remainder of the day or the next. I’d stuck around, choosing to slum it at college instead of going home, even though my mom had asked me to consider going back. I couldn’t. Seeing the look of pity in my family’s eyes and the way they tiptoed around me wasn’t something I wanted to endure for a week.
I sat down on the wooden bench to eat my lunch from the deli on Fifth. The sub hadn’t made it to my mouth when a shadow was cast over me. I lifted my head and turned to my left, ready to tell whoever the fuck it was to get the fuck out of my space. But I didn’t do that, because the person standing there, darkening my lunch, was Shay. I took a deep breath through my nose, instantly inhaling her sweet perfume.
Fuck, she smells good.
“Hey,” she said, her fingers fidgeting with the bottom of her white shirt. As she did, my eyes fell to the area that slipped from her shoulder, slightly exposing a white strap underneath. I continued down toward the area that I’d stared at the last time we were alone, those memories causing an uncomfortable tension in my jeans.
The short sleeves left her toned arms bare, the long ties hanging down toward her elbows.
“Hey,” I replied, snapping my eyes up to hers. I’d been taking her in for longer than I should have.
“I owe you an apology,” she said, still averting her eyes from my direction.
“Why’s that?” I’d pissed her off on a few occasions, so I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what she was apologizing about.
Shay scanned the area, watching a couple of students as they walked by as though waiting for them to move out of earshot. “I was mean to you, and I’m sorry.”
I sat back and stretched out my legs, crossing my ankles. “Go on.”
Shay blew out a breath at the same time her cheeks flushed. I wanted to reach up and touch them, just to see if they felt as warm and soft as they looked. “You did stand up for me, and I said you didn’t care. I…uh…thought about it and realized that you wouldn’t have said or done anything, so for that, I’m grateful.” She lifted her hand and tucked some loose hair behind her ear. “But after…” I waited for her to finish, but she didn’t. Her tongue ran over her lips, and fuck if that small movement had me desperate to taste her mouth again. The image took me right back to the fundraiser, the time when I’d felt her lips against mine and my tongue sliding over hers. I wanted to grip her chin, turn her face to me and take her mouth, even just to see her eyes blaze at me again. She turned to leave.
“After what?” I asked. I wanted to know what the hell came after that.
She stopped, her shoulders bunching, then slowly dropping back. She faced me again, her eyes narrowed, studying, as though trying to figure me out. “Outside the news office…” she trailed off. “In the gym, you didn’t acknowledge I was even there, but when you came to my dorm and said…” She shook her head and snorted. “Never mind.”
My lips curled in one corner, amused by her shy comment. “You can say it, Shay,” I said, leaning forward. “I came over and said…?”
She swallowed. “You know what you said, Eastyn,” she snapped, her voice low as a few students strolled by on the other side of the green. With the lack of noise, our voices would definitely travel to ears that I didn’t want listening in.
“I do.”
Shay looked at me again, the light tone to her irises shining in the afternoon sun that reflected off of her dark hair, enhancing the lighter streaks caused by the season. I wanted to grip her brunette strands and tilt her head to face me, keeping her there so she wouldn’t look away.
“Then why do I need to tell you? I’m certain your memories serve you well, Eastyn.”
“Oh, they do, Shay,” I said, lowering my tone. “My memories of that day serve me real well.”
Shay scratched at the back of her neck, turning her face away again as she did. I didn’t miss how the flush returned with force. “I should be going.”
“Sit here,” I said, patting the bench. When Shay didn’t move, I spoke again. “It’s obvious you’re by yourself, Shay, so you can either sit here with this asshole”—I thumbed to myself—“or you can go off and do whatever it is when you’re alone.” Fuck if that statement didn’t conjure some images in my head that I didn’t need right then. I had to clear my throat and shake off the pictures of Shay getting herself off; her moans of pleasure as she touched herself.
She looked around, then back to me before relenting. My eyes never left her as she turned to sit, catching the side profile of her pert ass as she lowered herself to the bench. She clutched onto the strap of her satchel, just like she had at the pizza place. I made her nervous, I knew that much; it amused me most of the time, but if there was one person on this fucking planet that I wanted to trust me, it was Shay Michaels.
I discreetly ran my hand over my mouth, reigning in the need to move closer to her. I took a bite of my sub, getting back to business with my lunch. I had to do something to stop me from sliding across to her.
As I ate, Shay opened her satchel and took out a notebook and pen, and started writing. “I thought you’d gone home for break,” she said quietly.
I shrugged one shoulder and gestured down my body. “Obviously I didn’t,” I replied, then continued eating.
“Why?” Shay didn’t look up from her book as she asked that question. When I didn’t reply, and I wasn’t going to, her eyes lifted toward me a little. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s a legit question.” I scrunched up my wrapper and tossed it in the trash can next to me. “Why didn’t you?”
Shay snorted. “I guess neither of us are willing to answer,” she said, her luscious lips pulling into a tight smile. I stared at her mouth as it relaxed, thinking about how I could do with dessert right about now, and those lips were something I could feast on. I snapped my gaze up when she turned to me, not missing the knowing expression on her face. She stood abruptly. “I really should go.”
“Go where?” I asked when she began walking.
Shay’s step faltered. “Goodbye, Eastyn. It was nice talking to you.”
It was nice talking to me? What the fuck?
I watched her walk away, the sway of her hips causing a stir in me that I wanted to act on. And I would, but first, I had to get Shay to let me in.
Trust was a big issue, and I had less than fucking zero for most people. I learned that fast, growing up. People always wanted something from you, and showed their true colors when they didn’t get it. They either left, or attacked—I’d seen it happen all around me and wanted no part of it. Either way, I was so fucking done with fake assholes and shallow women—I could spot them a mile off—and was lucky I’d found a group of guys who never wanted anything from me other than my company.
I’d fought them at first, but they never gave up on me.
Shay
The second I’d seen Eastyn sitting there, I’d come to the realization that he was sticking around, too. The first weekend of break and he hadn’t left as I’d thought—it was pretty obvious. I thought he would’ve gone for sure, going home to his family, his friends, a girlfriend…
That thought stung more than it should and I knew why. I wasn’t going to sugar coat my reaction to Eastyn anymore. I was an adult, and I could own up to my feelings, albeit to myself, but refusing to believe them wouldn’t serve any other purpose but to frustrate the hell out of me.
I liked him. I didn’t know him, but I liked him anyway. I had no reason other than I was drawn to his looks, but I knew that was human nature. Hell, there were plenty of people drawn to Eastyn, I was not the exception.
Aft
er admitting that to myself, guilt had taken root deep inside of me. What he’d done for me, he had cared. He’d cared to come after me when I’d walked out in tears.
Joining him on the bench hadn’t been in my perfectly thought-out plans. I’d planned to apologize, thank him for what he’d done, then leave, only my mouth didn’t stop there, deciding to run off and begin to mention the dorm incident. If my quaking knees didn’t pose the risk of me falling flat on my face, I would’ve left sooner.
“Okay, that’s enough dwelling on it. He’s here, you’re here, and you have to let go of the past.” I just hoped that my gut was telling me the truth.
I brushed out my hair, grabbed my satchel from the dining chair, and my keys from the small round table. I was going to drive the short distance to campus and talk to him again. However, from past experience, I didn’t know whether yesterday was Eastyn’s quota of conversation, but there was only one way to find out.
*****
I’d looked around the parking lot, and I’d even taken a walk around the perimeter of the green. It wasn’t exactly a huge area, but it took at least five minutes to do a full lap of speed-walking. I’d taken it slow, making sure I looked around.
I was deluding myself. Why would Eastyn Woodman be hanging around, waiting for somebody to go and spend time with? Yesterday’s episode had been a fluke; he’d spoken to me without there being some emotional reason behind it—the emotional reason caused by me—and it had caught me a little off-guard.
I couldn’t look directly at him. It was as though he was some mythical creature that would leave me defenseless if I made eye-contact which, as I’d already proved, was a correct assumption. Looking into Eastyn’s eyes was weakening, taking away my control and leaving me exposed. It had taken all of my strength to look at him in my dorm, but I’d been angry and hurt, my emotions giving me a little extra fuel against whatever power his gaze held over me.
