Helga- Out of Hedgelands

by Rick Johnson

  “I’m in,” Fat-Mouth responded. “What do you want me to do?”

  “You’ve the biggest talker on the ship,” Bigger said with a smile. “We want you to go quick as speedin’ cutlass slash to every beast on the ship and tell ’em Bem Madsoor wants them on the main deck double quick.”

  “That will get their attention,” Fat-Mouth chuckled.

  “And tell ’em to keep the noise down,” Haf added. “We can’t give His Tuskiness any hint about what’s up.”

  “Aye!” Fat-Mouth said.

  Moving quickly around the ship, Fat-Mouth quickly spread the message. Within minutes, the Lost Hope crew filled the main deck, casting astonished looks toward the skiff approaching the ship.

  Standing on the steps leading up to the forecastle, Bigger and Haf looked out across their shipmates. Exchanging a determined look, Bigger stepped forward.

  “Mates,” he began, “Bem Madsoor is returning to the Lost Hope. Whether she’s a dead beast come back to life or not we don’t know. But she’s comin’ and she’ll be steppin’ onto this very deck in a few minutes.” Bigger paused, allowing the impact of his words to sink in.

  “I say by brain and heart, we owe three cheers to Bem Madsoor! I say we call her Capt’n Madsoor as she comes aboard and pledge our lives and future to her!” He looked around at his mates, seeing the face of each sea-beast take on a look that said, ‘AYE!’ without saying anything.

  Then one sea-beast in the back called out, “THREE CHEERS FOR BEM MADSOOR!”

  “THREE CHEERS FOR BEM MADSOOR!” another responded.

  “THREE CHEERS FOR BEM MADSOOR!” yet another called.

  “Well then, you silly sea-beasts, give the blasted cheers for her!” Bigger yelled.

  “HUZZAH-HUZZAH-HUZZAAAUH!” the crew called out in a tumultuous yell.

  Within a few minutes, the skiff came alongside, and Bem Madsoor sprang on board. Known to every sea-beast aboard the Lost Hope, either by serving together, or by legend, Bem was warmly welcomed. “HUZZAH-HUZZAH! HUZZAH-HUZZAH-HUZZAH!”

  Everything was confusion for a few minutes, as the crew surged around Bem. Some, no doubt, wanted to touch her to assure themselves she was a real, living, flesh-and-blood sea-beast. Most, however, merely wanted to congratulate her on her safe return and pledge their loyalty to their new captain.

  After taking in the situation and expressing her joy at seeing her shipmates again, Bem calmly gave orders. “Hottin’ the briny cup!” she said, calling on the cook to heat up pots of Seafoam Mutter for the crew to enjoy. “The rest of you—up sails, we’re leaving immediately.”

  Turning to one of the youngest sea-beasts, Printy, she asked, “want to take a turn at the wheel and sail us out of here?”

  “Yes, Captain!”

  “Good! Bring ’er ’round, then keep ’er toward that point of land on the horizon.”

  “Where’re we going, Captain?”

  “First, we’re leavin’ Sabre Tusk to ’is own troubles. He’s made ’nough troubles for other beasts—let ’im take it in ’is own chops for awhile. Next, we’re goin’ to see about helpin’ some friends in trouble.”

  “Who’s in trouble, Captain?”

  “Well, as I’m seein’ it,” Bem replied with a smile, “the mates on this ship are rascals as most beasts see’s ya. So, there’s no goin’ to Port Newolf for a rest. First thing’s we gotta get you far away to new lands that’s not knowin’ ya—then, once we’s away from here, we’ll make some plans. For now, firsts firsts, we spend some time forgettin’ about Sabre Tusk. Set a course that takes us out o’ sight of Port Newolf—then, before dark we’ll cut back in down the coast a piece. I want to check over the ship for a long voyage—then we’ll set off for far horizons.”

  “Aye, Capt’n!”

  A Memorable Feast

  The long column of escapees from Mis’tashe and their liberators marched haphazardly through lengthening shadows cast by the mountains as the sun began its decent. The mountains, however, were not high and forbidding, but more like a staircase descending to some yet invisible landing. No one among the troop of beasts was familiar with the landscape or knew exactly where they were heading. The most seasoned beasts in the group had decided that it was best to simply escape by the most obvious route as rapidly as possible, hoping for the best.

  “By the Ancients!” Helga exclaimed as she walked along, “that was a near miss!”

  “What’s amiss?” Christer asked.

  “Ayeeiii! Christer!” Helga snorted in disgust. “Are you not conscious of how narrowly we’ve escaped? Why, with you and that Darin’ Dream crew makin’ silly and loud as brainless twits, it’s a miracle we’re not already back in chains! Don’t you know you were runnin’ around and hollerin’ at the top of your lungs—and there’s Captain Gumberpott and the rest who had a lick of good sense, tryin’ to make you hear and get us all safely away from Mis’tashe, while you were callin’ attention to us like hammer and gongs! I swear, if the Creation depended on the likes of you for smarts, we’d be about equal to worms guzzlin’ dirt!”

  Christer, walking beside Helga, turned his face toward her and, with wide eyes nearly overflowing with fake tears, wailed sorrowfully, “My mouth! My mouth! I’ve sunk into my mouth and can’t get out! Save me! Oh, Miss Scold-Me-Again, please save me! I’m jabberin’ and can’t stop!” Breaking into laughter, Christer gave Helga a playful punch in the arm.

  “Will you hush up!” Helga fumed. “Don’t you understand we’re still in danger?”

  “Oh, okay,” Christer replied with a smile. “I do understand—it’s just so hard not to want to tease you. You’re so pretty when you’re unpleasant.”

  “Was that supposed to be a compliment?” Helga said, looking at Christer with raised eyebrows. “If it was, it’s a bit like being told, ‘I don’t notice your smelly feet because your looks make up for them!’”

  Christer, realizing he’s pushed his teasing about as far as was wise, scratched his chin and thought a moment. Then he said, “You’re absolutely right, Helga. I’ll be quiet, just like I was near death and not likely to recover. It’ll not tease, nor tempt you to be unpleasant—for a few minutes or so. How’s that? Better?”

  Sighing, Helga looked at her friend and shook her head. “Chister, Christer, Christer, what am I going to do with you? Here we are struggling through the mountains, hoping against hope to stay out of the way of Wrackshees, Rummer Boars, and whatever else Milky Joe will likely be sendin’ after us, and all you can do is tease me?”

  “Correction,” Christer replied with a grin, “all I want to do is tease you! I could stop if I wanted.”

  “Are you sure about that?” Helga replied. “I think you’re naturally silly.”

  “Have a little—” Christer began.

  “Patience?” Helga completed the sentence.

  “You aren’t ever gonna be patient while your friends are in danger,’’ Christer said with a chuckle. “It’s like you’ve got this urgency to help beasts in trouble that—well, like you just can’t quit on it ’till it’s done—about like when you gotta take a leak and nothing else will do until it’s complete.”

  “Christer!” Helga exclaimed. “Do you have no good manners either? And besides, I know you well enough now to think that you’re really about as urgent about getting everyone out of this mess as I am.”

  “Yes,” he said. “It’s only walkin’ along mile after mile, and thinkin’ how much fun it is to be with you, that gets me actin’ like such a perfect fool sometimes. What I’d be doin’ if you weren’t here is walk along, thinkin’ and worryin’ about what I can do next when I can’t do nothin’ right now—so that just leads to me walkin’ along, kickin’ rocks, and wearin’ out my boots for no good reason.”

  “Oh, never mind,’’ Helga laughed. “I know you’re basically a decent beast and I’d probably be walking along kicking rocks, too, if you weren’t here pestering me!’’

  “The sea!” Red Whale called, sending the message back down
the line. The troop of beasts was advancing along a dry stream bed which cut deeply among the mountains. For those back along the line, there was nothing to see for several hundred feet except the same old rocks and trees. But for Red Whale and the beasts near the front of the column, the view widened out, revealing what was surely the Great Sea sparkling in the rich glow of early evening.

  The pace of the weary beasts picked up as those in the front rushed to find their way down to the sea and those at the rear pushed forward to gain their first glimpse of the discovery. As more and more of the seacoast became visible, a long sandy beach came into view.

  At first, in the deepening shadows of dusk, the beach appeared empty. But Red Whale, lumbering along at the head of the line of beasts, seemed to make out some faint movement on the still-distant shoreline—not unlike beasts coming ashore in a longboat!

  “Crinoo! Zarr!” Red Whale cursed. “Rummer Boars again! Could our luck be any worse?”

  Keeping his thoughts to himself for the moment, Red Whale motioned for the column to stop. Still providing no explanation, Red Whale directed his comrades to take a rest, while he continued his advance toward the beach to take a look. Red Whale wanted to investigate the nature of the beasts coming ashore while his comrades were still far up the mountainside and able to easily retreat if a threat existed. He did not have long to wait for more information.

  A light, like the faint strike of a match, flashed on the beach, setting a torch ablaze. The brilliant light of the torch revealed a dozen Rummer Boars walking up the beach from their longboat.

  “HALLOOO!” Red Whale cried out loudly, causing a great startle and stir among his comrades resting some distance behind.

  “HALLOOO! OVER HERE, BEM MADSOOR! HALLLOOOO!” Red Whale yelled. For, indeed, it was none other than Bem Madsoor leading the Rummer Boars on the beach.

  A mass of beasts surged toward Red Whale from behind, as everyone quickened the pace down toward the beach. Nearly a mob by the time their feet hit the sand, the happy beasts whooped and hollered on all sides. The Daring Dream crew rejoiced to be reunited with Bem Madsoor and jabbered endless questions about how she came to be captain of a Rummer Boar ship. For their part, the crew of the Lost Hope followed their captain and took part in the general celebrating. Helga, Christer, and the others, always glad to join a hearty welcome for new friends gave slaps on the back and broad smiles all around.

  “These beasts must be hungry and thirsty,” Bem said. “And I’ve got seabeasts back on the ship who are surely wondering what is going on! Let me signal them to come ashore and bring provisions for a feast!”

  The memorable feast given by Bem Madsoor on the beach that night sealed the friendship of many beasts and clans so long separated by the vast Voi-Nil and previously unknown to one another. From the personal stores of His (former) Tuskiness, Sabre Tusk d’Newolf, Bem and her crew served Red Whale’s crew previously unknown delicacies:

  Lizard Patties in Tambon’t

  Crabee Shark Knuckles with Crabee Broth

  Puree of Honey-Wolloper

  Broiled Pears and Whisker Grass

  Fresh-Caught, Roast Salmon, Bathed in Butter

  A Whole Shark, Larded on the Spit

  Lizard Steaks or Baked Snake

  Pickled Eels

  Snake Egg Pie

  Sweet –Tweet Cake

  Twice Shot-Through Creams

  Hot Peskee Tea

  There was much to celebrate. The Daring Dream crew was safely reunited and voted to abandon the wreckage of the Daring Dream in favor of accepting an offer from the Lost Hope crew to come aboard their much larger vessel as shipmates. To the loud cheers of both crews, Red Whale and Bem Madsoor proposed a voyage back to Lord Farseeker’s realms, returning the Daring Dream crew home and fulfilling Lord Farseeker’s hopes of learning what lay beyond the Voi-Nil. Red Whale assured Bem and her crew that the good Lord Farseeker would have many a voyage to keep them sailing. Cries of “HUZZAH-HUZZAH-HUZZAH” from both crews accepted Bem and Red Whale’s proposal to serve as Co-Captains for the voyage home. Signaling the end of Sabre Tusk d’Newolf’s raiding, his Rummer raiders’ new policy of honest sailing and fair dealing toward all, and the exchange of lost hope for new dreams among his crew, the name of Bem’s new flagship became Daring Dream II.

  For their part, Helga and her parents rejoiced in the end of their long separation, and enjoyed their many new friends. In particular, Helbara and Breister observed the new friendship between Helga and Christer with their own happy smiles, seeing in the young beast’s faces a look of affection that they well understood. The happiness of their family’s reunion, however, also emphasized the continuing absence of Emil. There would be no comfortable settling into a new home until her son was reunited with them.

  Facing this uncertain future, the Wood Cows were glad for BorMane’s promise to provide them company and help. The brave and worldly-wise old Coyote, deciding at last to retire from the sea, pledged to remain with the Wood Cow clan wherever they went.

  “But first we have to visit the Rounds,” Helga reminded her parents. “I want us all to know Elbin and Sareth and all the rest of my ‘other’ family!” Anticipating the joyous welcome that Helga would receive on her return to the Rounds, Toshty insisted that such a special occasion should be shared by Helga and her parents alone. It was agreed that BorMane and Christer would first accompany Toshty and Annie to Toshty’s cabin, before going on to meet the others in the Rounds.

  To everyone’s delight that evening, BorMane said farewell to his sea-faring days by telling endless stories about his travels and adventures. Entertaining and full of adventure, the stories proved to everyone’s satisfaction that the world was one globe, with a single immense sea beckoning all beasts to find one another. Red Whale, memorizing BorMane’s stories as he heard them yet again, was confident that he was bringing back more than enough information for Lord Farseeker to offset the loss of Daring Dream—plus the even grander Daring Dream II and its worthy captain and crew.

  With a starry night sky blazing above the happy feast and the ship’s band playing, there was little reason to wonder about the fate of other characters that had played a role in bringing all these beasts together.

  It would not be fair, however, to end this account without paying some attention to a lone figure who, some days later, hurried along a twisted old road leading up into the mountains not far from Norder Crossings. The narrow, abandoned pathway, unused since a more direct route was built, passed through an ugly and forsaken land of badly eroded slopes, scraggly bushes, and dark, muddy streams. Scattered here and there, small, dirty houses fell down into piles of rubble, their past inhabitants fleeing long ago to more prosperous areas.

  Colonel Snart’s disguise fit well with these surroundings: A rough filthy cloak, pulled tight around his neck, had a large hood hanging far forward over his head, completely hiding his face. Wearing cheap traveler’s boots and threadbare cotton pants and shirt, a common peddler’s satchel hung from his shoulder. He made his way along the rough track, muttering to himself.

  “Ha! Nobody interested in a poor old peddler, more ragged than the riff-raff I send off to Tilk Duraow! And this old road can’t take a proper wagon anymore, and the land’s ruined, so no one likes to be comin’ up here. Ha! Why, I can just slip into one of these tottering old houses and lie low just as long as I like.”

  Keeping on a bit longer, the Monopole finally picked out a collapsing house with its fallen chimney nearly blocking the door, and climbed over the piles of rubble to get inside. “Ha! Just the sort of perfect neglect and decay that I need for my temporary abode! Not a beast anywhere that would likely take interest in a place like this. Looking with approval at the filthy, broken windows and nearly destroyed roof, the Colonel chuckled with pleasure, “The rains are over so don’t need a good roof—and the more wrecked the place is, the less likely I’ll have company coming to visit. I could probably live here for years and no one would notice. Yes, this place is perfect.”


  Alas for the Colonel, however, he was overheard by a young Wolf working behind the house. It was, in fact, the very Wolf cursed by the Monopole a few days before in Norder Crossings! Hearing the Colonel’s words, the young Wolf thought, with a glow of good humor, of his encounter with the Monopole a few days earlier. He had heard that things had not gone well for Colonel Snart since that time. Outraged Norder Crossings merchants, ruined by the loss of the caravan to the Godgie Stomp, had forced the Monopole to flee in order to save his skin. Not satisfied to run the Monopole of Caravans out of Norder Crossings, the merchants had hired a Wild-Vile Cat bounty hunter and two Skull Buzzards to hunt the Monopole down and return him for punishment. Rumor had it that the slave traders in Port Newolf also were so furious over the Monopole’s recent role in the loss of a large and valuable lot of slaves that they were also after the Colonel with torches and swords. Even the High One was whispered to have denounced his brother over the losses he had caused. The young Wolf instantly understood why the Monopole might be traveling in abandoned country seeking a place to hide out.

  Quickly forming a plan in his mind, the Wolf stuck his head through a rear window of the house and said, “Well, well, dear Colonel, what brings you out to my place? I don’t get much company, so having you show up, why, I’m astonished at the honor you pay me!”

  Falling backward in surprise, Colonel Snart stammered out a reply: “Why, no, dear beast! You’ve got the wrong beast! You’ve made a mistake! I’m a simple peddler, new to the area, whose trying to find his way across the mountains. I was just stopping a moment to rest and then I’ll be on my way—don’t mean to trouble you at all.”

  “Why, it’s sure enough Colonel Snart,” the young Wolf replied with a laugh. “Would it be possible that I’d mistake him? Do you really think so? Why, such a picture I have of you nearly getting snip-snap-gulped by that monitor a few days ago! Why, how would I forget such a figure as that—even not considering the unkind words the Colonel spoke against me! No, I don’t reckon I’m mistaken who my visitor is!”