Beast: Savages and Saints

by Seabrook, C. M.

  Both Kade and Sophie just laugh.

  “Guess you’re going to have to try and convince them to try again,” I say, giving a small tug to one of her blonde pigtails.

  “That’s what I told them.” She gives me one of her mischievous grins, and I can’t help but laugh at whatever trouble I’m sure she’s already masterminding.

  “He’s beautiful,” London says, her face softening when she glances over at the baby in Kade’s arms. “Congratulations.”

  Kade’s grin widens when he looks down at his son, then wraps his free arm around Sophie’s shoulder. “Yeah, we’re pretty lucky.”

  I’m happy for him. My brother went through a lot of shit before finding his happily ever after. He’s a good dad. A good man. And I wish I was more like him. But the two of us, we’re hard-wired differently.

  Doesn’t stop me from wanting what he has now - with London.

  “You should come over for dinner soon,” Sophie says, and there’s no reservation in the offer.

  “Yeah. Please, Uncle Abs.” Lola bounces on her toes.

  “Um...yeah, sure,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck.

  There’s an awkward silence between us, only interrupted by more of Lola’s incessant chattering about some new Disney movie she just watched. And London seems enamored by her.

  I can feel Kade’s eyes on me, the questions he wants to ask, and I squirm under his scrutiny.

  “I’ll get the car and bring it to the front,” I tell London, who only half hears me as she starts to talk to Sophie about baby names.

  I love my family. I do. But seeing them just reminds me what a fuck-up I am.

  I’m halfway out the door when I hear my brother call out behind me. “Hey, wait up.”

  He’s by himself, and I know he’s about to interrogate me.

  “She’s just a friend if that’s what you're wondering.”

  “You moved in with her.” It’s not a question. And I know Quinn told him.

  “Yeah, so?”

  He puts his hands up. “I wasn’t judging.”

  I grunt and start walking again.

  “Why the hell do you keep walking away from me? How long are you going to keep hiding?”

  I spin back around. “I’m not hiding. I just have a lot of shit to deal with right now.”

  “What kind of shit? Maybe I can help.”

  “Thought you learned years ago that I’m beyond the point of help.”

  His lips thin and he gives a harsh shake of his head and looks away. “I didn’t come out here to fight with you. I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of what you’re doing.”

  I give a harsh laugh. “And what do you think I’m doing?”

  “Stepping up.” He sighs. “Look, you might not see it, but I do. What you’re doing for London...You’re becoming the man I always knew—”

  “You know nothing about me.” A sharp pain presses on my chest at all the secrets I’ve kept, all the lies I’ve told, all the shitty things I’ve done.

  “I know you’ve been in love with that girl in there for as long as I can remember. I never met your friend Kyle, but I know you cared about him too. That you care about your family. I know you think you’ve got some ugly darkness inside of you that makes you feel unworthy of anything real or good in your life. But you’re wrong.”

  “You don’t know what I’ve done.” The words are ripped from my throat, rough and ragged.

  Kade places a hand on my shoulder. “No. I don’t. But whatever it is, it’s time you finally forgive yourself.”

  It’s not my own forgiveness I need. I glance back at the building where London is waiting for me.

  “She loves you,” Kade says. “That’s obvious.”

  “And all I’ve done in return is hurt her.” I drag my palms over my face and blow out a heavy breath. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

  A small smile tugs at Kade’s lips. “I can’t tell you that. But I know you’ll do the right thing.”

  “I don’t even know what the right thing is. The only certainty in my life is that I know I’m not whole without her.”

  Kade’s grin broadens and he lets out a deep laugh.

  “What the fuck is so funny?”

  “Nothing,” he says, still grinning like an asshole. He pats my shoulder once before starting to walk away. “You might still be a broody son of a bitch, Abbott. But you’re going to be okay. I’m sure about that.”

  I wish I had his confidence.

  Chapter 12

  London

  “I really like Sophie,” I tell Abbott when we sit down on the couch with the extra large pepperoni pizza we picked up on the way home.

  “She’s been good for Kade and Lola.” He leans back, feet on the coffee table and turns on the TV. “They both deserve to be happy.”

  I curl my feet under me, and say softly, “So do you.”

  He pauses mid bite and looks at me. “Were you talking to Kade?”

  “About what?”

  “Nothing.” He sighs and leans forward, putting his slice down. “Look. We should probably talk about what happened the other day.”

  My insides twist, because one thing Abbott never does is talk things out. He runs, or broods, but he does not talk. And the fact that he wants to now, fills me with dread.

  “We don’t have to make a big deal about it. It was just...” I swallow over the lump that’s formed in my throat, and say softly, “Just a kiss.”

  He hesitates, running his palms over his jeans. “Right. Just a kiss.”

  “I mean friends kiss all the time.” I shrug and shift as far away from him on the couch as I can, because even though my words may sound aloof, just the thought of him kissing me has my body aching for him to take me in his arms again.

  He frowns at me, brows drawn down. “I’m not usually in the habit of kissing my friends.”

  “Right, just every other female in—” I clamp my mouth shut, hearing the jealousy in my voice. I know I should just stop talking, but the words keep tumbling from my lips. “Things don’t have to be weird between us. But if you want to move out, maybe it’s better for both of us in the long run.”

  “I didn’t say that,” he growls, startling me, and I swallow at the intensity of his gaze, the challenge in his eyes.

  God, the man makes me spin. A million emotions twist inside me, but the strongest one is fear.

  He’s going to leave you.

  Push him away before he walks away.

  He stands and goes to the window, his back toward me. “London...”

  “What?” Frustration oozes from me. Frustration and anger and need and a million other emotions that I can’t even name. “What do you want, Abbott? You said you wanted to talk, so talk.” When he doesn’t answer, I toss my hands in the air. “God, you’re impossible. I’m done trying to figure out what’s going on inside that thick skull of yours.”

  I stand and start toward my bedroom, but he’s faster than me, and I don’t make it halfway across the room before he’s in my path.

  He rubs a hand over his face and lets out an exasperated breath. “What do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t know.” Tears burn my eyes and I need to get away from him before I humiliate myself by crying again over something as stupid as a kiss. “Just...go.” I yell the last word, feeding on my anger in order to keep my tears at bay. “Go do what you do, Abbott. It was only a matter of time anyway. I know it’s what you want.”

  He moves closer and his eyes narrow and his voice is low, almost dangerous. “And what exactly do you think I want?” The question sounds almost like a threat, and a shiver races down my spine mixing with the damn heat his nearness is causing. He tilts his head, eyes so dark and piercing I swear they penetrate my very soul. “Tell me.”

  I swallow hard and glance away, unable to hold the intensity of his gaze. “You push everyone who cares about you away.”

  A rough palm cups my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “And you think you’re d
oing anything different right now.”

  I shrug like his words don’t hit me straight in the gut. Like his touches isn’t marking me in ways I know I’ll never recover from. “Guess I’m just taking a page from the Abbott Savage handbook on how to avoid any real emotions.”

  But those stupid emotions betray me right now, and the tears I’d been holding back tumble down my cheek.

  “Shit,” he mutters dragging his thumb over the dampness. “I don’t want to hurt you, London.”

  “Yeah, I know.” And I do. All he’s ever done is try to protect me. I’m the fool who thought I could tame the beast inside of him. I take a step back, but he reaches out, stopping me.

  “I can’t lose you,” he says.

  I feel the desperation in his words, and they echo in my own soul.

  “You won’t,” I whisper. “You can’t.”

  “I promise you it won’t happen again.” His hand is on my arm now, fingers tightening, not hard enough to hurt me, but enough to feel the heat of his touch straight in my core. “Everything can go back to the way it was, and—”

  “No.” I hold his gaze, that damn push and pull thing that’s always been between us making me dizzy. “It can’t.”

  He pulls back slightly. “You just said—”

  “You’ll never lose me, Abbott. I’ll always be...” I close my eyes and let the reality sink in. “We’ll always be friends. But...”

  “But what?” His eyes narrow.

  “I think you should move out. It’s too hard.”

  “Because of one stupid kiss?”

  “Yeah,” I sigh. “Because of one stupid kiss.”

  “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

  Tears blur my vision. “It doesn’t matter. It’ll be better this way. We’ll be better—”

  “Bullshit. You need me, and I need...” He gives a rough shake of his head, his lips forming a tight line as his jaw bounces. There’s something different, something new in his eyes when he looks back at me. Something I can’t interpret. “Don’t push me away. Please.”

  “I’m sorry.” I place my hand on his chest and curl my fingers in his shirt, then lean up and kiss him softly on the cheek.

  “London.” My name comes out rough, and I see the same uncertainty, the same fear in his eyes that I did when he’d kissed me.

  I take a step back. “You were right, I do need you. More than I should. More than I’ve ever wanted to admit to you or myself. Because I know you can never give me...”

  “What?” His throat bobs, and I know he understands that if I say what I’m about to, we will never be the same. How can we? But I have to say the words.

  “I love you, Abbott. And not just as friends. I love you with every fiber of my being.”

  “Lon—”

  “No, let me finish. I’ve let you hold me at arm’s length all these years. And I’d learned to live with the fact that we would never be together that way. I let you set me up with Kyle because it was a way to stay close to you. And yeah, maybe that’s a really shitty thing to do. Maybe I’m a horrible person. But the only thing I know for certain, the only constant in my life is that there is no one that I’ve loved more than you.” He starts to open his mouth again to interrupt me and I hold up a hand, stopping him. “But in a few months, that’s going to change.”

  Abbott frowns and his eyes drop to my stomach, but he doesn’t say a word, and in a way, I’m glad for it, because it makes what I have to say next easier.

  “I love you, Abbott. But living with you when I know I can never really be with you...it’s just too damn hard.”

  A silence that is almost tangible with his unsaid words hangs heavy between us. I want to beg him to say he wants me the same way, to feel the warmth of his arms around me again. The reality that it wouldn’t make a difference gives me the strength to hold back.

  But when his palms are on my cheeks again and he rests his forehead against mine, all that strength disappears.

  “Abbott,” I whimper. “Please, don’t...”

  “I want...I need you London.” The intensity of his words rolls through me. “All of you.”

  I suck in a breath.

  My body aches for him. My heart hammers out his name. All the while my brain warns me that I’m digging my own grave.

  “Then take me.”

  His breathing is harsh, and when his lips crash down on mine, I know there’s no turning back. I’ve already pushed him too far.

  Chapter 13

  Abbott

  I’m going to destroy us both, but right now I don’t care. All I care about is the feeling of London’s lips against mine. The way her body melts against me and her hands curl into fists, gripping my shirt.

  When she lets out a soft moan, I know I’m a goner.

  My control is frayed. Every muscle in my body is tight with need. Her scent, so familiar, vibrates across my senses, wrapping around my cock. The ache is torment. The desire hotter and more dangerous than any flame.

  “London,” I moan against her lips, unable to pull back, even though I know I should. “You make me crazy.”

  Her touch is more powerful than any drug. Potent and intoxicating. She’s in my blood, in my veins, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to stop it.

  The beast inside me beats its chest, ready to take what has always been his.

  “You want me to fuck you?” I ask harshly, my fingers tangling in her hair and tugging softly. “Is that what you want, London?”

  She whimpers, and I expected her to push me away, but when I look in her eyes, there’s only need and hunger reflected there.

  “Yes,” she says softly.

  That one word is my undoing. My hands are on her, her silky flesh so tender under my calloused hands. I need to be gentle, but it takes the remainder of my self-control not to tear her clothes off and fuck her right here on the couch.

  Wordlessly, I take her hand and lead her to my bedroom, then pull her back against me, resting my forehead against hers. Our breathing is rough, ragged, and she trembles when I cup her jaw.

  “This is a terrible fucking idea,” I rasp.

  “I want you, Abbott.” Her fingers curl in my shirt. “I’ve always wanted you.”

  I kiss her again, like she’s the damn air I breathe. And she is. Without her, I don’t exist. I’m darkness and fury, a beast unable to control his demons. But when I’m with her, her light filters through, filling me.

  Her hands tug desperately at my shirt, and I lift my arms, pulling it off. She sucks in a tiny breath. Her fingers trace the ink on my chest and abs, fluttering over the words that have become my battle cry.

  He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

  “I wish I could take away your pain,” she says, pressing her lips against the ink.

  I pull her mouth to mine, stroking my tongue against hers. “You do. But, there are things...”

  “Things that don’t matter right now.” Her palms are flat on my chest, and she slowly runs them down my abs, until her fingers reach my belt. She undoes it, gaze never leaving mine.

  My cock is hard, thick, and presses painfully against my jeans, and when she undoes my fly and pushes the denim over my hips, then wraps her warm hand around my length, I nearly come undone.

  She licks her lips when her gaze drops, taking me in. “I’ve dreamed about this. Seeing you.” She lets out a small nervous laugh. “I mean I’ve seen you before. You’re not exactly shy about being naked. But...I’m rambling...”

  “I’m only going to ask you one more time. Is this what you want?”

  She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and nods.

  I tilt her chin and kiss her softly. It’s not my style, to be gentle, but with London, all I want is her pleasure. I’m not a romantic person, never have been, but I wish right now the room was filled with roses and candles.

  I’m finally touching her. Kissing her. And I swear my heart may just explode inside my chest. The feelings are almost too
much. That’s what she does to me.

  My lips rasp against her, and her body melts against mine. I run my hands under her shirt, needing to feel her flesh against mine, and I feel her tense.

  “What’s wrong?” I study her and see the flicker of insecurity in her eyes.

  “My body...it’s...I’m...”

  “You’re the most gorgeous woman in the whole fucking world, London.”

  A small smile tugs at her lips and she lifts her arms, allowing me to pull her shirt over her head. She unhooks her bra and lets it fall to the floor. I suck in a breath as I take her in.

  “Perfect,” I murmur, lowering my mouth to one nipple, and swirling my tongue over the hard bud.

  “Abbott,” she gasps my name and gives a sigh of pleasure as I lower her to the bed.

  “I need to see all of you.” I pull her tights and panties off so that she’s completely naked and laid out like a goddess before me. “So fucking perfect.”

  Every cell in my body is screaming for me to thrust inside of her, to consume her completely, but I need to take this slow, enjoy every second, memorize every curve.

  I run my hands over her bare flesh, across her breasts, the rounding of her stomach, over her hips and thighs. She opens her legs for me when I push her knees apart.

  London whimpers when my fingers swerve around her mound, cupping her swollen, sensitive folds. She’s warm and wet, and desperate for my touch.

  “Please, Abbott,” she begs, squirming beneath my touch.

  “Is this what you want?” I ask, slipping a finger inside her, and rasping my thumb over her clit.

  “Mmmm,” she moans, fingers curling in the sheets. “More.”

  She’s already close to coming, so responsive to my touch. I slip another finger inside her, stretching her, and she whimpers, rocking against my hand as I stroke her sensitive flesh.

  “That’s it, sweetheart.”

  A cry pulls from her lips and the muscles of her pussy spasm around my fingers, her juices coating them.

  “Fuck,” I groan, holding back my own release. I could come just watching her get off.