The Pacha of Many Tales

by Frederick Marryat

  VOLUME ONE, CHAPTER SIX.

  "Mashallah! How wonderful is God! Did the caliph Haroun ever hear suchstories?" observed the pacha, taking the pipe from his mouth, as he wasindulging in company with Mustapha: "that infidel tells strangehistories of strange countries--What will his mouth open to next?"

  "The Shaitan bacheh, for a son of the devil he still is, although hewears the turban and bows to Allah, will prove a treasury of amusementto your sublime highness," replied Mustapha: "but what are the words ofthe sage?--`If thou hast gold in thy hazneh, keep it locked, and addthereto; thus shalt thou become rich.'"

  "They are the words of wisdom," replied the pacha.

  "Then may I advise your highness to walk out this evening in search ofmore, and not exhaust that which is in your possession?"

  "Wallah thaib! It is well said!" answered the pacha, rising from hismusnud or carpet of state: "the moon is up--when all is ready we willproceed."

  In a quarter of an hour the pacha, attended by Mustapha and the armedslaves as before, again set out upon their perambulations through thecity of Cairo.

  They had not walked more than half an hour when they observed two mensitting at the door of a fruit-shop, at high words with each other. Thepacha held up his finger to Mustapha, as a sign to stop, that he mightoverhear their discourse.

  "I tell you, Ali, that it is impossible to hear those long stories ofyours without losing one's temper."

  "Long stories!" whispered the pacha to Mustapha with delight: "the verything!--Shukur Allah! Thanks be to God!"

  "And I tell you in reply, Hussan, that yours are ten times worse. Younever have spoken for ten minutes without my feeling an inclination tosalute your mouth with the heel of my slipper. I wish there was any onewho would hear us both, and decide the point."

  "That I will," said the pacha, going up to them: "to-morrow I will hearboth your stories, and decide upon the merits of each."

  "And who are you?" observed one of the men with surprise.

  "His highness the pacha," replied Mustapha, coming forward. Both themen prostrated themselves, while the pacha directed Mustapha that theyshould be brought before him on the following day; and the vizier,having given them in charge to the slaves who had followed at adistance, returned home with the pacha, who was delighted at the richharvest which he expected to reap from the two people who accused eachother of telling such long stories.

  When the divan of the following day had closed, the two men weresummoned into the presence of the pacha.

  "I shall now decide upon the merits of your stories," observed he. "Sitdown there both of you, and agree between yourselves which of you willbegin."

  "May it please your highness, you will never be able to listen to thisman Ali," observed Hussan: "you had better send him away."

  "Allah preserve your highness from all evil," replied Ali, "but moreespecially from the talking of Hussan, which is as oppressive as the hotwind of the desert."

  "I have not sent for you to hear you dispute in my presence, but to hearyour stories. Ali, do you begin."

  "I do assure your highness," interrupted Hussan, "that you will notlisten to him three minutes."

  "I do assure you," retorted the pacha, "that if you say one word more,until you are ordered, you will be rewarded with the bastinado for yourtrouble. Ali, begin your story."

  "Well, your highness, it was about thirty years ago, _you know_, that Iwas a little boy, _you know_."

  Here Hussan lifted up his hands, and, smiled.

  "Well your highness, _you know_--"

  "I don't know, Ali: how can I know until you tell me," observed thepacha.

  "Well then, your highness must know, that ever since I was born I havelived in the same street where your highness saw us seated last night,and thirty years, _you know_, is a long period in a man's life. Myfather was a gardener, and people of his condition, _you know_, areobliged to get up early, that they may be in time for the market, where,_you know_, they bring their vegetables for sale."

  "This is all very true, I dare say," observed the pacha, "but you willoblige me by leaving out all those _you knows_, which I agree with yourcomrade Hussan to be very tedious."

  "That's what I have already told him, your highness: `Ali,' _says I_,`if you can only leave out your _you knows_,' _says I_, `your storymight be amusing, but,' _says I_--"

  "Silence with your _says I's_," observed the pacha; "have you forgottenthe bastinado? there seems to be a pair of you. Ali, go on with thestory, and remember my injunction; the felek and ferashes are at hand."

  "Well, your highness, one morning he rose earlier than usual, as he wasanxious to be first in the market with some onions, which, _you know_,are very plentiful; and having laden his ass, he set off at a good roundpace for the city. There, _you know_, he arrived at the market-place alittle after the day had dawned, when, _you know_--"

  "Did you not receive my orders to leave out _you know_. Am I to beobeyed or not? Now go on, and if you offend again you shall have thebastinado till your nails drop off."

  "I shall observe your highness's wishes," replied Ali.--"A little afterthe day had dawned, _you_--no, he, I mean, observed an old woman sittingnear one of the fruit-stalls, with her head covered up in an olddark-blue capote; and as he passed by, _you_--she, I mean, held out oneof her fingers, and said, `Ali Baba,' for that was my father's name,`Listen to good advice; leave your laden beast and follow me.' Now myfather, _you know_, not being inclined to pay any attention to such anold woman, replied, _you know_--"

  "Holy Allah!" exclaimed the pacha in a rage to Mustapha, "what does thisman deserve?"

  "The punishment due to those who dare to disobey your highness'scommands."

  "And he shall have it; take him out; give him one hundred blows of thebastinado; put him on an ass, with his face turned towards the tail; andlet the officer who conducts him through the town proclaim, `Such is thepunishment awarded by the pacha to him who presumes to say that hishighness knows, when in fact, he knows nothing.'"

  The guards seized upon the unfortunate Ali, to put in execution the willof the pacha; and as he was dragged away, Hussan cried out, "I told youso; but you would not believe me."

  "Well," replied Ali, "I've one comfort, your story's not told yet. Hishighness has yet to decide which is the best."

  After a few minutes' pause, to recover himself from the ruffling of histemper, the pacha addressed the other man--"Now, Hussan, you will beginyour story; and observe that I am rather in an ill-humour."

  "How can your highness be otherwise, after the annoyance of that boreAli? I said so; `Ali,' _says I_--"

  "Go on with your story," repeated the pacha angrily.

  "It was about two years ago, your highness, when I was sitting at thedoor of the fruit-shop, which your highness might have observed when yousaw us last night, that a young female, who seemed above the commonclass, came in, followed by a porter. `I want some melons,' says she.`I have very fine ones, so walk in,' _says I_, and I handed down fromthe upper shelf, where they were placed, four or five musk, and four orfive water-melons.

  "`Now,' _says I_, `young woman, you'll observe that these are much finermelons,' _says I_, `than you usually can procure; therefore the lowestprice that I can take,' _says I_, `is--'"

  "Why your _says I's_ are much worse than Ali's _you knows_; leave themout, if you please, and proceed with your story," cried the pacha, withincreased ill-humour.

  "I will obey, your highness, if possible. I stated the lowest price,and she lifted up her veil--`I have an idea,' said she, as she allowedme to look upon one of the prettiest faces in the world, `that they areto be had cheaper.'

  "I was so struck with her beauty that I was quite speechless. `Am I notright?' said she, smiling. `From you, madam,' _says I_, `I can takenothing; put as many in the basket of your porter as you please.' Shethanked me, and put into the basket all that I had handed down.

  "`Now,' _says she_, `I want some dates, the best and finest that youhave.' I handed
some down, that would have been admired by the ladiesof your highness's harem. `These, madam,' _says I_, `are the best datesthat are to be found in Cairo.' She tasted them, and asked the price: Imentioned it. `They are dear,' replied she, `but I must have themcheaper,' and again she lifted her veil. `Madam,' _says I_, `thesedates are much too cheap at the price which I have mentioned; it reallyis impossible to take one para less; observe, madam,' _says I_, `thebeauty of them, feel the weight, and taste them,' _says I_, `and youmust acknowledge,' _says I_, `that they are offered to you at a pricewhich,' _says I_--"

  "Holy Prophet!" cried the pacha in a rage; "I will hear no more of your_says I's_: if you cannot tell your story without them, you shall fareworse than Ali."

  "May it please your highness, how will it be possible for you to knowwhat I said, unless I point out to you what I did say? I cannot tell mystory without it."

  "I'll see that," replied the pacha, in a savage tone; and making a sign,the executioner made his appearance. "Now, then, go on with your story;and, executioner, after he has repeated _says I_ three times, off withhis head! Go on."

  "I shall never be able to go on, your highness; consider one moment howharmless my _says I's_ are to the detestable _you knows_ of Ali. That'swhat I always told him `Ali,' _says I_, `if you only knew,' _says I_,`how annoying you are! Why there,' _says I_--"

  At this moment the blow of the scimitar fell, and the head of Hussanrolled upon the floor; the lips, from the force of habit, stillquivering in their convulsions with the motioning which would haveproduced _says I_, if the channel of sound had not been so effectuallyinterrupted.

  "That story's ended!" observed the pacha in a rage. "Of all thenuisances I ever encountered, these two men have beat them all. Allahforbid that I should again meet with a _says I_, or _you know_!"

  "Your highness is all wisdom," observed Mustapha; "may such ever be thefate of those who cannot tell their stories without saying what theysaid." The pacha, irritated at his disappointment, and little soothedby the remark of Mustapha, without making any answer to it was about toretire to his harem, when Mustapha, with a low salaam, informed him thatthe renegade was in attendance to relate his Second Voyage, if he mightbe permitted to kiss the dust in his presence. "Khoda shefa midehed--God gives relief," replied the pacha, as he resumed his seat: "let himapproach."

  The renegade entered; and having paid the customary obeisance, took hisseat, and commenced the narrative of his Second Voyage:--

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  May it please your most sublime highness, the day after I embarked wesailed with a fair wind; and having cleared the Straits, flatteredourselves with the prospect of a successful voyage; but we weremiserably disappointed, for three days afterwards we fell in with asmall brig under English colours. As she was evidently a merchantvessel we paid no attention to her running down to us, supposing thatshe was out of her reckoning, and wished to know her exact position onthe chart. But as soon as she was close to us, instead of passing underour stern, as we expected, she rounded to, and laid us by the board.Taken by surprise and having no arms, we were beaten down below; and ina few minutes the vessel remained in the possession of our assailants.They held a short consultation, and then opening the hatches, aboatswain pulled out his whistle, and in a tremendous voice roared out,"_All hands ahoy_!" which was followed by his crying out, "_Tumble upthere, tumble up_!" As we understood this to be a signal for ourappearance on deck, we obeyed the summons. When we all came up, wefound out that if we had had any idea that they were enemies, we mighthave beaten them off, as they were only fifteen in number while wemustered sixteen. But it was too late: we were unarmed, and they hadeach of them a cutlass, with two pistols stuck in their girdles. Assoon as we were all on deck, they bound our arms behind us with ropesand ranged us in a line. Having inquired of each of us our respectiveranks and professions, they held a short consultation, and the boatswainaddressing me, said: "Thank Heaven, you scoundrel, that you were broughtup as a barber, for it has saved your life!"

  He then cut loose the cords which bound me, and I remained at liberty."Now then, my lads!" continued the boatswain, "_Come, every man hisbird_!" and, so saying, he seized upon the captain of the vessel, andleading him to the gangway, passed his sword through his body, andtossed him into the sea.

  In the same manner each of the murderous villains led forward the man hehad selected, and putting an end to his life, either by the sword orpistol, launched the corpse into the waves.

  My blood curdled as I beheld the scene, but I said nothing. Iconsidered myself too fortunate to escape with life. When it was allover, the boatswain roared out, "_That job's done_! Now, Mr Barber,swab up all this here blood, and be damned to you! and recollect thatyou are one of us." I obeyed in fear and silence, and then returned tomy former station near the taffrail.

  The people who had captured us, as I afterwards found out, were part ofthe crew of an English Guinea-man, who had murdered the master and mate,and had taken possession of the vessel. As our brig was a much finercraft in every respect, they determined upon retaining her and scuttlingtheir own. Before night they had made all their arrangements, and werestanding to the westward with a fine breeze.

  But exactly as the bell struck eight for midnight, a tremendous voicewas heard at the hatchway, if possible more than a hunched times louderthan the boatswain's, roaring out "_All hands ahoy_!"

  The concussion of the air was so great, that the ship trembled as if shehad been struck by a thunderbolt; and as soon as the motion hadsubsided, the water was heard to rush into every part of the hold.Every body ran on deck astonished with the sound, expecting the vesselimmediately to go down, and looking at each other with horror as theystood trembling in their shirts. The water continued to rush into thevessel until it reached the orlop beams; then as suddenly it stopped.

  When the panic had to a certain degree subsided, and they perceived thatthe water did not increase, all hands applied to the pumps, and by eighto'clock in the morning the vessel was free. Still the unaccountablecircumstance weighed heavy on the minds of the seamen, who walked thedeck without speaking to each other, or paying any attention to theship's course; and as no one took the command, no one was ordered to thehelm.

  For my own part, I thought it a judgment upon them for their cruelty;and, expecting that worse would happen, I had made up my mind to myfate. I thought of Marie, and hoping for pardon yet fearing the worst,I vowed if I escaped that I would amend my life.

  At night we again retired to our hammocks, but no one slept, so afraidwere we of a second visitation. The bell was not struck by the men, butit struck itself, louder than I ever heard it before; and again thedreadful voice was heard, "_All hands ahoy_!" again the water rushed in,and again we ran on deck. As before, it mounted as high as the orlopbeams; it then stopped, and was pumped out again by eight o'clock on theensuing morning.

  For a month, during which time we never saw land, for we had lost allreckoning, and no one cared to steer--the same dreadful visitation tookplace. Habit had, to a degree, hardened the men; they now swore and gotdrunk as before, and even made a jest of the _boatswain of the middlewatch_, as they called him, but at the same time they were worn out withconstant fatigue; and one night they declared that they would pump nolonger. The water remained in the vessel all that day, and we retiredto our hammocks as usual, when at midnight the same voice was againheard at the hatchway, not followed by the rush of water, but by ashriek of "_Tumble up there, tumble up_!"

  We all started at the summons, and hastened on deck; there was somethingthat impelled us in spite of ourselves. Never shall I forget the horridsight which presented itself: stretched in a row on the deck of thevessel lay the fifteen bloody corpses of my shipmates who had beenmurdered. We stood aghast; the hair rose straight up from our heads, aswe viewed the supernatural reappearances. After a pause of about fiveminutes, during which we never spoke or even moved, one of the corpsescried out in a
sepulchral voice, "_Come, every man his bird_!" and heldup its arms as it lay.

  The man, whose office it had been to take the living body to thegangway, and after killing it to throw it overboard, advanced towardsit; he was evidently impelled by a supernatural power, for never shall Iforget the look of horror, the faint scream of agony, which escaped himas he obeyed the summons. Like the trembling bird fascinated by thesnake, he fell into the arms of the dead body; which grasping him tight,rolled over and over in convolutions like a serpent, until it gained thebreak of the gangway, and then tumbled into the sea with its murdererentwined in its embraces. A flash of lightning succeeded, which blindedus for several minutes; and when we recovered our vision, the remainderof the bodies had disappeared.

  The effect upon the guilty wretches was dreadful; there they lay, eachman on the deck where he had crouched down, when the lightning hadflashed upon him: the sun rose upon them, yet they moved not; he pouredhis beams on their naked bodies when at his meridian height, yet theystill remained: the evening closed in, and found them in the samepositions. As soon as it was dark, as if released from a spell, theycrawled below, and went into their hammocks: at midnight again the bellstruck; again the voice was heard, followed by the shriek; again theyrepaired on deck: the fourteen remaining bodies lay in a row: another ofthe murderers was summoned, obeyed, and disappeared: again the flash oflightning burst upon us, and all had vanished: and thus it continuedevery night, until the boatswain, who was reserved for the last, wasdragged overboard after the rest by the corpse of the captain; and thena tremendous voice from the maintop, followed by exulting laughter,cried out, "_That job's done_." Immediately after which, the waterrushed out of the bottom of the vessel, and she was clear as before.

  Returning thanks to Heaven that I was not a party sufferer with therest, I lay down, and for the first time for many weeks fell into asound sleep. How long I slept, I know not: it may have been days; but Iawoke at last by the sound of voices, and found that the people on boardof a vessel bound from Mexico to the South of Spain, perceiving the briglying with her sails torn, and her yards not trimmed, had sent a boat toascertain whether there was any body remaining in her. I was afraidthat if I told them what had happened, they either would not believe me,or else would refuse to take on board a person who had been in companywith such examples of divine vengeance. I therefore stated that we hadbeen attacked by dysentery about six weeks before, and all had diedexcept myself, who was supercargo of the brig.

  As their vessel was but half full, the cargo, consisting chiefly ofcochineal and copper, which is stowed in small space, the captainoffered to take as many of my goods as he could stow, provided I wouldallow him the freight. This I willingly consented to, and examining themanifest, selected the most valuable, which were removed to the Spanishvessel.

  We had a favourable wind; and having run through the Straits, expectedin a day or two we should anchor at Valencia, to which port she wasbound; but a violent gale came on from the N.E., which lasted many days,and drove us over to the African shore. To increase our misfortunes,the ship sprung a-leak, and made so much water that we could scarcelykeep her free.

  The Spaniards are but indifferent sailors, your highness, and in a stormare more inclined to pray than to work: they became frightened, gaveover pumping, and having lighted a candle before the image of St.Antonio, which was fixed on the stern of the vessel, began to call uponhim for assistance. Not immediately obtaining their request, they tookthe image out of the shrine, abused it, called it every vile name thatthey could think of, and ended with tying it against the mainmast, andbeating it with ropes.

  In the mean time the vessel filled more and more; whereas, if instead ofpraying, they had continued at the pumps, we should have done wellenough, as the gale was abating, and she did not make so much water asbefore.

  Enraged at their cowardice, and at the idea of losing so much propertyas I had on board (for I considered it as my own,) I seized the imagefrom the mast, and threw it overboard, telling them to go to their pumpsif they wished to be saved. The whole crew uttered a cry of horror, andwould have thrown me after the image, but I made my escape up therigging, from whence I dared not descend for many hours.

  Having now no saint to appeal to, they once more applied to the pumps.To their astonishment, the vessel made no more water, and in the courseof a few hours she was free.

  The next morning the gale was over, and we were steering for Valencia.I observed that the captain and sailors avoided me, but I cared littleabout it, as I felt that my conduct had saved the ship as well as my ownproperty. On the second day we anchored in the bay, and were boarded bythe authorities, who went down into the cabin, and had a longconversation with the captain. They quitted the ship, and about an hourafterwards I proposed going ashore, but the captain said that he couldnot permit it until the next morning. While I was expostulating withhim as to the reasons for my detention, a boat rowed alongside, from outof which came two personages dressed in black. I knew them to befamiliars of the Inquisition; and it immediately occurred to me that mypersonification of the lady abbess had been discovered, and that my doomwas sealed. The captain pointed me out; they collared and handed meinto the boat, and pulled for the shore in silence.

  When we landed, I was put into a black coach, and conveyed to the palaceof the Inquisition, where I was thrown into one of the lowest dungeons.The next day the familiars appeared, and led me to the hall of judgment,where I was asked whether I confessed my crime. I replied that I didnot know what I was accused of. They again asked me if I would confess,and on my making the same answer I was ordered to the torture.

  As I knew that I had no chance, I thought I might as well avoidunnecessary pain, and declared that I did confess it.

  "What instigated you to the deed?"

  Not well knowing what to reply, as I was not exactly aware of the natureof my offence, I answered that it was the blessed Virgin.

  "Blasphemer!" cried the grand inquisitor, "what! the blessed Virgindesired you to throw St. Antonio overboard?"

  "Yes," replied I (glad that at all events the crime was not what I hadanticipated), "she did; and told me that it would be the saving of thevessel."

  "Where were you?"

  "On the deck."

  "Where did you see her?"

  "She was sitting on a small blue cloud, a little above the topsail-yard.`Fear not, Francois,' said she, motioning with her hand, `to throw theimage overboard.'" The inquisitors were astonished at my boldness: aconsultation was held, as to whether I should be treated as ablasphemer, or the circumstance blazoned into a miracle. But itunfortunately happened for me that a miracle had occurred very lately;and there were very few people to be burnt at the _auto-da-fe_ of theensuing month.

  It was therefore decided against me. I was reviled, abused, andsentenced to the flames; but I determined, as my only chance, to put agood face upon the matter to the very last. Looking up, as if to apoint in the ceiling of the dark hall of judgment, and holding my handsbefore, as if in amazement--"Holy Virgin," cried I, bending on my knee,"I thank thee for the sign. My Lord," continued I fiercely, "I fear younot; you have sentenced me to perish by the flames; I tell you that Ishall leave my dungeon with honour, and be as much courted as I havebeen now reviled."

  The inquisitors were for a moment staggered, but their surprise gaveplace to their cruelty, when they considered how long they had torturedthousands for doubting points to which they themselves had never for amoment given credence. I was remanded to my dungeon; and the gaoler,who had never before witnessed such boldness in the hall of justice, andwas impressed with the conviction that I was supported as I hadaffirmed, treated me with kindness, affording me comforts, which, had itbeen known, would have cost him his situation.

  In the meantime the cargo of the vessel was landed at the Custom-house,and she was hauled on shore to have her bottom caulked and pitched,when, to the astonishment of the captain and crew, the hole which hadoccasioned the leak was discovered with
the head of the figure of thesaint, which I had thrown overboard, so firmly wedged in, that itrequired some force to pull it out. "A miracle! a miracle!" was criedfrom the quays, and proclaimed through every part of the town. It wasevident that the Virgin had instigated me to throw over the image, asthe only means of stopping the leak. The friars of the nearest conventclaimed the image from their propinquity, and came down to the ship ingrand procession to carry it to their church. The grand inquisitor,hearing the circumstance, acknowledged to the bishop and heads of theclergy my intrepid behaviour in the hall of judgment: and not threehours after the ship had been hauled on shore, I was visited in mydungeon by the grand inquisitor, the bishop, and a long procession, mypardon requested, and the kiss of peace demanded and given. I was takenaway with every mark of respect, and looked upon as one under specialfavour of the Virgin. "Did I not say, my lord, that I should leave mydungeon in honour?"

  "You did, my friend," answered the inquisitor: and I heard him mutter,"either there is such a person as the Virgin Mary, or you are a mostready-witted scoundrel."

  During my stay at Valencia, I was courted and feasted by every body, andsold my goods at an enormous price; for every one thought that topossess any thing that had belonged to me must bring them good fortune.I received many handsome presents, had divers requests to become amember of the different fraternities of monks, and eventually quittedthe town with a large sum of money, with which I proceeded to Toulon,with the intention of making some inquiry after my dear Cerise, whoseimage was still the object of my dreams, as well as of my wakingthoughts.

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  "Stop," said the pacha; "I wish to know, whether you believe that theVirgin, as you call her, did thrust the head of the image into the holein the bottom of the ship."

  "May it please your highness, I do not. I believe it originated fromnothing but cause and effect. It is the nature of a whirlpool to drawdown all substances that come within its vortex. The water pouring intothe bottom of the ship is but the vortex of a whirlpool reversed; andthe image of the saint, when it was thrown overboard to leeward of theship, which was pressed down upon it by the power of the wind, wasforced under the water, until it was taken into the vortex of the leak,and naturally found its way into the hole."

  "I dare say you are very right," answered the pacha, "but I don'tunderstand a word you have said."

  "Such, your highness, were the adventures attending my Second Voyage,"concluded the renegade, with an inclination of his head.

  "And a very good voyage too! I like it better than your first.Mustapha, give him ten pieces of gold: you will bring him hereto-morrow, and we will hear what happened in his third."

  "You observe," said Mustapha, when the pacha had retired, "my advice wasgood."

  "Most excellent!" replied the renegade, holding out his hand for themoney: "To-morrow I'll lie like any barber."