Close to Me

by Monica Murphy

  “I don’t know.” I sit up a little, scratching the back of my neck. “I’m going to school tomorrow.”

  “Drew told me. Are you ready?” Her gaze drops to where my discarded backpack sits. “You’ve worked on your homework? I’m sure you’re behind.”

  “I’ll work on it this afternoon.” Lies. I won’t work on shit. How can I concentrate when nothing’s going right in my life?

  “Don’t let yourself get behind, Ash. That’s the worst thing I ever did. I barely graduated high school. I was too busy working a full-time job and trying to take care of my little brother,” she says.

  At least I don’t have a little brother or sister to worry about, though that would mean I wasn’t in this alone, which might be kind of nice. But then again, maybe it wouldn’t. “Where were your parents?”

  “The truth? I don’t really know who my dad was. Some loser who knocked up my mother and then abandoned her when she told him she was pregnant. Not that I can blame him.” She laughs a little, but there’s no humor there. “By the time I was your age, my mom was too busy drinking or off with one of her many boyfriends for days on end. No calls, no hey, I’m over here, so we’d at least know she was alive. She never worried about me and Owen.”

  Owen. That’s right. Her brother is Owen Maguire, another retired NFL football player. This family is full of legends. Jake is one lucky fucker. He keeps it up and his dad will help get him a spot on a professional team. At least get him a chance. And that’s all we need, the opportunity to show we’ve got potential. Without that chance, you’re just another talented football player with no one looking at you.

  That’s me. That’ll always be me.

  “My mom was an absolute nightmare, but I didn’t let her or her actions define me. I realized when I was around fifteen I had to take care of my brother and myself, or else I was going to end up just like her. And my brother would most likely end up in jail because of the kids he was hanging around with. I could already see it, and he was only ten, eleven.” She shakes her head. “It was hard, you know? Reminding myself that I was better than that. That I could get away from it if I worked hard enough. Most of the time, that sounded like a pipe dream. When you’re surrounded by drunks and losers all the time, you start to think that’s your destiny. You’ll never amount to anything else,” Fable explains.

  I nod, understanding her perfectly.

  “Sometimes I’d find myself tempted to go down that path. Not even sometimes.” She laughs. “More like all the time. It felt like no one paid attention to me. Teachers didn’t care. Girls didn’t like me, and when boys started to notice me, I chased after them. Did you know I was considered a total slut in high school?”

  My eyes nearly bug out of my head at her confession, but she doesn’t even notice. She’s too caught up in her story.

  “The rumor followed me after I graduated too. I grew up in a small college town, and when I was nineteen and working at a bar downtown, the rumor around campus was that I had sex with every player on the football team,” she explains, like she’s discussing the weather.

  What the hell? I really don’t understand why she’s telling me this. This isn’t something you share with a kid you barely know. “Was it—was the rumor true?”

  She throws her head back and laughs, like I just cracked the funniest joke. “No,” she says once she sobers up. “I’m going to be real with you right now. I’ve never really confessed this to anyone before. Yes, I messed around with a few of the guys, but not all of them. Not that anyone cared to know the truth. Then one of those football players, one I didn’t mess around with, came to me with an offer I couldn’t refuse. You want to know what his name was?”

  “Who?”

  “Drew Callahan.” Fable smiles. “He saved me, though he’s always the first to say that I saved him. But he got me out of that world, and he helped get my brother out of that world as well. Drew was rich, and smart, and talented on the football field. And he was damaged goods too. More damaged than me. But we fixed each other. We just—fit.”

  I digest what she’s telling me, wondering if Autumn knows her parents’ backstory. They’re living the dream, anybody would want their life, but Fable’s saying that when they were younger, their lives were a mess.

  Kind of like mine.

  “I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to give up hope. Just like Drew was my ticket out of the hellhole that was my life, you need to know that Drew and I are willing to help you. We’ll be your ticket out of the hellhole that is your life if you let us. We’ll help you with school, with what’s happening between you and your mom and her boyfriend, and if you want, we’ll help you apply for college. We’ll also give you somewhere safe to stay until you graduate,” Fable says, leaning forward so she can pin me with her green eyes. Beautiful eyes that are just like Autumn’s.

  “Why?” I ask, my voice raspy, and I clear my throat. “Why do you want to help me? I’m nobody to you.”

  “You remind me so much of myself and my brother. I was nobody to everyone back then too, and I wished someone would’ve reached out to me when I was still in school.” She smiles, and her eyes are extra shiny. Like she might almost start crying? Shit, I hope not. “You deserve more, Asher. And we want to help you get what you deserve.”

  Right now, I’m thinking I deserve a kick in the head for what I’ve done to Autumn. And what I’ve supposedly done to Rylie, but I’ll go along with what this woman is saying.

  “Okay.” I say the word slowly as I’m still trying to digest what she said.

  “You won’t want to hear this, but you’re going to need to keep a little distance between you and Autumn.” When I open my mouth to protest, she holds up a single finger, silencing me. “I’m not saying you can’t see her. I know you two like each other.” Like. Such a small word to describe what I feel for Autumn. “Her father and I both saw you two together by the pool yesterday.”

  Busted. I thought for sure they weren’t looking out the window.

  “You two were awfully close. And I don’t have a problem with that, but you’re going to have to take it slow.” She is now wagging that finger at me. “No sneaking around at night when we’re all sleeping.”

  My face is hot. It’s like Fable knows exactly what we’re doing.

  “There are cameras outside, all over the property. We have some of the best security money can buy. But we don’t keep cameras in the house, because we don’t want our children to feel like they’re in jail. Don’t do something where I have to make my children feel like they’re living in prison,” she says, her voice stern.

  Swallowing hard, I nod my agreement, praying there isn’t a camera that’s aimed at the hot tub. “Yes, ma’am.”

  She smiles. “Aw, isn’t that sweet? You just called me ma’am. I’m impressed, Asher Davis. I knew there was a sliver of politeness buried deep inside you somewhere.”

  I can’t help but smile in return. I feel comfortable with this woman. Maybe like really does seek out like. “I try.”

  “Keep trying.” She leans over and grabs my backpack, then hefts it up—that bitch is heavy—and tosses it so it lands on the edge of the bed. “I’d suggest you start your homework now. I’ll let you know when the laundry room opens up so you can wash your clothes. You’ll want to look fresh and clean for your meeting with Mrs. Adney tomorrow, won’t you?”

  “Are you going with us?” I ask hopefully. I know my coach is behind me, though maybe not as much since he witnessed me with my hands all over his daughter. Shit, I really do need to be more careful.

  “I am.” Fable stands, resting her hands on her hips, her gaze on me. “You have a lot of potential, Ash. Don’t mess it up.”

  “I won’t,” I say earnestly, watching as she leaves the room. The moment she’s gone, I lie flat on my back, staring at the ceiling and wondering at my complete turnaround. Before this woman walked into the room, I was ready to say fuck it to this entire family and get the hell out of here. Where I’d go, I don
’t know, but I figured anywhere would be better than this Mary Sunshine bunch of bullshit.

  But hearing what Fable said has helped me see that she’s been through this too. I bet she has some wild stories. Sounds like her husband might as well. No wonder they do their best to ensure their kids are healthy and happy.

  I wish I had parents like that. My dad meant well, but he was limited by finances and his wife—my mother. And she doesn’t give a damn about anyone.

  Maybe, just maybe, if I can do what they say and keep my head on straight, I can make my life work. I’ll graduate high school, get accepted to a D-1 college…

  And get the girl.

  But then I’m reminded of Rylie and what she told me, and my house of cards comes tumbling down, one after the other, until it doesn’t exist any longer. I need to figure that out first. If she’s really pregnant with my baby—I find that shit hard to believe. We had sex maybe twice? Wait, three times. And with a condom every time. Like I told Autumn, I have condoms at home, sitting in my bedside table, just like Jake. That’s what I used when I was with Rylie, plus she swore she was on the pill.

  Looks like she lied. Or she’s lying right now.

  Shoving all thoughts of Rylie out of my head, I unzip my backpack and pull out my giant black binder and a couple of textbooks, along with the packet of worksheets Autumn brought to me late last week with the assignments I’ve missed while I’ve been gone. I started working on a few things when she first handed it to me, but eventually gave up when I got bored.

  I can’t give up. I need to remember that.

  I need to live by those words.

  Don’t give up. Don’t give up.

  Don’t.

  Give.

  Up.

  Thirty-Two

  Autumn

  Sunday was torture. Kaya had to get home so she left early, leaving me adrift. Ash stayed in his room for the entire day. The entire day. Who does that? When I caught Mom coming from his room, I couldn’t help myself. I asked her what was going on, and she said he was working on homework and shouldn’t be disturbed.

  Ash was actually doing homework and he shouldn’t be disturbed? What a bunch of crap! I figured he was lying to her.

  But no, he sent me a text at one point, asking me a question about one of the assignments. He was perfectly polite, he didn’t talk to me about anything else once I gave him the answer, and I didn’t mention anything else either. Though I was dying to. I wanted to say things like:

  I miss you.

  Why were you so mean to me last night?

  I want to help you.

  Let me help you.

  I don’t want to fight anymore.

  I want to be with you.

  And on and on and on.

  Are we just too toxic together? Are we complete opposites and it would never work? That’s what I’m starting to believe, though of course I don’t want it to be true. Yet what am I supposed to think? He runs hot, he runs cold. I can’t figure him out. Yet I also do the same thing to him.

  I basically accused him of being a thief, but I had to. He needed to see that what he was doing to Jake, he also did to his mom’s boyfriend. Don had absolutely no right punching him in the face repeatedly, but Ash shouldn’t have taken something that didn’t belong to him. Like cigarettes.

  And condoms.

  Deciding I need to come clean for Ash’s sake, I exit my bedroom and jog down the hall, knocking on my brother’s door and entering his room when he says I could come in.

  “What do you want?” He’s sitting in his game chair, playing Madden. Of course.

  I study the giant TV on his wall for a few seconds before I turn to Jake. “Don’t you get enough of football already?”

  “Are you just going to nag me or do you actually want something?” He never tears his gaze away from the TV, his fingers flying furiously over the controller clutched in his hands.

  “I wanted to talk to you.” I stop in the middle of the room, looking around. It’s kind of dirty in here. Smelly too. I see the pile of laundry on the floor and wonder if that’s clean or dirty. God, boys—brothers—are really disgusting.

  “What did you want to tell me?”

  “Um, Ash snuck into your room yesterday.”

  Jake throws the controller onto the floor with such violence I jump back, shocked. He rises to his feet, his hands clenched into fists. “What the hell did you just say?”

  “Calm down, it’s no big deal.” I start to walk toward him, but the look on his face freezes me in my tracks.

  “It’s a big fucking deal if he’s stealing my shit. Don’t try to protect his ass either, Autumn. I know you two are fucking on the low.”

  My mouth drops open and it takes me a couple of tries before I’m able to form words. “We aren’t fucking on the low, as you so sweetly put it.”

  “Messing around, whatever. I don’t care what you want to call it. But don’t protect that piece of shit if he’s a thief. Tell me what he took.”

  “C-condoms,” I stutter nervously. Holy crap, I have never seen my brother act like this. Ever!

  “Condoms?” Jake’s eyebrows shoot up, and the look on his face reminds me of Dad right now. Well, Dad if he was enraged and ready to pound his fist into a wall, which I’ve never seen our father do ever in my life.

  “Yeah.” I just proved to Jake that we are most definitely fucking on the low, and now I feel like a complete idiot.

  He starts laughing, shaking his head. “That’s it? He stole a couple of condoms so you two could bang? Big deal.”

  I want to correct him, tell him that we didn’t actually bang, but he either a) won’t believe me or b) doesn’t really care.

  I’m sure both options apply.

  “I just wanted you to know, in case—” Oh, this is so awkward. “—in case you realized you were, uh, missing some, and wondered where they were.”

  “I probably wouldn’t have noticed,” he says, his laughter dying. He goes to pick up the controller off the floor and settles back in his chair, his attention once more on the TV. Like his outburst was no big deal. “Tell your boyfriend to stay out of my room. He does it again and I’ll kick his ass.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” I protest, but Jake sneers.

  “May as well be. I see the way you two look at each other. You’re lucky Mom and Dad hasn’t noticed or they’d boot his ass out of the house.” Jake smiles, his gaze meeting mine once more. “Hey, that’s not a bad idea, me telling them what you two are up to. They’d kick him out and then Dad can focus on me instead.”

  “Are you that jealous of Ash?”

  “I don’t think he deserves Dad’s help. He’s a low-life druggie,” Jake spits out.

  “Druggie?”

  Jake sets the controller in his lap so he can focus fully on me. “Come on, Autumn. You can’t be that naïve. You’re two years older than me, you’re in the same class as him. Don’t you hear the stories about Ash that circulate around the school?”

  I slowly shake my head. I mean, I’ve heard a few stories, but nothing involving drugs beyond a wax vape pin or whatever. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  He blows out a harsh breath. “That’s right. I forgot. You’re such a goodie-goodie now, you don’t know what the bad kids are up to.”

  His comments get under my skin. He’s such an ass sometimes. “Tell me what they’re up to then.”

  “Word has it that Ash used to sell prescription pills. Never on campus because he’s not a complete idiot, but supposedly he has a client list, and they all come from the high school.” Jake sends me an evil smile. “What do you think about your boyfriend now?”

  I’m tempted to remind Jake he’s not my boyfriend, but I don’t bother. Besides, I’m too overwhelmed by Jake’s confession. Is it true? Is Ash a…

  Drug dealer?

  “Part of the reason Ash got beat up is because Don stole from Ash’s pill stash, and Ash called him out for it. You see, Ash gets them from his mom. She has a ma
jor Oxy addiction, and so she has this huge prescription that gets her so many damn pills every month, she’d probably die if she took them all. But she’s not taking them all, she’s giving half of them to Ash so he can sell them to his friends and whoever else, and they split the profits.”

  I’m in absolute shock. I had no freaking idea.

  “Everyone’s asking around at school when Ash is going to be back. Not that any of them care about him, though a lot of the guys on the team want him back, but everyone else? They just want their pills. They’re running out, and a bunch of them are getting pissed.” Jake shakes his head. “Wonder if he’s managed to dig up some pills to sell yet. They’ll be coming for him if he shows up to school tomorrow.”

  “This is a serious accusation, what you’re saying,” I remind Jake, my mind whirling with all this new and devastating information. “Calling Ash a drug dealer, saying he works with his mother and sells her pain pills. Like, is this really true?”

  “Yes, my sweet, naïve sister. The boy you’re chasing after, the same one you let shove his tongue down your throat, is selling prescription pills to minors after school. Most of the time in the Starbucks parking lot.” Jake laughs. “I just blew your mind, didn’t I?”

  “You suck.” It’s the only thing I can come up with as I flounce out of his room, his annoying laughing following me. I storm into my room and slam the door, and now I’m the one banging my fist against the wall one time. Then again. Then again, until my wall rattles and my fist hurts and I wish I hadn’t done it.

  This is all a bigger mess than I thought. A much bigger mess. One I’m not sure I can get Ash out of.

  It’s early evening, just before dinner, and I’m in my room still folding and putting away my laundry when there’s a light knock on my door. I glance up to find Ash standing there, his expression contrite. “Can I talk to you?”

  “Right now?”

  “Your mom knows I’m up here.”