The Princess

by Lori Wick

  “All right,” Shelby agreed, but she was confused. They were breakfasting together in the small dining room with plans to drive to the lake house immediately after.

  “Are you all ready to leave?”

  “Yes. I just have to grab my Bible and the book I’m reading.”

  “All right. Do that as soon as you’re done eating, so we can leave right after they go.”

  “Right after who goes?”

  “The women.”

  “What women?”

  “The women who are coming.”

  Shelby stopped, a small smile at her mouth. That Nikolai wasn’t going to come right out with it was obvious, but Shelby wanted to know.

  “Someone I know?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do I know them well?”

  “Yes.”

  “My mother?”

  “Yes.”

  Shelby bit her lip. Who would be coming with her mother?

  “Your mother?”

  “Yes.”

  Shelby’s smile was huge as she asked, “Are there more?”

  “Yes.”

  “May I have a million dollars?”

  Nikolai caught himself just in time, smiled, and said, “No, you may not.”

  Shelby laughed. “Please tell.”

  Nikolai shook his head.

  “Tell me why they’re coming.”

  Again the shake of his head.

  “I’ll scratch your back when we get to the lake,” Shelby said, her voice at its most coaxing.

  Nikolai’s eyes lit with little flames as he looked across at her. “You do know how to tempt a man, don’t you, Red?”

  “Well, one man anyhow,” she said with a smile.

  Nikolai leaned close, and Shelby, thinking he was going to tell, leaned toward him.

  “No,” he whispered in her ear.

  Murdock appeared before Shelby could cry in outrage. His presence, however, seemed to be some sort of signal.

  “Are you done eating?” Nikolai asked solicitously.

  “Yes. Am I going to find out now?”

  “Yes. Just head into the dining room. They’re waiting for you.”

  Shelby stood to leave, but Nikolai grabbed her for a kiss before she could get away.

  “Have fun,” he bid her with a smile. Shelby followed Murdock from the room.

  What she found in the dining room was the last thing she expected.

  “Surprise!” the women shouted.

  Standing around a huge table stacked with decorating supplies of every kind were her mother, her mother-in-law, the queen regent, all the ladies from her Bible study, and even the queen mother. In a matter of seconds they had brought Shelby into the room, each one talking thirteen to the dozen. It wasn’t two hours before she and Nikolai left for the lake; it was more like four.

  Twenty

  “So what did you choose?” Nikolai asked almost as soon as they were in the limo, his hand already having claimed Shelby’s. Even though it was just before noon, they were in the formal limo, giving them added comfort and privacy for the drive to the lake.

  “Well, I like the navy in your room,” Shelby began.

  “Our room,” Nikolai corrected.

  “Our room,” Shelby rectified. “So I’m not making many changes in there, but my old bedroom will have a contrasting navy print on the walls and windows, with cranberry accents to go with my mahogany trim and furnishings. How does that sound?”

  “Beautiful. I was thinking that enlarging the door between the two rooms might be nice. Would that work with your plans?”

  “I think so. I hadn’t thought of it, but a double door would be lovely.”

  “Oak on my side and mahogany on yours.”

  “Can they do that?”

  “With veneers, yes.”

  The word veneer stopped Shelby for a moment. She had just that morning been asking the Lord to help her talk to her husband about some things that were on her heart. At times she didn’t feel she was completely herself with Nikolai and wondered if that constituted a veneer.

  She glanced in his direction, but he wasn’t looking at her. There was no way he couldn’t know that she held back from him; he was too astute for that. But how did she tell him she wanted to change?

  “Feel free to take a nap,” Nikolai said as he laid his head back against the seat. “I’m going to.”

  “Tiring morning?”

  “Um hm” was all Nikolai had to say on the subject. In truth, he thought the evening might be more tiring and knew he would need every ounce of rest he could get. He only hoped Shelby would be up to it as well.

  It was a chilly night, so a fire popped and crackled in the fireplace, casting a warm glow on the couple who sat side by side on the large sofa at the lake house. The staff had all disappeared after dinner, Nikolai having told them that if he needed something he would call, and now the royal couple sat in silence. One was a little tired and contemplating an early bedtime, the other was busy trying to control the wild racing of his heart.

  Shelby was staring absently into the flames when Nikolai turned to her.

  “I love you, Shelby,” he said softly.

  For a moment the princess didn’t move. She sat up a little, lay back again, and then turned to him.

  “What did you say?”

  “I love you.”

  Shelby searched his eyes, her breath growing rapid over what she saw. She turned fully to her husband, working to tamp down the panic rising within her. When her hands had grabbed the front of his shirt, she said, “Why, Nicky? Why today and not yesterday?”

  “I loved you yesterday too,” he explained gently. “And for many days before that, but the timing to tell you was all wrong. I wanted us here, away from the phone and distractions, so we could talk about it.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, panic now evident in her voice. She began to scramble from the sofa, but he put his arms around her.

  “Shelby, don’t run from me,” Nikolai whispered gently. “I’m still the same man who was with you in the hospital. I’m still the same man who holds you when you cry and puts you to bed when you’re too tired to move. I’m still the same man who fell asleep in the car and probably snored all the way up here.”

  Shelby looked into his eyes again, her breathing labored. Finally she admitted, “I always thought the most terrifying thing would be to love alone, but this is worse. What if I can’t ever say the words to you? What if I never feel them?”

  Nikolai settled her a little more closely against him and waited for her to relax in his embrace. “I do think you’ll feel them, but you might need to realize what I did, Shelby: Love is a choice. I didn’t know I could love you, certainly not this swiftly after our marriage, but then I chose to love you.”

  Shelby blinked. “I keep hearing that, but I’m not sure I know how.”

  “For me, it meant getting into your world. It meant being thankful for you all day, every day. Does that make sense?”

  Shelby nodded.

  “I also continued to remind myself that your parents trusted me to take care of you, and I began to take that responsibility very seriously.”

  “And when you went to see them, was that part of it?”

  “Yes. And I’m also trying to understand your world. Keep in mind, Shelby, that I didn’t spend any time in your home. If we had gone through a normal courtship, I would have known you and your family very well. I’ve had to do this backward.”

  “But I am in your world!” Shelby suddenly burst out. “I’ve seen every photo album and scrapbook your grandmothers have. I’ve seen you on ponies and at your first skeet shoot.”

  Nikolai smiled. “It isn’t going to be the same for you, Red. You are in my world, but I think your heart has been waiting for a signal from me. I’m now trying to give you that.”

  Shelby wanted to fly from his arms again. The pressure felt horrible. She didn’t know if she could explain it, but it felt as though she’d been given a timer
that ticked off the seconds very slowly in her ear. Shelby’s hand came to her face as she told herself to breathe.

  “I’m going to fail,” she said softly.

  “Why would you say that?” Nikolai asked.

  Shelby looked at him, surprised that he’d heard her. All she could do was lick her lips and stare at him.

  “This is not some test, Shelby, not at all. If anyone’s failed, and I don’t know that we have, it’s I who have done the failing.” He looked helpless for a moment. “Maybe I should have found a way to tell you sooner, but then the accident happened and I was afraid that you—”

  “You loved me before the accident?”

  “Yes.” He kissed her softly. “And I loved you even when I found out about the baby but you didn’t tell me. And I loved you when—”

  “You knew about the baby before the accident?”

  Nikolai nodded. “Your parents told me.”

  Shelby tried to take it in. “All this time. You knew everything all this time. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Nikolai smoothed the hair from her brow. He needed to see the little scar that sat above her eyebrow. It was a good reminder.

  “Shelby, I almost lost you. You could have bled to death. You’re just now starting to feel like yourself again. What kind of selfish monster does that make me if I have an agenda to cover with you, and no matter how fragile you are, we’re going to go over it?”

  Shelby looked into his wonderful face, so close to her own. His eyes didn’t give away his heart like hers did, but they were often full of caring, caring for her. Right now they were full of yearning—yearning that she would understand. And she did.

  “Thank you,” she said softly, leaning to kiss his cheek.

  “The pleasure is all mine.”

  “I want more than anything to start making promises to you, Nick, but that would be foolish.” Shelby slowly shook her head. “I’m confused right now.”

  The prince moved so that Shelby could stretch out next to him. He held her close on his chest, wondering when she would gain the pounds she lost and have full color in her face again.

  I had no warning with Yvette, Lord, but maybe this is Your way of telling me I won’t have her. Or maybe it’s just Your way of showing me that I could choose to love. I can hardly bear the thought of not having her, but You know best.

  “What are you thinking?” Shelby asked suddenly. “You feel tense.”

  “I’m thinking about your health and asking myself what I would do if God would ask me to give you up.”

  Shelby moved so she could see his face. “You’re always telling me not to rush the healing process.”

  “And I don’t want you to, but you’re still a little thin, and sometimes the imagination does crazy things, especially now that I love you.”

  “And this time you pictured my never getting better and dying.”

  “That about sums it up. If I’m being logical and not emotional, I can honestly say I don’t think God has that for us, but if I hold onto you too tightly, I can lose my focus.”

  Shelby settled back against him. “You always say the right thing, Nick.”

  “Oh, Shelby,” he sighed, “you know better than anyone how untrue that is.”

  Shelby had nothing more to say to that. She had been so tired, but now she was wide awake and ready to tackle this problem of loving her spouse. Shelby was good with problems; she always had been. She would handle this and love her spouse. That was all there was to it.

  “Why do I get the distinct impression that you’re plotting something?” Nikolai asked softly.

  “Because I am.”

  “Are you going to tell me what it is?”

  “No. At least not now.”

  Nikolai angled his head until he could see her face, but other than a determined frown, it gave nothing away. He figured the best thing he could do was pray for her. Ten minutes later he changed that to the best thing he could do for her was get her to bed. She was as relaxed as a cat and not answering to the sound of his voice. The nap in the limo had been hours ago, and the prince was tired as well. Nikolai lifted his wife’s limp form, wishing the stairs to the bedroom were not quite so steep.

  Shelby woke on Sunday morning to find herself alone. The clock told her she had plenty of time to get ready for church. Dragging on enough clothes to be presentable, she made her way downstairs, surprised not to find Nikolai around. She didn’t spot him until she’d taken her coffee onto the deck. He was down by the water, not walking or skipping rocks, just standing, his gaze across the lake. Shelby’s first temptation was to join him, but in watching him, she had the impression he was enjoying his solitude.

  What if he’s thinking of Yvette? her mind asked without warning. With the knowledge that Nikolai loved her, she was being tempted to doubt him. Shelby worked to put her thoughts aside and concentrate on how thankful she needed to be. Yvette lingered in her mind but not in a negative way. A glance at the clock told her the conversation she wanted to have about Nikolai’s first wife would have to wait until after church. She moved back up the stairs to shower, reminding herself that she had all week to talk to Nick.

  “It’s hard to believe we go home tomorrow,” Nikolai said conversationally over breakfast five days later—five days that had passed with unbelievable swiftness for Shelby. She had enjoyed herself, was very rested and ready to go home, but still had not talked to her husband about what was on her mind. She made herself open the conversation and ignore the fear inside of her.

  “How did you meet Yvette?”

  Nikolai blinked at her in surprise but recovered swiftly and said, “She was visiting Pendaran with her family from France.”

  “And she wanted to meet the royal family?”

  “No. There was a special song service at church, and we ended up sitting next to each other. Our mothers got to talking, and while very embarrassed, we both stood by until I got up the nerve to practice my French. They had just arrived in our country, so I saw her every day for the next week.”

  “And by the time she left, you were in love.”

  “I was smitten all right, but it was the first time I’d ever really fallen for anyone. Most of the kids I knew I’d grown up with, so they were more like family. My father reminded me of that and cautioned me to take it slowly, but Yvette and I did write to each other from the day she left Pendaran, and that’s when I knew it was the real thing.”

  Shelby nodded and fell silent. Nikolai knew there was more on her mind and made himself wait. The paper was still in his hand, but his eyes were on her.

  “How do you love two women?” she asked at last.

  Nikolai smiled. “It helps when they’re both easy to love, Shelby.” His head tipped in thought. “It’s funny, but I can’t picture Yvette and me growing old together. Young as I am now, she still feels like the wife of my youth. You, on the other hand, are going to be here. What we share is so different from what I shared with Yvette, and I don’t have any desire to go backward in time. I’m sorry for Yvette’s family—I know they still miss her—and I think of her too, but you’re all I want. Almost a year ago when we married, I would never have believed that, but it’s very true today.”

  Shelby nodded before admitting, “I’ve wanted to ask you about it all week. I let so much time go by.”

  “Are you afraid I’ll be upset if you mention her?”

  “Yes. You never talk about her, so I didn’t know.”

  “I don’t mention her for fear that you’ll think she’s constantly on my mind. She’s not. You are. I’m more than happy to answer your questions.”

  “I fear that I do things differently and you won’t like that,” Shelby was able to say. “I’ve never been a princess before, and I find myself thinking that Yvette had it down pat.”

  “On the contrary. She was quite shy and nowhere near as willing as you are to make public appearances. She was getting better, but at first it was torture to be invited to balls and parties. I even went through
a time of anger at you because everyone liked you so fast. I thought they might be comparing Yvette in a negative light, but that wasn’t true. No one’s ever compared the two of you.”

  “Except you.”

  “I have, Shelby, but not the way you’re thinking. I don’t look at your inadequacies and think Yvette could have done better. In fact, you handle things better than she did. If anyone is more suited to be the princess than you are, I’ve yet to meet her.” Nikolai smiled at her. “My parents knew just what they were doing.”

  “Were you very angry at them for a time?”

  “Not before we were married, but afterward I was. They wanted me to make more of an effort, and rightly so, but I refused.” Nikolai looked her squarely in the eye. “I’m paying for that today.”

  Shelby shook her head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You were on your way to loving me, Shelby, I’m sure of it. But I couldn’t say those words, so you pulled back.”

  Shelby was stunned by this announcement because she thought he might very well be right. She had been looking for signs in him and didn’t even know it. The morning she woke early and watched him sleep came to mind. She learned a moment later that his mind was on the same morning.

  “Do you remember when I asked you what I did that made you feel inadequate?”

  “I was just thinking of that.”

  “That was the first time I went to see your mother. I felt a desperate need to learn to love you. She told me about your grandmother and how she married out of need instead of love. She also told me not to forget Yvette but to make room for you. That’s what I’ve done, Red; I’ve made room in my heart for you. And now you just about fill it.”

  “Oh, Nicky,” Shelby said as tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Why must you do anything?”

  “Because I need to learn to love you. I need to choose to love you.”

  Nikolai’s head went back as he laughed. Shelby gawked at him.

  “I can’t believe you’re laughing at this.”